Laus Saint Julius
Summary: A.K.A how Harry was adopted and raised by a squib, and take the Wizarding World by storm. Follow his story as he entered Hogwarts as one Henry Julius Prewett, the power of smiles shall prevail! The fun has just started!
A/N: I have no idea how I managed to get this far, I just can't stop writing. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, that means I'm one of those people who doesn't know what they're doing. Could it be that I'm addicted to writing strange things? Why not? It's fun! See the end of the chapter for more notes.
Guests: Want some more chapters? Well, it's out now. Get them whie they're still fresh! R&R!
Namerwang: Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you liked the content of the previous chapter! I wanted to say something, but I forget what is it. Is it normal for people to not remember what they forget?
Fallow53: It's not every day someone actually pressed the kudo button on one of my works, although we don't have that sort of thing here in. Thanks a lot, I guess?
Disclaimer: There are reasons why this is a parody, not something you see in Canon. We all don't know what will happen if I own Harry Potter, we're lucky I have zero ownership over it or else the whole thing would have turned into a sitcom.
Chapter 13: Closing the Curtain
Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over lunch at number five, Herons Nest. This time, it wasn't caused by Tristan Prewett and his lady wife, it was a debate between Julius Bernhard and the rest of the people who disagrees with his plan to gather talented magicians scattered across England to join his troupe.
The discussion wasn't this heated before everything went downhill after Harry's grandfather said the content of his mind out loud, it was just an average family lunch at the end of the seventh month before all of the mess. Granny fluffy-hairs split the dining table into two with her inhuman strength, Harry couldn't help but feel pity for the table because of the table's obvious innocence. Its only fault is that it got into the wrong place at the wrong time, Harry would go repair it with a reparo later.
"We already got into troubles with those black suits from the Clock Tower! Are you trying to kill us all?"
"What's wrong with living dangerously, Livia? I feel alive when I'm on the verge of death. For a magician like me, death is just a heartbeat away."
Harry watched his grandparents arguing over his grandfather choice to draw the attention of the wrong sort of people to them. He doesn't get what's happening, but at least he is well informed of the events leading to this. Long story short, the government closed-off his grandparents' circus because they don't have any permits to keep all of the strange animals over there.
"Oh no, that table cost about 20 pounds. I will go get Mrs. Brown to fix it." Harry's father said, looking at the splintered table wide-eyed. Women are scary, Harry couldn't agree more.
"Father, mother? Only I and my darling can argue here, try to find somewhere that doesn't belong to us." Harry's mother finally said, after examining the total amount of damage caused by her mother to her properties. It was only by luck that her daughter doesn't get to see this, but her son did and he didn't look any happy about all of this.
Harry's grandparents visited their house bringing a bad news that they has just recently turned into an unemployed couple and they wanted to stay here because a certain agent of the government from the Clock Tower now has the ownership of their place. They started breaking things when they turned to fight against each other, It's not really a sight to behold.
"What if more government agents come and try to catch us? They might dissect us to learn our secrets! And now you want to recruit someone from the wizarding world to take part in this madness?"
"That's not my problem, it's all yours. The last time I checked, I was just a dashing gentleman with a dazzling smile. I will just send you back to where you belonged to if the worse happened. I'm sure your father will be happy to see you again."
"Hello, Mrs. Brown's reparation service is here! We repair your broken items! This is my assistant, Beatrice. You go repair Tris' glasses while I go repair the table, okay?"
The girl followed the instruction she was given and pulled out her wand before the confused Tristan Prewett who probably mistook her for a Death Eater in disguise instead and started to get into a fighting stance. In the middle of the chaos, Leticia Prewett gathered some of the broken plates and started putting it together using a power glue, not wanting to lose to Mrs. Brown who used her magic instead. None of them remembered how today is supposed to be a very special day for one Henry Julius Prewett who just reached the age of twelve.
"Mrs. Brown, do you know what day today is?"
"Of course, dear! It's your birthday! Happy birthday to you!"
At least someone still remembers why today should be an important day to him, but why is it Mrs. Brown out of all people? Perhaps, she has nothing else to do that she started gathering information about the Savior of Hogwarts. It would be scary if she knew his favorite food, color, and hobby as well. Meanwhile, his father is busy apologizing to their not-so-new neighbor who turned out to be a witch.
"How did you know Beatrice is a witch? You're not spying on her, do you?" He asked the beaming woman swinging her wand left and right to undo the damage caused to the table, it looked like a simple reparo is not enough for the job. The table is quite large.
"I saw her poking a wand on her dog, did that count as spying? She keeps a Grim as a pet, you know? Why so gloomy?"
Harry missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomachache. He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes, the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his bed in the dungeons. He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. He missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger although he could go see them if he wanted to.
"I know that kind of look when I see one, you're going emo! It's a process some teenagers go through, magical or not. Hermione told me what happened at the zoo, you didn't act like a Prewett at all. You wanted to know who your real parents are, right?"
That wasn't exactly what happened, but Harry doesn't know if deep inside, what Mrs. Brown said about him is true. He might have succeeded in defeating Voldemort with the help of his friends, but that doesn't mean he could succeed in tackling another problem, especially all by himself. Did he know what he wanted? Did he really want to know the identity of his real parents?
It's impossible to change the world into a place filled with smiles if he himself couldn't bring himself to form a meaningful smile on his own face. Harry suddenly remembered a wise word his Grandpa J once said, something about you better change the world when you're still a bachelor since you can't even change a TV channel after you get married.
"It's not like your adoptive parents don't care about your birthday, Harry. They could be planning a surprise party for you after dinner. And now, done! Look at this table, does it looked like it was just bought yesterday?"
Harry paid no attention to what the woman said about the table, he is too occupied watching the strange creatures in torn black robes gliding through their window. He could remember seeing one of them before, what was it called again?
"It's so cold around here lately, right? Wait, did you see that thing outside the window? It's a Dementor! You're not going emo, you're affected by them! Do you know what it can do?"
"It guards Azkaban and spies on us sometimes, right? That's why the Ministries know when an underage wizard is doing magic outside of Hogwarts. I always saw it outside my room after I got back here from Hogwarts." Harry said what he learned about the creature from the Quibbler. According to the writer, the Minister for Magic used it to spy on people.
"You don't close the curtain before you sleep? That's bad, I'm telling you. They can also suck happiness out of the air, that's why everyone is so gloomy these days. Let's try to get rid of it, I will get my enchanted vacuum cleaner."
Are the dementors that bad? Harry never thought the floating creature that looked like dirty laundries could do so much damage to the surroundings. It looked like his parents and grandparents couldn't see them, but is still affected by their presence. His mother wears a sweater in the middle of summer and is still shivering, that's saying something.
"Why a vacuum cleaner? I thought we need a Patronus to fight one, and I certainly can't use it. Maybe I could use Snuffles to drive them away, I will get the stupid dog. You go wait outside."
Harry decided to wait outside for the two of them to come back with their respective way of dealing against Dementors, those things were everywhere. That could only mean one thing, Sirius Black and Bellatrix Lestrange was hiding nearby. He threw some rocks to the one floating nearby, expecting it to go away, but it had no effect on them.
If only Hermione was here, she will know what to do. When she becomes the next Minister for Magic, he will ask her to eliminate all of those things that caused depression on people first. The world he wanted to build has no place for Dementors, they better be gone before he could find something that could actually kill them.
"Are you alright? Oh no, your happiness has dropped into zero! Let's get things right before it got worse." Mrs. Brown said, activating her vacuum cleaner that started sucking the closest Dementors into its bag. Is it normal for Muggle vacuum cleaners to store Dementors?
"Is it the same with the one I saw on the Grangers' house?"
"About this vacuum cleaner, it's not your average household appliance. I lend it from the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office when I was younger. It's enchanted to suck up any dirt, don't you see that those Dementors' cloaks are dirty? Would you like to give it a try?"
He let out a long, slow breath and stared up at the brilliant blue sky. Every day this summer had been the same, the tension, the expectation, the temporary relief, and then mounting tension again. And
always, growing more insistent all the time, the question of why nothing had happened yet. Harry blamed the Dementors for all of this, everything was fine before they came along. With a renewed determination, he will certainly exterminate of those happiness-sucking creatures for the future of Herons Nest.
Harry walked on with the vacuum cleaner ready, hardly aware of the route he was taking, for he had
pounded these streets so often lately that his feet carried him to his favorite haunts automatically where the Dementors gathered. He felt a dull, sinking sensation in his stomach and, before he knew it, the feeling of hopelessness that had plagued him all summer rolled over him once again. He glanced back over his shoulder, and a Dementor was there. It was quickly sent inside the vacuum cleaner without any resistance whatsoever, how pathetic.
"Weakness is a sin, your evil deeds end now! Come here so I can give you a proper punishment!"
To the Muggle inhabitant of Herons Nest, he was a funny, red-haired boy who liked to crack jokes and do strange things such as playing the part of a Ghostbuster using a vacuum cleaner. His jeans were fashioned in eccentric colors, his T-shirt looking more colorful than the local Kindergarten's wall. Harry's appearance endears him to the neighbors, who were the sort of people who appreciated a few laughter here and there.
"Oh my, you're doing great! I left the Dementors extermination to you, my back is acting up again."
Mrs. Brown complimented his Harry's skill in operating the vacuum cleaner, giving him a smile. What was so hard about it anyway? Even Muggles could do it, except that they couldn't do things as easily since they couldn't see their targets.
"Mrs. Brown, what if this vacuum cleaner ran out of batteries? Should I try using the Patronus charm?"
"Don't worry, it's enchanted. It has infinite power! Or so, Arthur said. Just give it back to me when it's over, okay?"
The fight against the Dementors was far from over, his stomach turned over. A towering, hooded figure was gliding smoothly toward him, hovering over the ground, no feet or face visible beneath its robes, sucking on the day as it came. Stupid creatures, Harry thought. They just keep coming to their doom like a moth to the flames.
His latest celebration of another Dementor defeated was interrupted when a loud crack followed by a storm of black smoke come into view. His magical grandmother appeared under the same disguise she wears when she visited them, looking youthful as usual, although her clothes don't quite match her serious expression.
"Auror Prewett, reporting for duty. Wait, is that Cedrella's vacuum cleaner?" She said, looking at the not-so-muggle device her grandson is holding. It tried to suck her Patronus inside, a small silver fox that looked so pitiful.
"Auror Prewett, do you know what day is it?" Harry asked innocently, looking like a normal twelve years old boy for a moment.
"The day they sent me on a suicide mission to help the Dementors catch Sirius and Bella, also known as your 12th birthday. Happy now? Someone is attacking the Dementors as we speak, I must hurry."
Harry pulled out his wand and quickly cast the disarming charm at his grandmother, instead of greeting her the usual way. It happened the second she finished her sentence, Auror Prewett doesn't know where everything goes wrong. She quickly hides her surprise under the usual obscene smile she wore all the time when she is not serious.
"Mrs. Brown, restrain her. Anyone who stands against our Dementor extermination program is an enemy of justice!" He triumphantly raised his vacuum cleaner, striking one of those poses he saw on one of those superhero movies on television. It's funny how they needed 5 people just to beat up a villain, who then turned into a giant and they have to combine into one giant robot to beat it again.
"I'm sorry, Aunt Eria, but this has to be done. You know? Kids this day, they won't stop begging until they got what they want."
"Evelyn, do you know what they feed Harry with? He doesn't look... normal. Do you think they put too much MSG in his food?"
The Senior Auror could only watch helplessly as more and more Dementors met their end at the hand of one demented Prewett boy who wielded an almighty vacuum cleaner. A pair of gray, slimy, scabbed hands slid from inside the Dementor's robes, reaching for freedom. There was laughter inside his own head, shrill, high-pitched laughter and he mimicked it. Auror Prewett's terrified voice broke in Harry's ear.
"What are you doing? Stop it! They just wanted a hug!"
"Shut up and don't move! You're our prisoner!"
Harry stood stock-still, turning his eyes left and right. The cold was so intense that he was shivering all over. goose bumps had erupted up his arms, and the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, but he enjoyed it. He opened his eyes to their fullest extent, staring at the biggest and baddest Dementor who had just recently shown up. It looked like the leader of the group haunting Herons Nest.
He saw two more towering, hooded dementors, standing guard on either side. A wave of cold sickness threatened to engulf him again, but he couldn't care less about it. It looked like the time to close the curtain to his show has come. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises, they didn't know the boy standing before them is actually a devil in human form.
"Bring it on! Fear the wrath of my vacuum cleaner! That will teach you not to come here ever again."
Moon, stars, and streetlamps burst back into life. A warm breeze swept the alleyway. Trees rustled in neighboring gardens and the mundane rumble of cars in Herons Nest filled the air again. Harry stood
quite still, all his senses vibrating, taking in the abrupt return to normality. Or, was it? The word 'normal' is a myth, at least according to him.
After a moment he became aware that his T-shirt was stick to him, he was drenched in sweat. He could not believe what had just happened. He defeated all of the Dementors here, and suddenly it was already the time for dinner. Auror Prewett lay curled up on the ground bound by magical rope, whimpering and shaking. She could hardly believe her grandson is the one causing all of those Dementors to disappear from Herons Nest.
"Aunt Eria, what's wrong? You doesn't look well, I will loosen the rope."
"My grandson is the next Dark Lord, kill me now."
Harry bent down to see whether the hold on the rope was loose, but not loose enough for the Auror to escape. Mrs. Brown did her job well, for an adult. He gave her the vacuum cleaner back and decided to go back home for dinner, ignoring the helpless Auror whose hands are still tied on the back. All of those awful things the Quibbler said about the Ministries are true, they're the roots of all evil in the Wizarding Britain.
He couldn't help but sympathize with the Prisoners of Azkaban, due to the Ministries' inhumane treatment of them. People have the rights to be happy, even criminals like them. The existence of Dementors is a threat to humanity on the whole and is a violation of human rights. Hermione should go introduce the concept to the Wizarding World when she becomes the next Minister For Magic, there are many things she should do.
"What is a Rolls-Royce Phantom VI doing here? Outside my home?"
"You knew a lot about cars, Harry. I'm impressed."
Hearing loud, proud footsteps behind him, Harry spun on his heel to face the clapping newcomer. He could saw the feature of the mystery man faintly, but it reminded him of his Grandpa J without the beard. At long last, the current CEO of Bernhard Metals Ltd himself make an appearance, is he here to give Harry a birthday present?
"Long time no sees, I guess it's been years since we last met. Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go grab dinner already, my wife's cooking is the best." The man retreated inside 5 Herons Nest, into the living room, to be exact.
"Who turned off the light? Is that you, Harry?"
Leticia Prewett pretended she had had a nice, normal day and tried to act normally in front of her husband and parents. Her daughter came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was
no good, she couldn't see anything.
Suddenly, a single candle lit up the surrounding room, casting a sinister radiance around the area affected by its flickering flames. Should Harry start telling everyone horror stories now? He carefully entered the place, search for the switch, and turned the light on. The eleven remaining candles started to lit before the lamps could start its duty to illuminate the room.
The table was almost hidden beneath all Harry's birthday presents, one of them is a moderate-sized box wrapped by green and silver papers, moving in random directions. Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun. Still, you weren't twelve every day. What is that thing inside the moving present? It doesn't look good.
"Happy birthday, Harry!"
Looking around to see who is currently present at his birthday party, he noticed an uninvited guest standing next to the other Mrs. Bernhard. Oh no, it's Rita Skeeter! He tried his best not to panic, what could possibly cause that unpleasant woman to come here? Has the news of the Dementors' defeat reached the Wizarding World? That was fast.
"I don't remember inviting you to my birthday party, what are you doing here?"
And so, Harry has the worst birthday in Herons Nest with a nosy reporter asking him questions and more questions about his birthday wish and stuff that should rather be asked to a celebrity instead. What is he? Harry Potter? She should go bother the Boy-Who-Lived instead, he should be back from France after the Flamels' death if what Dumbledore said about him were to be true.
"Next question, is that true that you defeated a Senior Auror and all of the Dementors here?"
"I had help, mostly from that Mrs. Brown over there. Letting them be set free like that is a mental abuse to humans, you know? Someone do something! Get this person out of the house!"
"We can't, she knocked first. I guess she is our guest now." Said his mother, looking uncertain about her son's condition. Is it normal for him to look this upset? Well, maybe not.
Rita Skeeter worked for the Ministry, that means she is one of those people in the tops who enjoyed torturing the commons using all of her glamours alone, her gold teeth and crocodile bag existed as a prove. Granduncle Auggie is richer than her and he is not that bad, living a relatively modest life with some occasional luxury instead of basking in it.
The only person in the Ministry that isn't evil is the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, Arthur Weasley himself. Wait, if Mrs. Brown said the vacuum cleaner belonged to him, does that means it's a property of the Weasley family? Some kind of a family heirloom in the shape of a helpful Muggle device?
"Last question, what do you think about the Boy-Who-Lived?"
Harry was feeling really annoyed now. How on earth was he to know how he would feel about Harry bloody Potter if he never meets him in person? What is he? A psychic? Harry looked around, blinking in the bright light. Hermione stood there, looking at both of them.
"Hermione Granger!" Cried Rita Skeeter, with every appearance of delight, although Harry noticed that her quill and the parchment had suddenly vanished from the box of Magical Mess Remover, and
Rita's clawed fingers were hastily snapping shut the clasp of her crocodile-skin bag. Disgusting.
Very glad to get away from Rita Skeeter, Harry hurried into his room along with his presents, some of them were just a simple birthday cards. He felt sorry for Hermione, but this has to be done sooner or later. If she wanted to be the next Minister for Magic, she better be getting used to nasty people interviewing her now, or she wouldn't look good in the public's eyes when she yells at them.
He unwrapped the moving present first and look at what he found, a dusk-colored owl stood inside the cage holding it, looking at its new master with its strange face that could turn 360 degrees. Harry kept to his room for the rest of the night, with his new owl for company. He had decided to call it Belial, keeping Bernhard's tradition of naming their familiars after the 72 pillars, whatever it is.
"I will call you Belial, any objections? Don't be shy, I will find a better name if you're not happy with it. How did Amon sounds? Alright, Belial it is. You don't seem to be complaining."
Meanwhile, the Prewett's doesn't have a naming preference, but they all sounded lame. Who else would name their grown-up owl Rowlet? How very unoriginal. Hermione's presents books were also interesting, it gave detailed information as to why summoning demons for doing everyday things are stupid.
He lay on his bed reading late into the night, Belial swooping in and out of the open window as it pleased. Why bother with closing the curtain? It's not like more Dementors will be coming to avenge their fallen brethren anyway.
Just for this moment, Harry left the window open. The night breeze felt pleasant to him, and he could saw the stars. The next time he did something big, he would make sure to give all of the credits to someone else just to make sure he could enjoy more of this peaceful and alone time in the future. Staying far away from Rita Skeeter is just an added bonus. He could try being the hero everyone knows not, but isn't it already too late for that?
End of Chapter 13
A/N: There are Dementors in this chapter and behind you. See what happen when Harry is near them? He went insane. Stay away from dark creatures, folks, it's not good for your health. If you find some of them nearby, don't invite them to play hide and seek, they're terrible at it. See you soon, then. Finals started next week, but who cares about good grades? I refuse to let a piece of paper determine my fate! OK, maybe I should start studying instead of writing my thoughts for everyone to read.