Fire and Ice – Chapter 13
Standard disclaimer… tiresome things to write.
A/N – See? I'm trying to update more frequently. I just hope I can keep it up! Thank you to everyone you either reviewed the last chapter or added the story to their alerts or favourites: I'm glad you're still enjoying it. Thanks also to lax_chick, obsessed_wiv_everything, sisterdear, siriuslyrory and Natalie – sorry I couldn't reply to you personally but I really appreciate your reviews.
"Knock, knock! How're you feeling?" Smiling, Luke poked his head a little way around Jess' hospital room door before pushing it open fully and stepping inside. His nephew was lying down in bed, Rory having stepped outside to the vending machines. Luke grinned as he noticed the opened notepad lying on the bedside table, numerous games of Hangman and what looked like some kind of guess the song lyrics game, littering its pages. God – the girl was worth her weight in gold, sometimes.
For his part, Jess struggled to sit up, carefully shunting up the mattress whilst attempting not to yank wires from his body. Immediately Luke moved to his side and Jess didn't protest or pull away as the older man adjusted his tangled blanket until it was out of the way and helped to lift him up comfortably against his pillows. Jess' eyes flicked up and down once to Luke's face. "Thanks," he mumbled, quietly.
"So, kid. You doing okay, this morning?"
Jess shrugged, his voice subdued and just a touch sullen. "Peachy." Then he nodded to the carryall by Luke's feet. "Is that my stuff?" His uncle reached down a hand in response and hauled it on to the bed, mindful of the tender bruises covering his nephew and trying hard not to land the heavy item directly on top of him.
"Ah, well most of your stuff is still littering the apartment floor. These are just a few essentials, you know." He paused, suddenly appearing awkward and embarrassed. "I picked up a few of your books but I didn't really know the ones you really like to read, so…"
"Rory brought me some," Jess cut in, quickly. He hadn't meant for the simple statement to sound as harsh and dismissive as it had but it was too late to take it back. Inwardly, Jess winced at the way it came out.
"Oh, right!" Luke hastily agreed, a hint of red creeping into his cheeks. He waved a nonchalant hand. "Yeah, of course she did. That's probably much better. She being as freakishly smart as you and all that – probably knows all the right books to keep you interested." He gave a self-conscious laugh, both of them aware that he was nervously rambling. "I've probably brought you the equivalent of Dr. Seuss or something."
The embarrassment and self-deprecation was so evident in the older man's face and voice that Jess ached to speak up in his defence – to assure his uncle that he was by no means stupid, that whatever books he kindly brought were fine. But something just held him back from being so precise. Instead, he glanced down at his hands, toying with the blankets and gave a half-hearted response.
"S'okay. Probably shouldn't be reading too much anyway. Gotta get my beauty sleep and all that." Luke nodded, gratefully and Jess felt his face warm with guilt. "Thanks for the bag," he added, still unsure of where to look.
"Not a problem." Uneasily, Luke perched on the edge of the bed, wincing when he felt the bed suddenly dip down under his weight. He was sure the last thing Jess probably wanted was to be rocked about any more. But Jess didn't seem to even notice, much less be bothered about it. "So, Jess. You're looking better," Luke observed. He leaned forward and tried to place an assessing hand on the kid's forehead but the moment Jess shied back into the pillows behind his head, Luke recalled his hand. And Jess found that he actually missed the gentle contact that simple gesture would have brought.
From beside him, the young man heard his uncle take a deep breath. Mentally, he prepared himself for an awkward moment, aware that Luke probably wanted to talk about something serious, and that usually involved feelings and emotions. His heart clenched a little as his thoughts returned to his mysterious letter: or rather Luke's letter. Had his uncle realised it was gone yet? Jess didn't know. Was Luke about to explain it to him? The teenager unconsciously held his breath and waited.
"Jess?" He looked across at Luke, his only sign of acknowledgement. "I'm really sorry about the other night." Inwardly, Jess felt disappointment begin to creep in. "I was having a really crappy day, which wasn't your fault by the way, and then the police thing…"
He trailed off but his guilt-ridden eyes were enough to soften any resolve Jess might still have been harbouring to bear a grudge. Truth be told, the moment Luke had walked out of his hospital room the previous night, he'd longed for him to come back. He had only properly fallen asleep once his uncle had returned to sit by his side, against the nurses' advice, of course. Seeing Rory on waking had been a pleasant occurrence but Jess couldn't help but realise how much he had been hoping it would have been Luke there.
"Forget about it," he dismissed uneasily, unwilling to dwell on the topic any longer.
"But I should have seen how sick you were and I never should have…" Luke started to protest, almost as if he hadn't heard his nephew. At that, however, Jess suddenly changed. The uneasiness seemed to evaporate and a bitter anger took up residence in its place. He snorted a hard laugh.
"Jesus, Luke! I think if I can survive wire hangers and socket wrenches then I can sure as hell survive you." The words were almost spat out and Luke could see the dark, tempestuous masses swirling beneath the boy's eyes. Instinctively, he drew back just a fraction. He'd never seen such ferocity in the boy before. "You were nothing, you got that?" Jess continued, heatedly, almost shouting. "Nothing." Finally he stopped and took a breath that rattled only minutely.
He sucked his bottom lip in for a second, clenching it between his teeth to stop the tremor. "So can we drop it now?" His voice had almost returned to normal, only a slightly colder edge serving as a reminder to a conversation Luke would just as soon never hear again. Yet at the same time, the urge to delve deeper into that statement, to explore every avenue of it and put right past wrongs, was painful to resist.
But this was neither the time nor the place. Knowing Jess, was knowing when to pick your battles and which ones to choose. So instead, Luke simply nodded. "Sure."
Some of the tension eased from Jess' taut frame as the boy's hands moved to distractedly pull at the wires of his drip. Luke's hand was there instantly, without premeditation, gently pushing the kid's fingers away from it. Jess complied quietly with the unspoken instruction.
Luke simply couldn't figure the kid out. He'd expected him to be angry about the other night but it seemed as though Jess just couldn't give a damn. Then when the kid did explode at him, Luke expected him to try to resist any further instructions or orders he gave him. But instead, Jess was back to being compliant – well, as compliant as he usually was. It was as though someone was busy randomly flipping mood switches inside the kid's brain. Then he stopped short and almost slapped his forehead in an exclamation of stupidity: Jess was delirious with fever last night, was still in incredible bouts of pain and was currently drugged to the eyeballs. If anyone had a right to be physically and emotionally unbalanced, it was Jess.
"Is Lorelai here?" Jess suddenly asked. Luke blinked in surprise. Something about the way Jess had asked the question made it sound a little more than just a casual enquiry. What did Jess want to see Lorelai for? Rory, he could understand, but his nephew only exchanged brief, casual words with his friend. For the first time, a pang of…was that jealousy…struck Luke square in the chest. He quickly recovered, however.
"Yeah. I think she was going to look for Rory. She's probably caught up with her by now." Jess nodded to himself. He seemed pensive for a moment, lost in thought. Hesitantly, Luke decided to hedge his bets. "Do you…want me to see if I can find her?" Jess didn't respond immediately. He just gave a half-shrug in one shoulder.
"Don't mind," he muttered. It took all the will power Luke had not to choke on his surprise.
"Well," he began, rising from the bed. "I guess I should try and find your doctor to check in with him anyway. If I bump into Lorelai on the way, I'll send her in."
"Whatever," came the typical teenage response and Luke had to smile in spite of himself. Impulsively, he leant in and ran a hand down the side of Jess' face, relieved when the worst response he was treated to was a rolling of the eyes and a weary sigh.
As Luke pulled away, however, Jess caught him by surprise. "Luke?" he asked, suddenly and the boy's eyes were once more wary, guarded as if expecting an attack…or a deception. Luke stopped.
"What's the matter?" he questioned.
"There's nothing else wrong is there?" Jess pressed. "I mean, besides me in the hospital. Everything else is ok, right?" And Luke hesitated for a moment and longed to tell Jess everything: about the letter, about Liz, about that scum of a grandfather of his, even about the CPS investigation.
But one look at Jess' still pale, shaky body, the dark, almost bruised circles deep under his eyes, the gaunt frame, too thin from lack of proper regular meals, not to mention the boy's recent emotional vulnerability, and Luke knew he just couldn't do that to him. Even if it meant harbouring the secret himself for a little longer – it was a burden he could bear. And what of his own misgivings – his own doubts, expressed to Lorelai only minutes earlier? Her admonition to him to never reveal his doubts to Jess suddenly resurfaced in his mind. Until he could make sense of them, he could never bring the topic up with Jess.
The hesitation was for but a moment. Luke shook his head, firmly, plastered a reassuring grin on his face and patted Jess on the leg. "Everything's fine, Jess," he insisted. "You just concentrate on getting well. I'm not going to know what to do with myself if I'm not tripping over you in the apartment or waiting an hour for the bathroom every morning. So you need to hurry on out of here." He gave the leg he was holding another light squeeze. "Okay?"
Jess' eyes lowered to the bed sheets. "Yeah," he responded, quietly. "Sure."
"Good," the older man remarked, warmly, glad to have averted the conversation for the time being. Then he smiled at Jess again before turning and leaving the room. With a sinking heart, Jess watched him go.
No solids. That was what the beefy nurse (who Jess was convinced was actually a man in drag) had barked at him while doing the pre-lunch rounds. When Lorelai sauntered in she found Jess in a typical pose: arms folded across his stomach and sarcasm lacing his features. "Fine then," she heard him drawl. "Just give me a beer and feed it right in here." With a nod of his head he indicated the drip beside the bed, a sardonic smile curling his mouth up in one corner. The nurse rolled her beady, piggy little eyes and puffed out her considerable chest in aggravation. She opened her mouth, preparing to argue with a teenager who thrived on conflict. Lorelai grinned to herself and though she secretly longed to watch the skilled teenager take down a far larger opponent, she supposed it was time to be the responsible adult.
"I'm sure whatever tasty cocktail of nutrients you have prepared in that IV bag there, will do just fine," she announced, making her presence known to the both of them. Jess merely rolled his eyes while the nurse's scowl deepened. "Just add a touch of Tabasco sauce – gives it that little kick." She winked, conspiratorially at the unimpressed nurse. The heavy-set woman blew a stream of air through clenched teeth, said nothing, whipped Jess' chart into her hands and then stalked out of the room. Lorelai darted out of her way as she went.
"Wow," she remarked, watching the woman's retreat. "I guess with hospital cutbacks, the first thing to go is the sense of humour."
Jess didn't respond immediately but the slight twitch in the corner of his mouth showed that he was in a listening mood. She just might have to work on him a little before the boy was ready to spill. Rory was always so easy to get to open up: she and her daughter didn't exactly suffer from long periods of silence. But teenage boys? Particularly taciturn ones like Jess, it was wavering just a little outside of her comfort zone.
But when Luke had mentioned, as casually as he could, that Jess wanted to see her, she simply couldn't resist knowing what it was about. Lorelai could tell her friend had been surprised at the request but oddly, she wasn't; at least not so much. For some reason, the prospect just didn't feel unnatural, as unlikely a prospect as it appeared.
Luke, however, she got the impression did not share her feelings. The last thing the young woman wanted to do was cause any weirdness between the two of them (and not just for the sake of her coffee and danish) but it seemed obvious that Jess needed a neutral pair of ears to listen to him.
"So," she announced, hovering by his bed. "I bumped in to Luke and seeing as how you're all alone in here now, I thought I'd swing by and make sure you hadn't given the hospital staff nervous breakdowns or anything."
"I'm working on it," Jess said, quietly. "But I'm having to work at half-speed." He lifted his arms to demonstrate the collection of wires and tubes that lifted with him. She smiled, trying not to make it too condescending or sympathetic.
"So I see. How're you doing?" He made a neutral sound and shrugged. "Mind if I sit down?" she asked. Again, he shrugged. She took it as a positive sign. Spying the chair, Lorelai dumped her purse on the floor and went and dragged the chair to Jess' bedside. Jess raised his eyebrows in mild surprise as she did this. He'd been expecting her to just park herself on his bed like Rory and Luke had but now that she had retrieved the comfy chair and brought it closer, Jess realised how grateful he was to be given company but also breathing room. He wasn't, after all, a naturally tactile person and, while he was getting better at it, there were moments when he still craved his personal space.
Once Lorelai was settled, she leaned forwards towards him. "Luke won't be long," she informed Jess, reassuringly. "He's just trying to track down your doctor."
"Thanks for coming." Jess' voice was quiet and rushed as if it were the part of the conversation he had desperately wanted to get out of the way, but obviously, sincerely meant. She smiled, warmly at him and nodded her head. "I have a naturally comforting aura and as such, enjoy visiting the sick and infirm – makes good use of my God-given talent." Jess scowled at the jibe but without malice.
Then he seemed to retreat a little further back in to the pillows. Lorelai was beginning to recognise that Jess had several kinds of silence, like most people had several tones of voice. This silence was withdrawn, pensive, vulnerable. It made her want to reach over and touch him but that would have been overstepping their fragile line. So instead she folded her hands in her lap until the temptation passed. Just like his stubborn uncle, when Jess had something important to say, he took his time saying it. Just when she'd becoming an agony aunt for Danes boys, she didn't know. But she didn't mind it, either. They needed a guiding woman in their lives and if, for the time being she could fill that role then Lorelai was very happy to.
Suddenly, he looked up at her and for a moment it was as though she were replaying the scene with Luke in the cab of his truck. But when Jess spoke, his voice held an edge to it that she couldn't quite identify: a little anger, a little sadness and perhaps a touch of fear? "What do the doctors say?"
She blinked in surprise. "They haven't told you?"
Jess narrowed his eyes. "Nobody tells me anything." Lorelai shrugged a little helplessly.
"I'm not sure, really. Luke is getting an update, though. I'm sure he'll fill you in as soon as he has any news." She'd meant to sound reassuring and comforting but for some reason, it only seemed to darken Jess' expression and cause his lips to press together into a thin line. "He'll come find you," she promised again. "He's very good at getting answers out of people."
"He's a liar," Jess returned, softly, anger rippling in his voice.
Lorelai sat up straight, the wind knocked out of her sails. She suspected Luke and his nephew were on uneven terrain but she'd never heard Jess accuse him of anything like that. Before she could question Jess on it, though the boy saved her the effort.
He awkwardly reached behind him and from under his pillow, retrieved the folded envelope. He handed it to her and she received it without a word. Her mouth opened in a question as she looked at Luke's name on the address. Instinctively, she began to suspect what this letter was about. Carefully, Lorelai slid the letter out of the envelope. It was printed on thick-weave, expensive paper, strengthening her suspicions. Next to her, the anger had drained from Jess. He now looked scared, confused.
Quickly, she scanned the letter: it didn't need to be read in detail for her to get the message. Just as quickly as she started reading, Lorelai looked up to Jess. "Oh, Jess," she began, softly. She sighed. "Luke doesn't know you've seen this?" The kid shook his head.
"He's forever on at me about honesty, talking to each other and crap like that," he all but choked out, bitterly. "And you know, I was actually starting to buy it." He laughed. "But he doesn't mean it. It's one way for him and another for me."
"Jess," she tried again but he cut her off.
"Did you know about it?" Sighing, she nodded.
"Yeah, sweetie," she admitted. "He told me this morning, after breakfast." She watched his jaw grind. "But it's going to be okay, I promise. You just need to talk to him." Her heart ached when she saw the first hints of moisture in his eyes as he struggled to contain his emotions. When her phone started ringing, Lorelai suddenly realised why Luke hated the interruption in his diner, as much as he did. Jess looked away, breaking their eye contact.
She winced apologetically and held up one finger as if asking him to give her a minute. Then she quickly moved to the door to take her call. As Suky related to her the latest catastrophe to befall the Inn, Lorelai couldn't help waving an impatient hand in the air.
Finally, after what seemed like the longest two minutes of her life, she turned back round only to be met with a very unwelcome sight. Jess was sitting up, his legs over the edge of the bed, struggling with all his might to get out of bed.
"Jess!" she called, running back to his side. "Jess what are you doing?" He pushed against her restraining hands, still striving to leave.
"Get off me," he mumbled, desperately. "I'm getting out of here." Lorelai glanced over her shoulder to the door. Logic told her to call for the nurses or orderlies to help but instinct told her to keep this as private as she could.
"Jess!" she tried again. "You've got to stop this. You're going to hurt yourself." The words had barely been spoken before a faint popping sound registered in her ears. Jess didn't even notice as needle in the back of his hand pulled out, the tape hanging uselessly off on one side. "Jess, what's going on? Talk to me."
"He doesn't care!" Jess almost pleaded with her. "He doesn't even want me around and I'm not sticking around here to be shipped back home. Back to Liz." The tears were in his voice, even if he wouldn't let them fall. And for a moment, Lorelai's thoughts turned deadly: if Luke had said anything, anything to this kid, she was going to kick his ass! Jess pushed against her again, this time shoving her back a few paces.
"Jess! Quit it, right now!" She'd rarely used that tone of voice with her own daughter, much less a teenager who wasn't even hers. But whatever the case, it apparently did the trick because Jess suddenly ceased his struggling as if all his energy had been drained.
He slumped back dejectedly on the bed and Lorelai quickly guided him into swinging his legs back round onto the bed. As soon as he was back on the bed, he collapsed against the pillows, leaning against the headboard. He drew his legs up to his chest as Lorelai re-draped the blankets over him. She glanced down at his bleeding hand. He needed to get that seen to but right now there were more pressing matters. She took a deep breath. "What makes you think that, Jess?" she questioned, softly, seating herself tentatively back on her chair but resting her forearms on the mattress of his bed.
Jess was shaking: his arms were rattling by his side and he tried to press them firmly down so they wouldn't be noticeable. But the tremors across his face gave him away. The concentration he was using trying to hold back his emotions was intense. She slowly placed a hand on the side of his face, gently turning his face to meet hers. "Sweetie? Why would you think that?" she repeated.
Jess took a shaky breath, still not meeting her eyes. "He won't tell me about it. I asked him if there was anything wrong and he denied it. I know why: he doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't want to tell me he's not going to do anything!" His companion sighed and shook her head. Damn, these Danes men could be as stubbornly stupid as each other some times. But whatever her feelings about it, Jess was currently in need of reassurance. It always surprised her, just how deep his insecurities ran.
His eyes welled up and Jess quickly, angrily looked away from her. At that moment, Lorelai's maternal instincts and urges suddenly kicked in to overdrive and she stood from her chair, just as Jess shifted minutely over on the bed. Quickly, she slid down next to him and wrapped one arm around his shoulders, guiding his head back around. "It's going to be okay, Jess," she soothed. "You just need to talk to Luke and you boys will straighten this whole thing out." Beneath her arm, Lorelai could feel the tension in Jess' body. "Don't worry," she assured him, quietly. "Luke and Rory are still looking for your doctor. No one's coming in here."
He nodded, a small slight gesture then let his tears of insecurities start to fall, slowly. She squeezed his arm and leaned her head lightly against the side of his. "He loves you, Jess, more than anything. Not fighting for you would be the dumbest thing the man could do and I would never let that happen. You hear me?" She chuckled. "You should by now have realised what power we Gilmore women actually wield around here." She was rewarded with the faintest of smiles.
Jess quickly drew a hand to his face and scrubbed at his eyes, wiping away any lingering evidence of moisture. Embarrassment took over. "Sorry," he whispered but he didn't push her away. Exhaustion had swept over him.
"For what?" Lorelai demanded. But she didn't give him a chance to respond. Instead, she gave his shoulders one last squeeze and whispered, more to herself than to Jess: "We'd better get someone take a look at that hand." Then she slid off the bed and left to call the nurse back in.
That's it for now. Don't worry, folks, Lorelai is not set to replace Luke in Jess' affections – she's just a temporary sounding board for him and a neutral shoulder to cry on for the this chapter. Luke's still the man! Hopefully, with the holidays kind of upon me, I'll get a chance to do some more.
Oh, by the way, I took a chance that because I've played the game Hangman with my American friend, that it's a well-known game in America as it is in England. If not, please feel free to Google it – it's a good way to wile away a dull moment :-)