Author's Note: Dearest Readers, Thanks so much for your support throughout this story. I appreciate the feedback you've given me along the way-those reviews are priceless to a writer. They really are! This story was tough for me to get on paper but I'm very happy how things have come together. So, here we are at the end. I hope you enjoy this last bit!
I am working on another fic, one that occurs after Return to Riverside (with Jim & 'Carol as Bria'lel'). I'll tell you right out that John Harrison/Khan plays a vital role. I am so excited to explore some ideas in this new story. In particular, Carol's hidden identity from Khan, as she is now Bria'lel. Spock and McCoy's decision to erase a particular memory of Jim's (as seen in Chapter 12) may come up, as well. The story's of the plot-driven, adventurous sort and will probably take me a few months to finish before I can begin posting. Meanwhile, I may be able to post a three shot exploring Jim and his relationship with friends/family the day before the five-year mission. That's been in rough form the past few weeks and needs time to polish. Until then, I hope to hear that you enjoyed this final chapter! DLB48- I am forever grateful for your words of wisdom and beta reading. Thank you!
Carol required the better part of a week to begin her recovery from her emotional upheaval and cracked ribs. On the very same day she returned to duty, Jim left sickbay for his quarters, completely healed and eating consistent, well-rounded meals once again. Most importantly, his happiness was so keen in his steps it was if he were walking on air. Despite the cost to her own recovery, she'd done everything in her power to help him maintain that happiness, including keeping her injury a secret from Jim. It had been difficult to conceal, especially as she leaned over his biobed that first day. Even now, four days later, she involuntarily winced as she walked, her hand going to her once-tender side. In addition, her guilt compounded knowing that Jim's memories had been tampered with without his consent. Her conscious pricked her and she could do nothing about it.
She hadn't thought Spock or McCoy would ever do something quite that deceitful but given the circumstances, she didn't blame either men. Still, it was the line the three of them had crossed together for the sake of the man they each loved.
As she entered the observation deck, she stopped abruptly at the sight of Jim standing, legs slightly apart, arms crossed, and fingers drumming his arms. His gold and black uniform hugged him nicely, showing the contours of returning vigor and muscle. The side of his clean shaven face revealed a slip of a smile. All that they had done for him to get to this point of good health- it was worth all of those secrets.
"Are you ready for tomorrow?"
He turned at her voice and flashed her a wide, boyish grin. Gone were the dark circles under his eyes and the horrific past clinging to his every move and thought. "As ready as I'll ever be."
"You're concentrating," she commented, now walking up to him quickly. Her shoulder brushed his arm. "I can tell. You're tapping your fingers. I've missed that."
Jim chuckled. "Have me figured out, do you?"
"What are you thinking about?"
He beamed at her. "My first mission in almost six weeks. A month and a half, Carol. I can't believe it's been that long."
"I'm sorry," she hoarsely whispered, her joy getting the best of her as tears pricked her eyes. Blinking them back, she cleared her throat. "I know you never thought any of this would happen to you during these five years."
"I figured it would catch up to me someday but no, not in deep space. I was lucky, really. If not for you, Spock, and Bones, I would probably be six feet under." He shrugged, as if the words were unassuming for even her. In truth, the words were too big for her to swallow after all that had happened and a feeble, shallow cry escaped her. He frowned. "I'm sorry, Carol. That was awfully callous of me. I shouldn't have said that."
"It's the truth," she took a deep breath. "And although it hurts, it's what makes your life so incredibly special to me."
"Wow," Jim whispered, staring widely at her. "You really do love me, don't you?"
"Captain...unabashedly. It's why I never left."
"I am forever grateful, Carol. For all of it. I can't even describe how free I feel. For the first time, my past no longer haunts me. I'm sleeping, I'm eating... yet, part of me still wishes I could have done this on my own."
Jim gazed out through the glass of the deck.
"Yesterday, Bones watched me like a hawk in my own quarters. He refused to leave until I ate everything on my plate and it's been like that every day, Carol. He treats me like I'm going to break or disappear or...or...something. I had to escape up here and even now they make sure not to be too far from me." Jim sighed. Carol caught sight of Dr. McCoy and Spock below, conversing near the shuttlecraft. "When Bones comes to see me in my quarters, it's quite clear to me that he's the one not sleeping. Because of that, there's something nagging at me, like I need to apologize...but I don't know what for. I feel like I'm missing something. I can't tell him that I'm sorry anymore because he snapped at me when I said it the first time. Then there's Spock..."
Jim shook his head ruefully, not bothering to comment on the way that the first officer hovered over him. Carol didn't need Jim to elaborate- she'd seen Spock's persistent attentions right alongside those of McCoy's. More than that, Spock's unyielding observance unnerved even her.
"They were losing you. Either way, Jim, the loss was hard."
"But I'm fine, now," Jim argued. "More than fine, actually. And they aren't. What should do? I am missing something, aren't I?"
"No," Carol said firmly, refusing to hint to anything different. "They need time. That's all."
"You...you're okay, aren't you?" Jim gave her a sideways glance, biting his lip. "Please tell me you are, because I don't know if I can-
"I'm fine," she broke in gently with what he needed to hear. It wasn't an untruth. She was fine in every way. Being the object of affection of a young, vibrant captain did her more good than she wanted to admit, actually. "I'm ready to be under the command of my captain tomorrow, on the bridge and wherever else he may take us."
"What about tonight?" He leaned in towards her expectantly. Instead of giving him the kiss he obviously desired, she moved her head away and shrugged lightly.
"Oh, I don't know. I hear he's in love," she said without a smile and with as much nonchalance she could muster. "Could be quite tiresome listening to the captain rave about his love interest, a fellow crew member no less. It's scandalous, you know, and maybe against my own set of rules."
"Hmm." He nodded gravely, a smirk tugging the corners of his mouth and a twinkling appearing in his eyes. "I see what you mean. Seriously boring. Ridiculously over-the-top, even. Maybe he should keep all sentiments of love to himself, then, if it would be best."
"That's not what I said," she shook her head haughtily.
"It's not? It sounds like he should keep his mouth shut to me but let's go over this again." Jim took her arm and began to lead them both off the deck. "You said you would grow tired listening to the captain, who is head-over-heels in love with a woman according to you, exclaim his passionate love for this particular woman and you said it was against your own-
"I lied." She frowned. "Totally, completely lied. He can never stop doing that."
He paused before the doors and hungrily searched her face in the shadows. They were alone. It was difficult to be seen from anyone beyond the door or from the glass below. She ignored any thought that this was grossly inappropriate behavior on the observation deck and allowed Jim to do what he wanted. The pitter patter of her heart intensified as his mouth claimed hers.
Overwhelmed with her own burning desire for Jim, she melted in his arms as they slipped easily around her waist. Nothing felt as wonderful as this. She'd waited for what seemed to be so long for the man she loved to be himself again, whole and complete. They were finally moving forward in what she knew without a doubt would be the best thing she'd ever done. Blissfully happy, she molded to his body, leg pressing into leg, hip to hip, and finally her lips to his.
"Don't worry," he whispered breathlessly to her after he broke their kiss. "The captain will never tire of telling her the depth of his affection. In fact, he will love her forever."