Rise

PROMPT: Castle – Rise

Chapter 13

There's something off with Emily.

Hotch identifies it the minute he picks up on it Friday morning, Jack buckled in the back seat, but refrains from saying anything. She's allowed to have bad days. Regardless, by the time Sunday rolls around he's left Jack with Jessica and recognized that they've taken a step back in the healing process. She's been unenthusiastic about any of the ten apartments they've seen in the last three days and it doesn't take a profiler to realize that she's no longer set on staying.

It's unacceptable.

So when lunchtime rolls around and they have a break, he knows it's time to get to the bottom of the issue. "Are you reconsidering staying at the Bureau?"

When she doesn't immediately respond in the negative, he knows he's hit the nail on the head. His heart speeds up and his stomach jumps. "Emily."

"They're fighting over me."

The quiet admission surprises him. He hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. JJ's still off with Reid and Morgan. Garcia's been a little darker than usual but it's unfair to expect her to be sunny all the time.

She sighs, seeing his confusion. "Remember when I came in on Tuesday with the list?"

Right. She'd been pale, shaking, nervous. She'd dragged out conversation. He'd chalked it up to avoiding awkwardness in the bullpen. Apparently it's more than that.

"JJ and I had just gotten back from lunch. Garcia was there, with Morgan and Reid, I guess they were working on a consult." She waves a hand as if to say that detail is unimportant. He's inclined to agree. "But when JJ and I got there she was asking them why they were punishing me."

Well huh. That's a new one. And a serious one. Maybe his offhand comment to Dave about group therapy wasn't as far off the mark as he'd thought.

"And they are. Morgan and Reid. They're punishing me."

She's not whining. She's being matter-of-fact, like there's no disputing it.

"Is this about requalifying?"

"That's part of it," she agrees, picking at the edge of her bun. They've chosen hot dogs, because she'd wanted them. Now she's not eating and he places a hand over hers to make sure she doesn't tear it apart. Being nervous is one thing, but he's going to make sure she eats her lunch.

"And Reid?"

Emily sighs. "Sometimes, he just looks at me, and I know he's thinking about it. About how he's told me so much and I've told him nothing."

It's not true. The team shares and they share a lot without meaning to. Just because Emily didn't share Doyle doesn't mean that she's behind in that department. In fact, it's more likely he and Dave that should be accused of not sharing. Emily's heart is too open, too full. She loves Reid, cares for him, and yeah, maybe babies him sometimes, but they've found a relationship that works for both of them. Or, he realizes 'worked'.

"I can take proving myself. I can understand why Morgan feels like I have to show him I can still be an agent, but Reid? I don't know what to do about him. And Morgan told me it was punishment, even if he didn't mean it that way."

And the revelations keep coming. He hasn't separated himself from the team, but he hasn't wanted to fight her battles. He's stepped out, there in the shadows, and in the process, it seems, he's missed more than he'd hoped.

"I've divided them."

They're having a repetitive conversation and he's not sure what to do. Because the obvious answer is to tell her that she's not responsible. Doyle is. Doyle's made them choose certain paths, Doyle's driven a wedge between them and he's done it from beyond the grave. It's a heartbreaking thought.

"Emily," he begins, knowing he's dealing with a startled animal very ready to run. "Have you thought any more about seeing a professional?"

She starts and looks at him, eyes wide. "But I… I'm talking to you."

Oh.

Huh.

Now how is he supposed to answer that one?

"But you're not listening to me," he finally says after the warmth has spread through his body and his brain has started working again.

Her face is indignant. "Of course I am."

No, no she really isn't or they wouldn't be having the same conversation over and over and over again. That's not what listening is about. Emily's strong enough, Emily knows enough, to remind herself that this isn't her doing. She may have played a part in it, but once Doyle got the ball rolling so many of the choices were out of her hands.

"No, you're not," he repeats gently. "How many times have we had this conversation, Emily? How many times have I told you that this isn't your fault."

She sighs. "They can't do anything to Doyle now."

So they're taking it out on her. It's the end of her sentence and while it's probably not altogether false, it's not completely true either.

"I just… I don't want them to fight. Not over this."

He makes the mental leaps in a split second. "So you think you should leave."

"It's the most logical answer," she says, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

He doesn't. At all. Because none of them run forever. Eventually, someone catches them, tethers them, pulls them back into the fold. They don't let family float away.

"It's not," he argues. "There's nothing easy about that."

Can't she see it? The battle, the internal war they're fighting… It's about reconciling that she's alive. It's about fighting against the instinctive response that comes with seeing her. It's about trusting that she's there for all of them again, fighting for them and along side them. It's not about her. She's still Emily and as much as Morgan and Reid may be rebelling against even that idea they all know it's true. Nothing's changed. She hasn't changed. Not really. Not at her core.

And they can't help her. It's part of the problem here. They can't hold her up, support her like the team does because they're fighting to stay afloat too. They can't keep her from sinking and keep themselves above the endless chasm too.

"Do you think running away is going to unite them again?"

"I'm eliminating the problem."

"You're making the problem worse," he answers. "They'll fight about who forced you to leave, which one of them pushed you too far. They'll blame each other, they'll blame themselves for forcing you away."

There's a shock on her face that tells him she's never really considered that before.

"It's not about you, Emily. It's about believing what they never thought possible."

"That I'm alive."

It's funny that the three words out of her mouth makes his skin crawl with heated goosebumps. She is alive. Very alive.

"That you're back."