Disclaimer: If wishes were horses… then we'd be eating steak. Even the quote isn't mine- it belongs to Jayne Cobb, who belongs to the genius Joss Whedon.

Notes: Well, this took longer than expected to write. Sorry about that. I can't even use the school excuse this time- I was just being lazy (which, for me, is sitting back and writing forty pages of my original novel in a few days). But I'm back for now. No idea when the next update will be, but with encouragement AKA people nagging me in reviews, it'll hopefully be soon(ish).

"Well," Morrible stated emotionlessly, though in truth, the meeting had only just started and it was in no way going "well" at all. So she must be using well as an interjection. They could really use an interjection right now. Say, an earthquake that swallowed half of Oz, and Morrible with it. Heck, he'd even settled for being swallowed by the earthquake, so long as Morrible didn't go with him. "This is a thoroughly unique situation."

"I'd say," Fiyero agreed humorously. Of course, as per Elphaba's orders, he wasn't supposed to say anything. Or move. Or breathe. Judging by the last, he figured she was being sarcastic.

"Don't you always." See? Sarcasm. Paired with the glare of death and a characteristic scowl- god, either he was narcissistic, or she was hot. Would it be awkward if he asked himself out? God, he'd never thought he'd have to resort to asking himself out on a date. And he never thought he'd have to fear refusal, much less his imminent death.

Crap. Morrible was looking at him. Uncanny images of stalker Morrible crept into his mind, invoking shivers down his spine. Why couldn't Elphaba have edited out certain details, as he had? It would have made her story a heck of a lot more aesthetically pleasing and shorter to top it off."Um… is it just me, or is it hot in here?" He giggled nervously, as girls were ought to do. Elphaba was glaring him again. Cold, he had meant cold! She was the hot one, she…

Was, according to girlish gossip, having a secret affair with Galinda. He shook his head internally. Blondes. And to think he'd heard the rumor from Galinda herself. Then again, it would be much easier to dump her if she were having an affair with Elphaba, present situation aside…

And to add to all that, he had been finding himself thinking a bit lately…

"As I was saying," Morrible drawled on, and Fiyero's excuse of a brain perked up. The spark notes version! He'd never understood why teachers bothered to lecture in the first place if they were just going to summarize themselves in an actually comprehensive matter at the end. "I find it… odd to be entertaining my best student and my worst simultaneously."

Fiyero's eyes widened. "Wait a sec, you invited Avaric to this?"

"No, she invited me," Elphaba grit.

"I'm not that stupid, I was standing right… oh." He trailed off, realizing the implication. "Um, did you know I have an amoeba?"

"In Life Science class?" Elphaba interjected. "They're studying unicellular organisms; I relate to them well."

He supposed that was supposed to be an insult, since he couldn't understand it.

"Yes, I did hear about that particular instance…" Morrible cleared her throat.

"Instance?" Elphaba eyed him suspiciously.

"Uh… fifth amendment?" Fiyero tried.

xXx

"What are you doing?"

"Dancing through life."

"…science?"

xXx

"Well, we were kinda working with, uh, bleach, and someone tried to bleach my skin to see if it would turn white, and the smell kinda made me high…"

Elphaba shook her head. "Bleach is toxic."

"Don't worry, I washed it off," Fiyero waved off confidently. With a paranoid glance at Morrible, he added, "But don't touch me."

He could read Elphaba's eyes: Only you would take dancing through life science literally. Still, he got the feeling he'd made her laugh internally, at least. Even if it was at his stupidity. To his defense, Galinda had told him to loosen up and practice his "moves…"

"I'm glad to see you've recovered." Morrible cleared her throat, rolling her eyes ever so slightly towards Elphaba. "As I have, mainly."

"Oh, keep in mind that I'm still stupid." Belatedly, he clarified, "Because the bleach made me high."

"You were sick, headmistress?" Elphaba inquired politely.

"I was not the sick one, Master Fiyero," Morrible stated coldly. She cleared her throat. "Just… under the weather." She glared suspiciously at Elphaba while she spoke before turning to Fiyero and sporting a mysterious grin that made Fiyero wonder if she was bipolar. "I received a letter today concerning you, Miss Elphaba."

"Me?" Fiyero squeaked.

"Is there another Elphaba in the room?" Elphaba glared. Obviously, she wasn't talking spiritually.

Meanwhile, Morrible withdrew the letter. Being anxious, Fiyero blurted the first thing that came to his mind. "It has a green wax seal!" Elphaba seemed speechless- he figured she was waiting for him to elaborate past the, in this instance, literal "green" statement and onto the "yellow" reason statements. "Hey, it looks a lot like the Wizard's Seal!" An eye roll, so he went onto the "pink" slips. "Not that I'd know what the Wizard's Seal would look like, because he has totally never sent me birthday checks."

"It looks like the Wizard's Seal because it is the Wizard's Seal." Elphaba's voice had lost all hints of arrogant irritation and had adopted a disbelieving manner. Fiyero was likewise shocked doubly- at Elphaba's sudden change in attitude and at the cause behind it.

"I didn't mean to be born," he murmured meekly. Why would the Wizard want to do with Elphaba? He couldn't possible know how special she was… maybe word had gotten out the she was green! Maybe he suspected she was a snake in disguise or something…

Right. Well, maybe half-snake. Unless he was discriminating against vegetables now; to his defense, Fiyero had tried the same case with his mother when he was five and didn't want to eat his broccoli…

"The Wizard has requested an audience with you," Morrible announced proudly.

"Just because my skin is green doesn't mean I'm an animal!" Fiyero stood up forcefully, knocking his chair to the ground. "I refuse to accept discrimination based on…"

"Shut up." Surprised, Fiyero found Elphaba staring at the letter dreamily, all color faded from her cheeks.

"You're happy he's convicting me of whatever he's convicting me of?"

"She's in shock," Elphaba told Morrible.

"Understandably."

"I'm lost," Fiyero declared, sinking back down into his chair. "And evidently electrical!"

To his discomfort, Elphaba didn't even turn that into a smart remark. "Don't you remember what you were telling me about before? About the headmistress writing to the Wizard about you? I know, you assumed he'd ignore a little green girl like you- but, he didn't! He- he wants to meet you! To change your world, to take you away from this miserable wasteland!"

"…oh…"

"Oh?"

"Oh."

"You're supposed to be happy!" Elphaba whimpered desperately.

"And you're supposed to be patriotic," Morrible interjected, glaring at the girl. "Shiz is not a miserable wasteland; it's fools like you who make it so miserable for the rest of us." She gestured to Fiyero, not enjoying this encounter any bit. "Give the girl a break. Can't you see she's still taking in the information?"

"Obviously," Elphaba sniffed, though even her snide façade couldn't hide her hurt.

"Wait, why does the Wizard want to see me?"

"Your magic, duh!" Elphaba cried.

"Oh." That word again- and laced with disappointment. Elphaba was looking at him for explanation, and of course, he always spoke what he felt. "So he doesn't want to see you, just your magic."

Her expression twisted for a moment, and Fiyero winced for the coming blow.

Especially since he hadn't expected it to be literal.

He always spoke what he felt. "Ouch."

"Master Fiyero!" Morrible exclaimed, but it made no difference to Elphaba.

"You idiot," she breathed, softly enough so that Morrible couldn't hear. "This is my future we're talking about. It's all I have."

My future too, Fiyero thought, but he settled with a simple, "You have me."

Her frown deepened, and she whispered icily, "I know."

"I know" could mean a lot of things. It could mean "I love you," if Harrison Ford was saying it. But he wasn't Harrison Ford; he wasn't even her Harrison Ford. "I know" was only a fact to her, part of some science he'd never comprehend.

All he knew was that the science wasn't chemistry (or human biology); and she was deep in the process of trying to disprove his theory. "I know," to her, meant, "not for long."

That's how he claimed to like them the best, right? He considered his life as Morrible chastised Elphaba for her outburst of "jealousy." He could only come up with one word: dancing. It was all he was good at, after all, and he only did what he was good at.

His life wasn't the only life he was dancing through. It hadn't been for a long time.

xXx

"You can leave." It was practically the only thing Morrible and she seemed to agree on- Fiyero's imminent departure from the room. It didn't, however, appear to be the only thing she and Fiyero disagreed on.

"Yeah, but can I may leave?" he tried nonsensically.

"…you may leave," Morrible corrected dismissively.

He folded his arms. "Well, it's December, not May."

Glaring appeared to have little effect on the prince, so Elphaba could only imagine what chivalry might do. To test her theory, she pulled out his chair for him- from underneath him, that is. Predictably, he toppled to the floor, making as much noise as he could. "Ouch!" He glanced up at Elphaba. "Sorry."

"For what?" Elphaba snapped.

He opened his mouth but, glancing at Morrible, decided better of it. "Leaving?"

"Good." He limped his way out of the room, and Elphaba sighed in relief- until she turned, coming face to face with a furious Morrible.

"Now to deal with you, Master Fiyero," she snarled. "Of course, I won't have to much longer once they hear what you've done." She leaned in closer. "And you know what that is."

The only appropriate guess was a hoarse "what?"

"You slept with me."

She stared at the headmistress for a moment before plastering a fake smile on her face. "You learned how to joke!" That was the only rational response, after all.

Unfortunately, the situation was not rational at all. "You wouldn't remember. You were drunk." She smiled apologetically. "Good thing you're not underage, otherwise the charges may be worse than expulsion."

"You're serious?" Elphaba squeaked. "You tried to seduce me!"

"You drugged me!" Morrible snapped. "Slipped a love potion in my warm milk while you were out traipsing the grounds!"

"I did not!" Elphaba cried, fuming. "And I was not traipsing!"

"True," Morrible relented. "You had a purpose. A nefarious purpose!"

"Well, to me, reading term papers is nefarious!"

Morrible slammed her hands down on her desk, her catlike eyes inches from Elphaba's. "You drugged me so that you could seduce me."

"To prove my antidrug status, I'm going to follow the activists' advice and JUST SAY NO!" Elphaba folded her arms. "And yes, don't laugh, I have read a poster. Now, if you're finished with me…" Elphaba stood out.

"Don't you dare walk out, mister, or you're expelled."

Automatically, Elphaba sat back down.

Morrible seemed surprised. "Well. That was rather uncharacteristic."

"You know what's really uncharacteristic?" Elphaba countered. "A headmistress breaking her own rules!"

"I was incapacitated!" Morrible snapped. "Being an eminent and dignified lady, I would never lower myself to your standards if I had a say in the matter."

Elphaba threw up her arms. "Finally! Something I can sympathize with!"

"No one will sympathize with you," Morrible hissed. "You're just a delinquent; if all goes to plan, I'll be the Wizard's press secretary within a year!"

"Yeah, well I'm a rich, occasionally white prince!" Elphaba shouted.

"Um," a timid voice came from the doorway. Elphaba glanced behind her and was hardly surprised to see herself. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but being a minority, I'm particularly educated in racist remarks, and…"

"You're correct, Miss Elphaba, his racist statement was entirely inappropriate."

"Except, he's right," Fiyero muttered. Elphaba wasn't sure whether to kill him for being sexually prejudiced or hug him for simply distracting Morrible. "Rich white men rule the world." He spared a glance at Elphaba. "In his case, literally."

Morrible's jaw dropped open, and in case words were about to spill out, Fiyero hastily continued, "And, besides, being smart, I can prove he's innocent."

"And how might you do that?" the headmistress hissed.

"Um, with facts?" Fiyero tried. Morrible waited. "Wait, I actually have to prove him innocent? I can't just, you know, be smart enough to go to law school?"

Morrible's lips twisted into a wicked smile. "You may leave, Miss Elphaba."

"Wait, wait," he listed, having an epiphany. "I'm smart, that's it!" He paced around the room in imitation of a lawyer. "He couldn't have done it because he's not smart enough."

"While that's a fact, it's not evidence."

"No, it is. He's not smart enough to have brewed a love potion himself, so where would he have gotten one?"

As if her day had just improved vastly, Morrible beamed. "You tell me, Miss Elphaba."

Fiyero's face fell, and Elphaba's fist clenched as both of them realized he had only incriminated her more so in both regards. Simultaneously, they glanced at each other, realizing the true guilty party as they answered Morrible's question. "Avaric…"

xXx

In his dreams, he had been sleeping with her, so he wasn't terribly surprised when she woke him up. "Elphaba…"

"Do I look green?" Fiyero demanded from above him. Avaric straightened up, knocking down the book he had been paging through, which, from his snooze, had been perched over his head.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"What are you doing here?" Fiyero demanded. "One, the library's a reputation death trap, and two, it's closed." As Avaric opened his mouth, Fiyero rushed on, "Never mind. I just wanted to tell you that we'll have to cancel your potental upcoming date with Elphaba due to you getting her expelled."

"You know, I have to admit it, sometimes you are funny…"

Fiyero withdrew an empty bottle from his pocket. "This look familiar?"

Avaric frowned. "It's not alcohol, so no."

In response, Fiyero slapped him. "That's for being an alcoholic bum." Another slapped. "And that's for being stupid." After a moment of thought, he slapped him again. "And that's for being born in the first place!"

Avaric stared dumbly for a second. "What was that for?"

"I just told you idiot!" Fiyero threw her arms up. "And, to top it all off, you got me expelled too!"

"So why aren't you thanking me, and what's a bottle got to do with it?" The only possible explanation Avaric could conjure was that Fiyero had been playing spin the bottle and had kissed the wrong girl- say, Madame Morrible herself.

"This bottle used to hold a certain potion Elphaba brewed during her seminars with Madame Morrible," Fiyero explained forcefully, "meant to be used for education merit." He glared. "Not used on educational merit."

"What'd she do, make herself narcissistic?"

"She doesn't particularly need help doing that right now," Fiyero sniffed before his eyes lit up. "Aha! So you know it's a love potion!"

"Wait a sec, that's a love potion? Lemme see." He grabbed the bottle, his face whitening. "Oh my god, Fiyero, I used this on Morrible last night!"

"Duh!"

"I thought it was vinegar! I just wanted to see her gag." Avaric fell back in his chair. "Well, that certainly explains her amorous reaction. And here I thought she just liked vinegar."

Fiyero wrinkled his nose. "She probably does." He straightened. "So you admit to using this on Morrible?"

"Yeah." Avaric shrugged. "Don't worry, she didn't catch me."

"Because she caught me." Fiyero glared. "And Elphaba."

"But you didn't do it," Avaric stated, confused.

"Exactly."

He folded his arms. "So you're safe."

"Morrible thinks we did." Fiyero leaned against a table. "I suppose it's a waste of time to tell you that the mind is a powerful tool."

"That's silly," Avaric chided. "Why would Elphaba go into construction?"

"Well, she might have to, with a college degree," Fiyero stressed, glaring at him.

Avaric fell silent. "She really got expelled?"

Fiyero nodded. It figured his greatest dreaming (getting Fiyero expelled) was mutually exclusive with his worst nightmare (which, technically, was getting trapped in a pit full of snakes, but in this case, Elphaba's expulsion could be substituted). "So, Avaric, what are you going to do to fix this situation?"

"Write a letter to the vinegar company complaining that their labels are too confusing?"

"You'd be better off writing a letter home complaining that your inherited genes are hugely dyslexic."

"I could incriminate Galinda," Avaric suggested, in his opinion, ingeniously. "She's a sorceress too."

"Galinda is my girlfriend," Fiyero grit, as if he were unhappy about the fact.

"I don't see how that is relevant to the investigation."

"It's relevant in the way that you'll become evidence in a homicide investigation after I kill you for implicating her."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Avaric cried. "Send her flowers?"

"Oh, sure, rub the skin thing in, would you?"

"Kneel in front of the guillotine for her?" When Fiyero didn't interrupt, he realized the obvious, chivalrous, and therefore not obvious at all, solution. "You want me to take the blame?"

"I don't want you to take the blame," Fiyero snapped. "I want you to admit the blame!"

"But then I'll be expelled and have to go into construction," Avaric complained.

"I hear they're recruiting for the Yellow Brick Road project."

"Oh, sure, Elphaba would be impressed by that," Avaric pouted.

Fiyero's face softened. "She might be. That you were willing to change for her."

To his credit, that did sound impressive. Then again, so did jumping off a plane and somehow surviving, and that was plain stupid. And he was stupid, alright. To make it worse, he kinda liked himself the way he was, minus the hangovers and lack of a steady, green girlfriend.

An idea dawned on him. Maybe he didn't have to change to prove her innocence. "No, there's another way."

"If you suggest recruiting a defense lawyer, I swear, I'll…"

Avaric pulled out his mini-camera. "There's this."

Fiyero folded his arms. "Morrible is not going to be swayed by half-naked girls flailing themselves around and screaming."

"Not that," Avaric scowled, flipping through the settings. "Yes, this is perfect… for us, that is."

"What's perfect?" Fiyero questioned, trying to peek over Avaric's shoulder. Avaric snapped the camera off.

"There's a timestamp for every recording," he explained. "If we could prove Elphaba was in a certain place that's not the scene of the crime when the crime occurred, then she's off the hook."

"What about me?" Fiyero demanded.

"Same for you."

"Do you have a video recording when the crime took place?" Fiyero demanded.

"Yes."

"How could you, if you committed the crime?"

"I doped the headmistress's milk, half on accident. That's hardly a crime."

"Animals have been arrested for breathing too loudly," Fiyero countered sternly.

"Whatever. I don't have a recording at the right time for Elphaba and you, but I have one that should convince Morrible not to press charges."

"What is it?" Fiyero demanded.

Avaric smiled. "Blackmail."

"That's not very noble," Fiyero pouted.

"If Elphaba wanted someone noble, she'd have slept with you by now," Avaric said irritably. Fiyero seemed to wrinkle his nose at the prospect, which only heightened his anger. "Obviously, she's not looking for someone noble. She's looking for someone…" Avaric trailed off, considering the options. What did Elphaba want? Someone smart? No, Boq was low enough on the social ladder that even Elphaba could seduce him without a problem. What else did she value?

Or maybe he was asking the wrong question. What didn't she have? "Someone who cares about her," he stated firmly. "Someone who will gladly be bossed around- don't laugh, she'd be a great leader! Someone who smiles at her, who she can smile at." He grinned. "Someone me."

"Cocky," Fiyero muttered, but he seemed secretly amused.

"Hey, we're perfect foils," Avaric defended.

"You think she wants someone different than her?"

"Trust me," Avaric replied with certainty, "there's no one like her in the world."

"Of course," Fiyero sounded softly. "The skin."

"Not the skin! Anyone can dye their skin green, if they wanted." Avaric laughed. "But I don't think anyone could replicate the perfect Elphaba glare when she's hot and furious. Or the biting sarcasm." He paused. "Or even the fashion sense, come to think of it. Did you see how she pulled off Galinda's wardrobe today? No one can do that, not even Galinda herself."

"They're just clothes," Fiyero scoffed.

"Yeah. But they bring out what's underneath them." Fiyero frowned at the double meaning. "Okay, I did not mean it that way! I meant they brought out her personality."

Fiyero glanced at him desperately. "She looked that bad?"

Avaric rolled his eyes. "I don't think anyone knows her true personality. She tries so hard to hide it."

"For a reason," Fiyero grumbled.

Avaric pounded his fist against the armchair. "Dude, what is up with you? First, you're ubber-possessive of her, and now you're treating her like crap!" He glared. "Is that how you treat all your girlfriends? Like property?"

Fiyero looked taken aback. "I'm sure you're one to talk."

"Yeah, I've laid with women," Avaric shot back. "Lots of them. But at least I treat them decently! At least I'm honest with them upfront instead of twisting their hearts. Look what you've done to Galinda! You say you love her, yet you've been so distant!"

"Maybe I had a bad day," Fiyero sniffed. "Scratch that. I did have a bad day."

"Not just today. All week. All month, even. She's like a jacket."

"A jacket?" Fiyero raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"All shiny and new when you buy it, but eventually, after being worn so many times, it gets old to you, but still you can't donate it to the poor because you've got it engrained in your head that it's your coat." He stood up. "Wake up, Fiyero." And because he couldn't resist, "Or go back to sleep. It's what you do best." He started away, only to be stopped by the prince's call.

"Wait." It wasn't angry, or even upset, just… contemplative- a word that should never, ever be used to describe the prince unless under extreme circumstances, such as never. Fiyero eyed Avaric carefully. "You said Elphaba wasn't like anyone else. Is that a good thing?"

"'Course," Avaric declared. "There are a million me's in the world; you're a me most of the time, except without the brains."

"Now that's scary," Fiyero agreed.

"A you with brains? Definitely." Though, come to think of it, Fiyero's vocabulary had seemed to have exploded overnight. One trip to library, and he'd come back a changed man. Maybe that's why everyone avoided libraries.

"Okay, well…" Fiyero trailed off awkwardly. "You promise you'll sway Morrible?"

"Heck, I could probably get her to sleep with me with this stuff! Not that I would," he added hastily.

Fiyero nodded absent-mindedly. "I'll just be going then…"

"Are you sure you're okay?" The question even surprised Avaric. Fiyero simply nodded. "Is it the amnesia?"

"Um, yeah, amnesia," Fiyero muttered, his eyes flickering to the floor. "Wait, what's that?" Bending down, he withdrew a necklace hidden in the shadows by a bookshelf.

Avaric peered at it curiously. It wasn't pretty at all, not anything Galinda would wear. Rather, the charm it held was rough, hand carved from some stone material. It dangled from the black velvet string possessively, so it was only appropriate that it was a snake. Typical. He'd always considered Fiyero a snake for those very traits. "From the catfight, perhaps?"

"No, it's mine…" Avaric's mouth dropped open. Hastily, Fiyero corrected himself, "I mean, it was mine, before I gave it to Galinda…" He looked like he wanted to say more, but he pocketed that as he pocketed the necklace. "I'll have to return it to her."

"Good." The word came out too fast. Avaric coughed. "I notice you've been spending a lot of time with Elphaba lately."

Fiyero glared- perhaps someone could replicate the Elphaba glare after all. "Is that all you think about?"

Avaric shrugged. "At least I can think."

"Yes, well, if you count getting expelled by Morrible together spending time together…"

"Got it," Avaric interrupted. He waved the prince off. "Go nurse your amnesia or something."

Fiyero nodded and exited hastily, as if the library was a toxic wasteland. More likely, in his mind, Avaric was the wasteland. And, in Avaric's mind, the library was merely toxic- poisonously addictive. He didn't like reading anymore than he did before, but Elphaba would be proud of him, at least. For more than just reading.

He'd finally prove himself to her. Prove he was better than Fiyero, at least, which really shouldn't be as hard as it had been over the years. To many, he and Fiyero were the same, only women seemed to prefer Fiyero because he was more faithful. And yet, he was so much less reliable.

The difference between Avaric and Fiyero was that Avaric sought the truth; and Fiyero was a liar.

Fifteen pages of drama. There. That should make up for the long wait. And still earn a review?