A/N: Thanks to aecarlso for her awesome beta skills. Even after all my not writing anything, she still comes in and kicks ass.

One more time in case you haven't figured it out yet, I don't own these people, got it?

On with the show...

I just want to run around

Fly kites

Wrestle

Jump and play

Swim through waves that crash

To shore

Memories in me

Cocooned in misery


BPOV

It's been two months. Two fucking months and nothing from Charlie. I'm scared shitless. He's never home when I walk in from school and still isn't there when I pass out at night. He's only there in the mornings and the only reason I know that is because I can hear his snores through the thin walls.

The paranoia from Charlie is causing me to want to be prepared. I know when shit starts I'm going to want to be numb so I can't feel the inevitable blows. I've been smoking more and am used to the Oxy's by now. Over the past two months I've been taking them in increments and slowly increasing them as I go along. I've been taking a whole pill for a few days now.

It's fucking bliss.

I feel like I'm in my own little bubble and the world around me doesn't matter-except Edward of course. I'm numb to the core and I feel fucking amazing. Nothing matters when I'm on this high. I've never been this fucked up by a pill and I've grown so attached to that feeling. Every morning before school I'm crushing a pill and snorting it up my nose.

I haven't told anyone about the Oxy's. Especially not Edward.

We've become really close over time and he knows about the shit I do. He knows I pop pills and smoke weed with the occasional drink to wash it down. He doesn't approve of the pills at all. Apparently weed is okay because you can't overdose on it.

I just wish I would've listened to him sooner.

***

I knew the day was going to be bad as soon as I woke up that Thursday morning.

I hadn't seen Charlie in a month and two days.

But that particular morning, I heard him shuffling around downstairs.

I shot out of bed and put my ear to the door, my breath shaky and fast. I could hear him doing something in the kitchen, the sound of cabinets opening and closing reverberating the walls.

I got dressed for school as fast as I could. If he was up and about this morning, I didn't want to be in the same house as him.

I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and tossed them into my waiting book bag. I tied up my shoes and jumped to my feet. I could still hear Charlie downstairs. My hands were shaky as I brushed my hair back into a ponytail. If we were about to get into it, I didn't want him grabbing my hair as leverage.

I heard him walk into the living room, turn on the television and pull out the recliner on his chair. Finally, I heard the sound of his Southern Comfort lid hit the coffee table with a hollow sound.

I had to leave. Fast.

But first things first.

I grabbed the orange bottle that held my Oxy's. I opened the bottle and dumped one out into my hand.

This is where I made a mistake. I paused.

I started thinking about being numb and how I didn't want to feel. Charlie was just downstairs. I wanted it to kick in fast and I didn't want to be able to feel anything if shit started. I was tired of the pain. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted him to treat me like a rag doll without feeling the blood pound in my ears and the bones crunching beneath his knuckles. I wanted to be numb. Empty.

So I shook two pills from the bottle. I'd only been taking a whole pill for about two days, and fractions of them for over a month, but I figured my tolerance was up to the task. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel free. I wanted to feel nothing.

I swallowed the pills dry, easing them down my throat with my saliva.

I couldn't feel anything yet, not that I expected to. I felt the anticipation of the high to come though.

I slung my bag onto my shoulder and laid my hand on the doorknob, listening for any sounds below.

Then I heard it.

Charlie was snoring, passed out in his chair.

I let out a gust of air and wrenched open the door, flying down the steps as quietly and quickly as I could. I glanced into the living room as I passed and noticed Charlie's head thrown back in slumber.

I kept going, not wanting to chance him waking, and grabbed my keys by the door. I made it to my truck in one piece, so I kept going.

I started my truck and was on the road in seconds.

I made it past him without incident but I couldn't stay optimistic for long. The churning in my stomach was getting worse. I was leaving the eye of the storm and entering hell. I just didn't know it at the time.

As I was driving to school, the pills started to kick in. My vision was getting pretty blurry. I've had vision problems while inebriated but it was never this bad. I felt like a drunk driver.

I shook my head to try to clear it and squeezed my eyes shut before wrenching them back open twice as wide. I wasn't feeling so good.

I mean, yeah, I was feeling pretty toasted and numb, but there was something different about this.

I was all over the road before I finally made it to school. I parked a few spaces back from where Edward usually parked but his space was empty, just like most of the lot. I must've rushed this morning and made it early.

My head started feeling heavy and it started drooping to the front like I was sleepy but I was far from it. I felt sick. I started feeling clausterphobic in the small cab of my truck, so I got out and decided to smoke a cigarette on the bed while I waited for Edward and the gang.

As I jumped from my truck, my knees gave out and I had to catch myself on the door. I shook my head again as I tried to stand the rest of the way up. Something was definitely wrong.

I've been high countless times but this was nothing like before. The feelings were too strong, to concentrated. My body felt heavier than I was used to. My mind was foggier, hazier. I was sure I wouldn't be able to walk straight, let alone talk normal.

I shut the door and used the side of the truck to guide my way to the back. My legs were wobbly and I felt like I was going to fall on my face at any moment.

I made it to the end of the truck and threw the tail gate down before practically throwing myself onto it. I pulled my cigarettes from my bag and lit one with a shakey hand, trying to calm my nerves. I thought about smoking a joint but that would only make my incoherency worse. I inhaled the smoke and blew it out quickly.

I was so fucked up. I felt like I was drunk on a fifth of cheap vodka, smoked three fat jays and popped an entire script of pills. All from two Oxy's.

I rested my elbow onto my knee and leaned my head into the palm of my right hand, holding my cigarette with the same.

I sat there, smoking my cigarette and felt my body start to sway. First, from side to side, before making its way into a full circle. My vision was getting more clouded and my stomach was churning in disagreement. I knew I was about to toss my cookies.

I jumped off the tailgate, losing my cig on the way. Bad idea. I crashed to the ground face first. Forget catching myself; my reflexes were shit right now.

My body felt heavy and I didn't want to move. It felt too good not to move. I didn't have to worry about forcing my muscles to do anything. I could just lie here on the cold pavement and relax every muscle in my body. I felt like a pudding cup slathered onto the cement.

Suddenly, the nausea overcame the will to be still. I could feel it working its way up. I dragged myself to all fours and crawled to the bushes at the edge of the lot. I didn't even think about anyone seeing me. I was too out of it. I wasn't here anymore. I was a shell of empty numbness. This time it was from the drugs though.

I made to the bushes just as the dry heaves hit. I hadn't eaten last night or this morning, so the only thing in my stomach was the pills. Nothing came up. I coughed, gagged and heaved, but nothing dispelled itself.

I don't know how long I was there, but suddenly I wasn't alone.

I could hear people talking. I could hear something high pitch and bell like, and another lower, smoother voice. I couldn't make out what they were saying. I felt like Charlie Brown when his teacher was talking but all I heard was 'Wah Wah Wah WahWah'.

Someone was pulling me into their lap and brushing my wet cheeks. I didn't know I was crying. It was probably from the dry heaves. I didn't cry. I felt too good to cry. I felt nothing.

Except the heaviness draped over my body like a lead weight and the tightness of my chest. My heart was beating like a humming birds wings but I couldn't hear the blood in my ears.

My vision was too fucked up to see straight. I felt myself slipping away. The heaviness was easing its way closer to me, slithering its way into my body, taking away all feeling. I could feel myself lifting away from my body. The tightness in my chest started to fade as blackness started creeping up my toes. I was pretty sure I was about to pass out. That was okay though. I needed to sleep this shit off.

The 'Wah Wah' voices started getting more frantic. I don't know what they were feaking out about. My chest felt heavy and so did my eyelids. I was just going to sleep a little. I needed to sleep off this high.

I was hurting. My chest and head felt like they were about to explode. Weren't pills supposed to make you feel good?

I couldn't hold off anymore. The blackness was creeping up my chest and working its way to my head. I snuggled into the amazing, warm feeling holding me and let my eyes flutter close.

That was the last thing I remember.

***

EPOV

I was late.

My alarm goes off every weekday morning at 6:45. Piece of shit didn't go off this morning. I keep telling Mom I need a new one but she always says it's perfectly fine.

Bullshit.

I got ready in record time. For the first time in my life, I was glad my hair was a wicked mess of shit.

I threw on jeans and a light blue button up. I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows and shoved my feet into some Air Forces.

I was on the road in minutes. I pulled a joint out of my cigarette pack and lit it, inhaling the smoke.

I fucking love Mary Jane. She runs smooth down my throat and soothes my body to a peaceful calm.

MJ is all I fuck with. I don't hit lines or anything. That shit is just stupid. Weed calms you, makes you feel good and happy. Lines fuck with your body and can kill you if you aren't careful. That's what I keep telling Bella. She hits lines of anything she can get her hands on. I try to tell her to stop, but she won't listen for shit.

Bella and I have become really close over the past two months. Ever since her little comatose episode she sort of snapped out of it and decided to let the chips fall where they may. I'm glad too. She's become my best friend. We goof off in class and are spending every weekend at each others side. Of course, the sexual tension is always present. How could it not be? The electric tingles I feel when she's around practically bring me to my knees.

But I know shit like that can't happen until she decides she can trust me.

She's holding back and I know it. She won't tell me about Charlie hitting her. I know she's scared, fuck, I was too when I was living in Chicago. My father beat my Mother on a daily bases. I never potected her though. I knew what was happening and never stopped it. I just sat around and waited to get old enough to have a turn with my father beating the shit out of me.

I'll never forgive myself.

That's why this shit with her is fucking with me. I can protect her now. I can help her and she refuses to let me. It's killing me. Her eyes shine when we're spending time together but there is always something there. A dullness in the sparkle. Her fucking father put that there and I'll be damned if I don't figure out a way to take that shit out.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I pulled into the parking lot at school. It was practically full, but I saw Alice's tiny form hop out of her own car just as I pulled into my spot. I noticed Bella's clunker a few spots down but it was empty.

I shut the car off and got out, locking it behind me. Fuckers can't be trusted.

Suddenly, I heard someone coughing and hacking in the bushes near Bella's truck. It sounded awful. Dry heaves were filling the air and it almost made me chuck.

Alice and I locked eyes and hurried our way to the back of Bella's truck.

There she was in all her chestnut haired glory, on all fours, head in the bushes, dry heaving her cute little head off.

Except she didn't look so good right now.

"Bella?!" I ran to her and pulled her head out of the leaves, cradling her into my lap.

I sobered up really quick.

She was gasping for air like she couldn't breathe and her body was trembling. She had tears pouring down her heart shaped face. She was pale and looked on the verge of death. For some reason, I didn't think that was far off.

"Edward, what's wrong with her?!" Alice asked, frantic, clasping her hands in front of her mouth.

I shook my head. I had no fucking clue but we needed to get her to a hospital.

"Bella? Can you hear me? What did you take?" I didn't know what pills she took, but I know she took them. It pissed me off too much to go into detail about it with her.

Her eyelids started to flutter closed.

"Bella, love, you have to stay awake! You can't go to sleep yet. You have to tell me what you took, love," I was starting to freak out. But I knew I needed to stay calm for my girl.

My girl?

Fuck off. Now isn't the time.

"Edward, we have to get her to a hospital!" Alice said, pulling out her phone and no doubt calling my father.

"Bella, what the fuck were you thinking, love? What the fuck did you do? I could've taken the pain away. I will take the pain away."

I stood up with Bella in my arms and rushed to my Volvo.

Bella's breathing was still quick, but she was looking more pale and starting to sweat.

My girl had to be okay.

She just had to.

I'm sick

And tired

Of embracing reflections of past time

Receive me or cast me away

God please take me away

Resistance

Futile

Suicidal ideas

I will crucify my own being

Satisfy selfish needs fuck deities

Justify my own right to what's waiting for me

Death Blooms - Mudvayne

A/N: So there it is. A few questions answered, a few more popped up, eh?

Another cliffy. I'm horrible, right?

Yeah, you'll get over it soon (:

Want another chapter? Hit that little review button down there and let me know what you have floatin' in that mind of yours.

Until next time ;)