Disclaimer: I own the OCs, and that's about it. The rest belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

AN I know how much you all hate hearing the same scene from someone else's POV, but how else do you suppose you're going to find out what was going on with Jacob?

Secondly, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about this lovely story that has drastically influenced my writing of Jacob... And I think I can finally let you see it now without giving it away. So, go to my favorites, and read The Letters, by Tuz Farkinca. It's a lovely, painfulfully twisted oneshot.

Chapter 12

Leah

Breaking Dawn, Breaking Dawn… That was all I could think about. Sure, most of our valuable information came from those books, and they seemed pretty accurate factually, but the damage they did to the pack… After the last one, most of us had trouble phasing, facing each other, because it brought up so many things we fought to keep buried, things not one of us with our lives, our stories. When they had written about me and… Sam… I ran. I couldn't face him after that. I didn't get very far; I couldn't stop phasing enough to avoid them completely. The pack voices were always waiting for me. At the time, Emily had just gotten pregnant, and the two of them were so happy… And Sam had looked at me with pity.

I loathed pity. Anger I could manage. Vindictiveness and bitchiness were easy to understand, easier to deal with than sympathy or pity. I could handle my own pain until someone looked at me with big, sorry eyes and apologized. Because no matter how many apologies were made, nothing ever changed. No matter how sorry Sam was, Emily was always there. She would always be there. And the only difference was that everyone felt sorry for me, and that wasn't enough. It wouldn't ever be enough.

I couldn't afford to think about Sam, not now, not like this. I was crazy enough already.

You can say that again.

Shut up, Jacob, I snarled, and snapped at the air as I passed him, so close he could feel the heat of my breath against his fur. I wanted to get that close, to warn him. Jacob backed off, but I could sense him, stewing, in the back of my mind. Of course he would be sulking now. I wasn't the only moody wolf around. We all had things on our minds.

Where was the rest of the pack? I listened closely. Nothing. They were in human form then. Sleeping, perhaps, preparing themselves for tonight. If this book followed the trend the others had set, it would be longer than Eclipse, which had still taken hours for everyone to get through, even splitting it up the way they did.

Was it worth it? All the fans going crazy… They were unpredictable now; it was harder to keep them safe when they were worked up into a frenzy. I never thought I would be glad for the idea of midnight release parties, but if it kept all the Twilighters in packs of their own, they would be safer.

Strange to think that the very people we were here to protect caused us the most threat in terms of secrecy. They knew our names, our appearance, everything. Keeping it a secret from them was practically impossible. The only thing we had on our side was that we were too good to be true. Jacob snorted, and I turned my head to look at him.

Jacob?

Yes?

What happened in town?

I really did want to know. He'd been quiet since we left, even for his normal "quiet". Jacob snorted again, dismissing me, but I could feel his hesitation. He was hiding something.

I know something happened. You were more irritable than usual. Not that you're pleasant to be around anyway…

Why do you care?

Because it affects me. What happened?

Jacob thought about this for a second, and then replayed the memory for me. There was a tiny bookstore in the town, advertising Breaking Dawn in the window. He had stopped to look, when two teenaged girls came by and stared at him. One had short dark hair, and the other had long, dirty blonde hair, but they could easily have been siblings despite the coloring.

"Doesn't he look?" asked the dark haired girl, breaking off her question with a giggle.

The other girl giggled back. "Yes!" she breathed, and giggled again. Jacob ignored them and went to the Burger King, which was small, even for the town, one register, three booths and a table. The girls followed him inside, staying by the door.

The cashier introduced himself, conversationally, probably because he wasn't wearing a name tag. It would have been pointless, anyway, when everyone already knew who he was. "Hi, I'm Devan. I don't think I've seen you here before."

"You haven't," Jacob had answered. "Just passing through."

"Oh. Where you from?"

"Washington." Jacob was trying to curb the questions with his quick answers, but either the cashier was stupid or he was too curious to care. Probably curious, judging from the fact that he was reading behind the counter.

One of the girls gasped. Of course they were listening in.

"Cool. What's your name again?"

"Jacob," he'd responded gruffly.

One of the girls gasped. "No…"

"It is!"

"It can't be!"

Their whispers were beginning to annoy him. Jacob ignored them, suddenly uncomfortable. "I'd like four cheeseburgers and two fries. Here's the coupon. Quickly, please, I'm in a hurry."

Devan rang him up. "12.97," he said, and Jacob handed him the twenty.

"You don't have any Canadian?" he asked.

"I will when you give me my change," Jacob said. He wasn't trying to be threatening, but Devan heard the dangerous tone in his voice and recognized it. He quickly backed off. "Sure. Here you go."

And Jacob was left alone at the register.

"Excuse me," said one of the girls, and she giggled again. Jacob turned. The sound grated against his ears, and he suppressed a shudder. She blushed, and Jacob dropped his gaze from her face.

"Would you mind signing our shirts?" the other one finished. Jacob blinked.

"You see," said the brunette, both of them peeling off their coats, "We're Team Jacob. So it would be really cool if you would sign…" Underneath they were wearing white T-shirts with his name on them.

"No," Jacob said firmly. "I am not signing some girls' T-shirts when I don't even know you. And I have no idea what you are talking about."

There were footsteps from behind the counter, and Jacob turned to see Devan coming with the food. "Here's your meal," he said. Jacob took it without a word, and walked out the door, leaving two very confused girls behind him…

I'm not used to them liking me, Jacob concluded miserably. There are those who do like me, but they are so outweighed by their friends, that it's practically a nonexistent group. Not that it matters anyway. She got what she wanted, and I'm left here.

I felt a stab of pity for him, and shoved it away. There was no way I was going to let him see that vulnerability.

No more, Jacob. No more thinking about her. This is a time when you can leave everything behind, if only for a little while, just until this all calms down.

Jacob sniffed. You get first watch, he said, abruptly changing the subject. I knew what he was doing, but I played along.

You just want to be the first one to hear, I accused.

Jacob shrugged mentally. Does it really matter?

No, I admitted grudgingly.

Good. Jacob curled up, resting his head on his forepaws. Watch her. She's been awfully quiet. I don't trust the sudden change.

I think she's afraid of you, I answered, glancing at Samantha's still form as she flipped through her wallet, her red eyes narrowed. She's curious, too. As long as you leave a mystery for her, she'll stick around just because she's intrigued.

Jacob considered this. I think you're right. She's always asking questions. And now, I am going to sleep. He purposely closed his eyes, shutting me out. I was used to being ignored, and Jacob still enjoyed sleep.

His breathing relaxed; he was finally asleep. There were only Samantha and I left awake, and we purposefully ignored each other.

Someone else shifted into wolf form; I could suddenly sense the connection.

Leah? Seth. The one person in the pack that I loved without hating as well. His voice was fainter than Jacob's would have been, as if it took time for it to travel to me, but it was still strong.

How are we going to do this? I asked. Breaking Dawn, I mean.

We have several copies on hold for midnight. Rachel and Kim are going to get two copies each, and then we're dividing it up and reading the sections all out of order, at the same time. It'll take less time that way. Then we'll get the whole story when we shift, and everything falls together. After all, it's not like we won't know what's going on in the story. You'll know everything by dawn.

Thank you, Seth, I replied. You're growing up too fast to be my baby brother anymore.

I hope so, Seth sniffed, offended. I'm 21. Definitely too old for you to baby.

And you will never understand how much I miss that, I answered.

How are you all holding up?

The leech is still here. She's trying, very hard, to be human. You can see it in her mannerisms. She tries to flick her hair behind her ears, to swallow when she's nervous. I don't know whether to pity her for the attempt, or to be disgusted by how badly she fails.

Seth shrugged. I think it's admirable. She hates the vamps as much as we do. It's like having someone on the inside.

I never thought of it that way.

That's why I'm your brother. I'm here to fix all your problems.

Not all of them, I said quietly.

Seth's tone lost its smile. No, not all of them. But I wish I could.

I smiled, knowing he couldn't see it, but he could sense it. I'll be fine. Thanks. Take care of yourself.

I always do. And then Seth shifted, and I was alone once more.

It was finally Jacob's turn to take his watch and for me to get some sleep. I got up and nudged him. Wake up, Jacob. I'm not letting you sleep in.

Jacob cracked open one eye before rolling to his feet. I'm up, Leah. No need to patronize me.

I snorted, and curled up as close to the fire as I could. It took a few minutes for me to relax; I didn't like sleeping as much anymore. I didn't like the nightmares. But then I felt the familiar falling sensation as sleep washed over me with the warmth. The world blinked out of my awareness.

I was in a corridor, walking down towards something I could not name. The place had been abandoned for a long time, but book jackets lined the walls and floor, turning everything black and red except for the pale hands, and the white patches in the tulip. Something was missing. One of the books was missing. And the further along I went, the more I felt a growing dread. Suddenly, before me, was a white queen, stretching from the floor to the ceiling far above my head. Breaking Dawn was here. I started running, and I could not decide whether I was running towards it or away. Maybe it didn't matter.

The dream shifted. I was in the kitchen with Sam, who was washing dishes as I cut up vegetables. A memory? No. I was watching myself from behind. Sam stopped, set everything down and dried his hands, and came up behind me to kiss my ear, one hand pulling away my long hair, the other resting on my stomach. The dream-Leah turned to kiss him back, and I saw. She- I- was pregnant.

I wanted to scream. The dream-Leah and the me-Leah were two very different people. I saw myself before Sam broke me, before I turned into a wolf, before my father died. I saw myself happy. This had been one of my favorite daydreams.

Dream-Leah turned her gaze so she was staring back at me. "I'm sorry," she whispered. I shuddered, hating the words. And then her face changed, thick, ropy scars crossing her cheek. It was Emily. It had been Emily all along. It always would be Emily.

I ran. Dream after dream haunted me, showing me the things I spent my days avoiding. Thoughts of Emily, thoughts of Sam. I was drowning, like I did every night, in the one place I could not run from, where my own mind haunted me.

Waking was a relief, as it often was. I was Leah, once again, hard, cold, prepared. I took a deep breath, waiting for my senses to realign with the real world.

My eyes snapped open, my senses screaming Danger! And in the back of my mind, I heard the clamoring of the rest of the pack.

Leah, Leah wake up!

Something's wrong.

Jacob won't listen!

He won't hear us.

And then Seth's voice, normally calm and content, made its way to my mind. Leah, I'm worried. Stop him. We can't lose him, not now.

Jacob- I could hear him snarling, charging, snapping… For a moment I thought there was another leech in the camp, but then I heard his thoughts…

His mind was more frightening at that moment than mine had ever been. There were no words, only rage and anguish and despair… He wasn't Jacob anymore, just… He was an animal, a wounded animal attacking anything that moved, anything… Anything that looked like her.

Bella! his mind screamed, whether in response to my thoughts or his own, I could not tell. I wasn't sure he could even hear me, not like this. Her name was the only tangible word in his mind, his thoughts filled with his imagined pictures of her red-eyed vampire self.

I leapt to my feet. Jacob! I shouted.

Jacob didn't even acknowledge his name as he spun to face Samantha. He readied himself to spring. He wasn't attacking her; he was challenging her. Did he want to die? Newborns had instincts, instincts to protect themselves at any cost. Whether or not she wanted to kill him, she could. Her red eyes glinted dangerously in the early light, but the look on her face was confused, terrified, anything but angry. I ran towards them.

As fast as I was, I was not fast enough. Jacob charged at her, and she wasn't able to leap out of the way. She tried; her feet left the ground, she was in midair when Jacob slammed into her, knocking her into the dead leaves and sticks, scattering dirt everywhere. She screamed, and I barreled forward, ready to save her. But Jacob didn't stop to finish her off. He ran on.

The other pack members were clamoring to know what was going on, to calm Jacob down, but he was beyond the ability to listen. Leave us be, I commanded them.

They argued, so many voices telling me a resounding NO that I couldn't distinguish which voice belonged to whom.

If you want him back, you have to trust me, I said. Leave us alone.

Do what she says, Sam said. It was a direct command. The others obeyed instantly, shifting one by one, until only Sam was left. There was an uncomfortable silence as he waited for me to say something.

Thank you, I told him.

He shrugged. I trust you, Leah. It's the least I could do. He was wrong. It was the most he could do. Because he could never choose me. The most he could do was trust me. Then he was gone, and I could breathe again.

Jacob had moved on to destroying a tree, rending the branches and bark from the poor pine.

Jacob, stop!

He ignored me, as I had known he would. Whatever she's done, it doesn't matter, I said, circling the tree. You can't change it. It's past. Bella is gone.

As soon as he heard me utter her name, he turned and lunged at me. I snapped at him, catching his skin this time. The taste of blood filled my mouth. I could still hear his mind; he was beyond feeling the pain. Jacob swiped my side, and I moved away just in time to keep him from gutting me completely. Three scratches down my side. Like Emily's three scars.

I lost it. I lunged forward and bit down on the first thing my teeth could catch. It was Jacob's ear, caught in my teeth and shredding as he pulled away. Ears were tender, but they would heal. Already the scratches in my side were closing up. But even this pain did nothing to bring him back to me.

I am Leah. That vampire is Samantha. Come back to us, Jacob…

Jacob whirled forward, still feral, not comprehending. He caught my ear, and I jerked away, his teeth tearing completely through. I winced.

Stop it, Jacob!

He snarled, and I lunged at him, the two of us tumbling into a heap, each fighting to get on top of the other, teeth and claws gouging out holes in tender places, blood making us slick, making us slide off of each other easily. Too much blood. We were going to kill each other if I couldn't make him stop.

Jacob, Bella wouldn't want this! I shouted, desperately trying something else. Jacob paused, her name the only word breaking through his raging mind. I got to my feet, and we faced each other, breathing heavily, recovering.

Bella never would have wanted this, I repeated.

One second passed, then two. Jacob's eyes lost the crazed light they'd held moments before. You don't know what she would want! he cried. And then, so softly I couldn't be sure I wasn't imagining it, he added, I don't know, either. I never knew.

What do you mean?

Jacob opened his mind to me, and I heard everything. Bella having a baby, Jacob imprinting on it, the splitting of the packs, the Volturi, everything.

Bella has a baby? I asked, shocked.

I don't know! he said, almost howling the words. I don't know…

I searched his head some more, getting more details, cringing when I came to the point where she'd written about my inability to have children, my genetic flaws. No one was supposed to know that about me. Hell, no one cared enough to know. So it was my secret, now out to be analyzed by millions of fans. The only person who could have known was… Damn him. I was going to shred the mind reader to pieces if I ever came across him.

Why would she end it like that? Why would she lie? Jacob asked me, a soft whine coming from his throat. Why give me a happy ending when she didn't care enough to stay?

I turned away from my own thoughts. Jacob's pleading tone sounded much like my own when I had asked Sam why he was trying to hurt me.

Why did I have to love Sam to begin with? I responded. No matter the reason, it still hurts. I stepped forward and touched my nose to his. Stop asking why, and you can start living with yourself.

Jacob resented my easy explanation, and snapped at me again. At least I have friends instead of enemies, Leah. You think you're living? You're a shell.

I'm alive, Jacob. And I don't answer to anyone. I deal with my pain my own way. You just need to deal, because I'm not doing it for you. And then I walked away, leaving him staring behind me. I threw the words behind me. And Jacob? Don't expect me to repeat any of this again. As far as I am concerned, this conversation never happened. I don't want any of them to know.

I shifted,not wanting to hear Jacob's reply. I wanted peace. I wanted to curse Bella in the safety of my own mind, without an audience. And I wanted to be able to pity Jacob without anyone else's knowledge. I didn't hate him anymore. I didn't know when this had happened, but it had. He was pack, family. My family.

Behind me, Jacob howled. The leaves and branches trembled, the notes shrill even to my human ears, as Jacob mourned his loss. Because as long as Bella had told the truth, he was as justified in hating her as he was in loving her. But now, now that she had created a fictitious happy ending, she'd even taken the power of anger from him.

Breaking Dawn was a lie, but the worst part of the lie was that parts of both Jacob and I that wished it were true. When you couldn't face the truth, and you wanted the lie so badly, what was there left for you to do?

I know, I know, I have yet to reply to many of your lovely reviews. I am very behind. I am trying to catch up, but I figured, what would you like more? A chapter, or a reply? I do appreciate them all, I just... am rather cramped for time.

So, please review! If nothing else, I will at least send you a teaser. I promise! (I am so bad, I apologize! I am trying to get better!)