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I awake to strong hands languidly tracing the tattoos on my back, smoothing my hair, palming my hip… Fingers over my hip and between my thighs, stroking me… Lips brushing over the skin of my neck and shoulder…

I feel a slight rush of cool air as his chest leaves me, and he's gently rolling me to my back. The bed is soft and warm, and I stretch like a cat, listening to my joints pop and my muscles groan.

It's early. Through the patio doors, I can see light in the sky, but the sun hasn't risen above the peaks yet. I arch my neck, rolling my head, pulling the pillow lightly over my eyes.

Edward climbs between my thighs and knees me open wide. I bury my head and my fists under the fluffy pillow and moan.

Good morning…

I hear the foil packet tear, and then his hands are on me again, spreading me, filling me, stroking deep inside…

He gently covers my body with his, enters into me, reaches under the pillow and our fingers are entwined. His knees are holding me wide, elbows holding him up, hands holding mine.

I feel his head drop to the pillow that covers my eyes, I feel his breath on my neck, and he is so close to me. We're touching everywhere.

We are one body, twisting, moaning, sliding in tandem. Everything feels new and precious, so precious.

"Uhhhn…" It's a slow build, but everything is satisfaction, everything feels like something real.

Teeth grazing my neck, collarbone, shoulders… Biting, sucking, licking.

"Come, baby," he mutters, hot and low. "Come."

"And then we fucked some more," I tell Rose, as I take a bite of my buttery, maple-covered pancakes. "Because, really? Who am I if I'm not fucking Edward Cullen?"

Edward left for Chicago this morning and I am a scattered mess. After we had our little make-up session last Monday night, we spent almost every morning and every single night combing through the annals of all things sexual in search of something that didn't set us both the fuck off.

Score? Eleventy-to-zero.

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself?" Rose pops a greasy piece of bacon in her mouth and I almost gag from the sight. "So, you two are gifted with inserting tab 'E' into slot 'B'. That's cool. Some people have to read the directions over and over and still never get it right."

"I wish it was that simple." I shove more carby goodness into my piehole and syrup dribbles down my chin.

"What's really bothering you about this?" Rose dabs at the corners of her mouth with a napkin and eyes me seriously.

I think about my shower this morning after my run and before Edward left for the airport.

Edward on his knees, holding me open on that little bench… My hands in his wet hair, one foot on his slick shoulder and one against the marble wall…

"That it's just about sex?" I wonder aloud. "That this is a rebound? I don't know, but it can't be real."

"Why not?" Rose challenges me, as she will often do. "Besides, rebound? Are you kidding? Bella, you and Jacob didn't have anything to rebound from. At least, not since I've known you."

I push my plate away because I'm suddenly full, and a little bit nauseous. I wave at Rodney and point at my water glass.

"If you're scared…" Rose pushes her own plate away and clasps her hands in front of her. "I get that. But don't… disallow yourself from feeling this, B. You deserve this, whatever it is."

She can tell me I deserve it, but I don't know what it is. And I can keep taking it, but I don't know when it'll stop being offered. Edward told me that he would never intentionally hurt me, but there are no guarantees in life.

"I am scared," I admit, but that's no secret. Edward scares the living fuck out of me, and I don't hide it. "Maybe I like this too much. I mean it still all feels so… iniquitous. He still has a daughter… And this thing with Embry? I mean, maybe the draw is the danger or naughtiness of it all."

Then, I silently think to myself that even if all that isn't true, and if this is pure and chaste and right, what if he just takes it all away whenever he decides that he's through.

Rodney clears our plates and asks if we need anything else, and Rose tells him we just need the check. I take a deep breath and shake my head.

"Whatever." I push myself away from the table. "It is what it is, right?"

I remind Rose that it's her turn to pay, toss my napkin to the table, and wander outside in the morning sun. Down the street, I see Joey on his bike. Nina, his German Shepard, trots alongside him.

"God, Joey's such a dufus." Rose joins me on the sidewalk and we turn to walk the opposite direction. "Did you hear what he did at Double Dog last night?"

"Do I want to know?" I ask as I light a cigarette and pull my Prada shades over my eyes.

"Jacob bet him he couldn't do a shot of Tabasco, so Joey - braintrust that he is - says, 'I bet I can do five shots of Tabasco, bitch. Line 'em up.'" Rose shakes her head and scoffs. "What a fucking tool. They act like children. All of the time."

I laugh at the surliness of her attitude. Rose acts like she's so annoyed with this kind of behavior, and that she's just way too cool to laugh, but deep down, she loves those idiots as much as I do.

"It's ridiculous." Rose pulls her vibrating phone from her bag. "This is Rose."

Rose and I continue to walk to our office. It's Monday morning, and we need to finalize the seating chart and flowers for the opera benefit this weekend. I usually let Rose take over the flower arrangements, because I think it makes her feel good.

My phone buzzes in my bag, and I pull it out to see a text from Edward.

wht r u wearing?

I roll my eyes at his blatant sexual flirtatiousness. He knows what I'm wearing, he saw me get dressed this morning. I shove my phone back in my bag without replying, but feel it buzz in my hand before I let go. I sigh and pull it back out to glance at the screen.

sry, baby... i was just teasing. i just wntd u 2 know I'm thinkng abt u.

I think he must be a mind reader. How else could he know that I'm walking through downtown second-guessing myself and our relationship? Clearly, E.S.P. is the only answer.

i'm thinking about you, too. I miss you already.

I feel like crying. I'm such an emotard. Back and forth, up and down; I'm a fucking human tilt-a-whirl.

I should enjoy this, whatever it is, for… whatever it is. But so much could happen to fuck it all up. What if Edward and Jacob end up mortal enemies? Or worse, what if they end up becoming buddies and swapping notes, and Edward finds out I'm a total poser? Ugh.

Rose slides her phone shut and drops it into her purse. "I love Sarah. She always listens to what we want. She doesn't just bowl over the top and tell us -"

Rose stops walking, and I realize that I've heard what she was saying, but I wasn't listening at all. How ironic. I also stop, and I turn to face her, apologizing immediately.

"I'm sorry," I shake my head, hand over my heart, sincere. "I was listening…"

"No, ya weren't, B." Rose holds up a hand to stop me from proceeding with my lie of an apology. "But don't apologize."

Rose has been such a good friend to me. I feel like a total asshole for pouting around with my bullshit emotional imbalance.

"Let's sit, shall we?" Rose motions to a bench off the side of the walkway. "Look, Bella… You're spinning right now, and that's okay. You've always been in control, but you're not this time, and that's freaking you out."

"Am I being control freaky?"

"Yes." Rose nods in agreement. "You are, and you need to chill the fuck out."

"Gah!" I lean back and shove my cigarette into the gritty dirt behind our bench. "I'm like a fucking heroine addict."

"Bella, enjoy this." Rose ignores my melodramatic analogy. "Stop overthinking everything." She shrugs. "Let someone else drive for once."

She's referencing the hovercraft dream I had the night before last, wherein I was driving Edward to the grocery store and was pulled over by Jacob, who was some kind of Sci-Fi futuristic highway patrolman. Jacob laughed when he saw I was driving and told me to let Edward drive, because obviously I didn't know what I was doing.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I'll think about it."

Rose's phone rings again, and we stand to make our way to the office.

On Tuesday, I stop at the shelter to take Kita for a walk. I don't always have time to spend the day with her like I did last week. I love doing that, but it just isn't possible this week. Yet another reason I can't take her home with me – it'd just be cruel to keep her cooped up in my tiny apartment all day when I'm working.

"Hey, Seth!" I greet him as I walk through the doors. Sam, the founder of the kennel, is talking with a couple at the counter as Seth walks over to me and hands me Kita's leash.

"Hey, Bella." Seth kisses my cheek and Kita leans into my legs and does her little Rottie purr. "You didn't need to give her a bath, you know."

"I know." I crouch down to kiss Kita on the head, and she gives me one lick on the cheek. "But she just looks so cute when she's all wet. And she likes it."

We talk about how fuckawesome Kita is for at least five minutes until I hear a familiar voice call my name. I turn to see Alice standing with a guy who is not Jasper, but looks at me like he knows me. I'm pretty sure if I'd met him, I'd remember.

"Hi!" Alice approaches me and hugs me. "Bella, this is Emmett McCarty. He's Edward's cousin."

Crap.

I'm a wee bit embarrassed because I've been fucking his cousin nightly for a solid week with him just two floors down and haven't met him yet.

"Hey, Emmett." I stick out my right hand for a handshake, and Emmett goes in for the bear hug.

"Bella! I feel like I know you already, sweets." Emmett's voice rumbles through my body, and he totally reminds me of Mark, my dad's deputy, who I may or may not have had a crush on my senior year in high school.

"Yeah, me too," I grunt through his crushing embrace. "Edward's told me a lot about you."

"Likewise." Emmett releases me and gives me an appraising look. "Also, I just want you to know that any woman that can keep E guessing is Grade-A in my book."

Edward talks about me?

Somehow this guy is under the impression that I "keep E guessing". I don't know what that means, because I think I'm pretty straightforward and boring.

"So…" I look around and see Seth and Sam warily eyeing our interaction from behind the counter. "Are you here to adopt?"

"Well, that's up to Alice," Emmett answers glancing at Alice. "She wants a dog, and I told her that adoption is the way to go, but she still wants to 'think about it'."

He rolls his eyes, using air quotes to punctuate "think about it", making me giggle a little at Alice's expense. He's good-natured and friendly, and even though he's giving Alice a hard time, she doesn't seem to be fazed by his behavior.

"What's holding you back, Alice?" In my opinion, adoption is the way to go, and this is a debate that I have had time and time again with friends and with strangers.

Alice proceeds to lob me the I Want To Know the Parents and What the Puppy Will Be Like When He/She Grows Up softball. To which I reply, 1) many of the retired sled dogs that are available for adoption have papers that will tell you all about their lineage and 2) adopting an already grown dog, or a puppy that is more than a year old, will give you a pretty good idea of what their personality will be like.

Alice seems to consider what I'm saying before she nods her head and crouches to say hello to Kita. Kita proceeds to lick her face, eliciting a happy giggle from Alice and a loud guffaw from Emmett. While Alice is cooing over the awesomeness that is my little princess, Emmett suggests we grab lunch.

"Oh, I can't do lunch today." I shake my head with regret, because I genuinely like both of my new acquaintances. They in turn look disappointed. "I have an event this weekend and walking Kita is the only thing I have time to take a break for today. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Jeez." Emmett looks sideways at Alice, who nods knowingly as she stands. He shakes his head and grins, motioning to Kita. "E wasn't kidding. You're serious about what you do and what you believe in."

So, Edward has talked about me. That much has been confirmed. What I don't get is, why? The bulk of Edward and my relationship is filled with sweat and grinding parts. I just hope he doesn't discuss that with Emmett or Alice.

"But, yeah… Lunch tomorrow?" Emmett shrugs at Alice. "Where should we go?"

After an awkward moment where Emmett and Alice look at me with great expectations, I suggest Cantina at one o'clock. We agree to meet the next day, then we go our separate ways.

I text Edward, while Kita and I are out walking, to see if he'll own up to this business of talking about me to his friends and family.

just met your cousin. he's a hoot. and he seems to know a lot about me…

Edward doesn't text me back right away, which is fine. I don't need an immediate answer, and I assume he's busy with work. When I spoke to him on the phone last night, he sounded so tired.

I return Kita after a quick walk on the bike path. Seth is talking to a donor when I bring her back in, so I take it upon myself to walk her to the kennels. It seems most of the dogs are out in the yard, so I just let Kita outside.

Sam is out in the yard, and I wave to him to let him know I'm dropping Kita off. He nods curtly in my direction before turning his back on me. Whatever… Sam's never liked me. I don't know why he'd care to kiss up to me now, especially since he's no longer obliged to do so, what with me divorcing his BFF.

I return to my office just as my phone buzzes with a text from Edward.

ah, emmett… he certainly knows how to charm the ladies. don't believe a word he says.

That seems to answer my question. Clearly, he doesn't talk about me.

"Why the long face?" Rose is shuffling papers and our office is filled with the sound of Pink singing about being a rock star.

"Isn't that a punch line to a really lame joke about a horse?" I mumble as I plop my bag down on the floor and pull out my MacBook.

"You just look like Kita told you that she wanted to see other people." Rose chuckles lightly. "What's up?"

"Nothing." I open my laptop, pull up the guest list, and take the phone out of its cradle to check the RSVP line. "Kita's fine. I'm fine."

"Oookay…" Rose has told me a million times that I'm a terrible liar, but today she doesn't push.

After updating the RSVPs, clearing out our voicemail, and returning a few calls to donors about the event, I retrieve my water bottle from my bag.

"So, I met Edward's cousin today." I kick back for a minute and watch Rose take a long swig from her water bottle before proceeding to update our QuickBooks accounts.

"Hm," is all she says. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I just keep talking.

"He said that Edward talks about me."

Rose scrunches her brow, but doesn't take her eyes off her screen.

"Well, of course he talks about you." She shrugs. "Think about how much you talk about him…"

Ugh.

I do not want to be that friend who talks about her boyfriend all the time. Especially considering he's not really my boyfriend. I mean just because we share orgasms doesn't make him my boyfriend.

I decide to stop talking about my boyfriend and get back to work, focus on something important and real. After a few minutes, Rose breaks the silence.

"Does it surprise you that he'd talk about you?" She stands and dumps a stack of papers in the recycle bin before returning to the huge table in the center of the room that serves as our joint desk and worktable.

"Kind of?" I shrug. "I guess I just don't know why he would."

"Maybe he's just as confused as you are, B." Rose perches on the side of the table, facing me. "No one is without doubt, not even Edward Cullen."

Why would a guy like Edward – beautiful, wealthy, successful lawyer and father – be plagued with doubts about me? Other than wondering why he's fucking me.

Rose is my best friend. She has so much faith in me. She and Emmett are both just trying to make me feel better about myself, and as a result, I'm "overthinking".

The next morning I engage in my regular routine; run five miles, shower, smoothie, latte. I head to the office, check our messages, and deal with all the crazies. By the time lunch rolls around, I'm starving and hungry for a veggie taco salad.

"Dude," I shout over Jack White's Blue Orchid guitar riff. "I'm starving. You wanna do lunch with Alice and Emmett and me?"

Rose turns to face me, playing air guitar, bobbing her head, lip synching, and shaking her ass. We saw The Raconteurs last year at Belly Up. Rose had an… um… intimate encounter with Mr. White. I will forever hate her for it.

The song ends abruptly and Rose throws her hands in the air, fingers in the shape of V's, like an arena rock goddess. As the next track starts up, Rose drops her hands and turns down the volume on the speakers.

"Sure, I'll go with you." She shrugs, grabs her bag, closes her iTunes, and we walk out the door.

On the way to the restaurant, Rose explains that she's met Emmett several times. She tells me how he was like a little puppy dog when she and Edward were at Northwestern.

"Of course, I haven't seen him in… ten years?" Rose scoffs and makes a comment about how old she is. Rose is only four years older than I am, but she constantly draws attention to our age difference.

"Well, I thought he was kind of cute." I shrug, and it suddenly occurs to me that Emmett reminds me of Joey. "Plus, he'd fit right in with our friends."

Rose and I approach the patio of Cantina and see Alice and Emmett have already been seated. As we near the table, Emmett's face lights up. I'm pretty sure it isn't me that's getting him so excited.

"Hi guys!" I smile and set my bag near the flowerpot by our table. "Alice, you met Rose. Emmett, this is my friend and business partner, Rosalie Hale."

"Hello, lovely lady," Emmett purrs as he stands and takes Rose's hand in his. He kisses the back of her hand with the most adorable, mischievous grin on his face, and I swear I see Rose blush, just a little bit.

"Long time no see, McCarty." Rose's voice is soft, softer than I'm used to. "It's… nice to see you again."

Rose clears her throat as we sit. I briefly wonder if she's uncomfortable with Emmett – I know that blasts from the past aren't always a good thing – but then I realize her discomfort with Emmett looks a lot like how my discomfort with Edward feels, and I relax into my chair.

We order salads and margaritas, chat amicably. We talk about what brought each of us to this town and how much we like it. Emmett says that he's seriously considering buying his own place here, especially if his business takes off.

"Jas and I decided this was a great place to raise a family." Alice chirps dreamily. "Hopefully, we'll be doing that soon!"

"Congratulations." I smile broadly as I crush the tortilla shell in which my delicious salad is ensconced.

"What about you, Bella?" Alice pokes her nose where I do not want it - payback for getting all up in her biz over animal adoption. "Do you ever think about having kids?"

Rose coughs and I slap her on the back, because it's one of those fake-coughs that people do when they're trying to draw attention without drawing attention. I might smack her harder than necessary.

"Well." I pick up my margarita for a stalling sip. "My ex-husband and I just never discussed it."

Neither Emmett nor Alice blink at my reference to being divorced, they just look at me expectantly, waiting for me to lay it all out there. I'm getting the sense that secret keeping is not common amongst their kind.

"But… I don't dislike children." I fidget and fumble and generally act like a nervous habit.

"Good thing, that." Emmett snorts and Alice nods that annoyingly knowing nod that seems to be her most dominant reaction to most everything. "Because Delia's coming to visit next month. I'm betting E'll want you to meet her."

Delia. Edward's daughter. Perfect.

On Friday night, I'm getting my clothes ready for Saturday's event when Edward calls.

"What're you doing, baby?" His voice is rough and quiet, and I can hear the tension. I can also hear him smoking on the end of the line.

"I'm, uh… getting ready for tomorrow." I hang my garment bag, including gown, shoes, and jewelry, on the coat hooks by my front door. I decide to join him with a smoke across time zones and grab my pack. "You?"

"Thinking about you." He exhales loudly into the phone. "I miss you. Your voice, your laugh… Your smile, your lips... I miss watching you, touching you, fucking you."

Wow.

I stop short of dropping my wine glass on the balcony as I exit my apartment to smoke. I reconsider going outside, because I think my neighbors already know too much about Edward and my antics. I pocket my cigarettes and head back to the privacy of my studio, making sure that my door is shut nice and tight.

"Yeah?" My voice climbs several octaves. "Well, I miss you, too." I bite my lip and start to pace, flip-flops flapping loudly in the air.

His laugh is low, soft, dangerous. "Tell me what you miss, baby."

I have no clue how to have phone sex, but Edward has introduced me to a whole host of firsts. Last week, I even played golf. So, hell, as long as I'm making an ass of myself, I might as well do it thoroughly.

"Your… hands." I close my eyes and fumble with the hem of my white beater, trying Dirty Phone Talk on for size. "I miss your hands."

"And I miss putting my hands on you." I can hear him smile over the phone line. "I miss your skin; it's like silk. You're sleek. Like a little sports car – tight curves, smooth driving…"

He says the word "driving" and I sit, right where I stand. I left my wine sitting on my windowsill ages ago. I can have a glass of Chardonnay any day, but listening to Edward talk dirty is something I do not like to miss.

"Did you know that I took a picture of you while you were sleeping before I left the other morning?"

"No," I sigh and grip the back of my neck before lying back on the floor and propping a foot up on my ottoman, running my hand down my throat and between my breasts, over my belly and hips to my knee. It should seem creepy that he took a picture of me while I was sleeping, but it doesn't – it's fucking turning me on.

"I have it on my phone. I can look at it any time I want." Edward continues and I can hear fabric rustling. It is otherwise quiet on his end of the line. "I look at it and think about how you feel."

I hear him swallow, and I do the same. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and drag my fingers up my thigh and under the leg of my pink and white pinstriped boxer shorts.

"I drove the Vanquish tonight." His voice is ragged and harsh in my ear. "Sleek, sexy, perfectly proportioned… Flawless body, confident… But she's got nothing on you, Bella."

I squeeze my thighs together trying to lessen the ache. I've been masturbating on the regular since he left town, but it just doesn't cut it. The dirty talking sports car analogies are not helping.

"I think about pushing inside you with my fingers and my cock."

Oh my God…

"About rolling the weight over just the right spot at the right time," Edward moans. "And you always shift just right, Bella."

I bring my other knee up and open, and my fingers are stroking lightly around my clit. I just wish he were here to help me shift.

"Thank God, I can drive a manual," I breathe into the phone.

Edward chuckle/groans, "I know you can, baby. Do it for me."

"Edward..." I whimper as I slip two fingers inside myself and press the heel of my hand over my clit, wanting him, frustrated with myself.

"Oh, fuck," Edward's voice is a low rumble, and I know that he's coming. That knowledge shoves me over the edge.

I lie in the middle of my floor, thankful for the release, but missing Edward even more. This would be about the time he'd roll us over to spoon, uttering silly stories of his youth into my hair.

I hear water running on his end and think that maybe I should get up off the floor and wash my hands. As I stand at my kitchen sink and listen to him tell me about the sweet things that Delia said after dinner while watching television, I remember that he is in his house in Chicago. He is in the house that he shares with her.

I realize it's super petty of me to be jealous of Tanya, but the thought of him walking around with a hard-on anywhere near her makes me a little grumpy.

Still, I laugh in all the appropriate places as he talks about his daughter. Like when he says that, she's "perfect" and that she was so "sweet and sincere" when expressing her sympathy for the cavemen in the Geico commercial.

"I didn't have the heart to try and explain ironic humor to her."

Edward seems unfazed that I am clueless about children. He's probably pleased as punch that I'm talking to him about her. Although we've talked a lot about her – well, he's talked and I've listened – I never really bring her up.

"Are you ready for your event tomorrow?" His voice is so soft, and I hear fabric rustling again. I imagine him climbing into a big, fluffy bed, and I want to crawl in with him.

"Yeah," I answer. "We've had a positive response, and I'm really looking forward to seeing La Boheme."

We talk a few minutes more about our weekend plans. I yawn and Edward says he should let me get some sleep. He asks me to call him tomorrow after my event, and we hang up, saying goodnight.

I love how he makes me feel. When I'm with him, we're in our safe little bubble, but the second we're outside of it… POP! I turn into Insecure Girl. And then… I don't know what bothers me more; the fact that he seems to want me, or the fear that deep down, he doesn't.