New chapter! This one wasn't written before hand and in fact, changes the total direction of the story. Initially my story was going to involve Elena being more whiny about how much she loved Damon but reading it back made me cringe – even I can understand that she can't spend that much time moping over a boy she only knew for a short period of time in her youth. I introduced a new character into the mix. I hope you like him, I do.

Ross Copperman – Holding On and Letting Go
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed

Most days Damon is the last thing on my mind.

Time does what it's intended to, glosses over memories that were once impossibly vivid. The years spreading us father apart in ways that are both heart-breaking and necessary. I stop wondering what he is up to, I stop stressing over if he's thinking about me or if he regrets the way things ended. Feelings that I so long ago romanticised fade in contrast to the brutal reality that is Damon, the boy who I looked at and once saw the word 'forever' staring back at me, is a stranger now. He isn't the boy who bought me jewellery and took me out on cinema dates. He isn't the boy who told me he was so in love with every piece of me and cried when I told him to leave. He's a man now, and he's a man I've never met.

But sometimes, when I hear a certain song or I see a dark haired boy in a leather jacket it all comes rushing back to me and it feels like nothing has changed at all. I forget it's been years since the last time he held me, the last time he kissed me. It's been forever since I last heard his voice.

Most days Damon is the last thing on my mind. But on those days when he is, on those days when a long forgotten memory brings me right back to the start of our story, it scares me to death.

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But time goes on as it has to. And the minutes turned into days, turned into hours, turned into days, weeks, months and finally, years. It's been 3 years since the last time I had any contact with Damon Salvatore. I made a conscious decision to return home a year later. Damon's time at university had come to an end and he had probably moved somewhere bigger and better to pursue a career. He was probably a millionaire by now.

It was hard at first, being back to where it all began. Walking down the street knowing at any time I could bump into someone who knows him and they would recognise me and ask questions I didn't want to answer. I know that people from my past must be curious about where I disappeared to and I knew from my cousins that there had been rumours spread years ago about my whereabouts. The most popular one was that Damon had got me pregnant and I'd relocated to raise our baby free of judgement. Another one was that I'd dumped Damon and got hitched to a bearded guy on the same night. I liked that rumour better.

Going back to university was strangely easier than I thought it would be; everyone I knew had graduated and the classes were big so the chances of a lecturer recognising me were virtually non-existent. It started off slowly but as the days crept on and the workload increased, my life back in Glasgow seemed to be a distant memory. Caroline, my best friend, my rock and the girl I owed my sanity too, remained my closest ally and we continued to speak almost every day and visit each other whenever our schedules allowed it.

And before I knew it, I had caught up. My life that I'd put on pause for so long was back on track. Now I'm 24 with a graduate job lined up, true friends who I adore and a boyfriend who thinks the world of me and I, him.

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Elijah is everything you could want in a boyfriend. He's charming, he's handsome, he makes me feel safe, my parents love him and most importantly, when I first met him he knew nothing of my past. In fact, not only did Elijah know nothing of my past, initially he didn't want to know anything.

We met in a bar which is probably the best and worst place to meet a potential boyfriend or girlfriend when you're in your 20's. It was Christmas time post-semester one of third year exams and I had slowly but surely began to shed off my introverted nature. I was out with some of my classmates celebrating our hellish month of stress when I spotted him. He was standing at the bar with a group of people but he didn't seem to be actually with them; I watched them for a while and though he appeared to interact with them occasionally, he seemed bored and disinterested by their presence. His appearance struck me initially – not only was he gorgeous but he oozed sex appeal. He seemed like someone interesting, someone intelligent and someone I wanted to fuck.

Tequila was the obvious answer.

He noticed me immediately. In his defence, it was hard not to since I was basically on top of him.
"Hi." I said. "Tequila?"
He nodded and I ordered two but when they came, he refused to let me pay.
"I'm Elena," I told him even though I was pretty sure he didn't care.
"Elijah." He necked the shot. "Let's go for a cigarette."
I didn't smoke but I wasn't going outside for that reason. Minutes later I texted my friends to say I was going home and Elijah and I got in a taxi.

It would be easy to say that after that night, Elijah and I got together and have been inseparable since but that would be a complete lie. He didn't call me the next day, or the next week, in fact I have no doubt he'd have never spoke to me at all had I not bumped into him in the same bar a month later. I was drunk, he was high and we ended up back at his again. This time though, he texted me the next day and a pattern began every time we were both out. Eventually our hook-ups started to have meaning, feelings became involved and over time it became more and more serious.

Elijah was a serious guy but at the same time, he didn't want to rush things and I certainly wasn't ready to be rushed. He'd just came out of a long-term relationship when I met him. It hadn't been a pretty break-up; the girl, Katherine, had finished it out of nowhere for another boy. She'd been cheating on him for six months; a four year relationship and she didn't even have the decency to break it off first.

The day he asked me out was the day he found out about my past with Damon. Up till then, all I'd told him was that I'd moved to Glasgow to gain some life-experience and that satisfied him enough. But when he asked me to be his girlfriend, the truth had to come out. Initially I had told him I didn't want a boyfriend – now, possibly ever again. He was confused, naturally – for him, what we had was a relationship. In the four months since I'd met him in the bar that second time, we'd got together almost every day and when we weren't, we were texting or phoning. He'd met my family and I'd met his, he didn't hook up with other girls and I wouldn't dream of going near any guys. For all intents and purposes, it was a relationship, just without the labels.
"I just don't see why the label 'girlfriend' changes so much," He was trying to explain.
"Exactly!" I protested. "So why do we need it?"
"So we can establish we've made a commitment, 'Lena and this is no longer just a bit of fun and I can stop introducing you to my grandma as my 'friend, Elena'."
"Why can't it be both? We can have fun but be committed as well. Why do we have to conform to the normalities of social convention? Why can't we just be us?"
"Oh get over yourself - 'normalities of social convention' and tell me what the hell is your problem."
I could feel tears creeping into my eyes as memories popped up in my head, memories of a similar conversation a long time ago only it was I who was desperate for the labels and he who did not. Words just came pouring out my mouth without a filter. "The problem, Elijah, is that people change their minds so quickly. Today you're telling me that you want a relationship but next week you could be saying this isn't what you want anymore."
He stumbled over his words for a minute as he digested the meaning behind my sentence. "But you can't live your life not taking chances because you're worried about how they might turn out. You've got to take the good with the bad."
"What if I'm okay with not taking chances? I've been hurt before – I can't go through that again."
"Who hurt you bad enough to make you this scared?"
I took a deep breath knowing this conversation was nowhere near over. "His name was Damon."

Stories of Damon unravelled slowly. It seemed every time Elijah and I were together, he had more questions to ask about him. I guess he was trying to work out how Damon affected us.

"Did you love him? Elijah asked me one day when we were driving. It was raining and we were on our way home from a cinema date, it had been a lovely evening but I could tell something was playing on his mind. Ever since I'd told him about Damon two weeks ago, Elijah had always looked like he wanted to say something but stopping himself at the last minute. I never pressed because, well, honestly, the questions he might have scared me.
"I think I did" I whispered, and then quickly. "No, I know I did. I still think about him sometimes – think about how he's doing and where he's at. The way we ended was so sudden, you know? There was no real closure. Sometimes I get angry when I remember what he did to me and sometimes I'm thankful that he at least came into my life in the first place." I looked out the window and stared at the rain as it fell into sync with my tears. "It was the best thing I ever felt. I think that was love."
"And how does that affect us?" I could see his face reflected in the window as he glanced over at me and a pit formed in the bottom of my stomach. I guess talking to your new boyfriend about how much you loved your ex-not-even-your-boyfriend is not a normal topic of conversation.
I knew what Elijah was thinking – did I still love Damon, did I want to be with Damon, was our story over or just on pause and honestly, I couldn't answer him at that exact moment. I was too swamped in memories of Damon to think about the future right now.
I gave him the only answer I could that wasn't a lie. "What's past is past."

Elijah gave me a lot to think about that day in the car, so much so I went home and really contemplated my relationship with him in contrast to my memory of Damon. I knew it wasn't fair to string Elijah along if there was something still there between Damon and I. The answer I came up with surprised me.

A couple of days later he proposed another question.
"Why did you guys break up?"
I laughed, it was painful. "If you asked him he'd say we were never together. We were young and immature and everything was so intense. For me it felt like he loved me when he couldn't have me and as soon as he had me he didn't want me anymore." I paused to look at him and gauge his reaction. He had a poker face. "Strange isn't it? How fast someone's feelings can change and there's nothing you can do to expect it – no warning signs or indicators that that person doesn't feel the same way they did yesterday. And then, what's worse is you just have to sit and accept that you're completely in love with someone who doesn't even give a shit whether you come or go and frankly they would rather if you didn't come at all. And that sucks."
"And now? If he knocked at your door and told you he loved you and was sorry for everything he had done in the past, what would you do?"
I turned to look at him because I'd been thinking this exact thing myself and I knew the answer. "I'd shut the door," I smiled. "Because I already have somebody I love and adore and who gives me everything I want and need right here."
It was the first time any of us had ever said "I love you" and he might think it was too soon but for me, there was no other way to describe the way I felt about him.
He pulled me closer to him and I knew from the look on his face that I'd made the right decision telling him. "Say it again," he mumbled. "Who do you have right here?"
"Someone I adore," I teased.
"uh-hu," He was kissing my neck.
"And who gives me everything I want,"
"Mmm," He kept going.
"And need,"
"What else?" he mumbled.
"And someone I love."
He stopped kissing me and looked up to meet my eyes, brown on brown boring into mine. "I love you too."

And that was that. Reciprocated love. Real love. Love.