Disclaimer: JKR, please don't sue me. I don't want any money. You can have my story if you want.

CHAPTER 13

"Oi, Padfoot. Wake up," James said as he poked Sirius with his wand the next morning. "You're going to be late for breakfast."

"Mm nn ugry," came a muffled sound from under Sirius's blanket.

"Did he just say he wasn't hungry?" Remus asked James as he exited the washroom. They both looked at each other with concern and then Remus whispered, "Did something happen last night?"

"I dunno," James shrugged. "I didn't ask yet."

"I can hear you guys, you know," Sirius's more distinctive voice said.

"So why aren't you getting up then?" Remus asked him.

They heard an irritated grumble and then Sirius kicked off his blanket and got out of bed and walked into the washroom, shutting the door loudly behind him.

"You sure eat a lot for someone who isn't hungry," Remus remarked to Sirius a short while later during breakfast as he watched his friend scarf down at least ten pancakes.

"Milk," was all Sirius said in reply, and James dutifully passed him a jug. Just as Sirius was chugging down a glass, he looked up and saw VJ walk past his table. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he watched him walking with his girlfriend of the day on his arm. His eyes moved to the doors just as Nikki entered through them, her long dark hair flowing gracefully behind her...

Nikki didn't want to do it, but she knew she had to. For every moment she spent alone with Sirius, she knew she was betraying her parents' trust, and not to mention, the constant lies she had been telling to her cousin and friends. She had thought about not telling Sirius, just to get back at VJ, but she knew that wouldn't do her any good. That's it. I can't do it anymore. I'm telling him today, no matter what. She walked through the Great Hall apprehensively, telling herself not to look up, lest she be tempted again after seeing him.

She was halfway through the Hall when she decided that one small peek couldn't hurt. She knew exactly where he was sitting, so she took a chance and thought she'd just glance in his direction for half a second. As soon as she moved her eyes, she knew she had made a mistake. Sirius was staring right at her, giving her that intense "look" that VJ was always bothering her about. Oh no, she thought. Please don't look at me like that. You're making this really hard on me. She tore her eyes away from him and continued her way to the table her roommates were already seated at.

"Padfoot, stop undressing Nikki with your eyes," said James with a nudge into his side, breaking Sirius's gaze.

"What?" asked Sirius obliviously, as he continued to eat his breakfast.

"Never mind," said James.

"I'm gonna do it. I've made up my mind," announced Lanie later that evening as she and the other seventh year Ravenclaw girls were just about finishing up their dinner.

"To do what?" asked Nikki as she drank the last of her pumpkin juice.

"I'm going to finally ask Remus," she replied resolutely.

Marcia's eyes widened and she hissed to Lanie, "You're going to ask Remus out?"

"What! Are you crazy?" Lanie exclaimed.

"Then what are you gonna ask him?" Terri inquired, looking thoroughly confused.

"I'm going to ask him if I can borrow his Transfiguration notes," she said cheerfully.

"Oh, God," Nikki said exasperatedly. "You make it seem like it's some life-altering decision you're making."

"Well, you never know. It could turn into something big," Lanie said optimistically, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Right," said Marcia, looking very unimpressed.

"I heard he's going out with Rosalyn Zeller," Terri said, as they got up from their seats.

"Another Hufflepuff tramp?" asked Marcia. "I thought he was just going out with Dana Abbott!"

"Nah, he broke up with her before the break," said Lanie.

"Wow, Remus really gets around, doesn't he?" said Nikki with a smirk.

"Well, it's understandable why he wouldn't want to get too close to anyone," remarked Lanie, thoughtfully.

"Oh, no, Lanie," moaned Terri. "Don't start with that werewolf rubbish again."

"Yeah, why are you making excuses for him?" asked Marcia tersely. "He's a man-whore, plain and simple. Admit it."

"Never," Lanie shook her head defiantly, crossing her arms together.

"Alright girls," Nikki said with a smile, "Although I'd love to stay and debate with you all on Remus's love life, I'm off. I'll see you later."

Nikki turned around and made her way through the corridors and headed towards the library for her Muggle Studies meeting with Lily and Sirius. Thinking about Sirius brought butterflies into her stomach again. Every time she saw him or thought of him that whole day, her stomach would turn. She felt nervous. She didn't want to not see him again, but she knew that was just selfishness taking over her. It's not fair, she complained to herself. He'll still get to go around and do whatever with whoever. And I'm going to be alone...doing nothing. But then the thought of her parents came back into her mind and she scolded herself for being so immature. She knew telling Sirius was the right thing to do, and was going to do it.

Nikki anxiously turned a corner, and she could hear laughter behind her. She looked back and saw Regulus Black and his friends standing around. She caught his eye and saw him stare at her for a second until a frown formed over his face and he promptly looked away.

She was right in front of the library' when she felt someone poke her side from behind.

"Boo," Sirius said with a smile as they both walked through the doors.

"Hey," Nikki said, returning his infectious smile, although she was groaning internally. So not fair...stupid sexy Sirius...

They both found Lily already sitting at a table on the centre floor. James was standing around with a pile books in his arms.

As Nikki walked up to the table, she could just hear James saying to Lily, "Don't be ridiculous! I would never let our kids—"

"Our kids?" Lily interrupted, looking at James with surprise.

"Wow, you guys are moving fast," Sirius said with a grin as he slapped an embarrassed looking James on the back.

"I didn't mean...I mean, I was just explaining...never mind," James said, flustered. "I gotta go." He grabbed his things hastily and left. As he walked out, Nikki noticed that Lily was watching him go with a hazy look in her eyes.

"Oi, Evans," Sirius said, waving a hand in front of her face. "Stop dreaming about Potter and your future kids together and let's get to work."

The three of them worked diligently for three hours straight; a little too diligently, as if each of them was trying very hard not to think of anything else that could have been occupying their minds. Lily was the first to decide that she finally needed to go out for a break.

When Lily got up and left them alone, Nikki realized that this could be a good time to finally tell Sirius.

She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she cleared her throat. She was about to say something when Sirius abruptly got up from his seat. Nikki thought that he was going to leave, but he only came over to Lily's chair, which was next to Nikki, and sat down in it. He, too, realized that this might be the only time he could tell Nikki how he felt about her.

"So," he said to Nikki. His heart started to pound in his chest and started to feel very nervous. C'mon, just tell her, you chicken. It might be your only chance.

Just as he was trying to find the right words, Nikki was building up the courage to say hers.

She took a deep breath and said, "I—," when she saw somebody standing in front of them.

"Hey, Sirius." It was Violet Brown. "Hi, Nikki."

"Hey," replied Nikki.

"How's it going?" Sirius asked her casually.

"Fine," she said to him with a sweet smile. "So I just wanted to ask if maybe we can set up something for tomorrow night if you're free."

"Tomorrow night..." Sirius pondered for a moment. "Yeah, that should be fine."

"Great," said Violet. "Where did you want to meet?"

"The common room?"

"Okay we can go somewhere else from there if we need to," Violet replied.

"Sure, no problem," Sirius said with a easy smile.

"Alright, see you then," Violet said, cheerfully. "Bye, Nikki."

"Bye," Nikki said, smiling as broadly as she could, even though on the inside she wanted nothing more than to kick Violet in her smiling face. I didn't know that Sirius hooked up with Violet...

Violet turned around and left just as Lily came back.

"That was a short break," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair. Dammit. Now when I am going to tell her?

"Yeah he wasn't there," Lily said distractedly, sitting across from them in what was Sirius's chair.

"Who wasn't where?" Nikki asked her.

"Who?" Lily repeated, looking confused. "Oh, I meant...argh, never mind. I dunno what I'm saying." She rubbed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair frustratingly.

"I'm exhausted," she said.

"You know, we're almost done anyways," Sirius said to Lily. "Why don't you just go and we'll finish up."

"Really?" she asked, looking relieved. "Nikki, you don't mind?"

"Not at all," Nikki said. At this point, Nikki couldn't wait to tell Sirius exactly what was on her mind. Lily packed up her notes and books and left the library. They were finally alone.

There was an awkward silence between them, and then Sirius cleared his throat.

"Um..." he started to say until Nikki interrupted him.

"Oh, yeah...I forgot," Nikki said, as if she just remembered that she had something to tell Sirius, and had not been contemplating over it for the past two weeks. "I was going to tell you something yesterday when VJ came and interrupted me."

"Oh," Sirius said, looking at her earnestly. "What?"

"I was just thinking...it's getting kinda...I mean..." Nikki rehearsed what she was going to say the whole day, but now that it was time to say it, she weren't coming out right. Her heart was pounding. She took a deep breath. "I don't think we should go sneaking around doing...stuff...anymore."

"Oh..." Sirius looked at her confusedly for a moment. "Okay." What does she mean? She doesn't want to keep it secret anymore?

"I just think that it's..." Nikki could feel her hands shaking and she kept them under the table, trying to keep her voice steady. "I just can't do it. I feel too guilty."

"I think I understand," Sirius said slowly. I'm so confused. Should I just tell her? Okay, I'm doing it. "Nikki, I think I—"

"And anyways," Nikki interrupted him, too anxious to even notice he was about to say anything at all. "It's all meaningless. It's not like we actually have, you know, those types of feelings for each other. It's all just physical. I'm just making myself feel guilty for something so unimportant. For nothing."

Sirius felt his heart drop down to his stomach. "Right," he said in a barely audible voice. "For nothing."

"It shouldn't make a difference for you anyways," said Nikki, a hint of bitterness in her voice. "I'm sure you'll find someone to replace me." Like Violet.

Sirius didn't say anything. He couldn't. He just stared at the book in front of him, wondering how the conversation had come to this. He knew there was a possibility he'd get rejected, but he had no idea it would feel like this. He had to get out of there before she realized how sick he was feeling. He looked down at his watch.

"It's pretty late. I think I'm gonna head out now," he said, grabbing his things hastily.

"Oh, okay," Nikki said, a little taken aback.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," he said, mustering up the fakest smile he had ever given, and left.

Nikki let out a breath, trying to calm her nerves.

"Well, then. It's done. I finally did it," she said to herself. Nikki was expecting to feel an immense relief after telling him, but instead, there was an overwhelming emptiness filling up inside of her. She looked around the abandoned library, recalling all the times she had spent there alone with Sirius. Stop being silly, she told herself. It's not like he really liked you. He could've told you if he did. He had plenty of time. Well, even if he did, which is extremely doubtful, your parents would never approve of him. So forget about him. It's over. You saw for yourself what kind of a guy he is. Why would you even let him touch you in the first place?

"I know, I know. It was the right thing to do," she said out loud. "But why do I feel like I just made a huge mistake?"

A/N: One more chapter to fix and then its back to writing! If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to let me know.