After I'm done telling Bella I hate her I go home, get drunk then pass out vaguely aware that Paul never came home.
The next morning I wake up with a killer hangover and a cloud of guilt that I just messed up my fertility treatments by getting drunk.
As the fog in my head clears up the cloud of guilt gets bigger and bigger and bigger till it bursts and I'm screaming at my bedroom wall and throwing things across the room. That's when Paul walks in and I'm so mad that he spent all night, I'm assuming, with Bella that I start throwing things at him and he just stands there and lets me until I stop.
"You have two choices Leah, you can quit the drugs or I leave. You're not the person I married; you're not the person I love. And just so you don't throw a fit later about me picking Bella over you I wasn't with Bella last night, I spent the night with Jake helping him taking care of Jo-Jo and Luke because Bella had broken down in my arms and hasn't quite recovered yet. Sam took her home where she apparently cried for hours. Not just cried Leah sobbed and sobbed to the point of not being able to breathe, he finally gave her some strong sleeping pills your mom had from something. Jake still has the kids but he's taking them to Seth's in an hour and I will be there with them. I feel responsible for them because it is your fault their mom is in a drugged state of sleep. And if you still see this as picking Bella over you then that's fine, I'm too tired to really give a damn what you think. I'll be home as soon as the kids are back with Sam and Bella and when I get home I want an answer. If you pick the drugs then good luck finding someone to take my place in all this because I will pack my stuff and be out tonight."
He walks out without me saying anything. I lay back down in bed because I don't have the energy to do anything else.
His choice is unfair. If I pick the drugs what am I supposed to do without him? Either choice leaves me without a baby. While perfect Bella will soon have 3.
"Leah, get up. You need to get a shower and some food." My mom demands from the doorway. I should've known Paul wouldn't just leave me here all alone.
"Go away mom. Go be with Bella, haven't you heard? I'm just the bitch that broke her."
"Sweetie, Paul told me everything and while I'm not crazy about the way you handled things you're my daughter too. Bella has plenty of people taking care of her, she doesn't need me. Honestly Bella never really needed me, when she had you and Seth and then Sam. Leah why didn't you tell anyone about you're fertility treatments?"
"Because I feel like a failure. She's perfect mom and I can't even have a baby." I whine to her.
"Leah you have to see this is the drugs talking. You've never been jealous of Bella and I know you weren't just hiding it well your whole life. Bella is not perfect, she's far from it. She works too much and she still throws tantrums like a child and she'll risk her life to sit in a thunderstorm. Remember when Jo-Jo was born and she locked herself in her room for 3 days ignoring her daughter until Sam dragged her out and got her help for what we found out was postpartum depression. She's not perfect but it's not her fault you can't pregnant either. Sweetie, Paul asked me to convince you to stop taking them. I understand how hard this must be for you but there are other ways to have a baby. Leah just consider it? Please?" She's begging and I hate it, I hate knowing I'm the one causing so many people pain.
"He didn't really give me a choice Mom, it's give up the drugs or he leaves. I can't have a baby by myself. I'm just not sure I can forgive him for making me give this up." I'm crying and she puts my head in her lap and I feel like such a little girl
"Why don't you stop the drugs and after a month or two rethink everything sweetie? Once the drugs are out of your system you'll know it's really you. You can stay with us for a while if you need too."
"Did Paul suggest that too?" she hesitates then says yes.
He doesn't want me anymore. Bella isn't going to want to be my sister anymore and she'll probably take Dad and Seth with her.
"You'll help me pack my stuff?" I ask her and she says of course.
I take a shower, she makes me breakfast, helps me pack and for the first time in a long time I go home with my mom.
I put my stuff in my old room and it's so quiet. I haven't been here in a while and I can't remember the last time I was here without Bella and the kids or Seth.
I text Paul…
At mom's. I'm quitting the drugs but I don't know if I can forgive you for making me. Please don't call me, I'll call you when I'm ready. I am so sorry it's come to this.-Leah
I love you Leah and I really think we will make it through this. I won't call you but please don't shut me out completely.-Paul
I'll try. Baby steps. How are Jo-Jo and Luke?-Leah
Jo-Jo is fine, Luke won't stop crying. Embry and Marissa are on the way. You know Embry has some weird connection with Luke.-Paul
Yeah that's true. Is Bella still out? - Leah
Seth has asked me not to talk to you about Bella. I'm sorry Leah. - Paul
Yeah whatever. I'll call you when I'm ready. - Leah
I turn my phone off before he can respond then cry into my pillow.
I'm so far out of control my brother asked my husband not to talk to me about my sister, my best friend, and he listened.