-Stop!-

-Coolkid time.-

You are Dave Strider and you have been summoned to the private offices of Betty Crocker a few hours before the big shindig debut thing.

Uh…

For the first time, you have no idea what to say what you're going to say to her.

No wait, that's a lie. You have miles of things to say to this bitch. Like how she mistreated John and Nanna Jane growing up. You are also pretty sure that she arranged her untimely assassination. At least, that's what John hinted at what Rose confirmed. You still can't believe John's conspiracy theory turned out to be true. You really miss her. You think if she wasn't so wrapped up in her work back then, she could have been better friends with your brother instead of trading babysitting-slash-playdate locations every so often. She wasn't a bad person. She raised John well, and you certainly did have some good times at their house. She made a lot of different cakes. You think it reminded her of John's dad. She didn't even have pictures of him around, which is sad.

You're standing awkwardly in front of the elevator of the top floor. Rose sits at her desk across the room, deep in work.

You aren't really sure what happened with John the other night after he and Rose talked, though. It wasn't a good day for anyone was it? Well, except for Jade at the end there.

You call your bro.

" 'Sup, kid?" he answers.

"I'm not a kid, bro," you counter.

"I know. What do you need, kid?"

You scoff, somehow amused. "No reason."

"I raised you. I know what's going on. Something's up. Did you meet a girl?"

How in the fu—"Like you'll ever know." You pause for effect. "I'm actually in the office of the Batterbitch herself."

"Congrats."

"Damn straight."

"So what are you calling me for again?"

"Just in case I die."

"Well, I don't know if you remember this from years ago, but…" He pauses and audibly takes a breath on the other end. That's when you know he's serious business. "If you survive, this, you know where to go." You remember. You do know where to go. It's the same place it's always been. It was always open no matter what.

"Thanks, bro."

"And make sure to bring that girl with you!" he adds, yelling into your ear before hanging up. You are now Deaf Strider.

You pocket your phone and cross the open space on the private floor of the CEO of Crocker Corps. Rose barely registers you approaching, busily shuffling papers and making phone calls and writing things in three different languages at the same time. Wow, that girl can multitask. She glances up and motions you to sit by the office door, which is closed. Naturally. The chairs are awkward and small, and way too shiny. You can imagine the commercial. New! Seats so shiny, your butt can see its reflection! No wait, that's shitty. New! Conversation enders for every occasion! Yes. Perfect. As you sit, you just notice the gold tentacles on the door, and it's kind of unsettling, to be honest.

"She's ready for you now," Rose says curtly, not looking up from her work. Is she always this stale at work? The girl you saw the other day was the real Rose. This Rose is just pitiful. You kind of feel sorry for her.

You open the door yourself and peek into a very large office. If you thought the lobby was elaborate, her office takes the cake. Its floor-to-ceiling windows brighten the place, aided by fuchsia curtains pulled back by gold ropes. The carpet looks so expensive, you don't want to walk on it. The furniture is sharp and fitting for an upper class lady such as the CEO of a famous corporation. You spot her overgrown hair across the room, sitting in a large chair like a throne, facing the window and the city below.

She stands up and you suddenly wonder if Jade knows about this meeting. She should since it concerns you, her friend for over a week now. Why are you so nervous anyway? It's not like you're asking for her hand. You're only attending a meeting with the head bitch-in-charge of the Betty Crocker Corporation, which is pretty much the entire world. You ready your sword just in case, which you totally snuck into the building because security can't hold back the one, the only, Dave Strider. Striders gonna stride, oh yes. Is it hot in here, or are you just nervous? We went over this: Striders gonna stri—

She motions for you to follow her to the desk. "Close the door," she orders. She stands next to the massive mauve desk as you do what she says. She beckons you over with her index finger. You decide to hang back instead. Because screw that, you want to live.

"Nah, I'm good here," you say coolly, thrusting your hands in your pockets.

She narrows her eyes and starts to speak. "Now Mr. Dave Strider, I know that you and my grandson have been taking care of my darling Jade for a while now, so to be 'fair' as your human cultures describe, and much to my own chagrin, I will see through to my word," she stops herself, gritting her teeth and bringing her eyebrows together. "Your…" She grimaces, putting her fingertips on the side of her head.

"My…?" you encourage.

"Your reward." She guides your attention to a generically-sized chest on her desk with an open hand. It's open, revealing some of shining gold bars peeking out from the top, like they're saying "hey dave pick me". You completely forgot that actual gold bars were the reward.

"Oh yeah," you reply candidly.

"Watch your attitude, human. It already feels like a waste of gold withdrawing it from my personal bank, so you might as well just take it and go shoot your shitty movies or whatever."

"Actually, they're called 'indie films'. And they're instant classics, you'll see."

"Whatever."

"But yeah, here's the thing: I'm going to have to pass. I don't want it. Not anymore, at least." You look at the shoes you wore with the tuxedoes from the other night (you're pretty sure you were supposed to give them back or something). You can make the movie of your career with all that money, but something about the last few days has changed your plans and you aren't exactly sure why. All you know is, "I'm just glad Jade found you, that's all."

"You're a weird human." She keeps saying that, too. Human. It's your turn to narrow your eyes. She sighs, both relieved and exasperatedly. "But let me ask you something first." She takes some steps closer to you. You tense, sword ready to go at any moment, just in case. "You and your brother, that night… You saved us, which I have to admit was foolish, but… may I ask why you returned in the first place?"

Is she actually asking? "I'll give you the short version: pawned goods."

"Hmm. I see. So he was aware that the factory was about to be, well, destroyed, so he thought that he could salvage something from it." It doesn't sound like she liked your answer. Whoops.

"Yup."

"I would have done the same thing." You resist the urge to face-palm. Money-grubbing fish-bitch. "What I don't understand is, why save the CEO as well? Your blood-relative must have known that I would never think of repaying him."

"You may be a money-loving fish-bitch supreme, but seriously, what would the rest of the unsuspecting world do without Betty Crocker? You've been here since forever, and I guess you always will be, but without your terrifying grip on the baking business that will most likely consume the world in a post-apocalyptic state, us humans will have no one to turn to for cake and cookies, except probably Little De—"

"I understand," she interrupts, tilting her chin up to look down her nose at you. "Last question: Why even bring her back to me if you know I'm the money-grubbing fish-bitch supreme? We all know the bullsharkshit reason, but I want the real one."

You swallow, trying to force Jade's smiling face out of your head. You've already decided that you're going to leave and not look back, and hopefully she won't be in the building when you do. Just let her go, Dave, you can do this.

"Never mind. I think I know. But don't worry about her. I already have someone picked out for her, since you leaving her forever is now an inevitable reefality, even if the suitor is of a lower caste."

What in the hell? "I have literally no idea what you're talking about."

"I said," she gets up from her desk and saunters towards you. She leans in, her glare piercing the sunglasses you're still trying to hide behind. "Never. You. Mind." She whips out her pitchfork and aims for your neck. "Get it?"

"Yes, ma'am." You say, awkwardly smiling a little and putting your hands up.

"Good." She takes the sharp pointy thing away from your neck and jams it into the carpet. Ouch. "Now go. I'm done with you." She turns and walks back behind her desk, leaving the pitchfork standing there.

You thought she'd never ask. You bow down low and hope she gets the joke. "Yes, oh great leader of the universe," you say sarcastically. You straighten up and almost don't catch her smirk before you turn back to the door.

"Yes, I am." A chill runs up your spine. Good thing you don't have to deal with her ever again. John, on the other hand… You feel a twinge of guilt as you remember that both he and Jade have to deal with her now.

Dave: Say goodbye to your friends.

No need to tell you twice. You give Rose a quick wave as you shuffle to the elevator, hands in your pockets and your back hunched over. Shuffling papers become silent and rapid footsteps approach. You turn around just in time as you are faced with a hug around your arms. Aw, you're going to miss her, too, you think. You pat her back with one hand. But you really think she needs to let go before she hugs you too hard and breaks your arms. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Down, Bessie.

She lets go and sighs, shuffling back to her work without a second glance. You give her another small wave and she waves back as you moonwalk right into the elevator doors. You turn and jump, suppressing a masculine scream.

"John what the fuck are you doing?" you ask as you open one of the doors. John is crouched on the ground, hiding behind the plant a peering through the leaves like the little creeper he is.

"Recon," he answers, letting the leaves go back to their normal state.

"You know Rose can see you, right?"

He looks up at you like you just insulted his mother. "If she had seen me, she would have done something. Or looked at me at least." He puts his face back into the leaves, staring again. Oh, you get it, this is his way of trying to apologize. Yeah, you've seen this debacle before. It never works.

You shrug. "Whatever. I needed to talk to you anyway, do you have a New York minute?" You need to tell him that you're going back to Seattle. Soon. Like, tonight soon.

"Can it wait?"

"I'm thinking of going back to Seattle and just living with my bro the rest of my life like the asshole I am," you blurt out.

That got his attention. He straightens up, slightly bumping the plant on the way up. "What? When?" he asks frantically. Good ol' John. Such a concerned friend.

"Soon. Before the party. I can't remember exactly when the plane takes off, though."

"Oh." He looks at his feet uncomfortably. You shift your weight to your left leg, jamming your hands in your pockets and wiggling your fingers around randomly. You really hate this. You need to get your priorities straight. "This has to do with Jade then, huh?" he concludes, looking back up at you.

"I plead the fifth."

"Look, I don't like it either, Dave! It's not like I knew she was my actual sister from the get-go! I should have made the connection, but I didn't, so this is my fault as much as it is yours."

"John, stop."

"No, not this time! I'm going to come right out and say it! Straight. To. Your. Face!"

Someone clears their throat across the room. You both turn to look and see Rose making a "no" face, drawing her thumb across her neck threateningly. You both seem to understand what she is saying and skedaddle to the elevator. John and Rose wave to each other meekly at the last minute. As soon as the elevator doors close, John continues his angry rant.

"As I was saying, you need to get your priorities straight, because I don't think I can handle another minute of your selfish antics and fake cool-guy attitude!"

You take your hands out of your pockets and make them into fists. "Did you just call me fake?" you ask, trying not to punch your best friend in the face.

"Fake, fake-y fake! And not only that, from the very first day I met the girl, I thought, 'Wow, maybe she can help him not to be such a douchebag anymore!' Boy, was I wrong! I couldn't tell if she was actually helping you get better, or just feeding your ego with her obvious enamorations! Or worse, maybe your stupid fake coolness was rubbing off on her and screwing up the whole thing before it began!"

You push your sunglasses to the top of your head. You do not appreciate him calling you a fake. And Jade? Enamorations? Bullshit! You're also pretty sure that John made that word up. Besides, it wouldn't be true anyway. "Some friend you are, calling me that! And Jade was not feeding my ego! She and I have more fights than normal, productive conversations, and I doubt that she even cares that I'm a fake douche, let alone have 'enamorations' or whatever the fuck!" Air quoted, of course. "And while we're hanging our dirty laundry, I'll be honest: every time I see you and her have a decent conversation, again something I almost never have with her, I get so fucking jealous I just want to… flip all of the fucking tables at a table convention!" Maybe that'll clear things up.

"Jealous?! Why would you be jealous? I have my Rose!" Shit. "And that's not even the point! The point is, you need to choose: Jade, or yourself; because obviously, you find the need to go back to Seattle to feel sorry for yourself more important than the girl that might change your life, maybe the rest of your miserable life!"

Before you have the chance to retaliate, the elevator dings and the doors open to the lobby.

"Oh, and by the way, I quit the dumb movie. I left some pre-footage at Rose's house, if you ever feel like looking at them before you shove off." He walks out of the elevator. "I'm staying in New York to explore other ways to avenge my mother, and maybe save Jade, which was my mother's last words and request in case you forgot." He storms off, shoving into people in expensive suits along the way. A few turn, but John ignores them.

You suddenly regret coming into this world. You sigh and fail to notice the elevator doors closing again, starting its trek back up the building. You put your hands back into your pockets and put your shades back down over your eyes. You'll stay here for a few more minutes, just until these random business people who are about to step in get to their destinations. You slouch against the back of the elevator while it goes ding! The doors open and you are still spacing out.

"Hey Dave, what are you doing here?" a familiar voice asks, sending you plummeting back to earth.

You look up to see a beautiful girl dressed like she's going to a masquerade. You could hardly recognize Jade in the shining yellow dress and an elaborate matching Venetian mask magically attached to her face. This effectively makes you feel underdressed in your baseball shirt and jeans. It looks like she jumped straight out of a period film, Blues Clues style. It literally takes all you have not to take her into your arms right now and rescue her from this dreadful place. You replace that urge with picking up your jaw and swallowing uncomfortably.

"Are you coming to the party tonight?" she asks, smiling sweetly, still trying to hide her teeth. It looks as if she forgave you for that fight the other night, too. You two have hardly spoken two sentences to each other the last few days: she brushed up on party manners while you brushed up on skills and sparred with the tire swing in Rose's teeny backyard.

"As much as I would love to dance all night like in that one musical, I can't."

"Aw, why not?" she asks, pouting. Damn it, why is she so cute.

"I don't have a mask, for one. Plus, masquerades are kind of cliché. Seems like a plot to a B-rated teen flick or something."

"Well, you can still come. Maybe your face could be your mask!" she laughs.

"Hey, you callin' me ugly?"

"Maybe." She laughs some more and you can't help but smile. "Careful, coolkid, you're blushing!"

You drop the smile and clear your throat. Shit. "Uh, hm." Awkward. Shit. What to do, what to do, what to do?

She gets to the point. "So did you find what you came for?"

How do you tell her the truth? Just make something up, Dave! Be vague! Something! "I did what I had to do."

She exhales shortly. "I'm glad you did, then."

Did you say something wrong? Shit, you said something wrong. Fix it, dumbass! "My business here is done, so I guess I'll see you later, Jade. Crocker. Jade Crocker." Good job being awkward, asshat.

"No, you're good. You're cool," she giggles. You seem to have dodged a metaphorical bullet there.

"Well, since I got everything I came for so I'm just gonna go." You already said that. Be cool, man. Breathe. Stop freaking out over nothing. "Would you do me the honor of escorting you to the elevator?" you ask, bowing. Yes. Turning the cool up to the highest tier tonight.

"I will, good knight," she replies, returning the bow with a curtsy.

You both straighten up and she offers her hand. You take it, slipping your other hand around her waist. Wow, this fabric is slick. If you were at a fancy party, she would have stolen the show. The elevator doors open again and you two step inside, still side-by-side. You press the lobby, then she presses the top floor.

"I'm not a knight, though," you correct her.

"Shh!"

"Knights are heroes. I'm no hero."

"What are you then?"

"I'm more like the douchey sidekick with monetary motivations."

"Do you have monetary motivations?"

"Would it change your view of me if I did?"

"I'll always think you're a douche, so…" She looks up at you through half-lidded eyes and a smug grin.

"Ha. Maybe I am rubbing off on you," you mutter. The elevator finally dings and the doors open to the lobby. You slide out of Jade's arm and walk backwards out of the tiny room. Please. "Goodbye, Jade." Wait.

Her expression drops. "Wait!" She steps forward and puts her hand against the frame.

"Yeah?" You do the same, leaning in with both hands.

She hesitates, taking a breath and holding it. "See you around."

"Goodbye Jade," you repeat, lifting her hand off the frame. You give a small smile as the doors close between you. You ball up your hand against the cold barrier at eye level as they seal shut. Closing your eyes, you lean your forehead against your fist. I love you.

Dave: Go back to Seattle.

You give yourself another minute before you even open your eyes again, catching the reflection of the public staring at you on the sides of your sunglasses.

You swiftly do a one-eighty. "What are you looking at?" you threaten some bespectacled lady in a suit. She doesn't respond quick enough so you keep going.

You just remembered you have to go to Rose's house to get that footage, so you need to hurry the fuck up. You quickly pull out your phone as you walk to double-check when the flight leaves when you hold your breath at your lock screen. You completely forgot you took a picture of Jade when her name was still Jaya. It was right before you guys went shopping after the interview in the taxi. You snapped her profile while she was talking to Rose in the front seat discussing restaurant suggestions. You justified it by convincing yourself it was going to be part of "before" and "after" shots of her transformation from a jungle girl to a fine lady. Yeah, okay Dave. You forgot you had set it as your lock screen right after.

It's when you nearly walk into a pair of glass doors like a tool when you realize you'd been staring at the lock screen for a while now. You unlock it and check the time: eight twenty-six. It's almost four, so you need to hurry the fuck up.

-Be Jade!-

Jade: Get in the damn dress.

Why not? It's so pretty! Yellow isn't really your first choice, but it reminds you of an old movie so you guess it's alright. The floor-length dress is flowing and smooth to the touch. You were told it was satin. It's so soft, you just want to rub your face on it all day. The top skirt slits down the center revealing a pale pink skirt underneath, and the long sleeves have a long slit that allow you to move your arms freely when you want to. It shows off your shoulders, which you are actually proud of because you like the freckles there.

Your ogling is interrupted by a knock.

"Sorry for intruding, but I advise that you hurry and change," the muffled female voice from the other side of the door urges.

"Sorry! Almost done!" You quickly disrobe and carefully slip into the fancy dress. The hardest part is making your hair behave while you attempt to pull up the zipper by yourself. Frustratingly, you always get at least one or two hairs stuck in it, no matter how much you try not to. This is why you prefer regular pullover shirts, they're not complicated and less zippery. You give yourself one last look in the mirror as you head to the door and open it. "I'm ready to go!" you say to the person on the other side of the door.

The pale, tattooed woman with lip piercings looks you up and down. "Oh, hell no." She shoves you back inside. You nearly fall over and nearly rip the dress along the way. "I didn't come all this way just to see a little girl not show off her goods, not to mention abuse her gorgeous dress."

"W-what?" you sputter. You look fine! You tried to imitate the style that the hair dresser from the other day had done. Apparently it wasn't enough.

She rubs at her temples, groaning. "I can't believe I left my post back home for this," she mumbles. Without skipping a beat, she loudly remarks, "Your hair looks like it was cut by an underzealous hack. Probably some male who works mainly with the elderly and busy rich brats." She takes a breath. "Did you try to imitate it by chance?"

You only understood half of that. "Uhm…" You shrug.

"Well, it looks like you did a better job than he did." She runs her fingers through your hair like a comb. "Take it from me, you had best learn to take better care of your own hair if you want to keep it at this length. You really won't need me if you can learn so well from others. Your grandmother doesn't show any signs of knowing this stuff for herself, though. So, how about I teach you some tricks of the trade as I work today, what do you think?" She examines your head while she talks, which kind of makes you feel like a doll.

"Sounds good I guess," you respond. Her green eyes really do remind you of Kanaya. If Kanaya weren't an alien, then you would probably guess they were human sisters. In any case, it probably wouldn't hurt to learn some stuff about being a girl from someone besides Rose, who is a minimalist when it comes to her own fashion style.

"Now normally, I'd only be called when the boss needs to be dressed up for her public roles, but right now, I am only here for you." Finally, she smiles.

"Okay!" You are suddenly really happy for some reason. Nothing can ruin your day today.

"Let's get started, then."

She spins you around and quickly disrobes you like in a cartoon, throws you in a chair, and pretty much gives the exact same treatment as the guy from the salon, but with a lot more intensity. You really want to escape her too, but she has an iron grip.

"The key to getting this right is relaxing!" she says, raising her voice slightly. "If you don't relax, you can't succeed. And when you can't succeed, I can't succeed, and we'll all be out the door without a second thought. Well, I will. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate her massive success in this patriarchal society that everyone around here so blindly accepts, but her cruelness can be downright unnecessary sometimes."

She flips her hair off of her shoulders and you could swear you saw a glimpse of a filed-down horn. It's not possible that she's a Troll, is it? You remember watching Kanaya help Vriska do it all the time. She would first break it off as close to the head as possible, and then get the rest with a nail file or sand paper. It was a bit barbaric, but it had to be done. Kanaya was good at it, so there were hardly any injuries on Vriska's scalp. Doing it herself was another matter. Sometimes she missed and scraped the skin, which left scars that wouldn't heal for weeks, while Vriska's would heal in less. Poor Aradia's would just keep bleeding and not stop for days, which traumatized you both. She probably still hasn't left the island to go to the mainland. The stylist notices you staring at her reflection in the mirror.

"What is it?" She flattens her hair where horns normally go. "It there something in my hair?"

"What's your name?" you ask.

She tilts your head down and continues her work. She is silent for a few seconds before carefully answering. "Porrim."

You pick your head back up and forcefully turn in your chair to face her, her arms flying up in surprise. "Hi Porrim, it's nice to meet you! I'm Jade!" You reach your hand out for a handshake.

She blinks and then smiles, returning your handshake. "Aren't you sweet? It's almost like you were meant to be royalty." She turns you back around, putting her hands on your shoulders, and leans in almost touching her chin to your shoulder. "Now hush and let me work," she whispers menacingly.

"Okay," you squeak. There are so many other questions you wanted to ask, like what you saw under her hair, but you hold your tongue. Besides, you think it's kind of rude to ask a person's species.

Jade: Take a nap.

Why? You aren't tired at all! But you do try to relax. As soon as you get over the initial pain that comes from tugging tangles out of your locks, you kind of feel a sense of calmness in grooming. Now that you think of it, Karkat was always the one responsible for cleaning the grubs and younger Trolls. You remember when they first took you in, he yanked too hard while cleaning your hair, thinking that you were as tough as the others. Nope. Humans turned out to be a little less durable than most Trolls. You screamed bloody murder and cried a lot while he yelled back, probably freaked out because he thought you were going to die. You two fought a lot back then, but things got better when… Geez, all of this mind-wandering and hair-stroking is making you sleepy…

"All done!" You jolt awake. How long have you been out?

You look at yourself in the mirror. You hair is pulled back half up, half down, with some of your bangs out and swooped to the side. She didn't use any makeup except to even out your skin and outline your eyes into an almond shape with black eyeliner. You think you look absolutely Asian. You turn and see that she fluffed up the ponytail portion slightly and added rhinestones. What is it with people putting shiny plastic rocks on you? You don't hate it, but you're starting to notice a theme.

"Your hair is just perfect for rhinestones. The twinkling is a gorgeous addition to the shade of your hair. The contrast of silver against jet-black is just beautiful, and you are very fortunate to have your features go so well together. Embrace it. Trust me, I know these things."

"Because your hair is long and dark too, right?" you say jokingly. You just now noticed that her eyes are jade green.

"Duh." She turns your chair and helps you up. "Now let's get you into this dress. Rather, this dress plus a skirt and a slip."

Jade: Be Porrim.

-Unable to comply, the character has not yet been unlocked.-

Jade: Spin around in circles in your new dress.

You are too busy spinning around in place to spin around in circles. The dress flows as you spin. Both you and Porrim laugh while you do so. You pick up a part of the skirt and show off your stocking feet, which are white.

"I nearly forgot!" she exclaims. "I have some special shoes for you." She opens up a drawer in her desk and pulls out a simple brown shoebox. "Mrs. Crocker picked out some shoes for you, but since the dress will be too long to see your feet anyway, I will allow myself to commit this feat of fashionable political treason and let you wear them in public."

"That sounded like a mouthful," you comment. You wonder what's inside that would commit "fashionable treason". You take a breath as she opens it, and peer inside.

Inside the box are glittering red heels. You have to pick up your jaw off the ground.

"They're so beautiful!" Why does Porrim think they're so awful?

She scoffs. "You're the one wearing them," she mutters. "Just put them on for now and then you sneak into the shoes that I chose for this dress. You have to go see your grandmother soon."

And as if on cue, the phone on the wall rings and Porrim puts the box on a chair.

"Yes, Madam?" she answered. "Yes, she is ready now." She quickly motions you to put on the red shoes. You gently lift your skirts and sit next to the chair with the box on it, and slip into the three-inch things. "She will be up in a few minutes, yes. Yes. Very good." She hangs up. "The pair I want you to wear at the party are in my drawer, so don't forget to come back for them later. For now, shoo! Up to the top floor with you!" She leads you to the door and gently nudges you out. "Make sure to come straight back! Oh, wait, I forgot your mask!"

She retreats and then returns with another box and tosses the tissue paper out aimlessly, making a mess. With one hand, she lifts it out of the box, a pair of long ribbons trailing behind, leaving you in awe. She puts the box down to remove your glasses, and places the ornate thing on your face. The coolness of the metallic material shocks you at first, but it feels nice. But now you can't see. Well, you can see a little bit. You can make out Porrim's approval face after she ties the mask on and obscures the ribbon with your hair. Too bad the rest of the world is blurry and you can't see shit.

She opens the door for you and fixes your dress, smoothing it out here, shifting something there. She dreamily sighs with approval and wishes you a safe return. She'll probably kill you if a single hair is out of place when the party starts. You know there's an interview with a reporter before then, which is why you're dressing up so early.

You take a nervous breath and walk to the elevator, which just happens to be ten feet away, and press the button. It opens soon after, and for some reason, Dave is in there. Your face gets hot immediately, like some silly teenaged girl. Good thing you're wearing a mask that covers half of your face, because it would be really embarrassing if he sees your face like this in the harsh, bright yellow hallway.

"Hey Dave, what are you doing here?" you ask. He looks up, genuinely surprised. "Are you coming to the party tonight?" you ask. This is so awkward. You remember that the last time you had a conversation, you fought. It's just been awkward small talk for the past two days.

"As much as I would love to dance all night like in that one musical, I can't." Was that a "My Fair Lady" reference? You almost want to laugh for a split second. You choose to pout instead, yearning for at least one serious conversation before the night is over.

"Aw, why not?"

"I don't have a mask, for one. Plus, masquerades are kind of cliché. Seems like a plot to a B-rated teen flick or something." Wow, laaame.

"Well, you can still come. Maybe your face could be your mask!" you laugh.

"Hey, you callin' me ugly?"

"Maybe." You like this banter a whole lot better than straight arguing. You decide to lightly tease him some more. "Careful, coolkid, you're blushing!"

He clears his throat. "Uh, hm." Shit, you fucked up. Time to change the subject!

"So did you find what you came for?"

"I did what I had to do." Wow, so specific. He didn't come for you, that's for sure. But if that's the only reason, why did he even come to this floor? Probably to gloat after picking up his reward. A part of you knows that he isn't really like that, though. You think. But this is also Dave we're talking about. Who knows what he's thinking behind those shades? It still drives you insane.

You sigh. "I'm glad you did, then."

"My business here is done, so I guess I'll see you later, Jade. Crocker. Jade Crocker." You smile a little. He's cute only sometimes.

"No, you're good. You're cool." You giggle and step closer.

"Well, since I got everything I came for so I'm just gonna go." He hesitates before asking, "Would you do me the honor of escorting you to the elevator?" He even bows! Oh god, why can't you stop swooning? You're going to crash if your heart keeps soaring like this.

"I will, good knight," you curtsy back.

You both straighten up and you offer your hand. He takes it and pulls you in, putting his hand around your waist. You walk a few steps in tandem. You step inside when the doors open, and he presses the lobby before you can press the top floor. The elevator goes down first.

"I'm not a knight, though." What?!

"Shh!" you shush him. Of course he is.

"Knights are heroes. I'm no hero." He's in such denial. Obviously, he forgot about that night on the boat that you almost died on.

"What are you then?" you ask. You're curious to see how he sees himself. You can't believe that he calls himself cool, but he doesn't call himself a hero.

"I'm more like the douchey sidekick with monetary motivations," he answers. Really? You didn't know that at all! Not one bit! Maybe he was like that at first, but what about now?

"Do you have monetary motivations?" Crap. You didn't really want to know.

"Would it change your view of me if I did?" he asks.

You look up at him through squinted eyes and a fake grin. Probably, you think. "I'll always think you're a douche, so…"

"Ha. Maybe I am rubbing off on you." What the heck is that supposed to mean? The elevator dings and the doors open. The lobby sure is busy during the afternoon. He slinks out and walks away backwards. "Goodbye, Jade." Wait, what?! Your eyes widen. He makes it sound like he's leaving for good. You don't want him to go.

"Wait!" You unconsciously step forward and stop the doors from closing before you demand an explanation.

"Yeah?" he answers expectantly, leaning forward with both hands on the frame.

You inhale sharply in surprise at his sudden closeness. You forgot what you wanted to say. There was so much. So much you wanted to say. You can't think of a single thing. You blurt out the first thing that comes to mind: "See you around."

"Goodbye Jade," he says, lifting your hand off the frame. He sounded dejected. You barely catch his awkward smile as the doors close between you two. You lean against the doors with both hands as the machine coldly takes you to the top floor. You lean your mask-covered forehead against them, closing your eyes, fingertips sliding against the cool, gold-plated steel. I love you.

You try not to cry on the way back up. You kneel, resting your hands on your knees. The carpet is a solid maroon, so you attempt to draw Dave's sunglasses in it with your finger. Both lenses different sizes, but you don't care. You move on to his hairline and jaw, the basic frame of his face, his stupid sideburn things… You go minimalist on the rest of his hair, drawing an arc and a couple simple strands coming off the back. You sigh and rest your chin on your fingers. You look over it and decide to erase the glasses and draw his eyes instead: two little semicircles with dots under them. You wish you can draw this for real. You'd probably make it a detailed black and white drawing and only paint his eyes. That brilliant and striking red… It makes you wonder if he's actually ashamed of them. But if that were true, why does he wear so much of it? Your favorite color is green, but you think red is making its way to be a close second.

A drop falls on your hand. You lift up the mask just enough to wipe away the new tears forming in your eyes. No, you mustn't cry! You didn't cry over leaving your family on the island, so you can't cry here. You pull your hand away and see makeup residue. Porrim is going to kill you! Your first instinct is to wipe it on your clothes, but that would show on the dress, so you use the carpet instead. The elevator finally dings and the door opens to your grandmother's office. You fix your mask and step off.

Rose looks up from her desk and smiles. "Hello, Jade!" she chimes, not moving from her spot. "How was the second makeover?"

"I'm completely fine! I just talked to Dave, that's all," you drabble. Damn it.

"I am so sorry," she says, getting up and meeting you halfway. She smiles apologetically and rubs your upper arm comfortingly. "He can be a little dumb sometimes." She glances at the clock behind her and you do the same. Four on the dot. The interview is in half an hour and the party starts in three hours. You're still pretty nervous about being around a lot of people your own species, not to mention you're the center of attention.

"Yeah," you sigh. You have got to stop thinking about him.

"She is ready for you, so just go in when you are ready. I will help you with the door." She leads you to the two chairs by her desk, sitting you both down. "You do not have to do this, you know. Stay with her forever? If you do, you might never see our friends again." Her expression is sad and worried. "I can get away with it since I am not related to her, but you are. John has told me things… dreadful things, mainly about your parents. They were very sheltered. They were never really seen in the public eye."

You gulp. "Never?" More memories come to you. The only bits of the outside world you remember from back then is in the gardens behind the factory and on a flying boat. You remember that it flew magically, but it could have been something else. Besides, that could just mean that she was just protecting them from scrutiny so they won't be harassed by the media.

"Well, according to my mother anyway. She worked there in the scientific experimentation division since before I was born. She writes from time to time. She is also married now. I envy her a little bit. We weren't really all that close all that often." She looks away. You drop your gaze to your lap and wring your hands.

On one hand, you want to live with Grandma Betty, catch up on the last ten years. On the other hand, you want your freedom. You want to see the people you love. John, your Troll family, even Dave. You really like running around and climbing trees where you aren't supposed to.

"Don't get me wrong, I am not telling you that you should not do this," Rose assures. "Every day, I desperately wish that I could see my mother, the only family that I know exists. I have nearly zero vacation time, and I am not allowed to use the company computer in accordance with company policy. Typical days require all of my energy so I am drained when I arrive home. But I find that hand-written letters are my own personal therapy, which takes longer for a response and are more convenient for my lifestyle. Plus my only other friend besides you three I have is a pen pal I have never seen face-to-face, so it gets a little lonely."

"John said you met online, though." If she's so drained, then how did they meet? Maybe it was fate?

Her face lights up, as if reliving a happy memory. "It was actually by complete accident!" she says quietly, placing her hands on her cheeks and closing her eyes. She opens them again and says, "Betty ordered me to go troll hate sites about her products and dispel some nasty rumors. We were in a public forum and ended up deciding to look for you collectively and in secret. He seemed to have other motivations, but I didn't care. His passion took me by surprise and we planned everything in that one feed like we had a clue. He said that he'd find an actress and train her, but I told him it was impossible, since he didn't know her. Then he revealed himself as your brother and I said okay, but not until he had proof, which he definitely did."

She's babbling now. You think it's really cute. You giggle.

She clears her throat. "I apologize. I'm slightly… giddy today." An awkward pause. "I think we have kept her waiting long enough, though." She sighs, standing up. "But no matter what you choose, Jade, I believe that you will find a way to be happy no matter what."

"Thanks, Rose," you say, standing up yourself. "I think I will, too." You take a deep breath and face the ominous door.

"I'll be right here," she says. "Oh, and let me hold your mask for you." You carefully untie the ribbon and hand her the mask. Porrim kept your glasses, so you still can't see very clearly. It was really hard to squint your eyes in that mask.

You take a deep breath and face the door again. You knock softly.

"Enter!" your grandmother calls from inside.

You take one last look over your shoulder back at Rose and she nods in approval. You face the door again and enter the office, Rose holding the door for you. The first thing you notice is the hugeness of it all. It literally spans two corners of the building, which is pretty wide to begin with. Most of the walls are floor-to-ceiling windows with fancy fuchsia curtains. You see a large desk close by, but it's empty. A large easy chair and a smaller chair face away from the door near the window across the room from you. You assume she is there and try to walk gracefully toward it. You keep your eye on the window, seeing more and more of the city below as you got closer. You didn't notice that you had walked right past both chairs and plaster yourself against the window. The lights of the city are coming on! It really is a wonderful sight! If you could see most of it, that is. Like the night sky at dusk on your island, but there are no cities near it. The city is the closest thing is seeing the stars on a rare, clear night.

"You always loved to watch the city lights when you came to my office in Seattle," a sweet voice says behind you. You jump, completely forgetting that you came for a reason. She is dressed in a glittering purple and fuchsia swirled ball gown that is a v-neck, but not low enough to show any cleavage. A purple mesh shawl fashioned to be a scarf hangs around her neck. She lets her hair flow out with natural-looking curls. You have no idea how she stays so young-looking all the time. It screams Troll, but that's just not possible. Or is it…?

"I remember," you say, approaching the chair she leans against with just her fingertips. "I used to press my face against the glass just to make your windows dirty, but you never yelled at me for it." Her office wasn't this big, but the windows were, you remember that much.

"You may not know this, Jade dear," she starts. "But you were always more tolerable for me."

"Really?" you ask, sitting down carefully. This huge dress is really inconvenient. "I thought I was the one who hogged you!"

She laughs heartily. "Well, I guess it was both. John never liked me at all, I'm afraid. I don't blame him."

"Wasn't he the like, master of pranks?" you ask. "Yeah, I remember! He got you with a bucket on top of the door once!" John had set up a bucket full of water on top of the door to her office while you two hid under her desk. She gave the loudest screech you had ever heard, and in your little kid brains, you thought you were going to go deaf. She heard you and John laughing and dragged you both to your parents, screaming and crying along the way; John screamed insults while you cried. You were both spanked and got no desserts for a week. If she was a Troll, you're sure she would have done a lot worse, since buckets are so vulgar for them. It's also a whole lot funnier in retrospect and you should have done that with Karkat. Too bad you couldn't remember it.

She laughs again, with bittersweet undertones. You feel a little awkward, but the mood wasn't killed. "Quite amusing, yes. I hated punishing you two, I just let my anger control me. But I don't harbor any of those feeling towards you, so all is forgiven! I think the best part of John was on the flying boat on our sixth birthday, do you remember?"

"Yeah! We had to practically tie him to the boat because he was trying to fly!" You stand up, arms out. " 'I've have become the wind! I can flyyy!' Then dad caught him just in time before he jumped!"

"Thank goodness!" she exclaims, wiping a tear from laughing so much. You carefully sit back down. "I really do have him and his friend to thank for finding you and uniting us again." She pauses for a long time. She sniffs and brings a hand up to her mouth. You squint and see her eyes are a little too shiny. She's crying.

Without hesitation, you get out of your chair and hug around her shoulders just like when you were smaller. "Shh, it's okay, grandma, don't cry, I'm here now." She wraps her arms around you, pulling you close.

"I'm going to get your dress dirty, you know," she sniffles.

"It's okay, tears dry clear," you reassure her. You close your eyes and hug tighter. You stay like that for a few more minutes. "I miss them, you know?"

"Your parents?" she confirms. "Me, too."

"Even my mom?"

"Even your mother." No hesitation there. "So where were you all these years?" She pushes you away to arm's length. "Tell me everything."

"You'd never believe me if I told you," you explain.

"Try me," she says. "I promise I won't laugh."

"Well… I was raised by a bunch of aliens at an alien orphanage on an island off the coast of Washington state."

After a second of silence, your grandma's lips purse together, trying not to laugh. Her face turns pink and she laughs out loud, clutching her gut.

"You promised!" you whine. You laugh along with her. It does sound a little silly now that you said it out loud.

"No, no, I believe you." She sighs happily. "I'm just happy as a clam that you're back. With me," she adds. She glances behind her at the clock above the door. "Well, we have a few minutes before the interview, so what do you say? Will you stay?"

Whoops. You still need to think about it. "Uh…" You look out to the city, which is darker than before. "Can I have a minute to think?"

"Anything you need, but I believe I have one thing to help you decide." She stands up and gestures for you to follow. You do. She goes to desk and places her hand on a chest the size of a basketball. "I designated this chest to contain the reward money to give to whoever returns home. I put a solid gold bar in it for every year you were gone, all from my personal bank. The one who could find you would receive them all and do with it what they pleased."

Oh. Why is she showing you this? That box must be really heavy.

"Now, you know I love you, my darling Jade," she says, stroking your cheek. "And I know when someone is flushed for another, so believe me when I say that when I show you what is in this box, you will know immediately which to choose: stay with me, or live in the outside world."

"Will it really be that simple?" you ask.

"It will really be that simple," she confirms.

She opens the box and shows you what's inside.

You look inside.

You want to cry out, but you can't make a sound.

It's empty.

It's like someone ripped a hole in your chest.

It all makes sense now, his last words to you.

"I did what I had to do."

"I got everything I came for…"

"…monetary motivations…"

"Goodbye, Jade."

You want to break down and never see anyone else ever again.

"Jade!" you hear your grandmother's muffled voice calling you. You feel her picking you up from the ground and hugging you. You hug her back and start silently sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shh, shh, I'm here sweet Jade, don't cry…" She rubs your back and your try not to get slobber all over both of your dresses.

You push away and ask for tissues.

She gives you a whole box and calls for Rose to bring Porrim up to her office. You don't think there will be an interview today.

Jade: Forget the boy and get ready for a party.