On My Mind
It wasn't long until Castle, Beckett, and Annika walked through the swinging doors of the lab. They were not in the morgue so there were no dead bodies. Lanie and Alexis met them at the door and they walked around to a back room in the lab quickly. There was more lab work back there along with computers. As they walked into the room memories assaulted Alexis and she inhaled. It wasn't long ago she was working long nights cataloging victims with Lanie. She missed interning.
Lanie bent down to Annika's level and held out her hand, "Well, hello there honey. My name is Lanie. What is your name?"
Annika said nothing only looked down to the ground and played with her hands, busying them and taking her mind off of Lanie.
Lanie looked to Kate who said nothing. So, Lanie stood up and whispered, "Little shy?"
Kate nodded and drew in a deep breath, "She has been through a lot." Kate looked to Alexis, "Do you have her?"
Alexis smiled, "Of course. We are fine."
Kate nodded again and subconsciously glanced at Castle as they followed Lanie to Ms. Grissom's body. Alexis noticed the glance that Beckett had given her father and it made her wonder even more than earlier, what was going on with Beckett? Earlier when she spoke with her on the phone, her tone was laced with distress. It had an edge to it that made her wonder if the customary glances she gave to her father suddenly meant something else or if she was just overthinking detective Beckett's behavior. She decided to disregard it and turned her attention to the quiet ten year old that was standing next to her.
Lanie stopped next to Ms. Grissom as did Beckett and Castle. "Well, she wasn't poisoned."
"She wasn't drugged?" asked Castle.
Lanie shot him a look, "Nope, Ms. Grissom died of an all-natural heart attack."
"The same day that her son was there?" asked Castle with a hint of disbelief.
"What Castle? Is it not a good enough story?" said Beckett with a wry smile.
Castle thought about it. Maybe Beckett's secret past reveled had made up for the lack of wild theory in this case. Maybe she was right and the Scott's did do it. The tangled web of secrets this case held only seemed to become more intricate with each chapter. He drew in a deep breath and let it out, "Actually, it fits. If Michael Scott was the killer, presumably killing for a large amount of money, then it would make the case to easy. The pieces shouldn't fit so easily. He didn't kill his mom."
Lanie looked at Kate and Kate unknowingly furrowed her brow and folded her arms across her chest, "Too easy?"
"Yeah, too easy," Castle looked at Ms. Grissom, "I think Ms. Grissom would agree."
Beckett and Lanie rolled their eyes and then Lanie held her hand in the air, "Fine Castle, but I have one question before you go anywhere Kate."
Kate looked at her, "Okay, what?"
"How long is this kid going to be trailing you around for? Isn't it against the rules for the detective leading a case to get close to it or something?" asked Lanie.
How long? How long would Annika be around for? She couldn't answer that, because she didn't know the answer. She wasn't prepared to answer it. What was the right thing to do? Was it going to be alright like Castle said? What was she supposed to do now? No one had claimed her and protective services turned her away. She stepped in, but how much longer could or would she do that?
"Kate?" Lanie called to Beckett who was lost in her snowballing wonders and thoughts. Castle glanced at her concerned.
"Yeah? Um, I'm not sure yet. I have to wait for further orders." Kate quickly turned on her heel and started to walk back toward the girls.
Alexis didn't know what to do with Annika at first. So, the two stood awkwardly staring at one another. "Follow me, I will take you to go and get more soda if you want. I see you are out. The soda machine isn't far."
Annika's big eyes studied Alexis momentarily and then she whispered, "Ok."
Alexis smiled and turned and started to walk toward the soda machine with mini Beckett following her. Suddenly, she stopped, "Hey, where are you two going?" asked a smiling Castle seeing Alexis and Annika walking away as he, Lanie and Beckett walked toward them.
Alexis turned around to face her father, Lanie, and Beckett, "I was going to take Annika to get something to drink. She ran out of the diet coke I gave her earlier." Alexis informed her father.
"Oh, honey, we can take her. I know you have to get going," said Lanie.
Alexis forced a smile, "I actually do. Are you guys all finished?"
"We are finished Alexis. Thanks for staying with Annika. We'll let you get going now." Beckett said wanting to get out of the lab sooner rather than later.
Alexis smiled, "No problem detective Beckett. See you tonight dad." Alexis gave her dad a quick hug and looked down at Annika, "Keep an eye on him Annika, he can be a handful." Alexis smiled as she walked out the swinging double doors, "Bye Dr. Parish. Bye guys."
Annika, Lanie, and Castle looked at Beckett as she spoke, "We really need to get going too. I need to get back for shift change. Thanks for everything Lanie." Beckett said and then looked at Annika, "Are you ready to go?" Annika nodded yes and took some hesitant steps in Kate's direction.
"Thanks Lanie. See you Monday." Beckett said as she walked toward the double swinging doors that lead out of the lab.
"Anytime, girl. It was nice meeting you Annika." Annika looked at Lanie, but said nothing.
Lanie watched the three exited her lab and turned to Ms. Grissom shaking her head, "And there she goes again."
Now a fast paced clicking heeled Beckett walked down the corridor of the hospital followed quietly by Castle and Annika. Annika looked up at Castle as they walked to the parking garage. It was clear Kate was stressed for some reason and ready to head home. Annika wasn't sure she wanted to go home with detective Katherine Beckett. Not when she was in the mood she was in.
Castle felt eyes on him and looked down to meet a ten year old Beckett's eyes. They mirrored Kate's and he knew Kate knew it. The familiar look she got when she was nervous, worried, or in deep thought. The color of Kate's eyes changed depending on her emotions. When she was happy, more green and gold flecks littered her irises. Annika inherited that trait, and now as Annika looked at him, her eyes mirrored her biological mother's more than ever.
Suddenly, he was drawn out of his thoughts and found himself looking back into large, familiar, dark brown orbs mixed with flecks of gold staring up into his blue ones causing him to draw in a breath. He glanced up at Kate's back and sighed as he gave Annika a slight smiled.
Kate could still hear Lanie's voice loud and clear in her own mind, "How long is this kid going to be trailing you around for?" Her thoughts raced ahead with questions she was scared to know the answer too, thoughts that made her question her moral, and held answers she wasn't sure she was ready for. While her mind raced ahead with questions that held answers she wasn't able to reach. Annika walked only a couple of steps behind her.
Soon the trio found their selves walking through the parking garage and getting into Kate's car. Annika was quiet and noticed that the usual chatty Castle was as well. The air hung heavy in the car as silence ensued. All that could be heard was the hum of the tires on the pavement as they drove toward the 12th.
Beckett still felt bad and a bit ashamed for snapping at Castle in front of Annika earlier. She knew she was stressed and that the case was finally catching up to her, but she didn't want to recognize it.
Though, it was becoming evident she could no longer ignore the fact of the matter, and snapping at Castle like she had only confirmed what she wished to deny. She was scared. Nervous of bringing Annika home, petrified of the memories she knew most likely would come flying back once she set the little girl up in her guest bedroom. It was finally sinking in, the reality of the case. The terrifying truth that despite everything she once believed, she was going to need a lot more help than she would ever admit aloud. She drew in a breath and exhaled as she put her blinker on and pulled into the parking lot of the 12th. She may not be able to admit it aloud, but at least she was able to admit it to herself now.
When Beckett, Castle and Annika walked into the precinct Beckett noticed Ryan and Esposito were still deep in the case. While, she appreciated their loyalty toward the case she knew Ryan should be getting home to Jenny. She pursed her lips and walked over to the boys, "Go home guys." They both looked up at Beckett, Castle, and Annika.
Esposito smiled a sad smile, "Alright, alright. But you better go home too." He held Beckett's stare.
"I'm clocking out now." Beckett said, "Oh, and Lanie got the Tox screens back on Ms. Grissom. She died of natural causes." Beckett said while Annika glanced past her at the break room. She was getting hungry. Esposito and Ryan kind of figured she died of natural causes. They had ruled out Michael Grissom since they found out that Beckett's so called friend Eve was connected to the case. This case had become much more intricate than any of them ever imagined it becoming.
"Okay, so the guy alibied out. We still have –" Ryan was cut off by Castle who didn't want to speak of the Scott's in front of Annika.
"Yeah, he alibied out." Castle glanced down at Annika and then met Ryan and Esposito's eyes. Ryan and Esposito caught on immediately.
"You, know Beckett you are right. I'm going to head home to Jenny. I feel like I haven't seen her in a month." Ryan said.
It wasn't long after speaking with the boys Beckett clocked out and now stood with Annika and Castle, "So, I guess we will see you Monday, Castle?" Beckett said and Annika watched Beckett with apprehension and keen observation.
Castle smiled a slight smile as the three stood in front of the elevator, "See you Monday, detective. See you Monday Annika." Castle waved at them as they got in the elevator and it closed behind them. He then looked to Esposito and Ryan, "What did you find?"
"Not tonight, Castle. Go home and see your daughter." Ryan said.
"Yeah, she probably needs help putting away the groceries." Esposito said with a chuckle.
"What about you two?" Castle asked, wondering if they lied to Beckett just so she would go home or if either one of them was actually planning on leaving as well.
"Hold the elevator for me." Ryan said as he closed the last window that was open on his computer and quickly hopped up from his desk patting Javi on the back, "See you Monday, Bro," Ryan exhaled as he joined Castle.
"Later." Esposito said as he drew in a deep breath and let it out. Damn this case.
As Castle and Ryan rode the elevator down to the ground floor they were both oddly silent. It was uncomfortable and Ryan finally broke it, "Castle?" Ryan shifted his weight, looked down, and then looked at Castle, "She is going to be ok, right?"
Castle held Ryan's stare a moment, "Yeah, yeah. It's Kate, she will be fine."
Castle let out the breath he didn't know he was holding in and Ryan nodded quickly. The elevator sounded alerting them to the fact they had arrived on the ground floor. Castle looked at Ryan, "See you next week."
"Yeah, see you next week." Ryan said as both men walked to their individual cars all the while trying to convince themselves that what Castle had said in the elevator was actually the truth. That Beckett would be fine, but they both knew the truth of the matter and that is Katherine Beckett was not okay.
Beckett opened her apartment and Annika looked up at her, "Well, here we are." Beckett said and Annika nodded. Beckett inhaled and walked inside, Annika trailing quietly behind. Then all at once it hit her, she was, no, she had - brought her daughter home for the first time.
They walked into the living room and Annika looked around, detective Kate had a big place. Kate watched as Annika looked around silently with large eyes just observing and taking it all in. She held her bag a little tighter and then turned to Beckett, "I'm hungry." Annika said in a voice which, to most people, showed no signs of wavering, only authority. Though, Kate recognized the fear Annika was guarding easily, for her voice sounded the same right now.
"Of course, of course you are. Let's put your stuff in the guest room and get some dinner." Beckett suggested.
Annika eyed Kate for a moment in a type of stale mate. She didn't want to put her stuff down or follow her to the guest bedroom. Though, she really had no choice so she eventually complied, inhaling and taking a step toward Kate. Beckett gave her a slight smile as they both walked into the guest bedroom. Beckett held her arms out to her side, "Well, this is it," Kate and Annika looked around, "You can put your things in the dresser if you want." Annika and Kate both looked at the dresser and Annika nodded.
"I will put it away after we eat." Annika said and Kate scolded herself for not realizing this.
"Of course, let's get something to eat." Beckett walked out of the room, but Annika did not move. Kate stopped and turned around to see what was wrong. She peered in the room unnoticed to see Annika draw in a deep shaky breath and release it carefully. Then the little girl walked over to her new bed and ran her hand gently across the comforter. She looked around at the room and contemplated sitting on the bed. Instead she picked up her pink and black Jan sport back pack and set it down on the floor in between the nightstand and the bed. Kate inhaled and walked out into the living room. Annika saw her leave out of the corner of her eye. She inhaled and looked at the door which was wide open. The light from the living room filtered into Annika's new room. She let out a breath and walked toward the door and Kate. Beckett looked up at Annika's presence in the room, "Hey."
Annika gave a shy smile, but didn't say a word.
"So, I don't have much in the fridge. Are you okay with ordering in? Do you like Chinese?" Beckett had no clue what Annika liked. She was grasping at straws, hell, she didn't even have straws.
Annika nodded her head and then whispered, "Yes."
Kate nodded her head, "Okay, then. Chinese it is." Annika watched as Kate dialed the number, she seemed almost nervous around her, thought Annika. It was odd. "One order of Orange chicken, with a side of mixed vegetables and white rice." Beckett looked up, Annika was waving her hands as to make Beckett stop, "Hang on. What do you want Annika?"
Her voice was so soft, "The same thing, only fried rice." Annika reminded Beckett so much of herself at ten years of age. She drew in a breath and released it.
Soon there was a knock on the door and Beckett answered it with her gun out of her holster and by her side. She tipped the delivery man and took their food to the kitchen table. Both women curled their legs up underneath them immediately. Beckett noticed they both did it, she didn't know if Annika had figured it out yet. Then again why would Annika think it any more than a strange coincidence? She had no idea they were related. Conversation was bleak as they ate in silence.
Annika was the first to break it, "Do you ever go over to Castle's house?"
Always one to over analyze Beckett supposed this meant Annika wasn't comfortable at her place.
"I do. Why? Would you like to go over Castle's?"
Annika shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe, he is funny."
Beckett smiled, "He is isn't he?"
Annika nodded in agreement.
"How is your orange chicken?" asked Beckett.
"It's good. It came from the same place so I bet it tastes just like yours." Annika said and Beckett chuckled.
"Why does a writer follow a police officer around?" Annika asked out of left field. "It doesn't make sense."
Beckett smiled an 'I know' smile, "I tried to tell my Captain that, but it didn't go over well."
"Good thing Castle is a good guy though. It would have been bad if he was all Hollywood and not down to earth." Annika said and while Beckett could have smiled an 'if you only knew' smile, but she didn't. Annika looked up to Castle and right now she could use any role model she could get. Beckett didn't want to tarnish his down to earth dad type personality.
"Yeah, he is. Isn't he?" Beckett said with a smile.
"Mmhhmm." Annika pushed a bit of rice around on her plate and set her fork down, "Kate, we still have to open fortune cookies."
"Ok, ok. Here is yours." Beckett said handing Annika her cookie.
"Thanks." Annika didn't look up at Kate. She might not even have noticed she said thanks, but Kate did.
"Mmmhhmm." Said Beckett. "Well what does yours say?" Beckett prodded.
Annika sat up a bit straighter and opened the small piece of paper up, "One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes."
Beckett swallowed at Annika's fortune, but, it was just a silly fortune to Annika, "What does yours say Kate?"
Kate looked at the silly piece of paper in her hand and opened it, "Don't forget, you are always on our minds."
Annika laughed causing Kate to laugh, "Kate, are you trying to tell me something?" Annika laughed completely unaware of the knowledge running through Kate's mind. At least she was laughing.
"Ok, Ok. I do believe it's time to go to bed." Beckett said walking Annika to her room and making sure she had everything that she needed.
Now changed into her pajamas Annika was lying under the comfortable comforter. She liked this bed it was big and while the room was pitch dark she was so tired she could care less. Annika fell asleep with a full belly not long after she climbed into the large bed.
Beckett picked up her and Annika's dinner and threw it away, pausing momentarily when she got to the fortune cookies. She then put the cutlery in the sink and wiped the kitchen table down. Then she headed to bed to put her own pajamas on. She was now curled up in bed her phone charging not far from her.
Her mind was a mess, she was a mess. She found herself reeling in a million thoughts. The fortune cookies had to be a fluke, why did Annika have to be so much like her? She snapped at Castle earlier today, but she didn't mean it. She didn't. The three of them were so quiet on the way back from the lab. It was evident something was wrong to everyone. Tears welling in her eyes, Beckett rolled over and grabbed her phone. She never lost it like this. She couldn't lose it. Yet, here she was in her room tears rolling down her cheeks soaking her pillow.
She clutched her cell phone in her hand and then finally text Castle.
'I'm sorry for earlier today Castle.'
Back at the loft in Castle's room he saw his phone light up with a text from Beckett.
He punched in his code and checked the text. It wasn't like Beckett to apologize twice so she must have been having a rough night and could use somebody. He smiled; someone like him he thought.
'Don't worry about it. I don't think as many people noticed as you think.'
'That's refreshing.' Beckett typed and Castle noted it was sarcastic and smiled.
'How was your night with Annika?' Castle asked and Beckett stared at the text.
'We had Chinese.'
'Oh, what was your fortune?' Castle asked and Beckett wiped the tears from her cheeks.
'It was nothing.'
'Can't be nothing.'
Castle waited a while until another text came from Beckett. 'She reminds me of me.'
Castle inhaled when he read the text, it hurt him to know she was hurting. He knew it took every ounce of courage she held within her to send that text.
'I can't think of anyone better to be reminded of ' Castle sent the text then rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
Kate closed her eyes and hugged her pillow as she thought of the little girl in her guest bedroom. Her eyes read over what Castle had sent and she drew in a breath. 'Thanks Castle.'
Castle smiled at her gratuity, 'Anytime.'
'See you tomorrow?' asked Beckett already knowing the answer.
'Tomorrow is Saturday, detective Beckett. What are you two doing tomorrow?'
Beckett sighed, because she didn't have the slightest idea. 'She was fine in the break room before. She likes you Castle. She even spoke about you tonight. She said you were a good person…one could debate…but I think she can make it at the precinct again. I still need her to tell me what she found on the flash drive of Mr. Scott's. Hell, I still need to interrogate him.'
'You don't think I'm a good person?' Castle smiled a smug smile as he sent the text. He realized Beckett was speaking of bringing Annika into the precinct tomorrow.
Beckett opened her new message from her partner and smiled a smug smile of her own. She could practically hear him saying it. Beckett shook her head and sent her message, 'Seriously, Castle?'
'Am I not always serious?' Castle replied almost immediately and Beckett shook her head, her tears starting to subside replaced by the goofy grin she couldn't keep plastered off her face when she was around him.
'No, you're not.' Beckett responded. She looked at her phone and quickly sent another message. 'One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes. That is what Annika's fortune was.'
Castle exhaled typing his response, 'and yours?'
Kate rolled over closing her eyes, 'Don't forget you are always on our minds.'
'I'd rather be on someone's mind than not.' Castle sent his message and Beckett now read it and smiled.
'Touche.' Kate exhaled a deep shaky breath and rolled onto her back. It felt good to inhale and exhale. She saw her phone light up with a message and checked it.
'Tomorrow?' Castle had only typed out one word on purpose, because Beckett would get it and he knew she would.
'I don't work tomorrow.' Beckett made sure he realized this.
'I know. That is the point.' Castle barely glanced at her text, only responded.
Beckett read his text and smiled. She didn't write anything back because just knowing that 'tomorrow' was coming was enough for tonight. There were still so many questions left unanswered, some she didn't even know where to begin to look for answers too.
Though, they were there it would just take time to find them. She drew in a breath and released it wondering back to Lanie's question; how long was this case going to take to solve? Where did that leave Annika in a week never mind a month? Exactly how long was this child going to be trailing Kate around for?
She found herself reaching for her phone and sending a text, 'Tomorrow.'
Castle smiled as he saw what she sent, causing him too too send a message, 'Tomorrow'
She saw her cell light up and grabbed it. She opened the text messages and smiled slightly at the single word and the hope it brought. She needed to keep her mind from falling down the rabbit hole and spiraling out of control with past memories and what if's. So, she reread Castle and her text messages when all she really wanted to do was go to bed. She smiled slightly before she set the phone down, curled up under the comforter - and closed her eyes. She could allow herself to smile, especially when she truly felt it was better to be on someone's mind than not.
I'm totally unsure of this chapter. Sorry if it was a let down. I have had a rough week...at least this chap is up.