Windows of the Soul: Part Thirteen

So Natsuki has green eyes. I'd visualised them as blue, in my head. Well, go figure.

I closed my eyes and sipped my tea, closing my eyes and smiling. "Welcome. I've been waiting for you, you know."

"Bullshit. Even if it's you, you don't have that kind of foresight." Natsuki leaned against the doorframe, looking at me with something approaching amusement. "You just thought to mope up here all day, right? Are you even allowed to be here?"

"Ara. I did get permission, you know." I put my tea down, glancing at her. "I'm not a delinquent, after all. As far as everyone's concerned, I'm just wrapping up my affairs here."

"Oh, really? And just how much work have you actually done?" Natsuki asked.

"Wrapping up doesn't necessarily mean actual work," I said reasonably. "If they misconstrue my words and take that position, that's no fault of mine. But I'm surprised. The last time you came here, I had to order a replacement for the door."

She frowned and shrugged. "Well, there's scaffolding up everywhere because of you. Best not to press that point."

"Of course. Don't tell Haruka that, though. I wouldn't like her to think her parents' generosity is rendered necessary by my personal actions." I sipped my tea again, then looked at her with my head tilted slightly. "So, what do you want? Is there something you need to look up?"

Natsuki sighed. "Don't joke around." She pushed off the frame and walked through, closing the door behind her. "I came because I was worried about you. If you're brooding all day, that's no damn good. Besides, if this is your last day here, you at least have to spend it with me." She pulled up a chair and sat down.

I nodded briefly, looking away. "Have you accepted it, then?"

"Well, you're not giving me a choice. I can't make you stay, just as I've never really been able to make you do anything." She regarded me forcefully. "If it's you, you always act without any reference to what I want anyway."

That stung, but I nodded gracefully. "That's true. But it's not very easy to make someone do anything. If you are in a position to do that, taking advantage of it is an unforgivable thing. Don't you think?"

"I'm not here to play word games, Shizuru. That's all you ever do anyway." Natsuki carried on glaring at me, while I simply sipped my tea. "Why did you leave your phone at home?"

I shrugged. "I forgot it. There isn't any real meaning to it."

"Am I supposed to believe that?" Natsuki demanded. "You never forget anything."

I considered smiling and carrying on, but there wouldn't be much point. It's the last day, after all. I looked at her coolly. "And am I really supposed to believe you don't know the reason?"

Natsuki frowned, taken aback. "Well, if you admit it-"

"Even if I say it, will that really make either of us happy?" I turned away again. "I am myself, with my feelings. Positive or negative, they can't do anything to make you happy. Isn't that so?"

Natsuki snorted. "You know, that's something for me, not for you, to decide. But you're prettier when you're being sincere about something, even if you're cold."

"Ara, how sweet." I stood, walking over to the window and looking outside. "How did you find me? I presume someone told you."

"No. I worked it out," Natsuki said, sounding proud. "You're not quite as smart as you think, you know."

I touched the glass. "Is that so?" I could see the repaired church below us, just within sight.

"Why did you come here, then?" she asked.

"I can have tea here quietly," I said simply.

"Oh?" Natsuki sighed. "You know, you used to be a lot better at saying cool things. What happened to your transparent flattery?"

"Do you miss it?"

Natsuki pushed her hair over her shoulder, grimacing. "Just a bit, actually. It's completely mortifying."

I giggled despite myself, clamping a hand over my mouth for a second, then letting it fall. "I see. That's very cute of you."

"That's more like it… though I know I'm going to regret saying this within five minutes," Natsuki said. She glanced at my reflection, which was looking at her, and red eyes met green eyes in the tangle of light. A very indirect stare, which suited us. "Hey, Shizuru-"

"Those words again," I teased lightly.

"Yeah, yeah," she said quietly. "But, well, I just want to say… I'm sorry for yesterday. You're right. That wasn't the right thing for me to say."

"No, not at all." I looked away, staring down at the yard again. "I've done many worse things, so you apologising for just that is meaningless."

"If I'm wrong, I'm wrong," Natsuki said. "That doesn't have anything to do with what you have or haven't done. And if I need to, I'll apologise."

"That's noble of you. Myself, I prefer refuge in a tangle of contradictions." I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry as well. I burdened you again, with my complex and unpleasant feelings."

"If it burdens me, then it's burdening you. You shouldn't bear that crap alone. So do what you like, I'll bear it for you." Natsuki glared at me. "Everyone's worrying about you, you know. Your family and your friends and your servants and everyone… even Reito. Even me. You shouldn't just try to bear with everything yourself, or decide everything for yourself. We have your back."

I sighed; leaning forwards slightly and letting my forehead touch the glass. "You know that I know that already. But my feelings aren't so simple. It can get hard, to try and bear so much sympathy when I so plainly don't deserve it…"

"You do deserve it. Even after that-" Natsuki began. "No one hates you. I didn't hate you, in the end. The Carnival made us all do ugly things."

"For me," I began. Then I shook my head. "No. I shouldn't worry you further."

"Were you even listening to me?" Natsuki snapped, standing irritably. "I don't care about that. You're worrying me more just like this."

I sighed, trying again to put myself into words without worrying her. "But I don't have the right-"

"There's no right. You don't have the right to make me suffer because you're selfishly hiding your true thoughts and feelings." She walked forwards, standing next to me and touching my shoulder. "You're going home tomorrow, right? You may not see me again, ever, right? So there's no harm in saying everything now. And if you don't, I for one will have regrets."

I glanced at her briefly, then looked wanly out the window. "You're very cruel. I can never withstand your gentle face."

Natsuki turned away awkwardly. "Whatever. If it'll get you to talk."

"Well, even if I talk, it won't change anything," I said warningly. "I'm not a puzzle to be solved. And if you're talking about the Carnival, I'm not like the others. The things I did were completely different… what I did to you in particular was absolutely unforgivable."

"You know, I forgive you," Natsuki said, with a trace of impatience in her voice.

"I know. You're very kind." My eyes swept over the forest. "But I can't forgive myself. And you've probably noticed, but whatever made me do that, whatever brokenness in me that allowed me to do that, isn't dead… it's part of me. That's why I have to leave."

"I know," Natsuki said. "But it won't ever come to that again, and you're a better person than you give yourself credit before. That's why you feel this pain, isn't it?"

I just shook my head. "It's more that I can remain a good person, like this. But I can't stop hating myself, or it'll come back." I turned my head away, trying to control myself. "That's my feelings on the matter…"

"You're wrong. You're stronger than that, and I'm wiser now. I wouldn't let you do that again. But you won't try. You're wiser, as well. I trust you."

"I see. You're so gentle."

Natsuki slammed her palm against the glass. "That's not about gentleness. That's how it is. Facts you should face."

"I wish I could believe in that, for you." I sighed. "I've never understood, though. Why do you still care? Why don't you hate me, and why did you forgive me in the first place? What I did-"

"I know what you did. I wouldn't forget that." Natsuki circled me, staring at my face and folding her arms. I turned my neck and looked out the window. "I know I should hate you. But my feelings aren't that convenient! Could you stop loving me, even though you wanted to?"

I blinked, looking sadly at her.

"Exactly. This is the same. I couldn't hate you, even if I wanted to. And I'd still feel your pain. That's grace, Shizuru. Be grateful." She snorted. "But for some goddamn reason I can't forget about you. It's a pain in the ass, but I'm not in denial about it."

I chuckled softly. "I wonder, does that make you a little disturbed as well?"

"Perhaps. Who cares? I am I. You are you. That's all." Her eyes were bright and vivid, striking me through. "There's no excuse for a sleepy half life."

I looked away again. I can't ever meet her sincere gaze, unless I use that demonic part of me again. But right now, I'm too tired even for that. "I being I is the problem…" I said quietly.

"Can't you at least look at me?" Natsuki asked.

"It's not easy-"

"If you say 'for me' one more time in that voice, I'm going to knock you out," Natsuki protested, prodding me in the shoulder. "Even when you're being gloomy, you're still as arrogant as an angel. It's not like you're an exception to anything. You're just a girl like me."

I chuckled at that. "I'm sorry. Half is my pretensions, but the other half is fact. I'm not a normal person at heart. Sometimes I think I'm a psychopath."

"That's just a convenient excuse," Natsuki said firmly. "I've met true killers, and they don't feel that kind of emotion. Take it from me. You broke from too much love, not none at all… that's why you're still human."

"Perhaps," I admitted. "But I'm not normal, all the same. Isn't that just a different kind of insanity?"

"Hey, I spent my teen years running around with guns playing spy. Don't talk to me about normal." Natsuki frowned, putting a hand on her hip. "That's what I don't get, Shizuru. Is going away going to change anything? At least we understand you a little more, because we're all the same."

"Except Yukino," I suggested, smiling awkwardly.

"And Akane," Natsuki added, looking out the window. "Sister Yukariko too. They were the tragic ones. We fitted, somewhat, for an ugly battle, but they didn't."

"You shouldn't equate yourself with me," I said.

"I can equate myself with anyone I please," Natsuki snapped. "And whatever naïve image you have of me, I'm the same as you. Just a killer. It's not like I don't understand how easy it can be."

I shook my head silently, stepping back and sitting on the desk. It felt awkward, for me to take such a posture. But I suppose I've already dropped my guard so much I might as well leave the rest of my pretensions behind. I tried to let my legs dangle in a ladylike way, all the same.

"Well, it really was a very ugly battle," Natsuki said, turning and leaning against the window. "Even Mai showed her bad side. Even now, I don't get it. Why were we selected? Where did our powers come from, and where did they go? And what are the Childs? And really… just why do twelve girls need to hack each other up every three hundred years at all?"

I shrugged. "I'm afraid even I can't answer that. I try not to think about it."

"I guess so. Midori's obsessed, so we can leave it to her."

I'm treading on a road of needles. But I'd do far more for Natsuki, so I'll bear with the pain. Even so, I'm weak, so I tried to keep that part of the conversation going. It comes more easily than the rest. "If I was to guess, though, it would be precisely to control these powers. If they have the potential to exist, and if they have the godlike potential the final survivor is supposed to achieve, it would be better for the world if they were all taken from it. Perhaps that's why we have to die."

"Hmm. Nice attempt." Natsuki shrugged. "It'd be fricking ironic if we end up blowing the world by accident or something. That'd be a bitch."

"Well, I can't do anything with my powers," I said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Me neither," Natsuki agreed. "But I'm pretty sure I kept our physical brokenness. Can you still dodge bullets?"

"I don't know," I said lightly. "I haven't tried recently."

"I see." She rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "Believe me, there's nothing scarier than shooting at someone who's coming at you with a melee weapon and they don't stop. Kiyohime was softcore compared to that feeling."

"If it's any consolation, I was scared out of my mind," I said, looking away. Needles slice and stab but I'm used to pain.

"Really?" Natsuki asked. "You didn't look it at all."

"Naturally. Who do you think I am?" I asked, smiling tiredly. "But you, too… I couldn't see anything but strength in you. It was amazing."

"I guess that's what combat is. We hide our weakness." Natsuki chuckled softly. "No, for us, that goes for everything, doesn't it? We've become a little predictable in that respect."

"What does that make this, then?" I asked, half to myself. I wasn't quite sure myself.

"These words are what we say when we're dying," Natsuki said, looking away. "Before, we managed to say more in those last moments than ever before. We had nothing left to lose. This is the same."

"I'm sorry," I said instinctively.

"No." She shook her head. "You don't need to apologise."

We faced each other across that small distance, and I couldn't afford to stare despite my feelings. But her sad, strong face so close to me is overwhelming. If only. If only I could touch her without her cringing. If only I could comfort her with my arms, but I'm too cold and too hard and sharp and cruel. Impossibilities haunt me in the shadow of these melancholy emerald eyes.

Natsuki looked down awkwardly, as if searching for words. I let her do so, as this is all for her. "There really is nothing I can do, is there?" she said eventually.

I looked at her. "If you ask simply, I can stay for a little while longer. But I can't guarantee that I could be good to you, in that time. That may be too hard for me."

"And that would be altogether bad for you, right?" I just nodded, and Natsuki sighed. "It's unfair. I know this is normal. But I hate it so much, all the same. And it makes me want to hate you. That doesn't even make sense!"

"Emotions rarely do," I remarked.

"But you remember, right?" Natsuki asked, looking up at me. "What I was like, before I met you."

I smiled a little, because I'm fond of those earlier, purer memories. "Yes. I do."

"I was cold and arrogant and bored and a horrible person. I said it before, but it bears repeating. Meeting you was such an important experience for me."

"Don't make me sound like an altruist, it wasn't anything like that," I chided. "For my part, I was exactly the same, I'd use all those words. You were a beautiful girl, and I indulged in the whim of talking to you."

"You keep on stripping yourself of any cool points, which is annoying," Natsuki complained. "I'm grateful, regardless of your reasons."

"Well, it didn't take all that long for me to become fascinated by you, and then I chased you," I said. "Not in that sense. But I forced my way into my life because you were interesting, and you tried to keep me out. I enjoyed that, because you were never easy on me."

"That's more like it," Natsuki said. "I guess that's the cool part. And I enjoyed you being around, even if I protested so much… you probably knew that, though."

"A little. But don't go on about it. I was a spoiled, aristocratic brat used to having everything her own way, so it's not like I didn't gain something either."

"All that, huh?" Natsuki asked, smiling wryly. "So what's changed?"

I laughed. "Not much, I suppose. I'm older, and more womanly, somewhat."

"I'm assuming the genial pervert means in a physical sense," Natsuki said. "But if not for you… I really, seriously would have ended up like Nao. I can't imagine how'd I have acted in the Carnival, like that."

"Don't mention it. I'm sure it would be someone else, if not me. I just monopolised you."

"If I think about it, that's what I'm afraid of," Natsuki said uncertainly. Her pretty hands were half-curled, hanging by her side. "You're an important person to me. When you go, am I just going to end up like that again?"

"You're a different person, in different circumstances," I said gently. "Even without me, you have Mai-chan and Mikoto-chan and plenty of other people to befriend you. And they come without my complications."

"Even if I say that, I want you," Natsuki said. She sighed miserably. "But I'm just pressuring you again, aren't I?"

"No. It makes me a little happy."

"My head feels all messed up. Well, this is a messed up world. But it certainly keeps on doing its best to knock me over."

I smiled at her. "But you don't let it do that, right?"

"Well, of course," Natsuki said tiredly. "I'm like that."

I nodded, looking away. "Well, do we want to do something? It wouldn't be very fair of me to keep you in this rather dull room all day."

Like this, I can handle it. Today. If we touch the past lightly and gently, running over the surface of the water, I can deal with that. It makes me feel fragile, and she looks the same way. But if we go deeper, we break explosively. That's the problem that remains.

"It's fine," Natsuki said. "You chose to come to this dull room, right?"

"Well, if you came as well, I must be a conscientious host. I wouldn't mind to rest here, though."

I looked around for a moment, feeling memories well up. I'd always sit at that desk, which was the centre of the world. And Haruka would shout and stamp and gesticulate and mutilate the language, Yukino standing worried behind her. Reito dealt with things, a lot of the time, and for much of the rest I simply had to say a few careful things, and it would be done. Even if Yukino gave me a plaintive, sorrowful look. We had Tate to help us, too. Things were well ordered. Though we knew each other, we weren't friends. I was closest to Reito, but even then it was and is a distant closeness, the mutual respect and suspicion of two people who saw the world and people in it from a different perspective than most. Levers to be pushed and pulled. In the end, everything in that room was destroyed, one way or another.

"Your combination of laziness and energy never ceases to make me wince," Natsuki said, glancing at me. "That shouldn't even be possible."

"Yes, well, I've always lived in a very sleepy world," I remarked quietly. "And this was a melancholy, sleepy room, for much of the time."

Natsuki frowned. "Is that so?"

And then there were the times when you were here. Vivid. It's not me, it's you. You're the one who makes me move and feel and care, your very presence paints the world in a brighter palette, and from the memory of your smile I draw so much strength and sorrowful determination. But I can't tell you that.

"Hey, Natsuki." I chuckled slightly at her expression. "What do you want from me, in this moment?"

"What kind of weird question is that?" Natsuki asked, glancing warily at me. "Are you playing with words again?"

"No. It's a sincere question." I put my hands on my knees, watching her thoughtfully. "I can't honestly say that I know, that's all. Not exactly."

"In general… well, you've made it clear. What you want I can't give. What I want you can't give. I get it, already," Natsuki said quietly. She sighed, tilting her head back. "But I still want to understand you. Your feelings, your thoughts, why you're acting this way. If I understand, it'll stop hurting so much. That's my logic."

"It's rare for you to admit as much."

"Well, if I don't give you won't, that's obvious." Her strong voice, clear. She has a beautiful voice, after all. "But I don't know. Isn't it just… tiring, after a while? All those pretences."

I nodded. "It is. Perhaps that's why I'm always so sleepy."

"You know, I've never understood. I can understand that you have undesirable characteristics, but so do I. So does anyone. That's called being human, right?" She glanced sharply at me. "So why did you pretend so much, for so long? Even for me?"

"Why, I wonder?" I shrugged and shook my head, smiling despite myself. "That isn't an easy question, because it's become a way of life. But I suppose it's because those are the expectations that surround me. The curse of my blood is those expectations."

"That isn't much of an answer," Natsuki said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I have no strong answer to give. By now, the act of pretending has become the true me. It's a way of life, as I said." I turned my head. "And you? Why did you never let anyone in?"

"Because there was no one I could trust. That was my thought. You actually proved me right, in a way." Her gaze was cautious, uncharacteristic of her. Trying to pierce my veil and see my true face. "But even so, I still trust. It's human, and better like that than without that. I still trust you."

I flicked my hair playfully, shifting my weight. "Well, in my case, I've had a bad experience with being my 'true self'. If that's so, I may as well constrain myself."

"I wouldn't be so worried about it if I wasn't afraid you won't survive that," Natsuki said seriously.

"That's a lot of negatives in one sentence."

"I'm serious!" Natsuki protested. "You should I know it too, right? If you're always suppressing yourself, you're just going to snap violently again."

"Well, in this place and this time," I said, leaning forwards slightly. My hands slid off my lap, touching the desk. "You know what I'd express and how I'd feel, if I let myself act however I pleased." I stared at her, lips quirking. "Is that really okay, as you like to say?"

She glanced at me warily. "It's not a matter of pleased. You don't really enjoy it, do you? That much even I can see."

With effort, I relaxed slightly. Is that a paradox? "I'll concede that," I said, looking away. "But what I enjoy doesn't really have anything to do with my actions, a lot of the time. I'm not that reliable."

"I'm not exactly having a blast either," Natsuki said wearily. "Seeing you like this."

"I know, which makes me sad, and…" I raised a pale hand, glancing at it. Pianist's fingers with calluses so subtle you can't see them without knowing to look. The texture of hands that bear a blade. My fist closed. "An infinite chain of sadness."

"I told you. I'll bear with it. Get that into your head." Natsuki pouted. "You can't solve that by trying to break the chain, either. Like I said, I'd still worry about you, even if you go away."

"It pains me that my life pains you so much," I said, letting my hand fall. "I've wondered how to stop that from happening. You know, I've… always regretted that. But I don't have any simple solutions."

"There are none. So stop making yourself sad." Natsuki frowned. "But cry. It's human to cry."

"I'm not allowed to cry," I said ambiguously. With ambiguous feelings, in my ambivalent and searing world. "But I didn't give your answer the answers it deserved. I'm not even sure whether that's possible, as I barely know myself."

"It's fine. You don't have to force yourself for me."

Every day, I do. It's never been easy.

I looked around, frowning. "Well, perhaps a story." My eyes settled on hers. "Do you remember when you came to me with a very dubious request?"

She snorted. "Which one? There've been more than I can count."

"This would be the first one, more or less. I was a second year with no especial powers, at the time." I frowned. "In the sense of my position as Kaichou, I mean. Well, and the other sense too."

Natsuki laughed. "I get it. Let's see… that wasn't long after we'd met, right?"

I nodded.

"Hmm. She closed her eyes briefly. "Didn't I ask for information, or something?"

"In my capacity as class representative." I played with my hair again, wondering how far I should go. "You asked me for information on everyone in this school, pupil and staff, their present and their past. I must admit, I was a little put out."

"Did I really ask that?" Natsuki asked, flushing slightly. "I was pretty unsubtle in those days…"

"You were. But I thought I'd help you, all the same, if it wasn't for the fact that class representatives don't have that kind of information. Handing out sheets. Organising the litter rota. That was about the limit of my power in that time."

"Oh, I remember. At least I wasn't stupid enough to be disappointed." Natsuki smiled. "I'd wondered whether to raise it at all, but I thought you'd be discreet regardless."

"Do you think so? You looked pretty disappointed to me," I said lightly. I slid off the table, standing.

"Well, perhaps a little," Natsuki admitted. "It just would have been a far simpler way to do things… even if I'd known the alternatives back then, they'd have been hard."

I walked across the room, sitting in my seat again and glancing at her. "In any case, it wasn't a big deal in the end. This took care of everything, right?" I touched the screen of the student council computer with my left hand.

She nodded and grinned. "Yeah. You were very helpful."

"I'm glad." I sighed. "Everything was for that."

Natsuki frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Your request is why I became Kaichou." I smiled wanly. "Well, wouldn't it be truer to say that your disappointed face is why I became Kaichou?" I turned away, shrugging. "I didn't have any intentions like that, before that day. Well, it's an unlikely story, so you don't have to believe me."

"If it's you, I can believe it, but it's still crazy," Natsuki said. "You must have had other reasons. I mean, the role's made for you."

"You said it yourself, I'm lazy. Besides, you wouldn't know as a middle-schooler, but Haruka had been aiming to become president from the start. She worked very hard and did a lot of things for that goal. I didn't feel much regret, though, snatching it away from her." I looked thoughtfully at the computer. "I wonder what she'd have looked like, in this chair."

"Horrible," Natsuki said. "All the reports would be misspelt."

"She's smart, despite herself. And competent and hardworking. She'd have done an acceptable job." I shrugged. "But when I remember that, I know that my unpleasant side isn't new. She was very sincere. I did on the whim of helping a friend obtain illegal information, and even then, for my own selfish reasons. And even when I won she worked so hard. I found it funny, and the disturbing thing is, I still do."

"Well, if those are you reasons, they do surprise me," Natsuki said decisively. "And that's because of who you are, someone made for the role. The election result was clear enough, right? You slaughtered her."

"I just find that a rather sad example of how good I am at fooling people."

"That's a very superior way of thinking, you know," Natsuki said. "You should just accept you were the best person for the job, which you damn well were. In politics, intentions don't matter. It's about results."

I laughed. "Natsuki is very cynical."

"I'm realistic. You're pretty naïve, to think stuff like that matters at all." Natsuki smiled slightly. "I appreciate your thoughts, though."

"I see." I smiled slightly, looking sidelong. "And if I said that was just a story of mine, and I really did have an ambition to be Kaichou?"

"I'd call you a bad liar, because I know your sincere face," Natsuki replied sharply. "It's the more beautiful one, remember?"

I smiled, turning away. "You've improved somewhat."

"Of course. I know you're playing, now, so I can play to. Plus you've gotten sloppy." Natsuki pushed off the wall, crossing the classroom and sitting on my desk. "It's a little nostalgic, isn't it?"

I looked up at her, noting irrelevantly that she looked good in jeans. "You're right, of course," I said softly.

"You know, I have my own regrets," she said quietly, returning my gaze. "Every time I came to this room, I used your trust. I never let you in or told you anything. And I gave nothing back."

"I was fine with being used, you know," I said, smiling. "Supporting you was what I wanted to do."

Natsuki shook her head. "Even if you say that, I still regret it. You should understand that."

Her face not so far from mine makes me wonder, what would it be like, to live by my impulses and not my control? "Well, then," I said quietly. "Perhaps, if I called that a debt and had you repay it, you'd be easier after I've left. I doubt I could ever settle my account with you, but if it's the few things you've done that need forgiveness from me…"

Natsuki frowned. "What would you ask for?"

If I'm going, I would like to experience that. Just once. "I always wondered," I said uncertainly. "What it would be like, to kiss you in this room."

Natsuki's eyes widened as she looked down at me, then she turned away. "Okay. That's fine."

I blinked myself, wondering whether I'd misunderstood her. Experimentally I stood, and she looked up at me. "Really?"

She snorted, and I could see the apprehension in her eyes. "This time, be more gentle."

When I touched her shoulders with my hands, though, she didn't flinch. And I was feeling reckless.

Her lips are soft, and her breath. I don't dare to open my eyes and see her face. A pulse that was steady as blood touched my face races crazily and every uncontrollable feeling she draws from me explodes. I breathe her, my body moves, my arms are around her, her body melds with mine, clothes wrinkle-

I pulled away, terrified. With what I'd see from her. With my own overwhelming feelings.

Her eyes flickered open, staring up at me. Her cheeks bloomed crimson with the hot blood I felt beneath her skin. The thought made me turn away. "I'm sorry," I replied instinctively. "As ever, I'm an incredibly inappropriate person…"

"That isn't how I'd describe you," Natsuki said, sounding slightly strangled. "Don't worry."

I turn, smile at her, and decide that never happened. That's how things must be, for the two of us, forever.