This starts immediately after what happened in chapter 12

Kida sat on the floor wearing only his boxers. He held his knees to his chest and shivered as he stared blankly at the floor. He couldn't feel a thing; not the tears rolling down his cheeks; not his hands tightly gripping his legs; not the blood trickling down his back or the stinging from the wounds responsible for the blood loss. He was completely numb, inside and out.

Izaya stared at the boy in contemplation. He saw him hunched over and shaking, and the cuts in his back; the cuts that he was responsible for. The man's stomach flipped over as a hot flash surged through his veins. He had never felt such intense remorse. His sadistic grin slowly faded to a pained expression.

He couldn't tear his eyes from the damage he'd inflicted on the boy. He'd abused Kida so many times, but this was different somehow. Izaya placed the bloodstained knife on his desk and knelt behind the boy.

He placed a hand on Kida's shoulder and spoke in the gentlest tone he could manage. "Masaomi?" The boy leaned away from the man's touch and shuddered.

The informant stood and quickly wet a towel. He returned and gingerly brought the towel to his back. Kida cringed and whimpered. Izaya waited a moment, and then silently wiped the blood away. He threw the towel to the side and nuzzled his face into the teen's neck. He softly kissed the skin.

"Masaomi… I—I'm…sorry." Izaya struggled with his words. He'd only genuinely apologized three or four times in his entire life; he didn't make a habit of regretting any actions he made. "I… That wasn't okay. I crossed a line and…I'm sorry."

The man slid around to meet the boy face-to-face. He took the reluctant teen's face in his hands. "Hey." Kida continued to fix his eyes nowhere in particular. It wasn't that he was ignoring Izaya; he seemed to not hear him at all. Izaya dragged his thumbs across the boy's wet cheeks. He kissed his unresponsive lips. "Masaomi, look at me."

Hesitantly, he complied with the man. Kida sniffled and looked into the sad crimson eyes. "This will never happen again. I need you to understand that." He kissed the boy's forehead. "I was angry—but that doesn't justify what I did. Please… I need you to believe me." He wiped away the last of Kida's tears and petted his hair. He tilted his head to catch the straying chestnut eyes.

Izaya exhaled. He ran his fingers through the boy's hair and kissed his shoulder. "Stay with me tonight. I don't want you to do something drastic."

Kida shook his head. "No, I… I just want to go home. I'll be fine."

Izaya frowned. "No, you won't. I know you, and I'm not going to let you leave my sight. I understand if you don't want to see me right now. I'll sleep on the couch tonight if you want my bed to yourself. I promise not to touch you if you say so. I'm going to call Raira and tell them you won't be at school for the rest of the week. You're in no condition to go anywhere. I need you to stay here for awhile…alright? I won't hurt you again."

He looked at the boy nervously. Kida probably wanted nothing to do with the man, and he didn't blame him. It was a selfish request to make, but he couldn't let the boy be alone; he might hurt himself—kill himself; he wouldn't let that happen. He would keep the boy with him by force if necessary, but he hoped that Masaomi would agree instead; he didn't want to give him any more traumatic experiences.

"Okay," Kida responded faintly. He slowly raised his arms and wrapped them around Izaya. He weakly pulled the man closer. He'd never felt so broken, so betrayed. He wondered if he and Izaya would ever be the same again. He wasn't sure whether or not he forgave him, but he did know that he desperately needed to be comforted, even if it was by the man who hurt him.

"I'll stay, but I want you to sleep with me. Don't leave me alone."

"I won't," Izaya responded, relieved. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Izaya?"

The informant looked down to the boy on top of him. He gently rubbed his bandaged back. "Hm?"

"I love you."

Izaya lay still as he looked up at the ceiling. "Don't say that," he finally replied.

Kida scooted upwards and buried his face in the man's neck. "Why not?" he mumbled.

"I don't deserve it—I don't deserve you, especially after…" Izaya trailed off and ran his hand along Masaomi's back.

"But it's true," Kida protested.

"Why do you stay with me? I never acknowledge us as a couple—and probably never will; I constantly remind you of my superiority over you; I refer to you as a toy. I'm so selfish to keep you, and I don't understand why you forgive me so easily. You must realize that I only cause you pain."

The teen smiled. "Yeah, but I'm a masochist."

Izaya gently lifted the teen off him and sat up against the bed frame. "I'm not joking, Masaomi." His red eyes shone in the dark room.

Kida grunted in annoyance and also sat up. He threw his legs over the man and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Neither am I."

The older male smiled slightly. "Don't misunderstand me; I want you with me—I told you that I'm selfish in that way. There's just this really annoying voice in my head that continuously reminds me that I should treat you better."

The other male also grinned. "That's called a conscience. I didn't know you even had one."

"I do, but I'm quite good at suppressing it. I think you're the one with a conscience problem; you have no sense of danger, whatsoever." Izaya kissed the crown of his head.

"Izaya, I love you," he repeated insistently. He wanted to get his point across. This was the third night since the incident, and he was beginning to dislike the way Izaya treated him like he might break by holding him too tightly or saying something wrong. He wanted to forget it ever happened; Kida knew that the man was being truthful when he said that he would never hurt him like that again.

"I—it's just… I try to let you know…" He scratched the back of his neck uneasily.

Kida looked at the man in amazement. Could he be…? Kida caught himself. No, that's ridiculous. He would never say that to me.

Izaya's hand gripping his chin stopped his thoughts. He couldn't decipher the man's expression in the darkness that consumed everything in the room.

"Masaomi, I," he started hesitantly. He swallowed nervously before quietly finishing his sentence. "I love you too."

Kida's heart stopped; he couldn't breathe; he couldn't think. By his tone, he understood that the man was being serious. It wasn't just another game that messed with his head. He dreamed about those words, he constantly hoped to hear them—though he never thought it would actually happen. Kida shifted to straddle the man.

Izaya looked into the boy's eyes. He was grateful for the darkness that hid his ridiculous blush. He cleared his throat. "Alright, what you have to understand about tha—" He was cut off by Kida's lips crashing against his.

"Izaya," he moaned. He tugged on the man's hair and pulled him closer.

The raven groaned. He wanted to explain himself to the boy. He wanted to tell Masaomi that it wasn't as simple as he thought. However, he hadn't been intimate with Kida in days, and he had been struggling to restrain himself. He thought it would be best to just have a talk the next day.

They never had that talk.

Izaya massaged his temples. "Not now, Kida-kun. I'll help you later."

"You've been saying that for the past three hours," Masaomi whined. "C'mon, I really need help."

"You're fairly intelligent." Izaya returned to his typing. "I'm sure you can figure out a simple math problem."

"It's the only one I can't solve. Please? I'm sure it'll only take a minute with your—"

"Go find someone else to help you," Izaya snapped. "I'm not your fucking tutor. If I do all of your homework, you're not going to learn anything, and you'll end up failing when you take exams. So, either use your brain or seek out someone else to annoy with your petty problem."

Masaomi was silent. His vision grew blurry as he turned away from the man and gathered his things. He hastily walked towards the door. "I'm sorry for bothering you," he said quietly.

Izaya looked up. Even from the back, it was clear that Kida was upset. His fingers tugged on his shirt hem, his gaze was directed downwards, and his shoulders were trembling. The informant sighed. "Kida-kun, don't leave."

"I'm going to find someone else to help me." He left the apartment and shut the door.

Izaya leaned back in his chair. "Why the hell did I agree to be in a relationship? This shit is difficult. Fucking emotions…" He pulled out his cell and sent a text. 'Please come back. I can finish this tomorrow. I'll help you with your homework and then we can do something together.' He glanced outside and watched a blond head briskly walk along the sidewalk. The boy stopped suddenly and took something out of his pocket. After a few moments of stillness, the blond turned around and reentered the building.

When Masaomi returned, he quietly set his bag on the desk, and then walked towards the man in the chair, whose arms were held out. He sat in Izaya's lap and hid his face in the crook of the informant's neck.

Izaya soothingly brushed through the teen's golden hair. "I didn't mean to be insensitive. I warned you beforehand that it'll take me a while to learn how all of this works. I'll try harder to watch what I say and do."

"I know you're trying. I'm the problem, not you. With my emotions and everything, I'm just…not normal. You're doing well; my emotions are erratic, and all."

"You certainly aren't normal. You're extraordinary, Kida-kun. Don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think either of us is good with relationships, so we both need to work at it. I need to become accustomed to spending time with you outside of sex and work, and you need to be patient while I do so. We're a fucked up couple. Being together is probably a horrible idea, but we both want this, so we'll have to push past these problems in order to be together."

Masaomi smiled. He moved back to look into Izaya's eyes. "Thank you for trying. It feels…amazing to be with someone so determined to make 'us' work. All I really want is for you to remind me of your feelings. I don't need much more than that."

Izaya returned the boy's smile. "I love you, Masaomi."

Kida nuzzled into the man's cheek and interlaced their fingers. "I love you too."

"Now, let's work on that math problem." He moved the chair closer to the desk and watched Masaomi take out his homework.

He pointed to a problem. "This one. I used the formula for this chapter, but my calculator gave me an error message when I plugged it in."

"The calculator was right."

"What?"

"It's unsolvable." He grabbed a pen and wrote what he'd said. He used it to point at the equation. "You can't insert a negative number here."

"Oh," Masaomi replied sheepishly, returning the sheet to his folder.

"Don't you want me to look over the rest?"

"Nope. I checked my answers while I was avoiding that other problem."

Izaya chuckled. "You'll go far in life, Kida Masaomi."

"I don't need to go further. I want to stay right here." He bent down and locked the man in a lazy kiss. After a few minutes of his hands roaming about the informant's body, he noticed that Izaya's hands hadn't moved from his head and waist. "Izaya, you know that relationship isn't synonymous with celibate, right?"

"Of course. Why?"

"We haven't had sex since before we…became an item. I've been coming on to you nearly every day, but you always steer me away from doing anything other than kissing."

"That has nothing to do with our new status. It's because of this." He dragged his fingers along the boy's back.

"Are you punishing yourself, or something?"

"No, I simply don't want you to tear open a suture."

"It's been nearly two weeks," Kida whined.

"Is it really that difficult for you to take a break from sex for a few weeks?"

"A few weeks?" Masaomi exclaimed. "I'm fine right now."

Izaya grinned. "Although I appreciate your enthusiasm towards our sex life, your well being is more important to me than something as frivolous as sex."

Kida raised an eyebrow. "Frivolous?"

"Yes. It is an unnecessary activity for the sole purpose of attaining superficial pleasure," he replied plainly.

Masaomi hopped off the man's lap and sat on his desk. "Pleasure isn't the sole purpose." He grabbed the informant's hands and pulled him up. He traced patterns on Izaya's chest with his fingers. "It brings you closer to someone on an emotional level. It's frivolous for someone just wanting release, but, for two people in a relationship, it has meaning. Sex is a way to physically express your love for someone."

"How poetic… I had no idea you have such strong emotions towards my dick."

Kida pushed him away. "Why do you have to make a joke out of everything? I was being serious."

Izaya patted the boy's cheek. "I know. I understand what you're saying."

"Good." A mischievous smirk spread across Masaomi's face. "Although, you were right."

"About what?"

"I love your dick nearly as much as I love you." He reached forward and rubbed the soft member. "And I think he's been feeling neglected, the poor guy."

Izaya returned to his chair and spread his legs. "Well, by all means, give him the attention he deserves."

Kida left the desk and dropped to his knees. He undid the man's pants and pulled out the length. Glancing up, he showered it with sloppy, lingering kisses until it was hard. He grabbed the base, and moved to take it into his mouth, but he moved back, blushing, staring at the stiff member.

"What is it?" Izaya questioned.

"It's just… I've only done this once—to you—and I barely did anything…"

The informant affectionately ruffled Kida's hair. "Kida-kun, you're putting it in your mouth. That sounds pretty good to me. There's not much you could do incorrectly in this situation."

"But you're experienced, and I'm sure you've been—"

"Given head many times?" Izaya finished. "Yes, I have. I'm not going to compare this to other experiences. As I said before, simply adding your mouth to your ministrations greatly increases my pleasure. As long as you don't bite, I'll enjoy it. You don't even have to put it inside if it would make you uncomfortable. You could just—nngh!" Izaya trailed off as warmth encompassed him. He gripped the chair arms and moaned as his tip brushed against the smooth, wet flesh of Masaomi's cheek. A tongue caressed the underside of his shaft.

"Fuck, Kida-kun, is this really only your second time doing this?" The boy was too busy with his mouth to answer. "This feels…amazing." He panted heavily as his body trembled. Out of habit, Izaya pushed the boy's head down further and came into his throat, forcing him to swallow.

Masaomi sat back on his heels and coughed, trying to get the rest of the sticky liquid down. He grabbed bottled water from Izaya's bottom drawer and took a bit sip without touching it to his lips. Once his throat was clear, his gaze lifted to look at the informant.

Izaya breezily lifted the boy onto his chair.

"Was that…good?"

"Fantastic. Why haven't you been blowing me this whole time?"

"Because, until recently, I've only been letting you do what you want to my body. I can't remember a time that I initiated."

"What does that have to do with it?"

Kida sighed. "I just deliberately did something for you because we're together—I want to make you feel good without having you take over. You always did all of the work because I was here for you to use. It's a two-way street now. You aren't sleepingwith me anymore; we're sleeping together. Get it?"

"Yes. Maybe this relationship thing wasn't such a bad idea. I mean, if I get complimentary blow jobs—"

Masaomi punched the older male in the arm. "You really are horrible. Why can't—" His lips were covered by Izaya as he was briefly kissed.

"This sentimental, romantic stuff is new for me. It'll take some time for me to be able to listen to your mushy explanations without making a joke out of them. It's hard to be serious about something I'm still a bit uncomfortable with. I understand everything you said. For now, you'll have to accept that sarcasm is my way of dealing with this, and pretend that my response is something as equally mushy and romantic."

Kida looked away from the informant. He didn't consider that Izaya's humor in a romantic atmosphere was because of his discomfort. He felt guilty for not noticing; he'd gotten fairly angry with the man about it, thinking that he was being purposefully insensitive.

"I'm sorry for not realizing that."

"It's all right."

Masaomi smiled and wrapped his arms around Izaya, smiling. Their relationship was a struggle, but, with both of them willing to put in effort, he knew that they would be happy together.