Chapter Thirteen - Midnight
Draco woke up, startled and breathing fast. The nightmare he'd been having quickly disappeared from his memory, and he was merely left with an odd unsettling sensation all over his body. He was sweating profusely and he immediately left the bed and removed his shirt, throwing it away as if it was to blame for his bad dreams.
When things like this happened to him he felt an overwhelming urge to run into the ocean outside and submerge himself in the cold water, so he could make sure that he was in fact awake and nothing bad would happen to him.
He had never done it so far, mostly because his fear of drowning seemed to overcome everything else, and he ended up just settling for sitting on the sand and feeling the salty breeze.
He tried to imagine what Potter and Granger would do if they saw Draco walking into the ocean in the middle of the night, and the fact that he was certain they'd bend over backwards trying to save him made him feel a little better. He couldn't do anything without them noticing now; Potter was always there in the daylight and Granger in the darkness. She was probably out there right this moment.
Draco remembered what she'd said the night she broke all his windows with rocks. It made her feel better knowing he was out there too, suffering with insomnia and trying to drown out his thoughts into the night.
But Draco wasn't out there.
As if his body started reacting automatically, he walked over to his closet and picked out a clean shirt, as well as a pair of socks. He wasn't entirely sure why he was getting dressed, but he was ready to head out in less than a minute, and he stopped at the door of the bedroom. He considered his options for a moment and then he took a detour to the small library next door before heading out.
The air outside was delightfully fresh and he knew then that he had made the right decision. Draco looked to his right and sure enough, there was a lonely figure crouched down in the sand in front of Potter's and Granger's cottage.
Again, his feet started moving automatically but with purpose. Apparating was too rash, he didn't want to scare her, and if for some reason she'd rather be alone then she could tell Draco to leave before he even got there. Draco had a feeling that she wouldn't, though, and it made his heart pound restlessly.
If only Granger and Potter were smart enough to stay away from Draco. If only they hadn't been so forgiving and nice to him. If only at least one of them has the sense to tell Draco to fuck off then his problems would be solved. He wouldn't have gone on what felt like a date with Potter the day before, and he wouldn't be going over to Granger in the dead of night, a carefully picked out book clutched in his hand. He didn't have the emotional strength to reject them even if he wanted to, not after they showed him they really cared.
They should be the ones rejecting him.
And the fact that neither of them had done it so far irked Draco immensely. He had assumed that they told each other everything, so Granger must have known that he and Potter kissed when she practically broke into his house the other night. But then when she made the first move to kiss him, he guessed he'd been wrong. Why would she kiss him if she knew Potter had done it first?
If Potter hadn't told Granger about their kiss, then she probably hid that information from him as well. That would explain why Potter was willing to hang around Draco all day and looking so ridiculously attractive to boot. There was no way that was an accident.
Draco slowed down a bit when he was closer to Granger. She hadn't spotted him yet, she simply sat there with her knees close to her body, her hair blowing in the wind. Draco didn't know if it was possible, but her hair looked even longer and wilder than the first time he saw her there.
Granger turned her head to look up at him when his steps became too evident. She looked slightly startled, but not entirely surprised. "Hello Malfoy," she said morosely with an unconvincing smile.
Draco cringed internally. She certainly didn't seem to be in the mood to have company. "Hello Granger." Draco felt a sudden need to explain his presence. "I...uh, I was just taking a stroll."
"That's better than a stale sleeping potion," she mentioned with a shrug and then patted the sand next to her. "Care to sit?"
Draco shrugged as well, as if he didn't really care whether he sat or not, but he did and kept the book close to his side where Granger couldn't see it.
"Did the tea stopped working?" Granger asked with a tone that Draco might have considered bitter if it had come from anyone else, but he had never heard Granger speak like that.
"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I just woke up."
She made an understanding noise. "And do you usually take books with you on your night strolls?"
When Draco turned to look at her she was smiling. Draco scoffed.
"As a matter of fact, I do. You're not the only one who reads, Granger."
He thought the innocent banter might lighten up the situation, but instead of rolling her eyes or bickering back, Granger's eyes watered. Draco felt his stomach drop to his feet.
"I'm… sorry?" he said uncertainly, trying to understand what was happening.
Granger shook her head furiously and seemed to be working hard on keeping the tears at bay. She grunted in frustration and raised her right arm, which Draco hadn't realized was holding her wand. Raising to her feet, she fired a quick succession of spells towards the sea. Angry red flames shot out from her wand and into the water, dissipating with a satisfying hiss and some smoke. When it was all gone, she did it again, not speaking a word and watching her spells hit the waves as tears flowed freely from her face now.
Draco stared at her in shock, not really knowing what to do.
"I am so tired of crying!" she cried as the last of the flames fizzled out. She threw herself back down, landing hard on her bottom and letting her wand drop next to her feet. "It's like the lever of tears broke and I don't know how to fix it! I feel like such a…" She sobbed some more. "Such a…"
"Girl?" Draco supplied without thinking. He almost jumped back at the murderous look Granger gave him.
"Like a baby, Malfoy. Girls aren't the only ones who cry." She dried out her tears with the hem of her dress and Draco couldn't help the way his eyes followed the movement and glanced down at her exposed thighs.
He focused on her face again and shook his head in earnest. "I meant a little girl, not a grown woman. But yes, sorry, a baby." He couldn't believe she was ready to argue while bawling her eyes out. "Merlin, Granger. Don't you see I'm just trying to help?"
Granger frowned. "How? I haven't been able to read for months now because I can no longer concentrate for more than a minute and you bring up books?"
"You haven't been able to read?" he asked, blinking slowly at her. Granger looked at him with regret and maybe a little embarrassment. Draco shook his head in exasperation. "How was I supposed to know that? I clearly don't bring books on my night strolls, Granger!" Having a conversation with Hermione Granger was exhausting and even though she had just been crying Draco let his voice get a little louder. "I brought this specifically for you because I thought you'd enjoy it." He pushed the book into her hands.
Granger looked down at the cover of Traditional French Witchcraft. Her fingers grazed it slowly and she let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry."
Draco had half a mind to leave. How dare she blame him for her problems? He had never acted so selfishlessly as he had done tonight with her.
But then she opened the book and started flicking through the pages slowly and rhythmically, staring at each one for a second before going to the next, her fingers handling the paper appreciatively. It was one of the most beautiful books Draco had seen, from the carved leather cover to each hand-drawn picture that completed the narration. He hadn't read it all, but he had flipped through it once or twice, and the way she was admiring the book even without reading it made Draco's heart soften.
She finally reached the last page and closed the book, her hand carefully placed over the back. "Thank you," she said without looking at him. "I'll try to read it." Something painful passed over her eyes and she sighed. "If I can't I'll just give it back to you."
Draco felt a deja vu. He had felt this same pity for Potter and now for Granger. And he didn't like it one bit. For some strange reason he wanted them to be the people he knew, even though he used to dislike them. They were wild, reckless creatures that strutted around the world as though it belonged to them; always on top, always awe-inspiring (but not by Draco, never by Draco). Seeing this soft, weak side of them had been an interesting experience, but not necessarily a good one.
An idea occurred to him, but he had to phrase it correctly, otherside Granger would never go for it. There was still pride behind that weeping exterior.
He swallowed hard. "Could I read it out loud?"
Granger's head finally snapped up to look at him. She watched him through narrowed eyes and Draco tried his best to appear honest. He knew if he asked her if she wanted him to read the book to her she would refuse strongly. He could practically hear her voice saying 'Just because I can't read doesn't mean I need a storyteller, Malfoy'.
But if he made it sound as if this was about him, maybe she would relent.
She scrutinized him for a few more seconds before she handed him the book. Her features softened and there was small smile playing at her lips. Granger was too smart; she probably figured out his intentions.
Draco pulled out his wand and whispered "Lumos." He held it between his bent knees as the book rested on his lap. "Prehistoric France and the Lascaux. The paintings in the famous Lascaux cave (Dordogne, southwestern France) are one of the earliest physical records of magicfolk in the entire world. The painted representation of unusual or extraordinary events depicted in some of the drawings are probably the best-preserved evidence of the existence of magic before written history."
Draco continued to read for a while, even getting completely submerged in what he was reading that at times he forgot Granger was there too. He only became painfully aware of her when the tide started rising and the crashing of waves became louder, so Granger scooched closer to him, her upper arm brushing his. Her skin was warm and soft against Draco's, who was glad he hadn't worn long sleeves this time. He remembered the way it felt to hold her when they kissed, and for a moment he regretted that he hadn't really seized the opportunity as much as he could have. His hands had merely remained on her back the entire kiss, when he could have stroked up and down her arms, or run a finger down her neck, or even grabbed her arse if she had let him.
She probably wouldn't have.
"Malfoy," she said suddenly, startling him.
Draco tore his eyes away from the book. "What?" he asked distractedly.
Granger huffed a laugh. "You've read the same sentence four times."
Draco looked back at the book, trying to find the last paragraph he had read, but he could barely remember any of it. "Sorry."
"That's okay. Are you tired?" Her eyes looked big in the light of his wand, and he couldn't see even a trace of the usual brown in them. It was all black.
Draco was feeling somewhat sleepy, but he merely shrugged.
"We should sleep. It'll be dawn soon," she said, looking over at the horizon.
Draco's heart gave a lurch at the word 'we', as if Granger had suggested that they slept together. He knew she hadn't, but now it was difficult to make his pulse settle down.
"But," Granger added, turning back at him. Draco could see a faint blush on her face. "Could you continue, tomorrow? It's a very interesting book."
Draco nodded, biting his tongue to avoid smirking. Granger would never admit that she needed help getting into her reading habit again, and someday when she was all better, he would remind her of this moment. He tried not to fixate on the fact that his mind was assuming that he would continue to see Granger in the future.
"Sure." He handed the book back to her. "You bring it, it's too heavy to take back and forth."
"You could apparate, you know." Granger got to her feet, the book under one arm as she extended the other out, offering Draco her hand.
Draco shrugged and let her help him up. Still holding her hand, he smiled down at her. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Thank you." Granger tightened the grip on his hand and for a moment Draco got the same fleeting sensation that she would try to kiss him, and once again he was certain he wouldn't refuse.
But then Granger let go of him, still smiling brightly, and Draco let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding. With a small wave, he disapparated.