A/N Hi guys! Don't worry, I didn't die! Still here! Just so you know, I'm definitely not going to be updating as often. Just a heads up. This is just a little short after the incident with Zuko. And the troubles with Sylaz.
All I remember from then on is Yoake dragging me back to camp. Yelling. Lots and lots of yelling. My mind was fuzzy, I had no idea what they were saying. Katara yelling. Yoake yelling back. Just yelling. So much yelling.
I ignored everyone after that. It's not like I had a choice. No choice at all. Just that being, taking over my body, taking control of me, forcing me to ignore the outside world. It always whispered voices in my head. The terrible things that it said.
You've failed everyone.
They'll never forgive you.
You should've left when they found you in the canyon.
You shouldn't be here.
You'll never be their friends again.
'And just when we were getting close', I would think back. 'Just before we were getting close'.
I named the voice Saigai. Japanese isn't really my strong subject in my secret little town, but it's one of the words I know. 'Disaster'.
Yoake would always be there. Right beside me, when everyone else would ignore me. I couldn't say anything to make them change their minds, but at least I always have someone beside me. To help me through. If I ever got through.
You don't deserve it.
You're right, Saigai. I don't. I don't deserve it. I'll never deserve it.
I would ride on Appa because I had nowhere else to go, and Aang had the heart to let us stay with them instead of throwing us off into some abandoned part of the world. Despite all the trouble I caused him, and his friends.
You got lucky.
We traveled around, still attempting to find Aang teachers. Katara doesn't teach me waterbending anymore. She's just still angry. She'll get over it eventually. I know she will.
You know she won't.
I don't remember anything besides that. I know I didn't talk. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. And I couldn't hear anything. So everything Yoake said to me to make me feel better, I didn't hear any of it. I just sat in my little world, Saigai telling me things that I already knew. Things that I will always know. But I would always try to convince myself otherwise. Of course that never worked. Because Saigai was always right. Saigai never failed. So Saigai always won.
I'm pretty sure we went on more mini vacations after that. Me nor Yoake ever had a choice. I'm sure Aang went someplace. I couldn't tell where. Just on the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't remember.
It wasn't until three months later when I found myself again. Saigai disappeared. And I was back to my normal self again. I still don't talk as much anymore. And I certainly don't trust people as often. Of course, I still have a hard time trusting myself. But at least Saigai disappeared. Saigai was gone. And that's what matters.
It all happened that one month. The month of redemption. The month of the dragon.