Chapter 13

-Holly Wainright-

All I could do was sit on my couch, hug my knees and stare into space. I felt so out-of-place, so hurt. Tobi had given me Tylenol for my arm, but that didn't stop the pain in my chest; I felt like my heart had been ripped out from between my lungs. I didn't even know Bill anymore; he was so nice and sweet when I first met him. Now he was darker than anyone I had ever known before. I couldn't help but think that Tom really had died, and Bill had partially died as well. The side of Bill that I had come to know and love was gone. One twin was still physically alive, but they might as well both be dead, because whatever spirit now inherited my singer's body was not Bill.

I heard the front door slam shut, and Tobi screamed: "Get in here and stay!"

I peeked through the doorway to see Bill running for his room, his face black with makeup that had been ruined by tears. I felt a rock in my stomach; so Tom was dead. I had never seen Bill cry like that, so his brother must have given in to the poison. I felt dizzy; the room was spinning. I allowed myself to fall back against the arm of the couch and let my mind get lost in a daze. But I didn't really start crying until reality hit. Bill had a dream that I would save Tom from this very situation, and I had failed. I couldn't get there in time.

Gustav came in and knelt beside me, and I allowed him to pull me off the sofa and embrace me in another hug. His warmth enveloped me, and to my surprise I was slightly relaxed, even in Tokio Hotel's darkest hour.

"Gustav, things are looking grim," I pointed out. "I don't think Tokio Hotel's gonna make it. And I'm sure you felt the same way after all of your predicaments. I can only wonder why you're still around. No matter how bad things got for you, you've always found the strength to go on. How do you manage?"

"Friendship."

I couldn't help but jolt in the drummer's arms, and I looked up at him in shock. Did Gustav just talk?

The blond man looked just as surprised as I was, but he was able to continue. "The…the reason why I can live with myself after all that's happened is because I've got so many friends looking out for me. People who I love and who love me, as you said."

I was astounded. Not only was Gustav talking for the first time in who-knows-how-long, but he made me realize something that I should have known several hours ago. As long as there is someone—anyone at all—that still wants you around, isn't that enough reason to keep going?

"I gotta talk to Bill," I explained.

The drummer nodded, then released me from his grip. I strode over to Bill's room and cautiously knocked on the door. After the way Bill last treated me, I expected the worst.

When I didn't get a negative response, I slowly opened the door, which whined as it swung on its hinges. "Bill?"

The singer sat on his bed, still as a statue, just like in the hospital. His eyes—still bloodshot in the aftermath of tears— looked as if they were staring into another universe, and I wondered if he heard me come in.

"It stopped," he said suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow. "What stopped?"

Bill turned to look at me. "The image of one of my dreams is fading, the one with Gustav. Is he talking now?"

"He…he was," I hesitated, unsure about whether or not Gustav actually wanted people knowing.

The black-haired man smiled, though it looked forced. "I'd love to hear his voice again, if I could."

Bill seemed to be in a better mood, and I wanted more than anything to wrap him in a hug and fall asleep with him. But I stayed put; I didn't know how he'd react by me moving closer, and no one had been able to sleep through the night with Tom's death.

As if Bill had read my mind, he leaned over and started groaning.

"Bill? Are you alright?" I asked.

The singer pressed his fingers to his temples. "I'm gonna be sick…"

It was at that moment that I found reason to get closer to Bill. I walked over to his bed, only to be shoved out of the way as the man suddenly sprang up and darted for the hallway.

I chased after him, and my nostrils were hit by a sharp, acrid stench. The bathroom door was open, and Bill was bent over with his face in the toilet. He grunted each time something came up, and in between he gasped for breath. Horrified, I stepped into the tiny bathroom and shut the door. It was cramped, but I somehow managed to squeeze myself in the corner and stroke Bill's back as he coughed up a rancid mouthful of bile.

"I think we're all shaken by what has happened," I whispered. "I just want you to know that I'm still here. Until everything is sorted out, nothing you say can make me leave."

"Thank you, Holly," Bill whispered in between deep breaths. "And I'm sorry for what I said out in the forest. I need you now more than ever, and so does Tom. He doesn't believe me when I say that his life is in serious danger; I'm powerless. I really need your help."

I suddenly stood back up. "Wait…Tom's still alive?"

The singer looked at me questioningly. "Yeah…what do you think, he died?"

There was a stunned silence, and panic welled inside me. Finally, I said: "I gotta find Tom."

"Whoa, hey!" Bill barked, struggling to a stand. "If you try to sneak out again, Tobi will make you tomorrow's lunch!"

"Better me than Tom," I called behind me as I ran out the front door.

Blind panic took me back behind the hospital building, and it only intensified when I heard what sounded like a ruckus. I wanted to believe it was just a couple of thugs, but then I heard Tom's unmistakable voice.

"Geliebte, why are you doing this!" the guitarist screamed.

"Haven't you figured it out?" The girl's voice sounded so much more demonic than last time, and I felt a chill when I heard it. "I hate Tokio Hotel! I've been trying to kill you for the past several days! I'll finally succeed, and hopefully pluck off your friends one by one!"

Tom gasped, and his breathing became uneven. "You lied to me! Gott, why didn't I believe Bill? He was right about everything he accused you of! And I didn't listen…"

"Shut up and die!"

I couldn't hide anymore. I sprinted around the corner, where a dark-haired woman about my age had a huge knife raised directly over Tom's chest. I wasted no time; the girl had only enough time for one looked at me before I tackled her and knocked her away from the guitarist.

"Tom, run!" I shouted.

The twin, dizzy with confusion, sprang to his feet and bolted. The madwoman struggled beneath me for several moments before I released her and sprinted faster than I had ever run in my life towards the tour bus.

-Bill Kaulitz-

More images faded from my memory as I leaned over the toilet bowl. My distant dream with Tom and the girl that tried to kill him immediately played before my eyes, then died away into the farthest reaches of my mind. Now the only dream that stood up front was the one that Holly didn't even know about—the one where she kissed me.

When I'm sure my stomach was done flushing bile out through my mouth, I got up and flushed the toilet a few times. There was nothing left in me, but I couldn't dream of eating. I didn't know where Holly was, or what she was doing. But with another rescue dream leaving me, it might have been good.

I jumped in surprise as Holly burst through the door, heaving deep and panicked breaths and collapsing on the floor of the bus.

I wrapped my arms around the girl's waist and helped her to the kitchen table. "Holly, what happened?"

"I think I can explain."

I whirled around in shock; standing before me was none other than Tom. "T-Tommy…"

"What's going on here?" Tobi roared as he came out of the living room. "Tom, what are you doing out of the hospital?"

"Bitte, Tobi, let me explain," Tom pleaded. "But first, I have to talk to Bill."

The bodyguard sighed, exasperated, but allowed Tom to take me to his room. We sat on his bed, and he looked up at me with heartbroken eyes.

"Did…did she…"

"Yes," Tom replied. "She attacked me." I realized my brother's voice was hoarse, and his eyes were sparkly with tears. "How could I have been so wrong?"

"It's not your fault, Tommy," I whispered. "These things happen to people like us."

"It is my fault," my brother argued. "If I believed you, none of this would have happened. I'm such an idiot!" He broke down into a fit of pitiful sobs, and I laid an arm around him. "I can't believe I wanted to leave the band and settle down with her. She wanted to kill me all along!"

I rested my chin on Tom's shoulder and whispered: "Tom, please understand that there's no shame in having a girlfriend. In all those interviews where I said that going steady with a girl is out of the question, I was only speaking from my beliefs. If you or Georg or Gustav find a girl and fall in love with her, go for it. But please, next time don't let her get between you and the band. We need you. I need you."

Tom nodded, then wrapped his arms around my waist and started rubbing my back. "Ich leibe dich, mein bruder."

I returned my brother's hug. "I love you, too, Tom."