The week was probably the slowest in Dean's life, ever.
All he could think of was Cas and if the angel was alright. He wasn't even paying much attention in his classes anymore, but Professor Singer understood the situation and cut Dean some slack – but as far as Bobby knew, Cas was just his roommate. The other teachers started going easy on him as well, probably because of Bobby.
Jo had been very comforting to talk to. She always supported Dean when he was in trouble or if something was bothering him. He had already told her how he felt about Cas and about his frustrations with not being able to be with the angel right now.
Dean's wounds on his stomach were not too deep but it stung a little the first few days. A nurse had patched him up good and given him a few painkillers. His wounds would heal soon, and because of a demon's good ability to heal it would not leave a very visible scar.
Dean had never been so angry at someone in his life. He loathed Crowley for what he had done to the angel – Dean's angel. The thought of Crowley having touched those pure, soft white wings – having touched Cas – made his insides curl in disgust, and made him want to beat up Crowley all over again – possibly even worse. Cas was his mate, and no one was to get near him like that, especially during his heat.
Castiel's attack had happened on a Wednesday, and by Friday Gabriel showed up in Dean's room at night.
"How's he doing?" Dean asked when Gabriel was inside and had closed the door.
"A bit better," Gabriel said. He glanced up at Dean. "He keeps calling your name in his sleep, though."
Dean frowned, concerned. "Why?"
"He's reliving the incident, and the heat is not helping – it can make an angel confused and disoriented sometimes when combined with trauma. He keeps screaming 'Dean, please help me' in his sleep and when I wake him up he asks if you are there. He looks disappointed every time I tell him no."
Dean winced, feeling guilty for not being there. "I'm sorry, but I can't be around him when he's… you know."
"Yeah I know, and I didn't mean to make you feel guilty," Gabriel said, lips curled into a small smile. "Heck, I don't want you near him as long as he's in heat. You could end up doing something stupid." Dean nodded, looking at the ground. Gabriel tilted his head at him. "But then, I'm surprised you could control yourself when you were with him in the room before I came."
Dean looked up, angry. "You think I would take advantage of him when he was like that? Jesus, I would never do that. Thanks for your trust, Gabriel."
"I'm just saying I'm surprised in your self-control, that's all," Gabriel said, grinning.
Dean rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, the heat should be gone on Wednesday next week, so I think Cas will be back by then. Maybe first on Thursday, it depends," Gabriel said, going back to business. "And the college president told me that they are expelling Crowley from the college, because there were already many complaints about his behavior anyway. And dude! Everyone is getting expelled because of you and Cassie, I hope I'm not next." Gabriel winced.
Dean laughed. "Don't worry, Gabriel. You haven't done anything – yet – to earn it."
"Jee, thanks, Winchester," Gabriel said, sarcastically, and smiled. He turned to leave. "I'll tell Cas you said hi, hopefully that will cheer him up a little. It's a bit hard to comfort him when he keeps asking for you."
Dean smiled. Cas asking for him made him happy, but also guilty that he could not comfort the angel when he needed it.
"See ya, Dean-o," Gabriel said and disappeared out the door.
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Next Wednesday finally came around and Dean hoped that Cas' heat would have disappeared by now so he could return to their room. Dean wanted so badly to see him again and see how he was doing.
He was sitting on his bed, reading a random gossip paper that Jo had given him. He needed something to read while waiting. His tail was moving restlessly next to him as he was anxious to see if Cas would return tonight. He was just about to give up waiting and go to bed, when the door was being unlocked and slowly opened. Dean unfolded his legs and got up from his bed, looking towards the door.
And then Castiel stepped in slowly and locked the door behind him. His blue eyes met Dean's green ones and the angel smiled.
"Hello, Dean."
"Cas," Dean breathed. "How…. How you are doing?"
Castiel looked down and slowly approached Dean. "Better, but…" He trailed off and Dean could see he was probably close to crying.
"Hey, let's sit down, okay?" Dean offered and Cas nodded.
They seated themselves on Dean's bed and Dean made sure to sit close to Cas but not too close to touch him. The angel was staring into his own lap; hands folded in it. Dean wanted to put an arm over the angel's shoulder or to comfort him but he restrained himself. He didn't want to be pushy.
"What's wrong? Aren't you doing better?" Dean asked, softly.
"I am over the worst, I think, but…" Cas said and trailed off again. "I still keep thinking about it," he confessed, voice low. "I was so powerless against Crowley, I couldn't do anything. Even when he—" He trailed off.
"Cas, you don't need to blame yourself, it wasn't your fault," Dean said, finally letting his arm wrap around the angel's shoulder – being careful of his wings – to comfort him. Castiel sighed contently and leaned a bit closer to the demon.
"But what if you hadn't shown up?" Cas asked, on the edge of tears. "Then Crowley would have had his way with me. I was so scared, Dean. All I could think of was you, that I wanted to see you again… that you would save me."
"Cas…" Dean said, blinking at him. "I did come. Crowley won't ever touch you again. If he does, I will be there to kick his ass."
He smiled and Cas smiled back when he looked up at him.
"Thank you, Dean. For everything."
"You're welcome," Dean smiled.
Dean slowly took his arm away from Cas' shoulder and the angel blushed a bit before getting up from the bed. Dean stood up as well.
"Maybe we should go to bed, it's getting late," Dean suggested.
Castiel nodded and they both started preparing to go to bed. They both fell asleep rather fast because their worries about each other were almost over now.
During the night, however, Dean was woken up when he heard Cas turning in his bed and muttering Dean's name, asking Dean to help him in his sleep. Just like Gabriel had told him. As soon as Dean woke him up and told him he was right there, Castiel seemed to calm down again. After a few minutes the angel was sleeping again, and he didn't wake up having nightmares for the rest of the night.
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The next few days Cas was staying in the room because he wasn't ready to go to classes again just yet, although he was feeling better. So Dean sneaked out of the room while the angel was still asleep and went to his own classes. He could feel that Cas was getting better and better, which was a good sign.
One day after his classes Dean walked back to his room, eager to see how Cas was doing. On his way there he met Jo.
"Hey," Jo said, catching up to Dean in the corridor and walked next to him.
"Hey, Jo."
"How is he doing?" Jo asked with a concerned frown on her face. She hadn't seen Cas since the incident, which was almost 2 weeks ago.
"He's doing okay. He has had a few nightmares lately but I have managed to calm him down. He still seems a bit skittish though," Dean replied, suddenly wondering if Cas was doing okay alone in their room. Maybe Gabriel was visiting him today.
"I see," Jo said, pondering. "Did you tell him yet?"
"Tell him what?"
"How you feel about him," Jo said, smiling knowingly.
Dean groaned. "Are you starting this, too? Jeez. I can't tell him how I feel because it will only mess things up even more, and I don't want to hurt him anymore."
"You won't, Dean. Cas likes you," Jo pointed out.
"I don't know about that. And I always end up hurting the ones I love…"
Jo rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, that's life, stop being so damned afraid of it. Besides, Cas is probably even more hurt without you."
Dean blinked at her and Jo winked at him before she disappeared into her classroom.
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When Dean came back to his room Cas was sitting on his own bed, sketching. He looked up when Dean entered and smiled.
"Hello, Dean. Did you have a nice day?" Cas asked, putting his sketchbook away.
"Yeah, it was alright," Dean answered, smiling, and dropped his bag onto his bed with a sigh. "What about you? Did you draw something?"
Castiel's face saddened a bit. "Not much… my inspiration is kind of… ruined." He stared down into his lap again and Dean felt sorry for him.
"I'm sure you will find inspiration again when you're feeling better," Dean said, smiling sympathetically.
Castiel nodded absently. He was feeling a lot better, though.
Dean twitched uneasily as he stood there. He wasn't sure if he could do this; be around Cas, talking to him, watch him smile and cry and want to either smile along with him or comfort him. One day it would all be gone – the bond would disappear and Cas would be gone. He would probably find a new mate, and Dean would be alone with an empty feeling in his chest.
Castiel stared at him, concerned. "I can sense through the bond that you are troubled. What is wrong?"
Dean turned to look at him in surprise. "You can feel that?"
Castiel got up from the bed slowly and approached Dean. "A bit, but only when I'm close to you, physically. An incomplete bond does not reveal many feelings and you have to search hard to sense them."
Dean blinked and looked away. "Yeah, sorry about that. This will probably be easier for you when the bond is gone. Then you don't have to worry about my feelings anymore."
Castiel suddenly got really silent and Dean raised his head to look at him. The angel was staring at something on Dean's shirt without really seeing it; lost in thought.
"Cas…? What is it?"
"I…" Cas trailed off. He looked away and his wings twitched nervously behind him. "I don't know… I mean, I don't know if the bond should be broken. I don't know if I want it to fade away." His voice was low, like a whisper, but Dean could hear him clearly.
Dean blinked. "Cas, what are you saying?"
The angel suddenly looked more nervous, avoiding Dean's eye, and his wings flared a bit.
"If the bond breaks then I… then I lose you," Cas said, looking up at Dean.
Dean went silent for a moment.
"Cas… are you saying that you like me?"
Castiel blushed heavily and his wings twitched nervously again. "I don't… I mean yes, I like you, Dean. I think I have liked you for a while, I just didn't want to admit it – I was supposed to hate you after what you did to me, but then I started seeing that underneath your sometimes arrogant appearance you were nice, funny, loyal and caring. And then when Crowley attacked me, I…" He trailed off a moment. "Then all I could think of was you; that I couldn't let Crowley touch me because I belong with you, and that I trusted more than anything else that you would save me and protect me. And then I could no longer deny my feelings to myself."
Dean could not believe what he was hearing.
Cas liked him?
He actually liked him back?
"Cas…"
Castiel looked away, blushing. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to babble like that. I can understand if you do not feel the same—"
"It's not that," Dean cut him off.
Cas looked up at him in surprise.
"I… I like you, too, Cas. God, I have liked you for a long time, I was just too stupid to see it until a few weeks ago. I don't want the bond to break either, and I don't want to lose you, either."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Cas asked, surprised and in awe; searching Dean's eyes as they stared at each other.
"I… I'm not sure if I'm right for you," Dean confessed. "I mean, I'm a jerk – I'm selfish, I say the wrong things, I sometimes hurt people without meaning to, I have commitment issues and tend to avoid long-lasting relationships because I always fuck things up anyway, so I end up sleeping around with various strangers instead. And I don't feel that it's right for you to be with someone like me. You deserve better, Cas."
"Dean, I like you the way you are. Everyone has their faults," Cas said, looking Dean in the eye. "And with you I feel safe and content… nothing else matters to me."
"But, I'm a demon and you're an angel, Cas… it's not normal," Dean pointed out.
"No… but I still like you," Cas said, blushing. "And it feels right to me."
Dean smiled, feeling the same.
They stared at each other for a few moments before Dean pulled Cas closer and rested his forehead against the angel's; his hands resting on the Cas' slim hips. Castiel leaned into him, relaxed. Dean's tail was moving next to his leg as so many thoughts went through his head. They could both feel their bond strengthening inside them as they touched and were standing so close.
Castiel sighed, contently, and closed his eyes for a moment while his forehead rested against Dean's. Dean smiled at him. Their noses bumped together but that was okay.
"So… are we real mates now? Like, as much as you can be mates without a completed bond," Dean asked, grinning.
Castiel blushed a bit and smiled. "Yes, I think we are."
"Good. Then I can finally have you all to myself," Dean grinned.
Castiel blushed but smiled. Then he moved forward to rest his head against Dean's strong chest, and Dean's arms embraced him. Castiel closed his eyes and enjoyed the comfort of his mate's warm body against his own.
He felt safe with Dean, and all his bad memories seemed to disappear as they stood there.
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Author's note: Wow, this chapter was a bit hard to write, hope it went well. And yay, they confessed their feelings xD Just so you know, you have to wait until chapter 18 for some sex, but there will be fluffiness, first kiss and more kissing, wing touching and grooming until then ;)
Hope you enjoyed reading, I will update again soon :)
Please review ^_^