Late update, sorry ^.^; Things at home have been absolutely horrible, but I had these written already, so here they are Remember, I have a picture of Vignette (http:/ tropicall-chan. /# /d36qi4u) Remove the spaces and admire her! xD
My entire chest hurts. Not only my heart, but my breasts now too. I had waited for them so eagerly, only to be disappointed when they never came. But now their existence is growing and growing. My dresses have to be altered. I know that they notice. I feel so awkward, in between a girl and a woman. When I talk to Marco, can almost feel his amused look.
Nobody says anything, but they all look. Just look. The only person who I want to look hates me most likely, because I haven't spoken to him ever since he revealed his secret. Does he look? Does he even care? Does he even care that I am becoming mature, like him? That maybe us being together is not that impossible?
And even though I shouldn't, I wonder what Ace thinks. I wonder if he would like to hold them like I do sometimes. But I can only wonder. Am I prettier to him with them? But we are no longer the same.
My scars are fading to almost the same white as my skin, barely noticeable. But some are still an ugly purple or bright red because they have never received proper care. Some weeks pass, and the scars remain the same. Finally my breasts stop changing too.
But Ace, he's still changing. Because with every day that passes that I do not speak to him, he has the right to become angrier and more frustrated. I wanted to know, I thought I was ready for it. But as soon as I got what I wanted, I stop talking to him altogether, just like he feared most likely. I'm not ready for a thing. Can I still erase my mistake? Or is what I'm doing unforgiveable? My heart wants him to forgive, but my mind wants him to remain angry forever, so that I will finally abolish my love for him. He's wrong. He's a demon! How can I love him?
All I need is a reason. A reason to unite my heart and my mind into partners again, able to work side by side. But what will that reason do? Will it destroy what I want and have with Ace? Or will it only further help it along? I can no longer decide what to hope for…