Ch 13: Deep Thoughts with Tony Micelli

"Do jou guys see dat?" Lena said sitting crowded together with the other family members on the only empty bench on the train.

"Yes, Lena. We see it." Nick said looking out the window and not at Lena's intended target. "That smile is seven months old now. Yes, we've seen it."

"Ay, but my Bella Angela, she looks so happy now, lost in dat thought."

"Mi amore, she's been smiling like dat every free moment she's had since a dey came back." Matty said trying to appease his wife.

"I know, but I am just so grateful tu feel like a we are making some a progress."

"But Lena, that kiss was seven months ago, it's not like they've really done anything since then."

"I don't understand?" Lena said getting up from the bench and sitting next to Angela. "He's been jealous of de tennis guy and Dwayne."

"Well and they did kiss that one time in the living room." Robert said, trying to show her a little support.

"You call that a kiss, Robert." Joseph said laughing about the kiss Tony and Angela had shared in the living room after their reality check with Jane and Brad. "That was more like a demonstration than a show of affection."

"Vell, it is still a kiss and I honestly tink dat my son's break a through will come any day now." Lena said earnestly.

"Lena, just because she's smiling on the train, today like everyday, doesn't mean you should get your hopes up. She knows she loves him. It's Tony that needs to figure out a way to let himself feel what he feels for her." Robert said with a note of pessimism.

"I am vith jou, Robert." Matty said in agreement with Robert and the rest of the nodding the group. "Amore mio, I love jou and I know jou love our son. But let's face it he's been a big chicken. It is going tu take either a miracle or curse to make him see what is right in front of him. It's not going to happen today. Are jou ready to go?"

"Yeah, come on there Lena." Nick said. "Joseph and I have an appointment with a few . . ."

"I don't need tu hear with who dis time Nick. How jou and Joseph ever made it upstairs, Heaven only knows." With that Lena leaned down and kissed Angela on the cheek and the group of six disappeared. Leaving Angela, unexpectedly alone with Tony.

Angela exited the train and stood in the doorway of the station wondering how long she should wait before running to her car in the rain.

"Honk!" Tony slapped his hand down on his steering wheel trying to get Angela's attention. He knew she wasn't expecting him and knew he'd better catch her eye before she went to look for her car. The rain had been pouring for the last several hours with no sign of stopping.

Recognizing the horn, Angela turned around and saw Tony waving from inside his car. In her lady like way, she put her briefcase over her head and began to run towards him. Tony, as usually got out of the jeep and ran around her side to open the door. When she was within a few steps from him, a clap of thunder burst through the clouds. The noise spooked her and she tripped landing she and Tony in an ankle deep puddle of water.

"Tony I'm so sorry," she said as she tried to recover. She was the first to her feet and she blushed as she tried to help him stand up. "Tony, I'm sooo sorry."

"Angela, it's okay." He said helping her into the SUV.

"Thank you, Tony." She said practically jumping into the front seat. As he closed the door and ran back to his side of the car, she buried her head in her hands out of embarrassment. When he got into his seat, she turned her head toward her window, hoping against hope that she wouldn't have to face him. She started to giggle as she looked at the rain drops making their way down the window.

"Are you okay?" Tony said looking over at her.

"Yes, I am." She couldn't help herself and found herself laughing out loud. "I just can't believe I did that."

"Hey, neither can I." Tony said giggling a little to himself. As he fumbled for his keys, he caught a glimpse of the newly enhanced slit in her skirt. It left just a little less of her leg to his imagination than he was used to. He found himself watching a little too long when he dropped his keys. The clang against the floor board seemed to bring him back to reality and to his senses. He quickly put his key in the ignition and started the jeep. It was hard to keep his eyes on the road, but somehow he managed.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here." Angela said, unaware of his new awkwardness.

"No, ah." Tony said trying to collect his thoughts. "Mona got home a few hours ago with your car. I figured you might need a ride."

"Oh my mother. . . I was wondering how long it really takes to by paper clips."

"Hey don't be too rough on her Angela, a full day of shopping in heels can take its toll."

"Very funny, Tony. I had some important things I need help with today."

"Which is why when you see her, you're gonna pretend that you didn't even notice she was gone."

"What? That's the very last thing I want to do."

"Angela, you know your mother. If you're yelling, she's ignoring. If you ignore, you know she's gonna take notice. You know how she is about getting attention."

"Well, you do have a point there, Tony." She looked down and noticed the rip in her skirt's slit. At the same time, out of the corner of her eye she caught Tony looking down at it. His attention always seemed to burn a way straight to her heart and her legs always made his temperature come up a few degrees.

Happy for the glance, she sweetly asked. "So what's for dinner tonight?"

"Ahhh?" Tony trying to regain his wits.

There was just something about how the rain styled her hair and the rain drops left her cheeks glisten that was beginning to drive him crazy.

He shook his head trying to shake the tension that was now slowing building up in his chest.

"Ahhhh? I'm sorry Angela, no I'm fine." He lied.

"Is there something wrong, Tony?" Angela said with a look that meant she knew exactly what he was thinking.

He didn't say a word, but tried as quietly as he could to clear his throat. As the jeep pulled up to the next red light, Tony put his hand next to Angela's on the cup holder. It was all he could do, to keep from holding her hand. It was all he could do not to look at her knee poking out from under her skirt and to take her in his arms.

When the light changed, he didn't move his hand and he didn't say a word. The intensity of the sparks flying just millimeters apart was something he loved to experience every chance he got.

They had found themselves in this same position over and over again in the last few years. Sitting close enough to touch but scared enough to be satisfied by the sparks. Whether it was while they were dancing or washing dishes or taking the kids on a "family" outing. There was always some kind of spark, whether each of them had wanted to admit to it or not.

Tony had realized that something had changed in Angela since Frankie's proposal several years back. He didn't know exactly what and he couldn't put his finger on exactly how. But he felt as if her smile was shiner, her eyes gave off more of a sparkle when she looked at him. It was wonderful, but terrifying all at the same time. To her, he had always outwardly presented himself as her employee and friend. But over the last six years, he had found that in his mind he had gone from housekeeper to friend and father figure of her son to her best friend, as close as any of them had to a real family. On a personal level though, he refused to let himself think about her during daylight hours. He had only dared to think, really think about her when he was asleep. The minutes and hours they'd spent together while they were awake were always analyzed over and over again in his dreams. But somehow when morning came, the dreams disappeared and the armor that he'd placed around his heart returned.

"What am I so afraid of?" He allowed himself to think as he glanced down at her hand next to his. "Why am I so afraid? Two more millimeters and I'm there."

But impulsiveness with Angela didn't come with an insurance policy. He knew there was too big a risk to even entertain the thought. "Life and love are too much of a risk,." he thought as he flew through the word "Love" without even realizing he'd thought about it. Even though he had accepted the fact that he was definitely attracted to her and even had daydreamed on occasion of them getting married, allowing himself to love her, was something he wouldn't even let himself consider.

They had shared too much in the past few years to let their relationship be jeopardized by a few small millimeters.

"Hey Angela." Tony worked up the courage to say.

"Yes?" She squeaked out.

He forced himself to put his hand back up on the steering wheel, while he began talking with his left hand.

"If you had to pick one moment in the last six years, as your favorite one? What would it be?" He knew he shouldn't have asked it as soon as the words escaped his mouth. He knew what his real answer would be, if he was courageous enough to admit it. But the kiss on the bench in Jamaica was something he had buried in his heart for another time, another place.

"I don't know." She lied, as she looked over at his lips. Everyone of her favorite memories of him revolved around the eleven kisses they'd shared since he'd moved in. She though he might remember one or two, but not the dates and the number of stars she'd placed on her calendar to rate each one.

"I guess two times really come to mind." And honestly, she had to admit that those two moments really did change their relationship, not by millimeters, but by leaps and bounds on the friendship scale.

"And which two were those?" He said, as her tone sparked his curiosity.

"Well, the first one was when I helped you clean out your dad's apartment."

"Really?" Tony said, a little vague. "Why?"

"Well, because you let me in."

"Well, I had to open the door, Angela."

"No. That's not what I meant. I mean, you let me in your world. In your life. It was the first time I think I ever felt that we were more than 'employer - employee.'"

"Really Angela?" He was impressed at the sincerity in her voice. He remembered at the time feeling so embarrassed about sharing such a personal thing with her. But hearing her talk about it now, so much later, really showed him how wrong he had been to feel that way. "You know what, Angela. I really appreciate you saying that. That means a lot to me."

"You're welcome. And well, if you thought that one was great, my second one is the day we got your grandfather his citizenship papers. That day still gives me the chills."

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, I guess I was just so proud of you. And if there was ever a time I doubted in the afterlife, it was that day that changed my mind. I almost felt like your grandfather was dancing around the room."

"You know, I did too." He said laughing out loud. He paused for a second and said, "You know it's nice to be able to talk to you like this. It's nice to know we're friends."

"I think so too Tony," Angela said as they pulled up to the back of the house. "But you're not getting off that easy buddy."

"What do you mean?" Knowing full well what she was waiting to hear.

She gave him that little smile that always put him right on edged of disaster.

"You want to know my moment, huh?"

"I've told you mine, now you tell me yours."

"I think if I had to choose only one, Angela. . .I would have to say . . .breakfast."

"Which one?"

"Every one, that is the one moment of the day when everyone I love. . " He said with his usual Freudian slip, "care about is at home together enjoying each other's company and getting ready to start their days together. It's the one point of my day that I look forward to the most."

Trying to pretend that she didn't hear his slip she said, "But Tony, that's right at the beginning of the day."

"I know but I think that is the one moment of the day, that always confirms for me that we're family."