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Two days later Sirius was sitting on his bed alone looking up at the ceiling; bored out of his mind. He would give anything to be out of this bed. James and Remus had gone with Mr. Potter to Diagon Ally to get theirs a few supplies for Mrs. Potter.
Sirius looked across the room at the window and saw his beaten reflection in it; his heart sank. How could they? How could his parents do this? Anger was rising in his heart.
He was still in a lot of pain, although Mrs. Potter gave him something to help it a little. Breathing was the devil, moving was the devil, eating was the devil, thinking was the devil. Basically everything hurt.
He looked at a calendar on James's wall; it wasn't that long before school started. How was he going to face everybody? He couldn't even face his friends without feeling ashamed!
Mrs. Potter had told him he wouldn't be all better by the time they started school, but still, he had hoped he would be at least able to get off this freaking bed!
It's only been two days. Sirius said to himself, calming own a little. Gosh I'm bored.
Just then Mrs. Potter came into the room carrying a bowl of soup. "Are you ready for lunch dear?" She asked, setting a tray on the nightstand beside him.
"Thanks." Sirius said.
"Are you okay dear?" Mrs. Potter asked sitting on James's bed.
Sirius sighed, ouch. "I'm fine." He said. "I'm just so freaking bored and so freaking tired of being in pain all the freaking time."
Mrs. Potter looked at him with understanding. "I know honey." She said softly. "And I'm sorry I can't do more to help you feel better, or heal faster."
"It's not your fault." Sirius said quickly. "Its…" he was about to say it was his, but he knew how Mrs. Potter would react to that. "Its theirs." He said instead.
Mrs. Potter nodded. "Yes it is." She said this as if she knew what Sirius was thinking. "It is your parents fault Sirius. Not yours."
Wow. Sirius thought, she can read minds!
"I know." Sirius said calmly.
"Do you?" Mrs. Potter asked skeptically.
Sirius just stared at her; he didn't know what to say.
"I can see it on your face Sirius." Mrs. Potter said kindly. "I can see that you're hurting on the inside just as much as you are on the outside. But it's not your fault."
Sirius still stayed silent and looked down at his sheets.
"Sirius, look at me." Mrs. Potter said.
Sirius looked up.
"You can't blame yourself." She said. "What your parents did, it was awful, but it was not your fault."
"If I just would have…"Sirius started.
"No Sirius." Mrs. Potter said. "No matter what you did, you didn't deserve this. Understand?"
"Yes." Sirius said quietly. He understood her alright, but he wasn't sure if he believed her.
Mrs. Potter stood up and kissed him on the forehead. "Don't think on it anymore." She said. "Rest and eat your lunch. You'll be okay."
When Mrs. Potter left the room Sirius didn't move for a minute. Was she right? Was it really not his fault? What if it was just his parents?
Sirius shook his head; don't be stupid. He said to himself. You did something, it is your fault. You could have been better, you should have been better.
About an hour later James and Remus got home with Mr. Potter.
"Hey Mum!" James exclaimed. "We got you something really cool!"
"Welcome back" Mrs. Potter laughed.
"We got you a temperature keeping cauldron." James said. "You know how you are always going on about how you over heat some potions and all that? Well this one keeps track of the temperature and turns red when it's starting to get too hot!"
"Wow." Mrs. Potter said happily.
"We also got Sirius some stuff." James said sitting down. "How's he doing?"
"I'm not sure to tell the truth." Mrs. Potter said. "When I was up there about an hour ago he seemed pretty down, like he was blaming himself for what happened."
"But it's not his fault!" James exclaimed.
"I know." Mrs. Potter said. "And I think deep down he knows that too, he's just struggling right now."
"Well Remus and I will go up there and set him straight." James said, starting to get up from the couch.
"He's sleeping right now." Mrs. Potter said.
"And I don't think you barging up there and setting him straight will help that much." Mr. Potter said.
"But we've got to do something." James said.
"I think just do like Remus keeps saying." Mr. Potter said. "Be there for him."
"Show him that you care, and that you don't blame him." Mrs. Potter said.
James heaved a great sigh and flopped back on the couch. "This is going to take a while isn't it?" He said.
"I'm afraid so honey." Mrs. Potter said with a smile.
About three days later Sirius woke up to see James looking at him. Remus had gone home the previous day for the full moon.
"Hi." He said confused.
James said nothing.
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.
"I want to know what's going on." James demanded.
"What?" Sirius asked, painfully sitting up a little.
"With you." James said. "I can tell that you're hurting both on the outside and the inside."
"Been talking to your Mum?" Sirius asked a little annoyed.
"A little." James said. "Sirius," he said more softly. "I can't stand to see you like this mate. I hate seeing you hurting this much. It's like a part of me is hurting, or breaking and there's nothing I can do about it."
"James," Sirius started, but then James cut him off.
"Sirius, we all see it." He said. "And I realize that it takes a long time for your wounds to heal, but it's more than just that. You're beating yourself up Sirius; you've got to stop blaming yourself."
"You don't understand." Sirius said, suddenly feeling himself getting angry.
"I would if you'd tell me!" James exclaimed. "Sirius, you are not alone in this! I'll help you if you let me, tell me mate." Tears were starting to form in James's eyes and his voice was pleading. "Please." He said.
"I just…" Sirius felt tears start to form in his eyes too. "How could they?" he said suddenly, breaking down. "I…I'm their son. What did I do to deserve this?"
"Nothing!" James exclaimed breathlessly. "Sirius, you didn't-"
"Then why did this happen!" Sirius exclaimed, cutting James off. "Why… why does it have to be me? Why does everything have to happen to me? Why can't I have loving parents who care about me! Why do I get ones that hate and that do this!"
Sirius was breathing heavily, it really hurt. There was about a minute of silence when James spoke up.
"What did happen Sirius?"James asked softly.
Sirius looked at James for a moment, as if trying to decide if he was really ready to tell him.
"I-" Sirius tried to take a controlling breath. "I had come downstairs for dinner when my dad started. I had gotten a letter from Remus, and my father asked who it was from."
Sirius shook and took another controlling breath. "I told him and he called Remus a half blood, said he was filthy." Sirius sniffed.
James remained silent, knowing that it would be better not to interrupt.
"He went on about how I was just disgracing the family name and I shouldn't allow myself to be seen with people like you guys. That's when I started yelling back. I tried not to, I really did, bu-but I couldn't help it with all the awful things he was saying. I told them that he wasn't as great as he thought, I said he wasn't half as good as some of the muggle borns. That's when he hit me.
He threw me against the wall. It's my own fault really; I deserved it, I knew what would happen."
At this James couldn't let Sirius go on. "No Sirius." He said gently, but sternly. "It was not your fault. No matter what you did you don't deserve this understand? Never ever!"
Sirius nodded then went on, struggling to keep from sobbing. "I asked him if he th-thought he was tough by beating up his own son. I asked him if it proved anything. Then my m-mother said how dare I talk to my father that way then she c-c." Sirius took a breath. "Then she cursed me. The Cruciatus curse. That wasn't the first time she ever used it on me or anything, but it's never a very pleasant feeling. You never get used to it. After that is when they gave me the potion. Kreacher, get Sirius a drink she said."
He cried some more.
"Why me?" he asked. "Why did I get with them as my parents. What have I done to deserve this? I mean my own parents! My own bloody parents! After that they cursed me some more and my dad started kicking me again and I said something else, I don't remember what it was, but it must have been bad because after it my mom threw a hex at me and cuts started appearing. It felt like I was on fire. Then I swept their legs from under them and tried to run for it. I made it to the hall, but they caught me. They threw a few more curses at me then when they thought I was unconscious they let their guard down and I knocked them into the kitchen and ran for it."
He sat there for a few minutes, not crying and not saying anything.
"I hate them." Sirius said darkly. "I hate them all, but…" Sirius didn't want to say it. It was his worst fear. "But what if I'm like them?"
Tears were running silently down James's cheeks.
"Listen mate." James said sitting on the edge of Sirius's bed, grabbing his shoulders and looking him straight in his eyes. "You are nothing like them. Nothing! You are a good man, a Gryffindor, you should be proud of that. You are top in our class and Sirius, you have a good heart. That's what matters most, not your blood but your heart. You have a great heart Sirius and a great mind."
"I don't ever want to go back." Sirius cried. "I can't stand it."
"And you never have to. You'll stay here. My parents would like nothing more than to keep you here. In fact if you ever tried to go back we'd all hunt you down and stop you. Tie you to this bed if we had to. We love you Sirius. Heck, I think maybe my parents love you more than they do me." James joked. "You certainly are better behaved than I am. This is your house now Sirius. This is where you belong."
Sirius started to cry harder and James pulled him into a tight hug. Sirius's shoulder screamed in pain at the sudden movement, but he didn't care, he was going to be okay now. He was home.
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