Lara's POV

Why does she have to come back here? We follow him from hotel room to hotel room pumping him full of our blood. The last night we meet he took a chunk out of my collar bone and almost bleed me to the point of needing to go to the hospital. Luckily there was a demon that could get me a blood transfusion afterwards. "Six will you shut up the fuck up in there? I don't care that you almost died." I pull myself a little deeper into the recess of my mind. Ruby scares me. She doesn't like me making myself known and she sure has hell doesn't like what I have to say about her precious Sam.

She moves my body to cheap motel room at the end of the row and pounds on the door with my fist. When Sam opens the door I can tell he needs more blood. His eyes are bloodshot and they look hungry. He takes his hands and wraps then around my arms and pulls me into a desperate kiss. I know my arms are going to bruise he's being too rough again. He bites into my tongue and I can taste blood in my mouth. It makes me sad that just four weeks ago he was a kind grieving man and now he is a violent monster.

Ruby doesn't play around. She pulls out a knife and slices it over my forearms and brings it to his mouth. He drinks it greedily but luckily pulls away without her needing to push him off. Ruby laughs with my throat and begins to talk with my vocal cords, "Did you miss me Sam?"

Sam doesn't respond he just pushes my body on the bed and Ruby lets out an excited squeal. God I don't want this again. He scares me. He rips off his shirt and Ruby frantically takes me hands to undo his belt and take off his pants. Ruby has learned better with him and mostly comes in a cheap dress these days and doesn't bother with underwear. He rips of her dress and I freeze in fear in my mind. When he plunges into me I scream out in pain but Ruby masks it with a laugh. She's been in hell she doesn't feel pain like I do, she enjoys it. She hears me scream and mentally pushes me back as I feel him rip my body apart. I can't take it but she keeps pushing him to go harder.

She maneuvers my body so I am on top now. He's been drinking our blood again and I can see it taking an effect on his system. His eyes are starting to turn black and I can tell he's gone and only the blood thirsty demon is left. "Get him out of me! Stop it Sam you know better!" I scream out. He puts his hands on my back and digs his nails in and pulls my skin. I can feel my flesh ripping off my back and I let out a soundless scream. I can't move, I can't scream, I can't beg for help it hurts so badly. Luckily I lose consciousness and allow Ruby to take full control.

"Lara wake up! You need to wake up Lara it's just a dream!" Is the first thing I hear once I am brought out of it. I can't move. I'm absolutely frozen in fear. Dean is leaning over me with his hands on my shoulders trying to wake me up. I am able to open my eyes and Dean releases the pressure on my shoulders and pulls me up putting his arms around me. "I was afraid you weren't going to wake up. You've been screaming for a few minutes now."

From behind Dean I see Sam and I am hit with the need to run. "Get the hell away from me! Dean keep him away from me! He's going to kill me!" I start to scream and try to push myself backwards in the bed. Dean refuses to let me budge though.

"Lara it was a dream. You remember where you are now right? We're in Sante Fe in a motel room. Cas is on the couch, Sam is the bed next to us, and we're safe in a bed ourselves. No one is going to hurt you." He said trying to sooth me while he strokes my head.

"You're wrong. Sam is going to slit my wrist and drain my dry." I can't seem to control my breathing and I can feel myself start to hyperventilate. He's in the room with me, he's the bed next to me and he's going to attack and he's going to rape me again.

"Sam leave." Dean says stoically. I flinch has Sam stands up from his bed and I hold my breath until he leaves the room. "Cas go with him make sure he's ok." Cas obediently follows Sam out the door. "Lara you can relax now. He's gone. Nothing is going to happen just relax."

Once he's gone I start to relax. I realize the pain searing my back and privates is starting to fade as I realize it was a dream and the pain was just a memory. I choke on a sob and wait for the fear to subside and reality to sink in. "I am Lara not six. I am out of the body farm. I am safe in a bed with Dean. Sam is not going to kill me. Cas is an angel and a friend." I mumble softly to myself trying to get a grasp on what is the present and what was the past.

After a few more minutes of confusion and repeating what is reality over and over again I start to calm down. Dean loosens his grip on me and I fall back into the bed and land on the pillows behind me. "Dean I am so sorry. I probably scared you and poor Sam."

Dean shakes his head and pushes some hair out of my eyes that had come out of my braid. "Don't apologize. You were having a nightmare. Don't worry about Sam. He made his choices in the past and he has to live with them now. Just try and relax." I close my eyes and focus on my breathing until I feel calm. When I am open them again Dean is still there and I am not afraid.

There is only one thing that is going to allow me to feel truly safe. I need to be able to take care of myself. "Dean I want to learn to hunt."

Dean looks shocked and starts to shake his head no. "Absolutely not Lara."

I start to sit and a get out of bed. "Well let's get a vote on it." I walk to door and open it and motion for Cas and Sam to come in. Sam refuses to look at me and Cas seems angry. "Guys I want a vote. I want to learn to hunt. What do you think?"

Sam looks up at Dean and darts his eyes to me and then back to Dean. "Yes, I think you should learn to protect yourself." Dean looks like he is going to punch him.

I look at Cas who shakes his head yes. "It's your choice Lara is that's what you want then I will support it."

Dean looks like he is going to explode with anger. "Sam shut the fuck up! And Cas what the hell do you know? I vote no and I trump you all! You can still live a life Lara why do you want to throw it away to hunt?"

"A life? Seriously? What kind of life can I hope to have Dean?" I yell at him. I am surprised at how easily I am displaying my displeasure but I don't care.

"You can go to school and a get a job if that's what you want. If you follow this path you will not be able to have a real life." Dean says pleading with me.

I let out an aggravated laugh. "Go to school? Get a job? Are you crazy? How would I get into a school? And say by some fluke you can actually pull that off and I can learn enough to be able to pass I wouldn't make it. I would be too scared. I don't feel safe. Are you going to come with me and give this up then? Cause the only time I feel safe is when you're with me." I can feel tears start to pool up behind my eyes and I try to fight them off.

Dean lets out a defeated sigh. "Lara this life isn't safe." He says sadly.

Now I have no control over my tears and they start to drop down my cheeks. "Safe Dean? What isn't safe is me not being trained. This is what happened without me being trained." I pull off Dean's shirt and pull down the pink pants I had on. "How many bullet holes can you count Dean?"

He looks at my body and meets my eyes. "I see two." I walk over to him and pull down the cup on my right breast. "You're wrong there are four." I point to the scar on the side of my breast. "This is number three." I grab his hand and pull it up to the left side of my scalp where I make him feel a scar. "That is number 4."

I stand back again. "How many knife wounds do you see Dean?" He walks around my body slowly counting. Cas and Sam are standing like statues watching this unfold. "I see 12."

I shake my head and let out a laugh. "You're missing a few Dean." I point out the stab wound on the inside of my leg and point to the stab wounds on my abdomen. "On my stomach where it looks like one big scar it's actually three Dean. This is what happens when I am not trained. With training I will be safe."

Dean lowers his head and pulls his hands up and drags them through his hair. Sam finally looks at me and I realize he has seen my back. "Lara what happened to your back?"

I look to Dean and he looks back at Sam and I can tell that Sam is putting it together. "I did that didn't I?" He asks sadly. He points to the scar on my collar bone and the one on the inside of my arm. "I did that too didn't I?

Cas starts to radiate anger. I can feel it pouring off his body and Dean is getting almost as angry. "You forgot one Sam." Sam looks at him confused and I hold my breath knowing what he is going to say next. "Her stomach, those stab wounds are because of you. She was pregnant and a demon came into her cell and stabbed her."

Sam drops to his knees unable to support his own weight. He starts talking to us as much as himself. "She wasn't talking hypothetically was she? When Ruby asked me what I would do if we were going to have a baby she was asking me because we were."

Before I can answer him Cas is in front of Sam pulling him up by his t shirt. Cas pulls back his fist and pounds it into Sam's face. Sam falls to the ground and Cas straddles him and continues to pummel his face with fists. "You asshole! You desecrated her! I am going to fucking kill you!" He yells at Sam as his fist makes contact with his face over and over again.

Dean is frozen not sure what to do. I run over to Cas and grab his fist in mid punch. "Castiel stop it right now!" Cas makes eye contact with me and slowly starts to back away from Sam. I am able to visually check the damage and it's not good. I am pretty sure Sam's nose is broken, both eyes are beginning to swell, his cheek is cut open, and his lips are split. "Fix him Castiel."

Sam starts to shake his head no. He starts to cough and rolls over and spits out some blood. "No Cas don't fix me. I deserved it." Sam says through coughs.

I put Dean's shirt back on and try to steady myself. I am shaking like a leaf. Cas keeps his eyes on Sam. "You disgust me! She was a temple to God and now you have polluted her!" He spat out vehemently and Sam.

Despite his eyes starting to swell up I can see tears coming out of them. "Dean take Cas out of the room. Castiel you wait outside that door until I say so. Unlike Dean I can actually see every feather on your body and I will actually follow through on Dean's threat and pluck each one out if you so much as move a muscle. Dean take him out!" Dean begrudgingly takes Cas out of the room and they wait outside.

I go into the bathroom and wet a wash cloth and come back to Sam who propped up against the bed. He looks horrible. I start to blot the blood off his face. Through his tears he starts to speak. "Lara I am so sorry. I am a monster. I understand if you hate me. I will leave and never bother you again."

"Sam it was years ago and you were addicted to demon blood. If you had known I was in there would you have done the same thing?" Sam shakes his head no. "If you had known I was pregnant would you had let me go?"

Sam shakes his head no again. "If I had known that you were pregnant I would have killed every demon on earth and in hell to get you out of there." I believe him. I continue to clean his face. "I don't know what to say Lara. I was dumb. I was so stupid to trust her. I just couldn't help myself."

I shake my head in agreement. "It was because you were in love with her." Even through his battered face I can see the shock on it. "Don't forget she was wearing me Sam. That first night she came back to you after you two had made love and you thought she was asleep I heard you tell her you love her. She loved you too in her own sick twisted way. That night for just a moment she thought about abandoning Lilith's plan and running off with you. I tried to convince her to do it but she pushed me further and further into my mind until I shut up. Then again when she was taking me back to the body farm. She knew I was pregnant and she debated turning around and telling you and running off with you. I told her that she should. That if she did I would stay quiet and never bother her again. I thought if she ran away with you that maybe she would get you off the blood and that I would have a chance at a better life. Even if she was wearing me around I would have a chance to be a mother and maybe to not be used so much. But she decided against it and gave me back."

Sam lowers his head and I can see his tears mixing with his blood dripping off his face onto his shirt. I give him the towel to hold up to his nose until the bleeding stops. "Sam let him heal you."

Sam shakes his head no again. "Lara I don't deserve healing. Just allow me to wear my shame. You have to wear how weak and pathetic I was every day for the rest of your life. What are a few weeks?" I can tell he won't budge and that he is to emotionally traumatized to talk right now.

I stand up and walk to the door and let Dean and Cas back in. Once I close the door behind them Dean grabs me into a fierce hug and he rocks me slightly. "Lara if you want to learn you are right. You should be able to protect yourself." Dean whispers to me.

Dean looks over at Cas and Sam. "I will train you with guns and knives. Sam will train you on the research side of it like exorcisms and lore. Cas you are a warrior so you are going to train her in hand to hand. I am expecting since you are an angel to keep her from getting hurt. I swear if one hair on her head is hurt I will destroy you."

Cas clenches his jaw and shakes his head once affirmatively and looks angrily back at Sam. I push back from Dean and he keeps his arm around my shoulder and pulls into his side protectively. I never leaned on anyone before for anything and it feels good to know someone will be there to take care of me. I look at Cas who is fighting to regain control of his emotions. "Castiel what in the hell made you snap like that and beat the shit out of Sam?" I ask him.

He closes his eyes for a second and opens them again and focuses on me. "I will tell you, just not here and not now. When you get back to Bobby's call me and I will tell you everything." With a flutter of wings Cas disappeared.

"What the fuck!" Dean grunts. "Wouldn't want to be too cryptic now would we Cas." He mumbles to himself. I feel him look over at Sam. "You doing ok Sam?"

Sam winces and shakes his head yes. I bury my head in Dean's chest for a moment and take in a deep breath. He smells good. He smells like freedom. "Ok guys let's get ready and get back to Bobby's so we can find out what the hell pissed Cas off."