"Kayla, will you please say something?" Jeff asked after five minutes of silence.

I hadn't said a word since he kissed me, and I was no closer to finding my voice. He had kissed me on the corners of my mouth a few times, still holding me, and still tracing my face. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say

I always felt guilty that I could not give Jeff the love and attention he had given me for so long. He had loved and supported me through an extremely tough time in my life. I wanted to give everything back to him. The problem was that all he wanted was my love. Jeff had only ever asked for my heart, something that I was never able to fully give him. I was unsure of what to say to him, waging a war within myself.

Part of me wanted to tell Jeff that I loved him back, just to make up for all the pain. I wanted to take away all the pain that Jeff felt, and all of his sadness. It ripped me apart inside knowing that I would have to see pain written all over him if I were to tell him I did not love him. At that moment I would have given anything I had to be able to tell Jeff all of the things that he wanted to hear from me. I felt guilty looking into his green eyes. For the first time in years I saw the old spark in them. There was no more hate, no more jealousy, and no more pain. I only saw Jeff, the passionate, creative, free spirit I had come to love as my brother.

"Jeff," I said quietly pushing him back a bit further. "We can't do this."

"Kay I love you, I want you. I don't know how else to say it."

"No, Jeff, it can't be like this," I walked by him and sat on the couch. The guilt and stress from what was happening was weighing on me, and my knees were beginning to buckle.

"Kayla we can be happy together again. We were so happy once, and I let all that slip away. I know that. It was my fault, I left you I know that. I broke your heart when I just disappeared on you like that. But I can make it right, we can make it right."

"No Jeff, we can't do that. There is no making things right here." I rubbed my face trying to make this situation go away. I didn't want to tell Jeff that I no longer loved him. I did not want to be the one that broke his spirit all over again.

"There has to be."

"I'm sorry, there isn't. There are some things that can't be fixed, and some wrongs that just can't be righted. The way you treated me, the things that you said about my baby girl. None of that can go away Jeff. I've been hurt too deep for it to just heal over."

"But we can work on all of that. I can spend my life making it up to you. If you just let me I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"No Jeff."

"Kay I won't leave you like I did before. I won't hurt you anymore. Please just trust me. We can make this work."

"I'm sorry Jeff but we can't."

"Why not?" Jeff did not quite yell, but he was emotional and raising his voice. His desperation, and exasperation was evident.

I flinched at his outburst. I had been on the receiving end of his temper before, and I did not want to go back there. Jeff saw me jump and sat down next to me. He sighed, taking my hands in his forcing me to look at him.

"Kay baby I know that I have done and said a lot of stupid things. I know that what I said to Amy was so wrong. I should have never said any of those things. But I never once said a bad word about your little girl. I was angry with you and I went to the one person I knew would share my anger. It was wrong and petty, but I did it. I know that you are none of the things that I have been saying about you."

"Then why say them Jeff? I was angry with you for the way you were acting, but I never once bad mouthed you, or said things about you that were untrue."

"No, you just hurt my chances of ever having kids very greatly."

I gave him a bit of a smile. "I was always more of a physical type of person, never took much interest in words."

"You always struck me as both. Somehow you always know the right thing to say and when to say it. I got caught up in a game that you weren't even playing. I wanted to hurt you Kay. I wanted to see you suffer, I really did. I saw you with Dwayne and I- I just," Jeff trailed off unsure of how I would react to what was being said.

"I know how you felt Jeff," I said quietly. "I kept away from Dwayne for years for you."

"What?" Jeff's shock was more then apparent to me. No matter how many times I had told him this before he never wanted to believe me. He had never wanted to calm down long enough to listen to me, only wanted to stay angry and upset.

"Jeff I put my life on hold when you left," tears began to fall from my face thinking of that time. "Rocky- after you got on the plane- he asked me- " I stopped talking, unable to get out what I had started to say. I had never really admitted to anyone that Dwayne had proposed to me. Dwayne and I had honestly never sat and talked it through. It was an incident that we had constantly stepped around and overlooked. I didn't know how to tell all of this to Jeff. I knew that it would hurt him.

"What did he ask?" Jeff asked me seeming too curious to want to wait for me to finish on my own.

"He asked me to marry him."

"He did? What happened?"

"I walked away from him. I never answered him, never talked to him about it. I avoided him for months Jeff, wouldn't see him or talk to him," I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I was so afraid that you would show up a week later and think that you didn't matter to me. I just kept thinking over and over how I had to show you how much you- "

The emotion was too much for me to handle, and my words choked in my throat as the tears fell freely from my eyes. My body began to shake from the sobs. I had let go of Jeff, the man that had returned from his two year absence from the WWE. But I had never let go of my best friend, the one man that I had always been able to count on. He would always mean more to me than anyone would truly know, and reliving the abandonment I felt then had brought me back to tears. I felt Jeff's arms slip around me and pull me into his chest. I found the familiar comfort that I had relied on for so long. His was the chest that I cried on when things went wrong with Matt, whenever my family had gotten the best of me. I held onto him when things had gone wrong with Dwayne. Here I was again leaning on him to get a hold of my emotions.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. I'm here now." He said cupping my face once more.

Before I could react to what was happening his lips were on mine again causing that same paralyzing feeling throughout my body. The feel of his lips again mixed with my tears brought about a reaction that I never thought I would have towards him. I layed my hand on his thigh and deepened the kiss before fully thinking it through. I felt Jeff snake his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him. And as closely as I had thrown myself into the kiss I pulled away from him.

"Kay, what is going on here? One minute you say that we can't do this, and the next minute you are initiating it." Jeff ran his hand through his hair trying to regain some form of composure.
I shook my head not knowing exactly what to say to him. I knew that I was confusing him; I was confusing myself. Every part of my body wanted to give in to him at that moment. Every part of me brain, and my heart told me it was wrong, and a gargantuan mistake. No matter what I wanted to convince myself of I was not in love with Jeff and that would always be true.

"I don't understand it Kayla, I really don't. I know that what I did was wrong. And I know coming in here and kissing you is probably making things worse; but when you go and kiss me like that- " Jeff stopped talking dropping his head.

"I'm sorry," I finally said regaining some control over my senses.

Jeff's head snapped up and looked straight at me. He seemed to have remorse, or pain on his features. "I don't want you to be sorry. I'm not sorry. Not for those kisses anyway. It proves that you still love me."

I nodded my head and smiled at him. "You are right Jeff I do love you. I've always loved you, that was never the problem between us."

"Then what was? Why did all of this happen?"

"We aren't meant to be together Jeff. We're better friends than we are lovers."

"That isn't true. We are amazing together, I love being with you. I've never fallen out of love with you. How can say that?"

"It's true Jeff. We fall into a familiar routine, and it feels like we're just friends all over again."

"Friends don't have the kind of spark between them that we have between us."

"I want there to be sparks Jeff, I want them so bad that I'll imagine them there. But at the end of the day – "

"Don't say it Kayla," he said stopping my sentence. "It isn't true. There is more than one man that can make you happy. More than Rocky. You just have to give it a shot."

"I did Jeff, we did. It didn't work."

"I know you love me Kayla, You said it yourself."

"I do love you Jeff, I love you so much I gave up the one thing that I honestly and truly wanted in this world. I wanted to marry him Jeff I really did. And if I were concentrated on someone other than you I might have just said yes."

Jeff was dumbfounded by what I had just told him, unsure of how to react. He stood there his mouth slightly open and his eyes conveying his confusion.

"I love you like I love my own family," I continued on. "I would lay my life on the line for you Jeff, and never once regret it because I know you are worth it. Who you are, and how you've been acting these past weeks, this isn't you. I know you Jeff, I've known you for years. I know how sweet, and kind, and passionate you are. I know that deep inside you never hated me, you just found it easier to be angry. And right now I would find it easier to tell you that we could try again and that I am madly in love with you,"

"I'm hearing a but in that sentence and I'm not sure I honestly want to hear it."

"But it wouldn't be fair to you. I can't give you what you want Jeff."

"I just want you, it's all that I've ever asked for."

"And that's what I can't give you. Even when I was with you I wasn't completely with you."

"Because you were trying to get over Dwayne."

"That's just it, I'll never be over him Jeff. I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing this to save you."

"How exactly are you saving me? How are you helping anything when all you want to do is reject me?"

"This is not about rejection Jeff!" My voice rose from my annoyance. I knew that he was upset and would not want to accept any of what I was saying; but it was so hard to get him to understand what had taken me years to accept myself.

"Then please tell me what exactly what is this all about?" Jeff raised his own voice to match my tone. "Tell me what is going on here because I'm not sure anymore.!"

"Honestly I'm not sure Jeff. I didn't expect you to show up here, I didn't expect you to keep kissing me either. And it just- "

"It just what?"

"It brings back better times. Times when we were both happy, and I want to give that back to you."

"So then why can't you? If you want to give it back to me why don't you?"

I sat on the couch quiet, not wanting the words that were rattling around in my head to come out of my mouth. I knew that it would all sound so harsh and sent Jeff reeling.

"Kay why don't you? If you want to then why can't it happen?"

"I don't love you Jeff," I blurted out with a bit of too much edge on my voice. I did not want to hurt him, but the stress of the conversation was starting to show.

"That isn't true. You said before that you- you said it before – " Jeff stared at me wide eyed, the pain taking over his normally relaxed personality. His body tensed and I could tell that he was fighting back his own tears.

"I love you as my own family Jeff, a brother, and a friend, but nothing more. I love you Jeff but I'm not in love with you, and I haven't been for a very long time."

"But you gave up marrying Dwayne for me."

"I did that because I felt guilty about everything. But I realized while I was on suspension that it wasn't all my fault. No one told you to overreact and storm out, and there was no one forcing you to leave. Most of all it was not my fault that you couldn't handle working with me when you got back. Anger is always easier to feel, it keeps you alive; but only for so long. It will eat you up and change you into someone unrecognizable if you let it, and I don't want that to happen to you. I am in love with Rocky, more than anyone will know. He gives me something that I haven't felt with anyone. I feel alive and free with him Jeff. He brought me back when I had shut myself off after you left. He's given me everything I've ever asked for and more. I want to make him happy for the rest of my life."

"I guess I can't compete with that." Jeff said quietly with a defeated smile on his face. "Just so you know that's how I feel about you, I'll always feel that way about you."

"And you deserve someone who can return those feelings. Like you said there are other people out there who can make you happy, you just have to give it a shot."

"I want a shot with you though," Jeff hugged me, this time making no move to kiss me just hold me. "I know that I can make you happy."

"You already have. I love having you in my life Jeff, and I felt like a big piece of me was missing when you weren't around."

"I don't know if I'm quite ready to walk back into your life and see you have this little happy family I'm not part of."

"You can take as long as you want. Let's just promise no more fighting."

"I can manage that darlin' with out any problems. Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

"Jeff I've tried to before and it doesn't work. Rocky is my other half. I need him more than anyone else. Without him I just don't make sense."

"Right, well I'm going to go then. I'll see you around I guess."

"We're still doing team extreme, you'll see me often enough."

"Let me have a bit of time to get used to all of this."

"All the time you need Jeff. Just don't hate me, or be angry with me. If I could love you the way you love me I'd be right here by your side without hesitation. I can't lead you on though Jeff."

"I'm glad that you haven't. I know I had your shot with you, it'll just take time to get over."

"How's Matt?" I asked remembering that he seemed none to please with Jeff that night.

"I'm on my hands and knees begging him to not be angry with me. He's still very possessive of you, and boy did I get an earful when he found everything out."

"It'll come around in time," I told him truthfully. "Matt always forgives you, he just can't help it."

"That's what brothers do," Jeff shrugged his shoulders knowing eventually Matt would forgive all of his misguided and cruel actions. "I'm going to get out of here, and go back to my room. Let you live out the rest of your life in peace."

"I hope that one day you'll be part of my life Jeff. You're my best friend and I need you too you know."

"Just not the way that I need you," he pulled me into another hug and toyed with the hem of my shirt. He shook his head and let go of me. "I need to go before I do something that I regret."

"Couldn't be any worse than what you've done already."

"I really don't want to test that theory. I really need to go, I've done and said enough."

I nodded and walked with him over to the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob he turned to me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on his features.

"I know that I can't have you Kay, but can I have one more kiss? Like we used to have, to take with me?"

"Jeff, I don't know."

"Please Kay," he had turned to fully face me, brushing my hair back and staring at my lips. "Just one last kiss," he whispered moving closer to me.

Before I could say another word Jeff sent his mouth crashing onto mine with more passion than I had ever felt from him. I put my hands on his arms to keep myself from buckling underneath the kiss he was giving me. He backed us against the door using one hand to steady us as I tried to keep my wits about me. Everything was happening too quickly for me to have a proper reaction. My head screamed to stop him before things got out of hand, but my body screamed to stay with him. I gave into my body's command as Jeff opened my mouth slowly to slip his tongue inside. I involuntarily let out a soft moan pushing Jeff back a bit, but not enough to break our kiss.

"Tell me stop and I will," he whispered against my lips as his free hand began to roam under my shirt, he lips connecting with mine again.