Hey folks :)

Sorry about the delay, having some writers block issues because I keep changing my mind. I could really use the feedback so please review. Sorry its short, the next chapter is already underway though so shouldn't be long. Hope your all well :P thanks for reading.

Laura. x

Effy POV

The moment the five of us stepped through the threshold I could tell something had changed. Mine and Katie's little revelation had changed the group dynamic. Emily couldn't really look at her sister even though she'd been supportive at the pub. Cook trotted down to the shed and I was tempted to follow him, give myself an out, the tension in the kitchen was thick.

But apparently I now had a girlfriend, I had to be there for Katie, I had to be supportive, she needed me. This was the most ridiculous idea. As a rule my whole life I've been desired, wanted. No one had really needed me. Freddie had come close, but our relationship had been too dramatic, unrealistic, and unsustainable. Katie was sincere, she looked at me and saw through the theatrics. In a glance she knew who I was. I knew right now she was terrified, she felt alone, and that would because her girlfriend was inching towards the door. At that moment, thank god for Naomi Campbell.

"Fag Eff?"

My eyes briefly flickered at Katie, I felt ashamed, why couldn't I just be strong, for once, for her. Katie didn't even look at me, she let go of my hand before I'd said anything, she knew I'd bail. Not that I'd ever given her a reason to have faith in me. Its not like I'd just admitted I loved her in front of our little world.

Once we were outside Naomi pulled out a spliff. The sun had long set and the rain had left it unseasonably cold. I wrapped my arms around myself.

Naomi and I sat in silence, passing the spliff back and forth until it was gone. I felt a little warmer.

"so…" I don't want to talk. Naomi was probably not going to let me get away with that.

"Eff?"

"What?" I bit back a bit, I sounded so bitter. It had been a good night, I think, so why did I feel so sick.

"Nothing I guess, thought you might wanna, you know, chat."

"Not particularly."

"Emily upset?" I shocked myself at how dependant I'd become. Not just on Katie, I loved our situation. The five of us here, together, happy.

"Nah, just a bit surprised, bit pissed she didn't see it coming really." I smirked; she's not the only one who didn't see Katie's admission coming. A bit of forewarning might have been nice. Her to ask for my opinion or give a crap about how I was feeling right now. Jesus, what the fuck, Katie does nothing but consider my feelings. I needed to stop being so selfish. But we'd never even really discussed what was happening between us. Suddenly she's declaring her love for me and holding my hand in public, it's a bit of a leap. One I don't know if I'm ready for.

"Eff?" Naomi nudged me. I remained silent; there was nothing I could say.

I stood up. My legs were moving, I was half way down the entry when I heard Naomi.

"it's not so scary Eff."

I didn't answer her, I didn't look back and I didn't stop.

I found myself walking toward Freddie's grave. I could hear him whisper in my mind. It was well tended, I didn't come here often, but I could imagine his dad did, and Karen. I allowed myself to flop down onto the grass. It was sodden and soaked into my clothes.

I traced Freddie's name, I wasn't sure where the stone growing in my stomach had come from. I shouldn't have come here. I had loved Freddie and his love for me had killed him, I killed him. I slammed my fist into the carved letters. If he'd never met me he'd still be alive.

My Love is possibly the worst thing that could have happened to her. I'll hurt her; it's my skill in life. I'll twist her and break her. Just like Freddie, just like Cook. I thought of Naomi and Emily, trapped in each other. Naomi clearly terrified of loosing Emily, Emily so terrified of being lost. I didn't want that. Yesterday whatever was happening between Katie and I was ours, it was fun and natural, slow maybe but it felt safe. Right now I didn't feel safe.

I felt cold, and it had nothing to do with the damp earth beneath me. I felt like a younger version of myself. I allowed my mind to wallow in the darker creases.

I though of home, Katie, Emily, Naomi and Cook. They felt more like home to me and the bricks and mortar that I grew up in. If I ruined things with Katie that's what I would loose. Emily would stand by her sister, Naomi would stand by her love, Cook would stand by Naomi and I would return to my solitary existence. Maybe that would be best. I started to cry.

I wanted her, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be normal. How hard was normal. To just be with the woman I love? Without having a mental breakdown. Right now Kay was probably hurting, and that was all me.

Katie's POV

I watched Effy leave with Naomi. I already knew it wouldn't be long before she left. One fag, maybe two. I wished that I had under estimated her, that she'd come back in, smiling and everything would be normal.

Emz walked into the living room, I followed her, I hated the silence, I wasn't good at keeping my mouth closed.

"Em, shum, please don't be angry."

"Jesus Katie, I'm not angry, just, you know surprised. Its just a bit of a shock. After everything." She lowered herself onto the green sofa, I was tempted to join her, but still felt uncomfortable. I usually made others feel uncomfortable so standing here in a sea of nervousness was novel.

"How long?" I cautiously met her eyes. So different from mine.

"Seven months or so."

"Jesus Katie!" I looked down tracing patterns in the carpet.

"You kept this from me for seven fucking months." Her voice softened a little. It hadn't occurred to me to tell her. Effy and I had our own world which never crossed the threshold of the landing. It never left our room. We never talked about it. Until tonight, when I had literally taken the plunge and exposed us. I told Effy I loved her, what the fuck was with that. But she'd said it back.

"Sorry, I know we could be closer, but fuck kay, I'm here, I love you."

"I… it's not like that, I just, I didn't, I don't know." A few hours ago I was so sure, I loved Elizabeth Stonem, I could tell my sister and we'd have a riding into the sunset moment. Now things felt strained. Stupid impatient me I guess.

Luckily my sister took pity on me. Leaving the couch and drawing me into a hug. I found myself crying. I should be relieved and happy.

"Kay, I love you, I just want you to be happy, I don't care who makes you happy, I just wish you could have come to me."

"I'm sorry." There wasn't much else I could say to her, I was terrible when she'd told me she was gay. I hadn't supported her. Yet here she was comforting me. We would always be ok, Emily and I, all because she was a better person, softer, forgiving. How could I ever be enough for Effy.

"So no more lezza jokes" I found myself grinning into my sisters shoulder.

Before I could respond, and I assure you it would have been something bitchy but absolutely hilarious, my head snapped up in the direction of a gentle tapping on the open door. Naomi stood in the entrance, a semi supportive smile growing from the corners of her mouth.

"hey, sorry to interrupt but…" I cut her off, with a sigh.

"Effy's gone." I finished for her, withdrawing from my sister. It wasn't a question, it was inevitability. It took a couple second and a long uncomfortable silence shared between us before I snapped out of it.

"FUCKING EFFY, FUCKING STONEM!" I shot up, scaring the blonde. "I fucking love her but she can be such a cunting mong." It was eleven pm, it was dark and cold and my girlfriend was wandering the streets probably freaking out. Except I knew she wasn't wandering the streets, I knew exactly where she'd gone.

So my choices…grab a jacket and go fetch her or stay and wait till she got home. She probably wanted space, I've probably pressured her enough for one day. I said goodnight to Em and Naomi, I was half way upstairs when I heard Naomi. I was a mess of emotion and contradiction, I needed her, I wanted to help her, I also hated her, I also loved her. I wish she could talk to me, I would apologise later but she had to come back, have at least that much faith in us.

"Aren't you gonna go after her?"

I didn't answer her, I didn't look back and I didn't stop.

It was late, gone two when I heard the front door. I'd spent the last three hours awake, getting more and more worked up. Bouncing between enraged and distraught. But as I heard her feet on the stairs I was just happy she was home. I had gotten ready for bed, but had gotten re-dressed an hour so ago thinking I would go find her, before I have again changed my mind and sunk to the floor. I sat, just waiting in the dark. Effy crept in, sliding the door shut behind her. She froze when she saw me. I got up and closed the space between us, all thought disappearing into her eyes. I gently pushed her back, allowing the wooden door to support us both as I pushed my lips against hers. Fuck she was freezing.

I ran my hands over her cheeks. I'd gotten too good at soothing her, it was second nature now to protect her, I could accept a bit of an emotional battering.

"fuck, Ef, your freezing." Her teeth had begun to chatter, I should have gone after her earlier, I should have taken better care of her. This was my fault.

I lifted her dress, draping it over a corner chair. She was beautiful, stood shivering in her underwear. I took her hand, throwing back the covers and dragged her into bed.