AN: I guess this is where I apologize for updating so late, but at this point, did you expect anything else from me? An update on Valentine's Day. Isn't it fitting? Happy Valentine's Day! A day I'm sure Emmett and Bella still hate.

A quick update on what's going on with me for those interested. Remember I told you about my manager who went on disability months ago? Well she decided not to come back and I completely dislike my new manager. I don't see myself at the bank much longer.

If we're friends on FB, then you might have read about my cat. For those who aren't, my cat became sick. There was a mass growing behind her eye, making it bulge out and having permanent vision loss in that eye. She wasn't eating and was hiding all day. The animal eye specialist (I didn't even know that was a thing until this happened), and the vet both agreed that whatever was going on was very bad. She was put on steroids, we had her eye removed and a biopsy done. It wasn't to cure her, but just relieve some discomfort. Long story short (or maybe it's too late for that), it was nothing short of a miracle. She has one less eye, but she's back to her old self. I never updated on FB bc one of my friends there lost her dog the same day I got the results and I thought it would be very insensitive of me. Not to mention everyone seems to be losing a loved one this year.

Anyway, that's my long ass AN with my long ass two months. I guess all that's left now is to move on to the story…

"Do you know what an episiotomy is?" I asked Rosalie, who I knew was only half listening as she tinkered with a small, greasy car part.

"Huh?" she grunted as she picked up a screwdriver.

"It's when a doctor takes these long freaking scissors and cuts your vajay-jay open," I explained intelligently.

"What?" Now I knew I had her attention. "That doesn't make sense. It's already…open."

"Yeah, but it's not open enough to let the baby out. Apparently, women tear in order to have the baby and if they don't tear enough, the doctor takes matters into his own hands."

I watched Rosalie's face morph into many types of disturbed. For her sake, I was going to change the subject but, with a shudder, she beat me to it.

"I heard Esme talking to Alice about throwing you a baby shower."

"What?" She had to have heard wrong.

"I'm serious. It was two days ago – something like that. She told Alice that the babies would be here soon and since you never mentioned anything about a shower, she should throw it."

There were many things going through my head, but I asked what stuck out the most. "Why would she talk to Alice about it?"

"Well, it's not like you've been around the house to talk to," Rose countered.

I pointed a finger at her. "You know why I stay away from that house."

"I know. I'm just saying. She's excited, though. The babies will be here soon and she's probably going through her own type of nesting phase. These are her first grandchildren, after all." My thoughts wandered to Alice and I couldn't help but feel a little sad for her. She should have had the honor of giving her parents their first grandchild.

I shook my head. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? Are you planning a baby shower?"

"No. I didn't plan on having one at all."

"What? A baby shower is one of the perks of being pregnant."

"I have my reasons. I kind of feel shitty for basically ignoring them and now they want to throw me a baby shower. That makes me feel worse." It made me feel like the gold digger that Edward accused me of.

"Well, it's certainly not bothering Esme so that can't be your excuse."

"Okay. Secondly, a baby shower usually entails inviting friends, and I literally only have three friends, two of which are male."

"A baby shower can be co-ed."

"We could invite stray cats and there still wouldn't be enough guests."

"Bella," she chided. "Stop. You don't need to have a hundred people there. Even if it's only two, you'll know it's two people that love you."

"I'll think about it," I conceded.

"No, you won't," she mumbled.

I was about to tell her she was wrong, but I was silenced by my phone.

"Hey Jasper. What's up?"

"Hi, Bella. Can you hold on for a second?" he asked.

"Sure." A second later I was surprised by a familiar voice.

"Hello, Bella?" Alice asked on the other end.

"Yeah. Hi, Alice." Rosalie looked up questioningly. All I could do was shrug in response. I had no idea.

"Um…my mom wanted to know if you're registered anywhere?"

"Registered for what?" Rosalie shook her head and smirked before going back to play with her…whatever it was. I gave her the finger when she wasn't looking. Apparently, she saw, though, since she gave it right back.

"For, like, baby stuff," she answered.

"Oh. Uh, no. I didn't know I had to register for this stuff. I can't just go into a store and buy things?"

"No, you can. But we just thought, for the baby shower…" she trailed off hesitantly.

"There is no baby shower, Alice." I informed her.

"As in you didn't plan one?"

"No, I didn't. It wasn't something I thought about."

"Well, my mom and I would be happy to throw you one."

I walked away to give myself some privacy. It's not that I thought Rosalie was eavesdropping, but I didn't want her to hear anything personal from me. Alice should be the one to tell people her private business.

"Look, Alice, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think it's a good idea. I don't want this to…bring back painful memories."

She was silent on the other end. I wasn't trying to cross some invisible line, but I wanted to spare her heartache.

"Thank you for thinking of me, Bella," she finally began, "it's more than I ever did for you, but really, I'm okay. I actually thought about how a baby shower would make me feel, and I think I would be able to handle it. Don't let my situation hold you back from your baby shower."

"It's not just that, though," I assured her.

"What else then?" she pressed.

"I don't have anyone to invite to a baby shower," I confessed, more than slightly embarrassed to be revealing this to Alice.

"It can be co-ed." I rolled my eyes as she repeated Rosalie's logic. Was I the only one who never considered a co-ed shower?

"It still wouldn't be very many people."

"Then we can make it purposely small – just family," she argued.

"My family only consists of Charlie and me…and Sue."

There was another moment of silence. The difference this time was that I could feel the awkwardness behind it. "And us."

"Edward's side," I reiterated slowly. "Edward doesn't want to be the father. How does that look that his family throws me baby shower for kids he doesn't want to acknowledge? Can't you see the problem with that?" I asked.

"Not really," she answered nonchalantly. "Edward knows the truth, but he's an idiot." This was the first time that Alice seemed to defend me and I was taken aback. "We know, too, so it's a moot point. Edward can be there, or he can not be there. It wouldn't make a difference."

I moved further away from Rosalie to make extra sure she couldn't hear either side of the conversation.

"Why are you doing this, Alice? Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?" I questioned suspiciously. "Is it Esme or Jasper forcing this on you?"

There was a heavy sigh on her end. "Look. I get why you think I'm not doing this voluntarily, or second guess my intentions. No one's making me do anything. I want to do this. That's my nieces or nephews you're carrying and I want to be a part of their lives. Whether you realize it or not, those babies are extremely important to this family. My mom and dad are over the fucking moon that they're going to be grandparents. Emmett's already shopping online for infant size jerseys."

"And Edward?" I asked sarcastically, cutting her off.

"I can't…tell you that," she answered nervously. "I told you he was an idiot, but if you never believe a thing I say for the rest of your life, believe me when I tell you that he's coming around."

"Well, that's very cryptic."

"I know," she sighed. "He told me about what happened the other day…at the hospital."

"What?" I yelped, quickly looking behind me to make sure Rose hadn't heard. "Why?"

"I don't know. I think that he needed to talk to someone about it and I was his best choice. Emmett's your best friend and really protective of you so I think Edward didn't want to go to him. Mom and dad are Team Bella so…"

"So did he tell you I flipped out on him?" I asked heatedly, ready to defend myself against whatever he might have said about me.

"No," she trailed on, genuinely confused. "He gave me a recap of what happened and said that he did something to upset you."

"Did he tell you what he did?"

"Not really. All he said was that something he said offended you."

I had to admit that I was surprised that Edward didn't take the opportunity to bad mouth me to his sister that – for all he knew – absolutely hated me. He could have said anything about me and had Alice rooting him on, adding fuel to the fire.

"You know what, it doesn't even matter. Your brother and I," I sighed. "I just don't think we'll ever see eye to eye." Among other things we'd never be.

I heard Alice mumbling to someone one the other end before returning to the line. "Sorry to cut this short so abruptly, but can you just do me – Esme – the favor and at least think about the baby shower. It would mean a lot."

I hated that she threw Esme into the mix. For someone who didn't know me at all, Alice sure knew all the right buttons to push. Despite not having a real conversation with Esme in weeks, she was still someone I would drop everything for and run to.

"I'll think about it, Alice," I sighed. "I'll let you know either way by the end of the week."

"Thank you so much. I know I don't deserve it, and you probably don't care, but it would mean a lot to me to be able to do this for you."

"I appreciate the sentiment," I assured her. It was still so weird speaking to her cordially and not wanting to smash her face against a brick wall. I wondered if she felt the same.

~No I won't fill your mind with broken promises, and wasted time~

When the bookstore came to Forks, it was a big deal as we had nothing as entertaining as it promised to be. It was the biggest retail establishment the small town had. With a bookstore and coffee shop combo it had become an unexpected hangout for all ages in Forks. Personally, I had never spent too much time inside – I was in and out once I got my coffee. However, in recent days, I found myself in the family planning aisles getting in some last minute research.

Currently, I had a small stack of books, a large decaf coffee, and an uncomfortably full bladder. I had come to hate sitting down as it was always a struggle to get back up. No matter how low or high I was, standing upright was a two-handed job. If standing was a hassle, walking seemed almost back-breaking. At this point, my feet were constantly swollen, my back always hurt, and my belly felt like it was going to explode, and of course, the bathroom was at the other end of the store.

Six more weeks left.

No matter where I went, though, it seemed that my peace never lasted very long. If I had thought not replacing my cell phone would work, I was very mistaken. Everyone had a Bella radar and easily found me.

"Excuse me," I muttered and maneuvered around Edward who was standing over my table and hovering over the books. Bracing my hands on the table, I slowly lowered myself onto the hard wooden chair as he watched. "Can I help you with something?" I asked cordially.

"Can I sit with you?" he asked quietly, pointing to the chair opposite me. I shrugged indifferently. I would be lying, though, if I said that the thought of having him so close didn't put me on edge. Things were not even close to be settled between us from weeks ago, but despite my hard feeling, my body seemed to sing whenever he was close. It was something I couldn't help.

"Don't work today?" Why was I bothering to make conversation? I was still pissed and the last thing I should have been worrying about was making this comfortable for him.

"Um…no. It's an actual day off," he chuckled nervously, fidgeting with one of the books I was reading earlier. "Not on call or anything." I studied his hands, gloriously clean and soft looking, as he pushed the book aside and cleared his throat. "What about you? Are you on maternity leave yet?"

"Not yet. Another three weeks." He scowled at me. "What?"

"Don't you think that you should-" I gave him a withering look. "Sorry. Never mind." He held his hands up in surrender.

"So what are you doing here, Edward?" I finally asked. We could go back and forth all day and talk about absolutely nothing. I may not have been doing anything important at the moment, but that didn't mean I wanted to waste my time drowning in awkwardness and tension.

He tucked his chair in and leaned his forearms on the table. His clear, green eyes burned into mine. "Can we…talk?"

"We are talking, Edward."

"No…I mean yes…," He was visibly flustered and having a hard time of this. I couldn't bring myself to find his current state entertaining. "I mean, yes, we are talking now, but do you have some time talk to me? Like a real conversation?"

"I have the time, but nothing to say to you that I haven't already said."

"Fair enough," he agreed, "but there are things that I need to say if you're willing to hear me out."

"The floors all yours."

He smiled shyly, nervously, before taking a deep breath. "The day at the hospital – the Lamaze class? A lot has happened since then. I spent a lot of time going over our conversation and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why you were so upset. I needed someone to talk to about this, but I couldn't go to my family. I did talk to Alice, but it was more to vent than anything else. After a few days of driving myself crazy over it, I finally went to Kate to get her perspective on it." I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. If it wasn't such a struggle to get out of this chair I would have already walked away. "You don't like Kate?" he asked sincerely.

Jeez, he was so fucking obtuse.

"Kate's great," I disagreed. "What was her take on it?"

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but didn't call me out on my bullshit. "Well, she believes that you were upset because," he shifted, "I was more knowledgeable about the birthing process than you were. She thought that maybe you were intimidated and that caused you to become angry with me."

I chuckled darkly. That chick knew absolutely nothing. "Did you agree with her?" After a few seconds to think about it, he shook his head. "Why not?"

"It doesn't seem like something you would get mad over."

"Because you know me so well?" I asked sarcastically.

"Look, Bella." He was frustrated now, but nothing like he'd been all these months. This was frustration born of defeat and confusion. This was frustration I knew all too well. "I want to apologize for what I did that day, but I still don't know what I did. Was it because I went to the class? I thought you'd appreciate having a partner."

"But why, Edward?" I asked loudly, matching his position of leaning on the table. "Why did you care if I had a partner at the class? Why did you take it upon yourself to be my partner? I was-"

"I asked my mom what you meant when you brought up my favorite dessert," he cut me off. "Apparently, my favorite brownies are yours. All the care packages I received in college contained the brownies that you made for me."

I smiled at the memory. Brownies were always Edward's favorite. I came across a recipe that I thought Edward would like. I was wrong – he loved them. But he always thought they were Esme's. When she found out how much Edward loved them, she asked for the recipe, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. Even if he didn't know they were mine, it still felt like a special connection that we had. Esme eventually stopped asking and would just let me know when she was getting another care package ready.

"I asked her to make me brownies," he continued, looking somewhere over my shoulder. "They were good, but they weren't the ones I remembered in college."

"I don't get what this has to do with what we were talking about."

He sighed heavily. "It may not seem like it, but I'm trying, Bella. The best I know how. I want to apologize, but you need to tell me what I did."

"You did a lot, Edward," I snapped. "Do you want me to start from the day we fucked on the bathroom sink or just the day in the hospital?"

He paled visibly and swallowed hard. He removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. I stared at him and the tears I saw him rub away.

"Can we…just talk about the day in the hospital?" he asked, just above a whisper.

God! I hated seeing him like this. It hurt me to see him in such distress. Despite everything he put me through – the tears and stress – I had no ill will towards him. Love was a very powerfully stupid thing.

"Edward," I sighed. "As hard as it may seem, look at things from where I'm coming from. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I've been scared out of my mind. Every new trimester, every kick, every ultrasound it was me, by myself. That day at the hospital? I thought you finally understood, but then you go all doctor on me. Don't you get it, Edward?" I wiped the tears to help clear my vision. "I get that you have Kate now, but the least you could do is be my friend. Do you know how it makes me feel when you can speak so calmly about everything while I'm freaking out inside? I want you to be scared with me. Even if you're scared that these babies might actually be yours."

"I am trying to be your friend, Bella," he replied passionately. "That's what I thought I was doing. I showed up to the class to be there for you. I saw that you were having a hard time with the video so I was trying to explain to you that what we were watching was a common occurrence." I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. "And I'm trained to be calm. I'm a doctor. That's how I work through things logically. I need to. That's how I cope with stress." My breath hitched and I sat up in surprise when he grabbed and held my hand. "I'm sorry, Bella. It might be hard to believe, but I'm trying to be your friend the best I know how. I thought talking you through it would help because it would help me. I…I should have known that it wasn't the best route, but…" he trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. He looked defeated and lost. I hated seeing him like this. I'd see the same look at various points in his high school and college years. Unsure if he was making the right moves in life and second guessing the ones already made.

"Edward. I appreciate the apology. I should have realized that's what you were trying to do, but in the moment? It felt like another inadequacy between us. These days I run mostly on emotion," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"You never said that you accepted my apology," he stated instead.

"I can accept that apology," I assured him hesitantly.

"But…" He was a smart one.

"But you've done me wrong for a long time now. The things you've said and done to me can't just be swept under the rug…if that's you intent," I added. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had no intention of apologizing for all these past months. And maybe I had just made a huge ass of myself in assuming that's where he was heading.

"I got into an argument with my parents," he said, switching gears – changing the subject.

"I'm sorry to hear that, but um…that's really none of my business."

"It was about you," he interrupted. "More specifically, about that check they gave you. Carlisle noticed that it never cleared and brought it up to Esme." I held my breath, not wanting to miss one word of whatever was coming next. "I told them about what happened." I chuckled darkly, thankful that it wasn't me.

He squinted his eyes and shook his head, looking as if he was still trying to come to grips with what happened. His eyes still glistened with unshed tears. "We've…never had an argument like that before."

"I'm surprised they haven't called me," I muttered. Not that it was a conversation that I had wanted to have with either of them. I remembered that day perfectly and it's not a memory I wanted to rehash.

"This only just happened," he explained. "I asked them to give me a few days to speak to you about it."

"So you came here? How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't. Merely a coincidence. I did see you here before you left the table, though. I was working up the nerve to approach you."

I nodded. "Are you not on speaking terms with them?"

He huffed out a laugh. "No, we're talking. We all also agreed that it's time I moved out."

"What?" I shouted, forgetting where I was. "Did they kick you out?" I asked, completely aghast.

He didn't immediately answer which was just as good as if he had answered. "I'll talk to them, if you'd like," I offered. "I don't want to be the reason your family falls apart," I cried.

"No, Bella, no," he answered softly. "They…suggested that it was time I moved out. They were right. I'm thirty years old with a successfully growing career. I should have left a long time ago."

"Then why haven't you?"

"Because it was nice having people who supported me constantly around. Every time I felt insecure or had a rough day at work I knew I had good people to come home to. Why leave that?" He shrugged, maybe in defeat. "I had it good – too good. My family always had my back. That's what family does."

"I've always had your back."

"And you've always been family," he countered.

"So then why treat me like pariah?"

"Honestly? I don't know." He shook his head and began playing with a corner of one of the books that were forgotten. "You've never done anything to give anyone the impression that you were anything but sincere," he finally admitted. It felt like a small victory. "But c'mon, Bella. How could someone like me really believe someone like you is genuinely interested? I got picked on by girl like you. The popular, pretty ones. The ones that wanted help with their homework or needed a target for a mean joke. That's me, Bella – the nerdy joke.

"But I would never," I disagreed heatedly. "I wasn't the popular, pretty one in school. I was the one that just skated by with the help of her best friend. I may not have been the butt of a joke, but I know what it feels like to be used to get closer to someone else."

"I know." He dripped shame.

"So you treated me badly because of your own insecurities?" I asked for clarifiction. "Do you understand have fucked up that it?"

"I do…now. Back then, and even now, I have a hard time believing that someone would actually choose to be with me and have no ulterior motive." After all this time he still didn't believe me and nothing that I said would change that. "Can I ask you a question?" I nodded. "Why treat me like I'm special?"

"I want to tell you it's because you're family, but we both know it goes beyond family. So honestly? I don't know, either." I continued on, though. "There was always something about you. Truly love at first sight. It's a splendid thing, huh?"

"For what it's worth, I'm offering my most sincere apology for how harsh I've been to you. You never deserved any of it. In my heart, I never believed those things I accused you of. It was just easier to be mean than to actually believe that you actually choose to be with me for me. You're a catch, Bella. You're loyal, hard-working, friendly…beautiful. Whoever gets the pleasure of marrying you should surely consider themselves lucky."

This is what I've waited forever to hear. For him to admit and see the error of his ways and confess them to me. I never wanted him to gravel, beg, or plead for my forgiveness. That's not what any of this was about. At the end of the day, I wanted to know that I had a partner in Edward. Yet, I felt none of that.

Hearing him say all those wonderful things about me did nothing for my ego or bruised feelings. If anything, it cemented the notion that Edward never saw himself with me. Someone else would be luck to marry me. Not him, though.

"Thank you, Edward. That's all I needed to hear from you. I can forgive you and, eventually, I might forget, but how do I begin to trust you?"

"It won't start with anything I say," he confirmed. I agreed. "But is it too late to try?"

"No."

AN: So? Thoughts on Edward? Alice? Let me know. Until next time.