**A/N: What's this? An update? *yawns because life is too exhausting*

Chapter 12- Recovery

/ rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ noun. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stole or lost.

It was the end of January and Steve felt like the past few weeks had been a lifetime. The family had permanently moved back into house, with at least one of the Avengers staying in a guest room every night. Steve was ready for it just to be him, Jamie and Bethany, but he wasn't ready to bring it up to his wife just yet. If she brought it up, it'd be another story. But she was so distant lately that holding a conversation was almost impossible. He knew that it was because of the medication and that they would level out soon, but it was really difficult to see her that way. She was sleeping more than usual and would often get a hazy look in her eyes that was almost impossible to pull her from. And even though she was putting on a smile, he knew it was fake. She had told him that it wasn't just for his and Jamie's sake, but her own. Pretending to feel was better than giving into the nothingness that accompanied her pills.

Steve had reluctantly gone on a few missions and even met with some government officials regarding the investigation around Jamie's kidnapping. Bethany had got the information she demanded from President Ellis, but they were still struggling to find all the layers of employers. So far, they had found two tiers, but it looked like it was a deep, deep investigation. Bethany was unwilling to let go of the idea that President Ellis was behind it, but despite the fact that she usually had amazing instincts when it came to this sort of thing, he didn't think it was the President. He couldn't help but think it was HYDRA. It always seemed to be HYDRA. Or someone who was part of HYDRA at least.

He felt like he hadn't got a moment to relax since Christmas. Between the missions, the kidnapping investigations and Bethany's bipolar disorder breakout, he had more than enough on his plate. It didn't help that they quickly discovered that Jamie would immediately break out into a fit of screams and tears when both of his parents were away from him for longer than a few minutes. He was completely comfortable with the team when they were with Steve and Bethany, but if they left, he would notice it and demand to be with them again. Despite the fact that they had thought that the entire ordeal hadn't had an impact on Jamie, it clearly did. Steve felt like he always had to be with Jamie just in case Bethany fell into one of those medicated hazes.

Feeling slight movement in the bed, Steve opened his eyes, his dark bedroom slowly starting to register in his eyes. Jamie, as usual since the kidnapping, was lying next to him on the bed. However, Bethany's spot was empty. The bathroom door was open, indicating that she wasn't there either. But before he could panic, he could hear her whisper coming from beside his bed. She wasn't talking to him, but from the coo-ing, she was talking to the cat. Moving as carefully, and subtly as he could, he turned to face her. She was sitting on the floor, dangling the drawstring from her pajamas in front of Molly's face. The cat would reach out and hit the string until Bethany pulled it away and they started the entire charade all over again. But with the little light present in the room, he could tell that she was at ease. It was the first time in weeks that she had a small smile on her face that he felt was genuine. It didn't take a grand gesture, something out of their ordinary day-to-day life to make it happen. It was as simple as her waking up in the middle of the night to play with Molly.

Steve smiled to himself, watching as Bethany continued to play with Molly, as if she would never tire from it. He quietly watched them play together for what could very well have been an hour before the cat finally tired from the chase and curled up into a ball on the floor. At first, Bethany softly stroked her hand over Molly's thick calico fur but then as a few yawns slipped from her mouth, she moved to lay down. Opposed to getting back into bed, she curled up next to Molly, burying her face in her fur. Steve watched her, sleeping on the floor, for a few minutes before his gaze moved up to the ceiling. He hoped that this would stay. That her smiles would be real again. That finally everything would begin to return to normal. But he knew that when Bethany was involved, things weren't always that easy.

Bethany hadn't realized that she was staring intently at her coffee until Steve laid a hand on her shoulder, jerking her away from her absence. "What?" She asked, looking up to him.

"I didn't say anything," he told her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I just wanted to kiss you."

"Oh," she whispered, looking back down at her coffee but making a note to blink. "Shouldn't you be going to work soon?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to stay here today," Steve told her, sitting in his chair and reaching for the butter for his toast.

Bethany sighed, looking tiredly to her husband. "Steve," she whispered, knowing very well that his constant 'day-offs' were for her sake. "I don't need a babysitter."

"I didn't say you did," Steve promised her very casually. She noticed that he was doing that a lot lately. He was brushing things off, trying to give her the impression that everything was fine, but she knew her husband too well. She could see the worry in his eyes even if it was absent from his voice. He was putting in a real effort to his pretending. But if he was trying to convince her that he wasn't worried, staying home from work was a really bad way to convince her.

"I know you didn't, but it feels like you did. You should be at the Facility, training with the team."

"Maybe I want the day off for myself," Steve said with a shrug.

Bethany let out a dry chuckle, shaking her head. "No. Not you. Not even when Hell freezes over."

"I like to spend time with you and Jamie, where is the harm in that? I didn't think I'd be getting lectured from you about taking time off to be with you," Steve said, putting everything down and looking at her.

"I know," Bethany replied with a sigh, raking a hand through her hair. "It's not that I don't like when you're here with us. I just feel a little… suffocated."

"Oh," Steve spoke, sitting up straighter. "I'm not trying-"

"It's okay," she promised him. "I know you love me and you just want to make sure I'm doing okay. And I appreciate that. But I just need some time to myself. To breathe. To figure out who I am. Not a long road-trip or anything. Just a few hours to sit and stew."

Steve sighed, reaching out for one of her hands. "Alright. How about I go to work today and take Jamie with me. You get the entire day to yourself to do whatever you want. And tomorrow, if you still feel the same way, then I'll do the same thing."

Bethany felt a small smile tug at her lips. The very idea of a few hours by herself and her thoughts let relaxation wash over her. When she woke up in the middle of the night, the house was so quiet. Jamie and Steve were comfortably sleeping beside her and she felt a little more like herself oppose to what the drugs made her. Not having to pretend for the sleeping boys was extremely helpful. And Molly didn't exactly care. She knew and accepted Bethany when she still had dark brown hair and a foul attitude.

"Thank you," she told him softly, leaning in to kiss him softly. "No matter what, no matter how I act or feel, just know that I love you, okay?"
"I do," he promised. "And no matter how you act and feel, I love you to. And so does Jamie. We just want to see you feeling like your old self again."

"I'm getting there," she insisted, but in that moment feeling some anxiety rise within her due to the fact that she wasn't there yet and she desperately wanted to be.

"I know," Steve smiled at her. "I can tell you're getting better. But I'm looking forward to the day when you are better."

"I am too," she revealed. "I feel so tired and emotionless. I feel incapable of anything. I feel like I did before… before you came back."

"It's the medication," Steve reminded her. "Soon you'll be used to it again and you'll be fine."

Bethany nodded, giving Steve's hand a careful squeeze. "I know. It's just frustrating. Knowing how I should feel when Jamie smiles or when you kiss me and not actually feeling that way."

"I can see how hard that would be on you," Steve reassured her.

"But it's harder on you," Bethany insisted. "And I never want to hurt you."

"Hey," Steve jumped in before she could work herself up. He took a firm hold of her face, ensuring that she was looking at him. "You don't need to worry about me right now. Just focus on yourself. Okay? And call me if you need me today. Anytime. Even if you just need me to get a bowl down from the tall shelf. Call me. Or don't. Either way, I'll do what you need. Okay?"

Bethany nodded, leaning her forehead against Steve's. And then, what felt like a blink of an eye, Steve and Jamie were gone and she was sitting alone in a quiet kitchen. It was as if someone had just pressed fast forward on her life and had finally pressed play again. The sun was high in the sky and the coffee in her mug was cold. Her breakfast still sat in front of her, untouched. She picked up her fork and used it to move some of her food around, even trying to have a bite but she just couldn't. She hated feeling this way. And while Bethany knew she wasn't the only person in the world feeling this way, she honestly felt like no one in the world understood what she was going through.

Letting out a deep sigh, she pulled her robe tighter around her body as a chill overcame her. She really wanted to take a nap, but looking at the dishes on the table, she knew that if she didn't put them away now, she never would. Steve would come home from work, see the mess and clean it up without a second thought because that's the kind of man he was. But she didn't want to do that to him. He was already doing so much for her. She forced herself to get up, feeling all the energy remaining in her body slip away as her limbs got heavier. But she persisted. Slowly, she shuffled around the kitchen, placing the cold food in the trash bin and placing the dishes in the dishwasher.

Finally, she had one dish left. It was the glass Steve used for his orange juice and had forgotten to put away. She lazily picked it up, yawning as she dragged her feet from the table to the dishwasher. But when she stopped at the dishwasher, she raised the glass to her eyes instead of placing it inside. She looked through the distorted image the curved glass made, fighting her exhaustion to stay awake. She felt herself frowning slightly as the overwhelming desire to let the glass slip between her fingers came over her. She fought it back for a few moments. It would only make more work for her. She wouldn't be able to leave the shattered glass on the kitchen floor with Molly, and then Jamie later in the day. But ration wasn't speaking loud enough.

Allowing the glass to slip through her already light grip, her eyes followed the glass as it fell to the floor, shattering in both large and small pieces. She could hear her heartbeat pounding, ringing in her ears. Her energy seemed to rush back as she looked at the sharp edges. Impulse took control of her body as one foot hovered over the sharpest piece of glass, being lowered down slower and slower until the shard was deep into her foot.

Steve was looking over some footage of their last mission, trying to find things they all needed to work on. They all had things they could improve on, but he was happy that they were working well as a team. They had come a long way in the past few months. All-in-all, he was proud of how far Wanda had come. He and Natasha were taking it upon themselves to teach her the ins and outs opposed to just training her on how to fight. Steve felt like it was important to ensure that she could hold her own even without her abilities. In the world they lived in, anything could happen. The last thing he wanted was for the teenager to be in a situation where she was utterly defenseless. He had witnessed with his own wife just how beneficial it was to have those hand-to-hand combat skills tucked in your back pocket in case their go-to technique failed.

Steve could hear Jamie squealing from across the training room. He looked up over the tablet, smiling as he saw Jamie happily playing with Wanda and Sam. The rest of the team was scattered across the room, working on various tasks and Steve knew he should be the one to be watching on Jamie, but he was trying to expose the kid to other people. As much as he loved his son and wanted to make sure that he felt safe and comfortable, spending all day, every day, with him and Bethany was going to hurt more than help. He had already told Sam this, and he had a feeling that Natasha knew. And of course, Wanda knew. Bringing Jamie to work wasn't just beneficial for Bethany but for Jamie as well. His plan was that one day, Steve could walk out of the room and Jamie wouldn't notice. Or even if he did, he would know that he would eventually return.

"Careful," Steve said across the room, watching as Wanda was using her powers to slowly lift Jamie up in the air. Sam was standing close by, his hands out, ready to catch Jamie if Wanda's powers failed. But it looked like the teenager had a good grip on Jamie with her powers. Steve's mind began to wander as he thought about all the objects Wanda had been using through the weeks. She was training with heavier objects everyday. She could easily lift them; it was maneuvering them that she was struggling with. But he was much lighter than the majority of those objects. The wheels in his mind began to spin as he thought about how they could use this to their advantage.

He placed the tablet down as his phone began to ring. Pulling it from his pocket, he sighed when a picture of Bethany lit up the screen. He just wanted to stare at it for minutes on end. She looked so happily carefree in the photo. But then he realized that she wouldn't just be calling him to say hello. Something was on her mind. "Hey Doll," he answered before pausing. He could hear her sobbing on the other line. "Beth? What's wrong?"

He could hear her babbling on about a glass and her foot, but he didn't make full sense of what she was saying. He had a good idea however. "Okay, take a deep breath," he instructed her. "I'll be there soon, okay?"

He once again heard her sob something, but he missed it altogether. "Just breath," he reminded her before hanging up. Looking over at Jamie, he decided that he needed to chance leaving Jamie alone much earlier than he had anticipated. But from Bethany's call, he definitely didn't want the baby at the house while Steve was trying to calm Bethany down. Jamie looked comfortable and if he could sneak out for twenty minutes or so to help his wife with whatever was going on with her, maybe Jamie wouldn't even notice. His eyes moved over to Natasha, who was also looking back at him with a knowing look.

Steve took in a deep breath and got up, moving towards the ex-SHIELD agent. "What's up?" she asked when they met in the middle.

"Beth," Steve sighed. "She just called me. I need to go to her, but I can't bring Jamie. Something is seriously wrong."

"We'll distract him as much as we can," Natasha promised. "Just focus on Bethany for now."

"Thanks Romanoff," Steve replied hastily before quickly leaving the Facility. He quickly slipped into his car and sped off to the house, not sure what he'd arrive to. But by the way Bethany sounded on the phone, things weren't good. Whatever happened between the few hours he had been gone had really rattled her to her core. He knew that she had been distant that morning, but after seeing her happily playing with Molly that morning and her confession, Steve honestly thought that she was getting better.

Haphazardly parking the car, he rushed into the house, not bothering to kick off his shoes, and ran towards the kitchen where his wife was on the ground, sobbing, surrounded by glass and blood. It took him a moment to soak everything in. He couldn't exactly make sense of what was happening. Was she crying because of the broken glass? Because a large piece was lodged into her foot? Or was it because of something deeper? Knowing his wife, it was all of the above.

"Beth," Steve sighed, slowly moving closer to her, his boots stepping on pieces of glass with very little care. "Hey, what's wrong?"

As he sat down next to her, she threw her arms around him and buried her head into his shoulder. "I've ruined everything," she sobbed, clenching onto him.

"What?" Steve asked, more confused now than before. "Beth, what happened to your foot?"

"I-I sst-eeped on the b-rrok-en glas-ss," she gasped through her cries. "I-I needed the ot-other pain to g-go a-away so I-"

"Shh," Steve whispered, pulling her closer to him and rubbing her back. "It's okay, Doll Face. I get it," he promised her. And he truly did. When Bethany got her abortion and Bucky had his fall all within the same period, it left Steve in a really dark place. He knew what it was like to be filled with so much pain that any other type of pain, especially physical was a welcomed distraction. But in the end, he knew that self-harm wasn't the solution. And from Bethany's reaction, he knew that she knew that as well.

He held her tightly, kissing her head and rubbing her back until her tears settled down. Hiccups still racked through her body, but he knew that she was calm enough now that they could have a serious discussion about what should happen next. "I know you don't want to talk about it," Steve began. "But we really need to think about the benefits of therapy."

Bethany huffed slightly, but she didn't fight him. It had been something that had been weighing on her mind for weeks now. Even her doctor thought that it could be for the best but Bethany had fought the idea tooth and nail. She had just wanted the meds. They had always worked for her before, why should she change it now? A year ago, Steve had brought up the idea of therapy and Bethany had said she'd consider it and yet, she never really did. For some reason, the idea frightened her. She really didn't like the idea of someone prompting her to reveal all her secrets and then the possibility of them coming back to haunt her. She fully believed that the process wouldn't help her, only hurt.

"I know you really don't like the idea, but look at where we are Beth," Steve said with a sigh, gesturing to the broken glass and blood on the floor. "You asked me to give the meds time to work, and I did. And maybe you just need another week or two. I'm willing to give you that. But you need to really consider that this could benefit you. And there are other types of therapy that the doctors can offer you. You don't need to solely live dependent on the pills. In fact, you know you shouldn't."

"But they work," Bethany stressed. "They have worked for years, Steve. I don't want to change it. I don't want to change my entire life-"

"Okay," Steve interrupted with a calming voice. "I'm not going to force you to do anything. But I just want you to be happy again and not feel like you need to hurt yourself. I'm worried about you. And I'm worried what will happen if nothing changes within the next few weeks. The future is uncertain. It always is. But this complicates things. I'll always be on your side, wanting what's best for you. But we also need to consider Jamie's wellbeing. He's smart, Beth."

"I know," she sniffed.

"He knows something is off. And with what he's already facing, I'm just making sure that everything is as comfortable for him as possible. And part of that is him having his mother back. Happy and healthy. I know that it's hard. But you need to do what's best for him."

"You think I don't know that?" Bethany asked him, looking at him with anger in her eyes. "Steve, I'm like this because of him. Because I want what's best for him. And I'm trying so hard to be who he needs me to be, but I just need some more time. This is a setback, yes. But I didn't call you here to lecture me about what I already know Jamie needs. I called you here because I needed you."

"You're right," Steve allowed, kissing her forehead. "I know you just want what's best for him. And I know you're trying. But you're so dead set on these pills working that you're eliminating the use of other therapies to help. When it was Kiley and Jen in your place, you told them the same things I'm telling you. So why are you so dead set against it?"

She didn't say anything but pulled her foot up closer to her body and took a hold of the giant shard of glass in her foot. Steve winced as he watched her pull it out, watching as the skin began to stitch itself back together. "You should go," Bethany whispered. "Jamie will notice that you're gone soon."

"I don't want to end things like this," Steve sighed.

"I don't have a legitimate reason, okay?" Bethany snapped. "I just don't want to, and I wish you'd just accept that."

Steve could see just how much the idea was terrifying to her and decided to let it go. Instead, he leaned in for a kiss. At first, Bethany didn't react, as if she was confused about what was happening in the first place. But soon enough, her lips softly began to move against his. But despite everything, it was the first time in weeks that he didn't feel like he was kissing a soulless being and that made all the difference in the world.

**A/N: I felt like this was too important to mention briefly. We've seen Bethany's struggles through all the chapters and it seemed like she had recovered. But the issue with a mental illness is that at any moment, it can return. She went through a life altering experience and she's having a really hard time returning back to a 'normal life'.

Also, note on my updating. A lot is going on in my life right now. Not of all it is bad, thankfully. But it's exhausting. It's keeping me from writing, but as I've previously stated, I think about the story and plan everything out EVERY SINGLE DAY. So never fear :)