Before the chapter, a shout out to my best friend! She sent me a song, (According to You by Orianthi), and it made me realize just because one boy says I'm aggressive, ugly, and a Twilight freak, and too much of a nerd, it doesn't mean another boy won't think that I can defend myself, that I'm cute and that Twilight is ok, and that being smart is a virtue, and not something I do for a living, because trust me, no one pays me to get straight As. This chapter will also start off depressing. I'm so very sorry. I start school tomorrow, so it'll take me longer to update.
BPOV:
Life sucks, and then you die. Yeah, I should be so lucky. I'd already read Crack of Dawn, but the quote still stuck with me. My life did suck. I live my whole seventeen years without interference from strangers, I come here, and my life turns into a mess thanks to one family. One person, I could say. I was depressed, but I didn't let it show, because it would hurt my father.
I wrote the song and recorded it on my laptop, but then I had nothing else to do. I was bored. I was miserable. And the only person I wanted to talk to had made me this way. Edward hurt me. And this is just what I knew would happen, but didn't believe it. I'd been so care-free and happy I'd ignored the writing on the wall. Edward was too good for someone like me. Someone average. Someone who's goal in life was to graduate high school with good grades, get a scholarship and go to college, then work either as an English teacher or writing books.
Edward could have any girl he wanted. He could have Jessica Stanley, Rebecca Hess, Lauren Mallory, and even Taylor Swift, I'd bet. He was the perfect guy any girl could want. Maybe he'd realized that and gone on a hot date, leaving me, boring Bella, behind. It made me feel like.... I don't know, it made me feel worthless to think he thought I was boring and dull and average. I knew I was, but it hurt to hear it from someone as special to me as he was.
It was time to get up for school, but I was determined to not let it show that he hurt me. I'd go cry in the bathroom when I get home, but in school I was going to play the -I-don't-give-a-damn-if-you-went-out-with-Lauren-Mallory card. So I dressed in something cute and nice for me, grabbed my bag and walked out the door. I'd packed cereal in bag, so I ate it on the way to school.
It was cold today; maybe forty degrees. I was wearing my coat and a scarf, but I thought that was just me. Everyone was wearing coats and scarfs, and Rebecca Hess was wearing a beanie and gloves. Whoa. I got out of the truck and immediately, there was a Pixie next to me. She was wearing a white coat, which looked even brighter next to mine, which was black.
"Bella, I need to tell you something!" Alice said.
"I don't want to hear it, Alice," I said. I began walking toward the school. Alice skipped behind me, and ran a bit to catch up.
"But Bella, it's about Friday! Why Edward didn't show up!" I turned to her suddenly and she stopped once she saw the look on my face.
"Alice, I said I don't care! Ok? I don't care if he went with some girl to a club, or if he was watching TV and forgot, but I want you and your family to leave me alone! Since I got here and met you, my life has been a roller coaster, and I don't want it! If that's how you like it, then fine! But not me! I don't want to be with a bi-polar guy, who one day says he wants to go on a date with you, and the next he bails! Just leave me alone!" I yelled at her. I walked quickly back to my locker before anyone could see the tears in my eyes.
I went to class, and again, Lauren and Rebecca tried to trip me, but this time I just used the other door. I sat in the back and watched everyone do their projects. After class, I walked to my next class and copied the notes. Then in Math I handed in the homework and did the new work. Then in Spanish I did the work and doodled on the back of my notebook. After I drew an eye, and a very carefully sculpted apple, I got bored. Then was lunch.
Angela would be asking me for details about the date, and Alice and Edward probably wouldn't sit there today, but that table was directly in front of ours, so they could still stare at me all they wanted. I settled for a table at the farthest end of the room, so hopefully they couldn't see. Maybe, if Alice didn't tell, they'd think I was sick. But that wouldn't work, because I had Biology with... Edward next. Oh well. I ate my lunch, blasting my iPod. I was back to sad songs again. Why, oh, why was I so sensitive and prone to depression? I mean, lots of girls get dumped by their boyfriends. I'm the only one who gets into a depression to this level by someone she didn't even go out with. It's sad, really.
I was longing for the bell to ring for two reasons. One, I wanted lunch to be over, because I was getting sick and tired of Taylor Swift singing White Horse. Second, for some reason I tried to ignore and squish, I wanted to see Edward. I didn't want to want to see Edward. It was unhealthy for me to want to see him. It would hurt. And it sucked worse to know that we'd be doing a group project, (you know, the baby project?), together. They were going to give us the frigging baby today.
The bell finally rang and I got up and made my way, tripping and stumbling, to Biology. I sat in my chair and looked anywhere but the door. I settled for the closed window. It was clear, so I could see outside. I normally wouldn't be able to see because Edward was so much bigger than me that he blocked my view, but he wasn't here yet, so I could see. It was a gray sky, and there was a lot of howling wind. The trees in the forest nearby were being thrashed around by it. It made me think of me.
I was being manipulated by Edward. Every time he did something hurtful, I would fall to pieces. Every time he said something sweet, I would be happy. It was sick and twisted. I hated being manipulated. I would state once again how this was exactly what I'd been wanting to avoid, but you've heard this all before.
The bell rang and I was still seeing clearly out the window. Edward wasn't here. Mr. Banner called to attention and began his lecture. It was all I could do to not zone out and end up with detention, so I listened.
"... all know we're doing the baby project. I do this with every junior class I have, because possibly soon you'll be faced with a baby and I want you to be prepared. I started this when a girl in a junior class got pregnant almost twenty years ago. The school let her attend, until it was impossible. So I wanted to show you what's it's like to have a baby, to an extent. The baby will have a camera in it's eyes, and it will cry and ask for food regularly. You need to bathe it twice a day or more, and you do have to take it to school. Only people with the three last periods with me will do this. The others will have it the next semester. You can only get a babysitter for two hours, and they have to sign a paper. If you have too many babysitters, then that takes points off. This will last for three weeks. Now one person from each group come up and collect your baby. You may choose the name, and if it's a girl or boy. Please come up now," he said. I got up and took a baby. It had mud brown eyes with a little lense inside. It's cheeks were flushed, and the lips were a cream pink. The skin was a creamy color, and it had a full-body suit. It was yellow, so you could dress it up and give it a gender.
It was a girl. Her name was Edella Gabby, I decided. Let Edward think what he wants, but this was our project, and he was absent, so I got to name it.
Twenty minutes later we were watching the rest of the movie from last week, because Mr. Banner wanted to concentrate on this project, so we'd get movies during class. Ten minutes later, the door opened and a pale Edward, looking flustered came in. "Sorry, sir. I got sick; I was in the nurses' office." He handed Mr. Banner a pass.
"Go sit, Mr. Cullen," he said. Edward came and saw the doll in my arms. He took out a paper and wrote on it, then passed it. I tried to ignore it, but he kept poking my arm, so I glared at him for a little while. He pointed at the paper and I hesitantly took it and opened it.
'Why are you so mad? P.S. What's it's name?' I sighed and ignored the first question. 'She's Edella Gabby. Obviously a girl. I'm going to get her a blue dress I have, so don't worry. You watch her every other day.' I passed it and saw his face fall. 'Why won't you answer my first question?' the note said once I got it back. I didn't respond. I ignored it.
When the bell rang, I meant to make a quick escape, but Edward caught my arm and held me back. I almost dropped Edella. "Hey!" I said.
"Why won't you tell me what's going on?" He asked in an angry voice.
"Because, nothing is going on. Go back to your life and let me live mine. Just stop hurting me. This was exactly what I had wanted to avoid, and you make it so hard! Just let go! I need to get to class," I said. His grip slackened and I walked off. When I was halfway down the hall, I looked back. He was on his way to the Spanish classroom, which was the way I was going. I stopped at my locker and looked at him. His face betrayed nothing, but his eyes showed hurt and confusion. I turned back and got my homework and bag, plus a little notebook to write in. I was closing my locker when a someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I just want to let you know I got sick. I wasn't feeling well, and I know I should have called, but Alice told me she would, and I fell asleep---" The bell rang.
"Great, you made me late for class! Goodbye, Edward!" I ran to the Gym with Edella in my arms and left him standing there. Nothing could make me feel worse.
I felt horrible for what I had done. I was not only hurting myself with my decision, but Edward too. It was a bad way all around.
I made it to Gym when some girls were still changing. My luck. Poeple were staring because of the doll in my arms. Again, my luck. So I ignored it and went outside and sat on the bleachers, only to find Alice wasn't there. She was in her normal clothes talking to Coach Clapp. I wondered what that was about.
I sat and started on my homework, only to find I didn't have any, except write a five page story that was appropriate. I got my notebook of ideas and went through them. (Author's Note: These are my actual ideas. Tell me what you think.)
There was that one where the girl is a teenage novelist, and she meets a boy and falls for him, and she writes a book in diary format and publishes it, even writing his name. Or the one where the boy bets he can get the lonely girl to go with him to the dance. Or that one where the girl sees the boy that one time and thinks it's a once in a lifetime thing, but then he goes to her school to try and win her heart. Or the one when--- wait, why is Alice holding a bat?!
I looked up and saw Alice swinging the bat, hitting the ball perfectly, and Lauren and Rebecca cheering. As realization hit me, Edella hit the seat.
So Alice had switched to Gym class. And the popular girls were cheering for her. I can read the signs. Obviously, Alice could be friends with anyone, and Lauren and Rebecca were no exception, and Lauren probably thought that if she got close to Alice, she'd get invited home and could get a chance to ask Edward out. And Rebecca probably just thought it would be dumb to not take the opportunity of knowing a Cullen.
I glanced up again to pick up Edella, and as Alice got to third base, she looked up at me. She didn't scowl or glare, but she didn't wave or smile either. It was like she was being cautious with me because I said to leave me alone. I smiled a bit, but I don't think she saw it; she was looking intently at Galvin McCall, who was batting now.
Correction, now nothing could make me feel worse. Why did life suck so bad for me?
I got through the period thinking about how to write the one where the boy bets he can get the girl, all the while not able to concentrate. I mean, I knew I wasn't exactly very nice to Alice, but I never thought she would actually go back to class. It was the only class we had together, and I really did like Alice. I felt a little tear drop as I noticed how thoroughly I had destroyed my happiness. I put limits for myself that when it comes to it I don't want to follow. I work myself too hard. I push away the ones I should've held close. I was a monster. I'd read books that were in first person where the main character falls in love, but I never really understood how strong that could be. I destroyed all I wanted, and I was still doing it.
I wanted Edward. I wanted Alice to be my friend. I wanted to be with my mother so she could help me. I wanted my father to be more open so I could talk about this. I wanted to let myself love Edward.
That's when it hit me. I could keep some of my promises. I could still study hard, and I could be with Edward. I texted him to meet me near my car after school. After about five minutes my phone buzzed. I opened it and saw his message. U got me in trobl with Goff. Wat do u want? -e
I wrote back I want 2 talk 2 u. please go. I need 2 talk. -b and pressed send. Within fifty seconds I got kk- e. I laughed as the bell rung.
I walked out and caught up with Alice. She was walking faster, to get away from me I assume, so I ran and caught her arm with the one that wasn't holding Edella. "Swan, let go!" She yelled. I held her arm until she looked at me. Her eyes showed how exasperated she was. "What do you want?"
"I want to be your friend, Cullen," I said. She rolled her eyes.
"Are you frickin serious? Just this morning you said to leave you alone. Are you insane? I mean, seriously, you tell me you want to be friends, then you ignore me like a pariah, then you're my friend for a week, and then you say to leave you the freak alone, and now you want my friendship again? Are you bipolar? Why don't you just leave me alone? I wanted to be your friend, but then you showed me why loners are loners. You can't sustain a friendship, but Lauren and Becca can, so they're going to be my friends now. Rose likes them, too, so you can go back to where you came from; where friendship and trust and love don't matter!" With that she wrenched away and went into the locker room.
Those words cut through my heart like daggers. Every word she said was like a knife through my heart. How could I have done this? How could I have lost the only friend I ever had because of something as silly as a boy? Which reminds me… he's probably waiting outside my truck in the cold.
I hurried out despite the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Rebecca and Lauren were snickering, and I knew that Alice's little speech hadn't just been heard by me.
I got to my truck in record time, seeing as I ran. I stumbled a few times, but luckily I didn't actually fall. As I got to my truck, I saw Edward leaning against the hood. He propped himself up and smiled at me. Then he saw the tears in my eyes, and he scowled. "Who's butt am I kicking, Bells?" (Author's Note: That's actually a bumper sticker on face-book. It says: 'I want the guy who I can run into his arms crying and the first thing he'll say is "who's ass am I kicking, babe?"'. I have it.)
"No one's. And only my dad gets to call me that. I didn't mean for you to see me crying; I just… it was impossible not to. Alice just… Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something-- actually, I need to ask you this first. Why didn't you show up on Friday?"
He hesitated. "I was sick. It wasn't just a little cold. It was a very powerful virus that could be fatal if we didn't treat it right. I wasn't supposed to go outside, I had to be in a temperature-controlled room, I couldn't touch things that I'd touched before, like my phone, because it was all being cleaned. And I wasn't supposed to talk, either. I had Alice call a couple of times, and Jasper volunteered to come, but you never answered. I'm sorry," he said.
"No, I'm sorry. I thought you'd just stood me up and went off with Lauren Mallory or something. I didn't answer, I was stubborn. It's my fault," I said.
"Why don't we go home and you tell me why you were crying?" He suggested. I nodded helplessly and he hugged me around the shoulders to his chest. It felt good, especially with what Alice had said.
He went back to his family to give them the keys to the car and to tell them what happened and then came back. I was looking, and I swear Rosalie glared at Lauren Mallory and Rebecca Hess as they passed by on their way to their car, and Alice looked distraught after what Edward told them. She was probably sad I was spending time with her brother.
We got in my car and he drove to my house. There, we set our school stuff in my messy room and went to sit on the downstairs couch. (I left Edella tucked in bed.) I snuggled into him unconsciously and shivered. The Chief always wore a jacket inside the house; but I didn't, and it was inhumanly cold outside, (in my opinion), and I'd removed my jacket so all I had were my clothes and hoodie. Not much.
He suddenly pulled the quilt Charlie kept there over me, so I'd be warmer, and he shifted so I could still be against his chest while he looked at me. "Bella, what's wrong?"
What wasn't wrong? "Well, I--I… I ruin everything. Alice just… well, she said some things… that were hard for me… that's all." It was hard to talk because I was shaking from remembering it. Seeing the hate in her eyes and hearing the venom in her voice. It was excruciating.
He rubbed his hand against my back and held me tight, and it felt nice, natural. I never wanted it to stop, but unfortunately, my body thought otherwise. I stopped shaking and controlled my breathing within twelve and a half minutes. And then he stopped rubbing my back, but kept me tight.
I looked up. His face showed what he didn't say. He was mad at Alice for putting me through this pain, he was sorry he missed our date, he was sad I was sad, and his face showed something I didn't understand. He looked into my eyes and it was as if the last two months hadn't happened. I forgot all the pain I'd felt because of the not-date, and the two months because of the thing with Jacob, and it was as if yesterday had been Alice's sleepover, and our first kiss, my first kiss, and as if nothing had changed since we met. I felt wonderful; like life was giving me a second chance with him. A slow smile broke through my lips and he smiled too. And I lifted my head… tilted it… and kissed him…
And he kissed me back, and it was wonderful. In this moment, I did not care about the promise I made, or the fact that Alice probably hates me, or that my father could walk in any second and see me kissing him. I just felt so happy.
As we broke apart, he smiled, but something in my eyes made his smile fade. He started to get up and pulled me along with him.
"What?" I asked.
"Call Chief Swan; I'm taking you to dinner," he said.
"But I'm not dressed up, and it's Monday," I complained uselessly.
He smiled. "It doesn't matter. We'll be back early." I gave up and took out my phone.
"Hey, Dad?" I asked after he picked up.
"Yeah, Bells?"
"Can I go to dinner with Edward?" I asked.
"Sure, you go over to the Cullens' place whenever you want, hon," he said.
"No, Dad, as in like a date."
"Oh, well, be back by eight," he said in his serious voice.
"Sure chief!" I did the whole Army hand to forehead salute thing and Edward laughed. "Dad, I saluted you like in the Army." He laughed. "We'll be back, ok? Bye, I love you."
"I love you, too, kid." He hung up. I turned to Edward. "We have to be back by eight," I reported. He nodded and grabbed his coat. I got mine, wrapped Edella in a blanket, and grabbed a bag, then followed him out to my car. He shook his head and said: "I don't want to drive this. Do you mind if we go to my house and get mine?"
"Oh, whatever, but this truck runs fine, thank you very much," I said, playfully mad. He laughed and started my truck.
We drove in silence, with me in the front seat holding the baby, and up until I saw his driveway I wasn't feeling insecure or anxious or anything. Then I saw Alice sitting on the steps drinking out of a steaming cup. She looked up and saw me and hurried to get inside. I guessed she didn't want to see me. Edward shook his head, and got out. I started to unbuckle my seatbelt and opened my door, seeing he was outside, and followed him to a building of the house I hadn't seen. He put I a code (1901) and the doors opened. A garage. There were some really freaking flashy cars in here. A red convertible, a big Jeep, an Aston Martin, a Mercedes, a yellow Porsche, and Edward's silver Volvo. Instead of heading toward the Volvo, he walked up to the Aston Martin and ran his hand through the hood proudly. "This is my second baby. It's my special occasion car. You like it?" He looked hopeful.
"It's very… shiny. I like it," I said. Thankfully, instead of turning it on, he walked over to the Volvo, but before I could reach it, someone called my name. And it wasn't Edward.
"What do you want, Cullen?" I asked.
"I just wanted you to know I'm--" she started.
"You're what? Sorry? You meant every word you said. I could see it in your eyes, Alice," I said coldly.
"Wait! You don't understand! Please listen." I turned to her impatiently. "Thank you. Ok, what happened was that Rose is so mad at Becca and Lauren and Jessica and girls like that treating you that way that she asked me to be friends with them to find out their weaknesses and just get back at them. And as those bitches initiation was that to tell you we weren't friends anymore I had to do it in the most hurtful way possible. I hated every second of it, but I'm a good actress, Bella, I have to be. I never meant any of those things."
I couldn't believe it. "Are you serious? You made me freaking cry, Ali! You could have at least texted me!" I didn't believe this. "I don't believe this. I'm not that stupid." I got inside the car. She ran and held the door open.
"Do you think I'm lying?" I nodded. Le-duh! a voice in my head said. "Well, I'm not. I just want to get back at them for you. Edward's in on it, too. He's going to help by going on a date with Lauren and being the idiot he's not. And we'll be video taping so we can watch Lauren try to be hot." She giggled and I couldn't help it; I giggled too.
"Bella, I thought you'd be against this! How could you?! I trusted you!" Edward whined. That made me laugh harder.
"It's….. going to be….. Too funny….. To watch…. Sorry," I said between laughs. He pouted. "I forgive you, Alice. I'm sorry for what I said this morning. Friends again?"
She held out her pinky and I wrapped mine around it and we laughed. "Friends now and forever."
So what do you think? I wrote half of it on the website and half of it on my laptop after my History homework was done while listening to When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus. My mom won't let my use the Mac, so yeah. Tell me what you think and if you want me to skip the date and go to how everything is like I did after the thing with Jacob, or if you want me to run you through the date and the first day after they go out at school, and then skip. Personally, I want to skip the whole thing and keep it under wraps until after a little while. By the way, if you think this is going to end soon, well, there are still some things missing, and I'm going to need a whole lot of filler. Anyway, review please. Also, as I probably said above, if you have a you tube account, please subscribe for clevverTV, because once they get 100.000 subscribers, they're going to be doing Eclipse chapter recaps. Thank you.