A/N:
Sorry for updating sooo late. Getting this chapter together had been quite a fight. I hope it's okay, though =)

Chapter 11:

"Sandy, you need to come home," he heard Laura's hysteric voice over the phone.

"Laura, I can't. I'm in a meeting," he tried to put her off.

"It's Ryan. He didn't come home today," she explained her urgent call to him.

"What? Why?" The news of Ryan not coming home instantly caught his attention.

"How shall I know? I went to pick him up, from his appointment, when the doctor's assistant at the desk told me that Ryan never appeared there." Sandy sighed. Lately, it wasn't only his hands his son seemed to slip through. Also Laura started to have difficulties handling Ryan. He had become awfully rebellious fighting all of their decisions.

"Did you call his friends?" he asked the first thing which came to his mind. Laura panicked easily and thus forgot about the obvious solutions. He didn't blame her. That time, they once again had come so close to losing Ryan.

"What friends? But yes, I did call his class mates and the kids from the orchestra as well, but nobody does know where he is or even could be." Sandy could hear that she was on the verge of tears. Well, it was already late and Ryan had an appointment in hospital the next day.

"Okay, I'll come home and on my way I'll look for him," Sandy soothed his wife and called it a day. In fact, he had no clue of where his son could be either. He didn't know whether there was a place he liked to go often. Damn, he couldn't even figure out the reason for why his son ran away. Sandy was quite sure that there hadn't been a fight between him and his son. Lately, Sandy didn't even forget any appointments regarding his son. He even went out with him the weekend before. What else could it have been? Sandy couldn't remember a fight between him and Laura and especially none between Ryan and Laura. He drove through New York, but he couldn't seem to find him. He finally gave up and drove home only to be greeted by hysterical screaming.

"Laura, you need to calm down. We'll find him. What about the police? Did you call them?" he asked her while holding her trembling body.

"I did, but they said that we need to wait before they officially can start a search," she told him. He tried to deny it, but he was scared too. What if something happened to his son? What if he was about to do something stupid? And on top of it, it had started to rain and the least Ryan needed was a cold.

"Do…you know why he ran?" He asked his wife.

"Maybe he's scared of tomorrow," she came up with an explanation.

"Do you think? It's not his first surgery and he's never been as scared as to run away," he replied doubting that this could be the reason. Ryan has proven to be a fighter. Instead of running, Ryan usually sought to face his problems, other than Laura and Sandy.

"Don't forget how severe this one will be."

How could Sandy forget about that? The cancer had spread too far through Ryan's body and caused tumours to grow everywhere. The doctors had started talking to them about the possibility of dying and Laura had been reading brochures about hospices for children and young people. But Ryan didn't seem to be ready for his parents making that kind of decisions and fought the cancer bravely and it looked like once again he had won the battle until his doctors detected a new tumour in Ryan's knee. It had been quite a setback and realising how close they came to lose their son was painful. The doctor had explained to them that possible Ryan would lose his leg if it proved to be necessary to make sure they removed the whole contagious tissue. It had been a horrifying thought but at the end it was better that than losing their son and somehow they would have managed getting Ryan over this too, no matter what. Sometimes Sandy thought that maybe, if they had done so, it could have increased Ryan's chances of recovery much more and maybe Ryan would be through with the cancer by now, but he would never know. He had to trust the doctor's decisions.

After the diagnosis that the tumours were back, it became obvious that Ryan had started giving up and Sandy doubted that living with a foreign object as part of his body would make life any easier for Ryan. It was futile debating about it. There were just things which needed to be done.

"Did…he hear any of our discussion with the doctors?"

"Not that I know," Laura replied puzzled.

"Maybe the doctor spoke to him about exactly that and that's what is scaring him. He doesn't know what will come up to him," Sandy concluded. They didn't want to burden Ryan with any more fears and thus decided that most of the discussions and the planning went without him. He shouldn't have to worry about anything despite getting better again. But sometimes doctors forgot about this arrangement and spoke to Ryan against their explicit wishes.

"Do you think?"

"We won't know until we've found him. Did he take anything with him?"

"Only his backpack, nothing else," Laura told him.

"Then I doubt that he's gone far. But there needs to be a place where he feels safe or do you think he's strolling around the city?"

"I…I don't know," Laura whispered and started crying again, which got Sandy blowing his top.

"Damn it Laura, get your act together. We need to help Ryan!" He screamed at her, before he left the apartment to drive through the city. He knew he'd been too harsh to his wife, but he was afraid too. He wasn't handling the whole thing correctly.

He had luck and found Ryan. Indeed, he'd been strolling through the city since there was no place where he felt safe and secure, despite the Nana's. But Ryan was smart and summed up that his Grandma wouldn't cover him in this case, not when it was about his health.

"Ryan!" he called and enveloped his soaked son in a whole-heartedly hug. He was relieved to have finally found him.

"Come back home and…we'll talk," he said.

"Is there anything left to talk about?"

"I think so. Now c'mon, hop in the car. You must be cold," Sandy said guiding Ryan to the car.

"I…don't want to…have the surgery," Ryan finally whispered, proving Sandy being right. He could see the tears running down his son's cheeks despite the pouring Ryan.

"Oh kid," Sandy sighed taking his son into his arms, pressing his head gently against his chest.

"It'll be alright. You don't need to be afraid," Sandy stood there out in the pouring Ryan whispering soothing words.

"I'll be there and make sure they won't hurt you any more than necessary, and your Mom will too," he assured him.

"But…my leg…"Ryan whispered between sobs.

"Shh…don't worry. Your Mom got that covered, believe me. She won't let the doctor do that to you if it wasn't really necessary." And feeling how Ryan's body started to relax a little in his arms made Sandy glad about Laura's decision. Once more she proved to be the better parent of them.

"But I can't do this anymore."

"Yes you can, because we're there to help you," Sandy said and this time he was there when his son woke up from surgery, groggy and in pain, but visibly glad that his father hadn't lied to him this time. It simply was the one promise he had kept.

"Sandy, you should've pushed things more urgently," Kirsten chided, while they were waiting for news on Ryan. As soon as he had spoken to the doctor they wheeled Ryan away for CT-Scans and decided that they needed another blood sample for another kind of blood work being done. He called Kirsten, because he couldn't do this on his own. He needed help and support, but unfortunately Kirsten wasn't to be blinded, at least not anymore and she figured out soon what has gone wrong.

"You can't let these things slide!" Kirsten went on and the look on her face told him that she wasn't finished with him. Sandy gulped hard when he felt his heart sink at the realisation that he couldn't do anything right.

"I mean, you know how serious your son's condition is and you should know that only because there won't be any more chemos and surgeries, it doesn't mean Ryan being healed. Jesus Sandy, how could you've been so careless?" Kirsten sounded upset. Of course she was. She was a caring mother and probably always put Seth first over everything.

"But he's been to a check-up before we came here," Sandy tried to defend himself. It was a lousy defence. He should've made an appointment with an oncologist first thing at their arrival. Why did he never realise what was important to the right point of time? Why did he only realise when it was too late?

"Either you're lying to me or something went awfully wrong then, because how come that in such a short time between check-up and now Ryan's condition has worsened to an extent that you start worrying he might be back worse than before?" Kirsten put the finger on the wound. That she assumed he was lying hurt him but he knew that the accusation lingering within this statement had a true background. Sandy felt how Kirsten was slipping through his fingers, but he had no strength to keep her from it. He also didn't know how to do it. It was unacceptable to lie within a relationship and he had been damn lucky that she didn't turn around on her heel when she first found out about his dishonesty.

"I thought he was tired because of the last treatments ,and added to that all those changes it just made sense that he was exhausted," Sandy justified his behaviour, although he knew that he wouldn't get far with it. He was talking to a mother. Damn, Laura would have noticed that something about Ryan was off the second he had displayed the slightest symptom.

"Sandy, you have to stop being naïve. You're the adult one here," Kirsten went on with her scolding. Naïve? Was that what he was? Naïve? Did neglectful equal naïve? Or vice versa? Sandy rubbed his tired eyes.

"I'm sorry Sandy. I don't want to hurt you," Kirsten sat down next to him, patting his back. "But I want to open your eyes. You won't rescue your relationship to Ryan if you go on sailing blind like this. There's too much at stake for it. You need to snap out of your daze. Ryan's a kid, a sick kid and a hurt kid. He needs you at his side, no matter how often and hard he tries to push you away. He…probably only pushes you away to show you how much he needs you," she told him. Sandy had trouble believing the last sentence she said. Ryan used to be a very direct person. It was hard to imagine that he did the one thing because he wanted the sheer opposite of it. But if Kirsten was right, has he been misreading Ryan's behaviour for such a long time?

"I really try to mediate here, but you're the one who has to take control. That's what you're supposed to do as parent," she went on kneading his conscience. "All I can do is help, but it's your job in first place making amends."

Sandy understood what she was telling him and no matter how far he tried to push his suspicions aside, the evil won't leave. It would stay glued to their lives until he found the courage to actually address it. It was time to face it and stop running away. He just wasn't sure whether he was capable of doing so.

"Mr. Cohen?" he heard someone asking for him. He turned around to look into the concerned faces of two doctors.

"That's me," he answered.

"I'm Dr. Hagen and that's Dr. Roberts. Would you follow us please?" Two at a time? Sandy felt panic welling up in the pit of his stomach. This couldn't mean anything good.

"I'll go with you," Kirsten said and was about to follow him, but was stopped by Dr. Roberts who exchanged brief glances with Dr. Hagen.

"Kirsten, I think it was better if you stayed here," the doctor said. Sandy frowned at the realisation that Dr. Roberts obviously knew Kirsten. Sandy once more looked at her and followed the doctors to the office. He prepared himself for the news which actually was none.

"So, the cancer is back?" Sandy started as soon as Dr. Hagen had closed the door to the office behind them.

"Unfortunately yes," the young woman in front of him said. Sandy sighed and rubbed his hand over his tired face. This was the worst timing ever. Why now? He thought they were through with this, but he obviously had been mistaken. There was no use dwelling on it. He had to function now to get it sorted out as fast as possible. Ryan couldn't need him breaking down now.

"And how far progressed?"

"Probably further than we liked it to, but at the moment it's hard to tell," Dr. Hagen replied and then nodded towards Dr. Roberts who went on.

"We found a tumour on his spine, causing pressure to the spinal cord which caused the pain and the paralysis. But we don't know any more yet. For further tests we need to wait until Ryan has recovered some of the surgery on his hand," the older doctor told him.

"And until I've had a chance to get an insight in Ryan's history of cancer," the other doctor snorted snidely and Sandy felt offended the very second the woman said those words.

"If I may make a suggestion: if you decide on a move the next time, please think of your son's health first, because now we do have a rough fight against time ahead of us and your son will pay the price if we'll lose it," she stated bluntly as if the fact that his son was fighting for his life once more meant to her nothing more than the weather forecast. But after the dressing-down he received from Kirsten, Sandy understood that he had no right to complain about being treated like that.

"Alright, I'll think it's best if you carefully prepare your son for this news," the female doctor went on stressing the word "carefully" , "And I'll sit down and work through his file. Hopefully I can reach one of his doctors in New York," she set the plan for the next steps before she left the room. Sandy felt irritated by her. She was too young for treating him like a pupil. Sandy shook his head. He needed to find someone else.

"She's a little…different, but she knows what she's doing. Ask Kirsten. Dr. Hagen treated her mother," Dr. Roberts picked up on Sandy's facial expression jovially patting his back before he left Sandy alone standing in a deserted office.

Later on

Sandy watched Ryan sleeping. The doctors assured him that they did their best and that they were confident that, with some physiotherapy, Ryan would probably make a full recovery. Sandy was glad hearing that, because it meant one sorrow less, but therefore the other one was big enough for a dozen others. He knew that Ryan would need him, but there was the itch again, this one compulsive feeling which urged him to run which always occurred when he had to face reality. He knew the reflex to run was wrong and he had to fight to suppress it and he was willing to do so, but he had never been able to win this fight. It always become too much to take at one point. He couldn't tell what triggered his actions: Ryan's weakness displayed on his face in one of those rare moments when Ryan didn't have the energy to keep up the tough façade of an independent man. It were those moments in which the doctor told him that the treatment didn't work yet, no matter how often he assured him that this didn't mean anything at that specific moment. It was those moments in which it became obvious that cancer wasn't just a cold or a nasty flu, but something that could take your life away easily. He sighed. He needed to stay calm.

A few more hours passed by without a sign of life from Ryan. The more relieved did Sandy feel when finally Ryan's body started to shift little and his eyes slowly fluttered open. Sandy stepped over to the bed, leaning forward carefully stroking Ryan's cheeks.

"Hey kid," Sandy said whereupon Ryan turned his head slightly towards him. His eyes were still dazed.

"Everything went well. The doctors said you'll be able to use your hand as before. You'll be able to play the piano as much as you used to before. So you need to worry about nothing but resting," Sandy rambled on. He didn't know how to behave in this situation. Usually this was Laura's job and the one time he'd been there, Laura has been there too, guiding him through the proper procedure. Ryan merely nodded in acknowledgement. He was still a little out of it. No, Sandy didn't know what to do and so he pushed the call button.

"I…don't want to play anymore," Ryan whispered before he turned his head away. This revelation hit Sandy like a rock. How far has he come that his son voluntarily gave up his life's passion? What has been happening between the moment Ryan left their house to meet McGrath and the moment he woke up in hospital from surgery?