Authors note: I know that you don't get over an anxiety disorder this easily but for the purposes of moving this fic along, we're claiming a relatively straight forward and mild case of PTSD because I don't want to be writing panic attacks for years, they're boring and a fic is dull if nothing new happens.
Also, apologies for the delay, that pesky RL stuff got in the way!
That phone call to Maura had been it, her turning point, her beginning. The trip to the pharmacy had been uneventful, and for three long weeks, Jane worked hard. She chased down every demon and thoroughly kicked its ass. Sometimes she won outright and others were more an uphill struggle but eventually, she stood outside the precinct staring up at the building. She felt that familiar stirring in her chest, an old calling that she had thought long gone. It wasn't the panic or fear that she'd grown accustomed to over the past months but the fire in her stomach, the burning desire to get out there and catch the bad guys, to make her hometown that little bit safer.
Both her own shrink, who she had decided after the second visit wasn't a complete idiot and the department's own doctor had given her a clean bill of health and cleared her to return to active duty but for Jane, that wasn't enough. She'd put herself in for a complete physical to ensure she was really ready and had spent many hours at the range, perfecting her shot. That had taken more hours than she cared to remember, hours of panic attacks that crippled her and then hours of therapy to combat that.
Pushing open the heavy door, she strode into the foyer, her head held high.
"Rizzoli." Jeff Travis greeted her almost at the door. "Damn girl, I thought you were dead!" he extended a hand, knowing better to offer the woman before him a hug.
"Yeah, the bastards keep trying." She shook his hand, a smile creeping over her face as her life settled. This was where she belonged, the smell of burnt coffee that hung in the air mixed with the mild undercurrent of sweat, stress and determination. This was her place, with her people and her team.
"Good to see you again." He grinned, slapping her shoulder as she passed him.
Jabbing at the down button on the elevator, Jane couldn't contain her grin. It felt like a lifetime of interruptions before she shoved open the doors to the morgue and threw her arms open.
"Here's Rizzoli!" she cheered, making Maura jump, her scalpel falling into the chest cavity of her latest cadaver.
"Jane, I really wish you wouldn't do that!" Maura chastised, retrieving the tool and setting it on her tray before peeling herself from her gloves and bloodied coveralls.
"When have I ever done that before?" Jane laughed as Maura practically ran across the room, wrapping her in a huge hug.
"It's good to have you back."
"And!" Jane's excitement bubbled, making her both feel and look like a child on Christmas morning. "I got you a present."
Maura grinned, peering around the detective for a clue.
"Close your eyes." Jane told her, laughing as the doctor tried to peek through half closed eyes. When Jane was sure her eyes were actually closed, she reached into her pocket, pulling out the folded sheet and setting it in Maura's outstretched hands.
"Look!" she bounced on the balls of her feet as Maura unfolded the paper. It was her target sheet from the gun range, a perfect cluster of shots killing the poor paper man stone dead. "I did it." She whispered, her voice thick with emotion when she saw the tears welling up in Maura's eyes. "I did it because of you."
Maura looked up at her, a single tear rolling down her cheek and dropping onto her deep blue dress. "Oh Jane." Maura breathed softly.
"I want you to have that." As far as presents went, this one was cheap by anyone's standards but Jane knew how much it would mean to Maura. Her hands found Maura's and she squeezed them gently before pulling away.
"So, what happened here?" she pulled away, afraid of opening a can of worms with the next thing that wanted to say. It had taken many hours of therapy with Thomas – not Tom – before Jane had finally accepted that she didn't need to label herself, that she could love whomever without having it make a political statement at the same time.
"This is one Jack Jacobs." Maura told her, setting the gift carefully on her desk before slipping fresh overalls on and a fresh set of gloves. "I'm waiting on the tox screens to come back but it seems from all the available evidence, that he was poisoned by his wife."
Jane nodded thoughtfully, "Maybe he didn't put the toilet seat down." She laughed, hopping up onto the empty table and swinging her legs as she watched Maura work.
Maura looked up, her smile finally reaching wet eyes as she stole a moment to watch Jane, exactly where she should be. Everything fell back into place, her world; a clinical and precise place shifted on its axel just enough to feel right again.
"Anyway!" Jane jumped down with a flourish, crossing to Maura's side. "I better go and catch some killers!" she brushed Maura's arm softly. "Meet you for lunch?"
Maura grinned. "About 1, I have something I need to talk to you about."
Pushing open the doors with her back, Jane shot the doctor her trademark cheeky grin and a wink. "See ya then!"
-/-
Jane slumped into their regular booth at the Dirty Robber and sighed. It had been a very long morning at the precinct, despite that, she hadn't really accomplished anything. She was more than a little surprised by how much people had missed her, and how many.
"Is everything ok?" Maura asked as she sat opposite Jane, their knees brushing momentarily as she settled herself.
Running her hands through her hair, Jane sighed. "Yeah, been a long day already."
The waitress appeared and took their food order, smiling sweetly at the pair before leaving with a knowing wink. Maura frowned before looking at Jane who smirked and raised an eyebrow at the waitress. Was she really seeing what she thought she was?
"I have to go to the bathroom." Maura announced suddenly, getting to her feet and leaving Jane before she could reply.
"Hey Maur?" Jane called after her causing the doctor to turn, her honey blonde hair dancing over her shoulders and making Jane's breath catch in her throat. "Have you got some moisturiser?"
Maura nodded and watched as Jane rubbed her hands together. Maura could tell that they were giving her trouble. "It's in my purse."
Standing before the mirror, Maura studied her reflection. "Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?" she asked herself, echoing the question that had been posed to her. "No, I don't think I can."
Jane pulled Maura's purse across the table and began a random rummage for the tube of organic jasmine and geranium hand cream that Maura always carried with her. Pulling an envelope out of the way, she was surprised to find her name written on it. Turning it over in her hands, the back was sealed and she glanced over her shoulder, only to see the doctor returning. In a panic, she stuffed the envelope into her blazer before continuing her search.
"Did you find it?" Maura asked as she settled into her seat again.
Jane's fingers brushed against the tube as Maura's phone started ringing. Pulling both from the purse, Jane slid the phone across the table and popped the top on the tube, squirting some of the floral scented scream into her hand, only for her own cell to start ringing on her hip.
"Doctor Isles."
Jane rubbed her hands together furiously, not wanted to leave a trail of cream over her shirt.
"Ok.." Maura paused, looking up to meet Jane's eyes. "Yes, she's with me." Another pause. "Yes, we'll be right there."
Maura got to her feet with Jane following her. "What is it?" the detective asked, her senses tingling with anticipation.
"A young girl has been found dead in the River Lodge motel." Maura explained as Jane waved towards the waitress.
"I'll drive!" Jane told her as she led the way to the car.
-/-
Pulling up to the run down motel, Maura sighed sadly. This wasn't meant to be how their lunch went.
Korsak met them at the door to the motel room, he had very little to tell them but had sent Frost to the front desk to pull the information for the room.
Stepping inside, they had to side step crime scene photographer's equipment before Jane gestured for him to leave. The woman was lying on the bed, half covered as though sleeping. "Any ID?" Jane called to Korsak as she scanned the room for clues.
"Nothing in the room." He told her plainly.
Maura stepped closer, studying the face. "I know her." She spluttered, feeling her heart rise in her chest. How could someone so smart, so vibrant and full of life end up like this? "Her name is Louise Steinman."
"Oh no, Maura." Jane was at her side immediately, her long fingers caressing her back softly.
"It's ok." Maura whispered. "We met only once in a café."
Jane felt the sadness as it coursed through the doctor's body. "She…." Maura couldn't finish the sentence without opening a door she wouldn't be able to ever close again, and a crime scene was not a place for that conversation. "Never mind." Maura finalised her comment, making it clear she wasn't going to discuss it any further, at least here.
"So." Jane pulled back, regarding the scene. "Someone covered the body, no sign of a struggle. I think she knew her killer."
Maura glanced up at her. "There's no obvious sign of injury, other than blunt force trauma to the back of the head." She noted. "There isn't enough blood loss to be fatal." Maura looked around the room, searching for something that could have been the weapon. "I'll know more after my autopsy." She told no one in particular.
"She checked in alone under the name Sasha Jenkins." Frost appeared in the doorway, "Paid in cash for one night."
"Check her out under the name Louise Steinman." Jane told him. Frost frowned but didn't ask as to how she knew this information. He could feel the tension in the room and smiled. It calmed him to be around Jane and Maura, they worked so effortlessly together and yet the gentle rumble of sexual tension that filled any space they were in made him feel so alive, even in the presence of death.
"There appears to be something under her fingernails." Maua announced suddenly, reaching into her bag and wrapping Louise's hands in evidence bags.
"Let's get her back to the morgue." Jane said, her experienced eye telling her there was nothing left for them there, "We'll check her out!"
-/-
Maura stretched. Her autopsy so far had provided no information at all other than a time of death which she had conveyed to Jane. All of Louise's organs had proved normal; there was nothing at all to indicate her cause of death. Pulling her mask over her face, she reached for the stryker saw to open Louise's skull.
Jane sat in the interview room, drumming her fingers impatiently on the table in front of her. She and Frost had just returned from picking up Louise's boyfriend and Frost was currently doing the tried and tested 'make them sweat' routine, leaving the young man waiting while he 'did some paperwork', more commonly known as 'fetch himself coffee and a snack'.
Beside her the door opened and Jane looked up, her face a mask of steely grit and determination. In her pocket, the letter from Maura burnt her side, its unread words calling her name. She was not in the mood to listen to some college boy lie to her.
"Hey Rizzoli." Frost set a large cup of coffee on the table in front of her. "You ready?" she nodded, her fingers reaching into her blazer pocket and checking on the presence of that simple envelope. "Ok, I'll go get him."
Jane drank deeply and wrinkled her nose. "When was this made?" she asked, staring at the paper cup as if searching for an expiration date. "Damn." She took another sip before setting it aside.
The door opened again, revealing Frost and a terrified looking boy of no more than 22. Jane assessed him quickly. Clean, short sleeved shirt, no obvious signs he'd been in any sort of physical altercation recently. His hair was short and seemingly clean. To all outward appearances, he looked like a good, clean cut boy, someone you could bring home to your mother.
"Adam Johnson." Jane spoke with a practiced air of authority, gesturing for him to take a seat as Frost leant casually against the doorframe. The boy nodded, the terror dancing in his eyes told Jane everything she needed to know. This boy could barely kill time.
"Where were you last night?" Jane asked him, no subterfuge, no dancing around the subject.
"I was at work." He stuttered softly, licking his lips rapidly. "At the bowling alley on East 3rd." His eyes flicked back and forth between the two detectives, remaining on Frost for longer.
"When did you last see Louise Steinman?" she asked, forcing his gaze back to her.
"I…" tears formed in his eyes as he considered the question. "Two days ago." He said, forcing his eyes up to meet Jane's. "I've had to work and she had classes. We're on conflicting shifts." He stopped, a sob blocking his throat. "I mean, we were."
Jane watched him fiddle with the coffee stirrer on the table. "I was working until 2am last night, then I got a ticket on the way home." He sighed sadly. Jane looked over to Frost who nodded, dipping from the room before being replaced with the large form of Korsak.
"They have cctv." He told her when the silence grew uncomfortable.
"You know we'll check that." Jane told him.
Adam only nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. "I loved her. I wouldn't hurt her." For the first time during the whole interview, he met Jane's eyes and held her gaze.
"Would you be willing to give us a DNA sample?" Korsak asked suddenly, making the young man visibly jump in his seat.
"Yes, of course."
Jane's eyes flicked to the older man, catching the small shake of his head.
"Ok." Jane said, getting to her feet and striding from the room. "You're free to go." She slammed her hands down on the table, making both Adam and Korsak jump. "But don't go too far, we may have more questions for you."