River lay in her bunk with Jayne. She opened her eyes, and smiled into the darkness, because for her there was no darkness. Not anymore. The nest thief had been neutralised, and the nestlings were safe. But there had been red darkness, all over her, that she couldn't wash off, scrub out. It was tattooed on her skin and she couldn't get rid of it, no matter how much she screamed. She didn't want to block it out, make it blurry; she just wanted it to go away.
"Approximately eight pounds pressure to break any bone in the human body, excluding femur, three to five litres of blood per body, male weighing 154 pounds would have about 5.2 litres of blood..."
"Riv? River-girl, what's going on?"
She ignored the voice. There was so much blood, pouring all over her, spurting directly from the arteries as he screamed. Screamed and screamed and screamed until his voice still echoed in her crowded head. Simon was worried, Kaylee was frightened, Jayne was protective, Mal was distracted; there was too much fear and anger and relief and joy and grief for the river to run right.
" The obstacle had been removed, but the river still runs red, average human screams at between 0 and 112.8 decibels, staying in her head like blood stays on the skin..."
"River, gorrammit, if you don't open this go tsao de door, I'm gunna break the bastard down!"
He tried to shoot her as Zoe took the eyes away. Innocent eyes did not need to see the monster feed. The bullet crossed space, but it would never touch her, never bury in her brain pan, because she was not River, not Albatross, she was the weapon. And she would have her vengeance.
There was warmth, simple concern, suppressed anger; he knew anger could push her over the edge. Anger was too hot, too complicated to break into little pieces unless it was in her own head, her anger. So he held her down and protected her from the pounding cold water and the hammering of voices and a million fragments of memories and memories that weren't hers to remember...not yet.
"River-girl?"
Looking into those blue grey eyes, with oceans of gruff love and tough affection. Simplicity; she was his, to protect, to hold and to stand by.
"There is 5.2 litres of blood...dripping...falling...tearing of bones; eight pounds pressure-"
He covered her mouth with his and pulled her close to his. Lust overwhelmed her senses; exploding, hot and raw through her mind and body. He held her back, panting, her desire spilling over into him, but he held it back.
"Uh uh. Not like that, Crazy. Not like that. Wanna sex you not yer crazyness! Now, listen up. You didn't do nothing I wouldna done, dong ma?"
"Removed his limbs" she whispered, hearing the crackle of bone and cartilage.
"Ain't a threat no more. Weren't you out there, were what Alliance made ya to be" he snapped stubbornly. They were quiet for a long time, sitting under the spray of the shower, entwined together. She shivered, taking a shuddering breath, and he pressed her wet, fully clothed body to him, kissing her forehead.
"C'mon, River-girl. Let's get you back to bed"
Beside her, he snored thunderously, his legs tangled in hers, her head resting in the crook of his elbow with her cheek pressed to his hard bicep. The black ink of her name in a single collection of graceful strokes was stark on his skin; the Chinese symbol for 'river'. Her lips tickled his skin as she kissed it and he grunted, half opening his eyes. She looked back at him, serious now. He wriggled, holding their naked bodies closer and sighing contentedly. His mind was all white fluff, no fully conscious thoughts, as he drifted into a grey dream again; red dirt and black skies and brown eyes.
She smiled, knowing he had no idea. Only she knew; a little secret, one of the good sort, just for River Tam. Suddenly, there was a crashing above them, coupled with a squeal and laughter that could only be Tai-Ao. A threat was issued, and a challenge, and sudden thunder drowned out Jayne's. With a grunting growl, he jolted and was fully awake with thoughts of murder and mayhem blackening his mood.
"Tiny feet" she whispered. He disentangled them and threw his feet outta bed, storming to the porthole up before remembering Mal's 'no naked Jayne' rule, and stormed back, yanking on a pair of tattered cotton boxers.
"Gorram hell tiny rutting feet! Imma gunna tear those gorrom hwoon duns into bite-sized gorram-SHUT THE HELL UP THERE OR I SWEAR YER GUNNA HAVE MY LEFT GORRAM BOOT UP YOUR ARSE!"
"GORRAMMIT JAYNE JUST WAKE THE WHOLE DAMN SHIP WHY DONCHA?"
"WAS SIMON'S GORRAM LOIN-FRUIT WHAT DONE IT!"
He slammed the porthole shut before Mal could come up with a reply, smirking victoriously. He turned back into his bunk and saw River. He immediately felt warmth heating up all good parts of him; her pale skin made a delicious contrast to his grey blankets, her brown hair tangled with cooled sweat and splayed across their pillows. And if that wasn't good enough, the rest of his girls gleamed dully behind her. It was the perfect vision. Then he frowned.
River was curled, one leg escaping the warmth of the blankets, her face buried in the pillows, muttering. He approached warily. He thought she was okay. It had been a fortnight at least since she had her fist major breakdown in years. They'd already done a job, and were on their way to another today, and she'd been fine. They'd all been damn nervous about letting her out on the field so soon, but she'd been okay. Only once did she ask Simon for a soother, when she felt the loose hysteria coming on.
"Riv, you alright?"
She opened one eye and snuggled deeper into the blankets.
"Not coming out. Tiny feet trample and need to sleep. I am staying here; bed is warm and soft and it loves me"
He raised an eyebrow, surprised and a little touched somewhere in his old mercenary heart. She sounded like a sulky child who didn't want to go to school.
"Riv, the bed ain't living, it can't love ya" he teased lightly, probing this new territory. She peeked out of one eye again, a glint there.
"Yes, but you can get into bed, and then it can love me"
Now he really was surprised. River? Being playful? About sex? Sexing was always such a serious, precious thing to her, almost like praying. Not that he minded; sex with River Tam and her long, flexible limbs was the closest damn thing to a religious experience as he was ever gunna get.
"We gotta job today, ye know"
That would get her out of bed. Mornings were always River's time. She would be up and out of bed, usually a long time before Jayne, and come in after her morning work-out to change, tasting like salt and sex. Least she did afterwards; girl had no business looking so gorram tasty in leggings and a singlet all slick and red-faced. Anyway, she always bounded out in the morning like a thin, beaming shock of caffeine with Jayne trailing, half-asleep and grumbling behind her.
Apparently, not even the thought of the job that needed to be prepared for was enough to rouse her this morning. If anything, she buried herself more firmly into the covers.
"Too early. Not getting up. Tiny feet need rest"
He sighed and started getting dressed, knowing Mal was gunna be in an arse-kicking mood if they didn't move themselves, and not seeing how her staying in bed was going to make the obviously very awake children go back to sleep. She smiled into the mattress at his thoughts.
"New addition, another pair of thundering early waking the bear"
He pulled his shirt on, still looking at her, confused and frowning.
"Crazy, you don't need a soother do you?"
She sat up stretching languidly with a dreamy smile on her face that somehow changed her features from pretty to achingly beautiful. He felt himself fall for her all over again even as he tried to control his concern for her well-being. A part of him, the part of him that was still a selfish gun-for-hire, reminded himself swiftly that any concern for her health stemmed from the simple fact that his chances of getting a bullet in his hide were a helluva lot less with her around. Ninety-five percent decreased, actually.
"No, Jayne, mustn't have soother. Composition of current shot is not beneficial to my condition"
"Yer what?"
She smiled softly, serenely at him and he gave up. He knew that look; he wasn't going to be getting anything else out of her anytime soon. Mebbe he'd go ask the doc what the hell was going on...
"I'll go git ya a cuppa" he grouched reluctantly, starting up the ladder. Her laugh tinkled.
"No thank-you Jayne. Caffeinated beverage also unworthy of her current circumstance"
He paused and looked back at her frowning hoping for one of her one line explanation she often gave Mal or the others. Usually he could get what she was saying. Maybe it was just the morning, but at the moment her words were passing through his ears completely not understood. Instead of an explanation, he got another smile and a dismissive flap of her hand.
The porthole slammed shut behind him and River lay back, her hands gently caressing her navel.
"Little spark with little feet, dancing; you're mother's little secret, aren't you? Just for a little bit, I'm going to have you all to myself"