CHAPTER 200
MAN I HAD REALLY HOPED TO GET THIS OUT SOONER. IT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY, YOU KNOW. HOSHINO HAS ALREADY BROKEN MY SPIRIT ONCE. BUT I HAVE RECOVERED, MOSTLY, AND WILL LIVE TO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT FOR ANOTHER DAY. ALSO, A LITTLE ADVICE FOR LIFE: DO NOT GO TO DESIGN COLLEGE. IT WILL KILL YOU. MAYBE LITERALLY. EXAM WEEK RECOVERY PUT ME TO SLEEP FOR 17 STRAIGHT HOURS AND I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS TECHNICALLY A COMA.
MOVING ON. SO ALMA IS REALLY DEAD THIS TIME, RIGHT? FOR REAL?
ALLEN: ARK, TAKE THEM FAR AWAY, TO A LAND FREE OF THE ORDER'S DOUCHE-BAGGERY, WHERE NO ONE CAN JUDGE THEIR FORBIDDEN LOVE.
KANDA: NOT… GAY…
ALLEN: DON'T EVEN BOTHER.
KANDA: FUCK YO— *DISAPPEARS THROUGH GATE*
ALLEN: WELL, I HAVE DONE A GOOD DEED AND CLEARLY SAVED THE DAY.
KANDA: *PLUMMETS TOWARD THE GROUND AT BREAKNECK SPEED*
ALLEN: I AM A HERO.
~IN THAT FAR AWAY LAND~
KANDA: I'M PRETTY SURE I JUST BROKE MY SPINE. YOU OKAY, ALMA?
ALMA: MY TORSO IS LITERALLY IN SEVERAL PIECES.
KANDA: MAN UP.
ALMA: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND WATCH ME DIE PLEASE?
KANDA: K.
SPIDER: Y HALO THAR.
KANDA: WUT?
SPIDER: *WIGGLES PINCER THINGS AT*
ALMA: I'M SURE IT'S DEEPLY SYMBOLIC SOMEHOW.
HOSHINO: SUBTLETY, WHAT IS?
KANDA: *SQUASHES IT*
…
ALMA: … YU?
KANDA: …
ALMA: YU? ARE YOU FUCKING SLEEPING?
KANDA: *SNORES*
ALMA: DICK! THAT'S IT, I'M OUT.
GHOST LADY/SHOTACON: *PEACE OUT, WITH ONE LAST ASS SHOT FROM THE LITTLE SHOTA*
KANDA: DOES THAT REALLY HAVE TO BE MY LAST MEMORY OF HIM?
GHOST LADY: NO WORRIES. I'LL LEAVE BEHIND SOME—
KANDA: NO, THAT'S OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO—
GHOST LADY: FLOOOOOWWWWEEEEERRRRRSSSSSSS
KANDA: *SIGH* YEAH, THANKS.
ALMA: I LOVE YOUUUU
KANDA: ARE YOU DYING OR NOT?
ALMA: *DIES*
KANDA: *TEARS* *OF RELIEF?*
ME: HE DIED AS HE LIVED— DRAPED IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN.
~ELSEWHERE, IN RUSSIA~
ELDRITCH HORROR: BLAAAARRRRRGH!
SOKARO: SWEET *SLASHES THE SHIT OUT OF IT* SEE KRORY, THAT IS HOW YOU SLAUGHTER A GODDAMN FORMER TEAMMATE. PUSSY.
KRORY: CAN I SWITCH SQUADS NOW? PLEASE?
DEBBITO: HEY GUYS, JUST A HEADS UP, KANDA WOKE UP THE FOURTEENTH.
ALL: FFFFF!
~IN GREECE~
DRAGON THING: YUP, SO NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SLAUGHTER ALLEN, JUST LIKE YOU SLAUGHTERED THIS GUY. WELL, MAYBE NOT QUITE THIS MUCH. JESUS, WOMAN. THE HELL DID THIS GUY EVER DO TO YOU? ARE THOSE ARMS OVER THERE?
LENALEE: IS THIS A THING NOW? I SHOW UP FOR ONE PAGE TO BE DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED, THEN DISAPPEAR FOR A FEW MONTHS?
HOSHINO: CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT ALLEN, KANDA AND LAVI WILL ALL BE MISSING OR DEAD WHEN YOU GET BACK!
LENALEE: FUCK. THIS. MANGA.
HOSHINO: BACK ON THE BUS WITH YOU.
~IN CHINA~
CHAOJI: *DYING*
NO ONE: *CARES*
MARI: ANYONE SEEN LAVI AND BOOKMAN?
~BACK AT THE ORDER~
BAK: FOU, RETURN!
PROOF THAT HOSHINO IS JUST FUCKING WITH US: NOT CONTENT TO MAKE BAK LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ALLEN, THERE IS NOW EITHER A BEAD OF SWEAT OR BLOOD (I WOULD MAYBE BE ABLE TO TELL IF THE SCREEN TONE ARTIST DIDN'T REAGQUIT) OVER HIS EYE THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE ALLEN'S SCAR. REALLY, HOSHINO? REALLY? YOUR RESPONSE TO ACCUSATIONS OF SAMEFACE IS NOT "OH, I SHOULD TRY TO DIFFERENTIATE FACES MORE" BUT RATHER "SAMEFACE? I'LL SHOW THEM SAMEFACE!"
SHINE ON, YOU CRAZY DIAMOND.
TYKI: SO DOES THIS MEAN I WIN?
BAK: FOR THE RECORD, IT IS BLOOD OVER MY EYE ON THIS PAGE.
ELDRITCH ABOMINATION THING: BLARRRRGH SMASH HATE BLAAAARRRRGHHHH
SOMEONE, MAYBE BAK: WHY IS THIS THING STILL HERE?
ALLEN: *TO THE RESCUE!*
BAK: OH I GUESS I AM BAK THEN. WHY ARE WE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES? I EVEN HAVE A TATTOO ON MY LEFT ARM THAT KIND OF RESEMBLES YOURS, THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A COINCIDENCE.
VATICAN HILTER: ALLEN WALKER YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN. YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR ROOM FOR A LONG TIME OUT AFTER THIS IS OVER. NOW GO DESTROY THE ALMA THING.
EARL: FOOOOLS~~~ *SPARKLE SPARKLE*
DUE TO THE EARL BEING WAY TOO FUCKING CREEPY ON THIS PAGE, WE ARE GOING TO IGNORE HIM FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER. JESUS. KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, MAN.
OLDGUY: WELL THE THIRD EXORCISTS ARE PRETTY MUCH SCREWED.
RENEE: WE REALLY DROPPED THE BALL ON THIS ONE. LET ME SHOW YOU MY RAEPFACE OF SORROW.
EVERYONE: *SHITS THEIR PANTS*
ALLEN: *ATTACKS ALMA-TOKUSA ABOMINATION*
VATICAN HITLER: FOR THE RECORD, I STILL COMPLETELY ENDORSE THIS PROJECT- ARE THOSE ARMS? WHAT IS WITH ALL THE ARMS IN THIS CHAPTER? ANYWAY. ALLEN QUIT PROTECTING US AND GO KILL ALMA. OR YOU ARE NO LONGER AN EXORCIST.
ALLEN: TOKUSA, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL IN THERE!
TOKUSA: *GURGLES*
ALLEN: THAT'S IT, FIGHT IT!
TOKUSA: *DROOLING*
ALLEN: WORK WITH ME HERE. COME ON. I AM OBLIGATED TO SAVE EVERY GODDAMN NAME CHARACTER, EXCEPT OLD PEOPLE. I AM TOTALLY GOING TO ANGST FOR HOURS IF YOU DIE.
TOKUSA: ALRIGHT, FINE. I'M FIGHTING IT, SEE?
ALLEN: THAT'S GREAT! KEEP IT UP!
TOKUSA: YEAH, I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY LIVE!
ALLEN: THAT'S THE SPIRI— *SWATHED HEAD TO TOE IN BINDING SEALS* THE FUCK?
LINK: WALKER. I BELIEVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE MY SIGHT.
ALLEN: ARE YOU KIDDING— I AM BUSY HERE! AND YOU JUST REDEFINED OVERKILL!
LINK: BITCH. BE. TRIPPING.
ALLEN: WHERE WERE YOU EVEN KEEPING THESE? JUST HOW MANY TREES HAD TO DIE FOR THIS INTERVENTION?
LINK: WALKER. WE HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR OVER TEN CHAPTERS AND I HAD TO STRONGARM A HO TO GET HERE. BACK THE FUCK DOWN.
CAPTION: THE LINK TOWARD TOKUSA'S SALVATION HAS BEEN CUT! SEE? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ME: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. PUNNY.
END.
Today's rating: 7. It was just kind of good in an average-ish way. But it was way better than the last chapter, which I probably gave more credit than it really deserved, so we'll go with 7. I think that I was more impressed the first time I read it.