Neal was absolutely awed when they arrived in Paris. He'd gone with a previous boyfriend in the past, but he has no recollection of that, so this is technically the first time he's ever gone to Paris. Peter was more than happy to be the one vacationing with him for the experience. Hell, even he hasn't been to Paris before. He never really had a reason to go. His lack of romantic interest in Elizabeth never really made the city intriguing, but this was definitely worth it with Neal.
They'd talked a little about some tentative plans when they got there while on the plane and Peter said he didn't intend on paying for some kind of transportation because it'd been recommended to him that they just walk around together and enjoy the scenery. His source told him that driving around Paris was hell anyway and the last thing he wanted to do was get frustrated when he was supposed to be enjoying alone time with his husband.
They took a taxi to their hotel because neither of them wanted to walk through Paris while carrying their suitcases. Neal just stared out the window the whole time, looking like an awed child in Peter's opinion. It made him smile the whole way to the hotel. This vacation wasn't about sex. He wanted them to be together, talk, and just relax. So what if Neal didn't give his full attention to Peter? Peter loved watching Neal. He looked so damn cute and Peter regretted never making the right amount of effort to bring them here together in the first place. Maybe now would be better because Neal didn't remember being here before—with Dan of all people.
Peter booked them at the Hotel du Champ de Mars after reading reviews about it. It was also within his price range and he hoped Neal would like it.
The second they got into their hotel room, Neal's jaw dropped. The room was small and pretty simplistic, but it was beautiful nonetheless. "Honey, you need to let me in," Peter said, chuckling. Neal blushed, moving further into the room so Peter could come in. They set their suitcases down and Peter watched Neal soak in everything around them. "What do you think?"
"I love it," he said softly, turning to face Peter with a smile just as soft as his voice. "I love you."
In that moment, all Peter wanted to do was sweep Neal off his feet and take him into their bed—just to have his way with him. He loved the way Neal said those three words, emphasizing that he was speaking directly about Peter. "As I love you, honey." Peter shut their door and moved the suitcases out of the way before joining Neal, wrapping his arms around Neal's waist, kissing Neal's neck. "I love you very much."
Neal closed his eyes as he turned his head and leaned back against Peter. He loves this, the attention and love Peter was giving him. Right now, he wasn't really thinking about the things they could be doing in their nice, big bed directly at the center of the wall adjacent to the window—where they could see the Eiffel Tower. All he wanted was Peter's love and Peter was giving it to him. This is what he'd wanted since he'd begun to find himself attracted to Peter. Peter's a good man and he's very attractive in appearance and in personality. At first, Neal had been skeptical about the idea of being married to Peter, but he believed it now. He knew Peter hadn't once lied to him about this life he'd lived before.
"What're we going to do first?" he asked, resting his hands atop Peter's while Peter nuzzled the side of his face.
"Mm… Why don't we go for a walk together?" Neal smiled and nodded, opening his eyes to meet Peter's. "Do you want to change into something comfortable? We both slept in our clothes on the plane." Neal chuckled, rubbing Peter's hands gently. "What?"
Neal shook his head while still smiling. "I'm just really happy. That's all it is."
Peter's heart fluttered. They hadn't even gotten started yet and Neal was already very happy. "Good," he whispered, planting a gentle kiss against Neal's temple. He liked being alone with Neal. It was just them and no one else. He could focus wholeheartedly on his husband, give him his undivided attention, and they could reconnect—or make new connections. He wanted to help Neal remember some things, but he was going to do his damnedest to spread it out over their vacation because he knew how overwhelmed Neal could get when so much was going on that he didn't understand. They'd look at some pictures here and there, watch a video or two every now and then… He just wanted to show Neal their past and show him that they had a beautiful relationship despite what's been happening lately.
They separated a bit and Peter handed Neal his suitcase so he could find something to change into. Peter grabbed his own suitcase and was about to head into the bathroom to change when Neal made a small sound that startled him. The sound was very quiet, but he'd heard it nonetheless. After spending the last several years in an intimate relationship with Neal, he could hear those quiet sounds effortlessly now. Whether it be a whimper, a gasp, or the beginnings of a sob, he could hear Neal's sounds because he wanted to know what was going on with Neal as soon as Neal was feeling something.
When the older man turned around to look at his husband in question, Neal's eyes were lowered to the floor and his face was flushed. "You don't…have to go redress in there," he whispered, closing his eyes tightly a moment later. He felt embarrassed and Peter didn't understand why. "You stay. I'll go." He was about to trudge past Peter, but Peter wrapped his arm around Neal's waist, pulling him closer rather than allowing him to pass by.
"Hey," he said softly, staring into Neal's eyes. "Talk to me, sweetheart." Neal shrugged, avoiding Peter's gaze a moment later. "This is about us. This whole vacation—and whatever's bothering you right now. You can tell me."
"I don't want you to walk away," Neal whispered, sounding so much like a child, like his own son. Peter's brows furrowed. What had he done that made Neal think he was going to walk out on him? Had he not proven he loves Neal properly? "We're married. Why can't you undress and redress in front of me?"
"Oh," Peter involuntarily said aloud. His face flushed when he realized he'd actually spoken, but he rubbed Neal's lower back and said, "Do you want me to? I was going to give you privacy."
Neal's eyes met his then and Peter could see the smoldering blue embers in his eyes. He knew in that moment that Neal wanted the closeness, the intimacy that they'd had before. Apparently changing their clothes in front of each other was something he desperately wanted to do as well. "Please," Neal whispered.
Peter nodded and set his suitcase down on their bed, opening it up. He knew Neal's suitcase—the one he'd given Neal anyway—didn't have the lingerie in it. Elizabeth threatened him to keep him from looking because she wanted it all to surprise Peter later, but he knew which suitcase he'd packed it all into.
Neal copied his motions, setting his own suitcase atop the comforter. Peter didn't really understand why Neal wanted this so badly, but he knew Neal was right and they've been shirtless together. He, of course, remembers exactly how Neal looks in all of his glory, but Neal hadn't seen Peter yet. He wanted to, but he wasn't going to get anything at the moment. Not really anyway.
"You okay?" Peter asked him quietly, noticing that Neal's hands were trembling as he attempted to sift through the clothes Peter packed for him. His eyes remained on Neal's hands for several moments before finally traveling up his body until he could look at Neal's face. "Neal?" Neal's eyes were shut tightly and he looked like he was about to burst into tears. "Honey, what is it?" he asked concernedly. He pulled Neal closer and held him, whispering, "You're with me. You're with Peter. Open your eyes. It's okay." Neal was shaking in his arms and he quickly scanned the clothing, trying to figure out what made his husband break down like this. Everything looked normal and he couldn't be this upset about Peter almost walking into another room to change?
"Get rid of it," Neal whispered, sounding tortured.
Peter looked at Neal's face then and asked, "Get rid of what? Tell me and I'll do it, Neal."
Neal's breathing hitched before he gasped, "The vest. Get it out. Get rid of it." Peter had packed him a couple different vests. He didn't know which one Neal wanted him to remove and asked Neal to be more specific. Neal's eyes flew open and his breathing became labored before his eyes shut again just as tightly as before. Peter's eyes were wide and he reached into the suitcase, grabbing the three vests he'd packed and shoved them out of sight.
"Okay, okay," Peter said softly. "They're gone. They're gone, Neal. I took them out." He didn't understand. They'd been in one of their dresser drawers, so Peter took it upon himself to put them in for their vacation. Neal used to like wearing— Then it dawned on him that Neal hadn't worn a vest of any kind in well over a year. "Oh, honey…" he said sympathetically.
The younger man latched onto Peter as Peter asked him to open his eyes. He was eventually able to do so and simply wanted to be held. "I-It's what I wore…wore when they…"
Peter nodded, having already figured this out for himself. No wonder they were underneath everything in the very back of said drawer he'd found them in. "I'm sorry," Peter said apologetically. He hadn't meant to trigger Neal like this. Hell, he hadn't even given it a thought when he'd packed Neal's things. "It's okay now. I promise you're safe with me, Neal."
Neal nodded, nuzzling his face against Peter's throat. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to worry you and wreck our vacation already…"
"Nonsense," Peter said. "Nothing is wrecked. I should've known better and I'm so sorry, Neal." They separated and he waited for Neal to look at him before giving him a small smile. "I've always been worried about you. No matter what's going on, I worry about you because I love you. I don't want to see you hurt or upset and I'm sorry for causing it—as always." The last part was meant to be said under his breath, but Neal caught it.
"You don't always cause problems."
Peter let it go. He didn't want to argue that with Neal. "Our vacation is not wrecked," he said. "It's just getting started and we hit a little bump in the road. We're over that bump and we'll be just fine from here on." Neal nodded and Peter lifted his left hand, stroking Neal's jaw. "This is supposed to be a happy vacation. You were happy." He moved his hand enough to rub his thumb over Neal's lips and whispered, "Be happy again, my angel." Neal nodded and was able to smile at Peter. Albeit a small smile, Neal was still smiling and that's what Peter wanted to see. He didn't want his husband to frown nor did he want to see tears in his eyes. Not over his dark past. This was meant to bring them closer and make them both happier and he'd be damned if he allowed Neal's past to come back in tormenting memories to disturb what was meant to be a peaceful vacation for them. "Here," Peter said gently, reaching into the suitcase to grab a light blue silk shirt. "This has always brought out the beauty in your eyes—and I just love seeing it on you in general."
"Really?"
Peter's soft smile was answer enough, so Neal took the shirt and waited until Peter helped him choose matching pants—then he helped Peter pick out clothes he thought would make Peter look very sexy.
•◊•
Walking along the Seine hand in hand, Peter glanced at his husband's face, searching to find any signs of sadness, regret, or fear. They'd been talking about a few things and stopped to sit and just gaze at the river and lights of the city together. "Have we ever made love in water?" Neal asked out of the blue when they took a seat once again and watched the water ripple in front of them.
"No," Peter said amusedly. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "Is that some fantasy you have?" Neal's entire face heated up and Peter immediately sobered up. He didn't want to embarrass Neal when Neal was serious about something. "Is it?" he asked, wanting to sincerely know if Neal had that in mind. If he did, he'd find a way to do it for Neal. Obviously not some public bath or anything like that. He'd find a secluded place for just them and he'd proceed to make love to his husband in the water if that's what he wanted. It was just strange because he'd never once brought it up in all of their years together prior to his memory being stripped away from him.
"Nevermind," Neal whispered, looking down at his lap rather than the water.
Peter felt awful. He'd kind of laughed at his husband when he'd responded and he hadn't meant to make him shut down like this. "You can tell me." He felt like he was saying that so much nowadays, but he wanted Neal to feel like he could come to him for anything or about anything. "There's no reason to be embarrassed. We're married," he said, lifting Neal's left hand to kiss his wedding ring. "I love you for everything you are. If this is something you want…" He trailed off, hoping Neal would give him a straight answer.
Neal sighed heavily, whispering, "Yeah." Peter waited, knowing Neal wanted to say more. Neal was always afraid to press something further, especially when he felt like Peter would get upset or laugh at him. "I mean, obviously not for our first time, but… I would like to try it." Meeting Peter's gaze, his brows furrowed. "Was I not into anything exciting before?"
Shrugging, Peter said, "I liked the way we did things and I think you did, too. We tried to do different things over the years and some things just didn't really stick because we didn't think it suited us very well." He gave Neal a small smile and said, "Any moment I spend with you is exciting." He leaned over and kissed Neal's cheek. "I love you, Neal."
"How can you want to be with someone who's so…dull?"
Peter raised an eyebrow, remaining silent until Neal flushed and looked away. "You are the furthest thing from dull. You've made my life interesting. Honey, I've—" He saw the frown on his husband's face and proceeded to pull Neal closer, squeezing him gently. "Cheer up, angel. If I weren't happy, we wouldn't be together." Neal looked like he had something on his mind and Peter was a little worried, wondering what it was that was keeping him so down. "Do you need to talk about something?"
Neal sighed exasperatedly, moving a little ways away from Peter before finally looking at him. "If I were boring, would you leave?" Peter's brows furrowed. "What if I'm not fun anymore? What if I can't please you when we finally…finally do it?"
"Is that what's bothering you?" Peter asked tentatively. "Sex?" Neal nodded subtly, but Peter saw it nonetheless. "Don't even get yourself all worked up about it. We'll take it all slowly and I have never criticized you in bed." He lifted his hand to stroke Neal's hair, his heart fluttering when a small smile crept onto Neal's face. He liked feeling Peter's fingers in his hair—as he did before. Peter was relieved by that because he loves Neal's hair. "You don't have to worry about whether or not you'll please me. The fact that you're still in love with me after everything… That means more to me than you can ever possibly know."
The younger man stared into Peter's eyes then, searching for the love he knew was right there in front of him. Peter never hid his love for Neal and Neal could see that. He hadn't hid it in the hospital when Neal woke up to his voice, his face. Even after knowing that Neal hadn't been messing with him, he still hadn't hid his feelings for Neal. If that wasn't true love, then Neal didn't know what was. How could Peter bear the thought of his husband being alive, but not being the man he'd been? Sometimes, he didn't know how Peter could deal with him. He was so frustrated with himself and his inability to remember things, but Peter was the voice of reason and the essence of patience somehow. He hadn't once tried to deny that he's in love with Neal and that meant more than Peter could ever possibly know. "How could I not be in love with you?"
Chuckling, Peter said, "I don't know, honey. I'm just glad you're still mine."
They spent a few more minutes sitting there together before getting up to walk a little more. "I'm sorry that my concerns are so petty," Neal apologized when he slipped his hand into Peter's, squeezing gently. "I've wanted this since I admitted to myself that I'm in love with you, but now I'm afraid." Peter glanced at him, wondering what he was so afraid of. He'd never hurt Neal intentionally and hoped Neal knew that by now. "I want you and I know you want me. I just… I also want to be able to do the things that, you know…"
"We have a lot of time to relearn each other," Peter said softly, squeezing Neal's hand then. "There's no pressure and no hurry. We have two weeks for us. I'm here with you. You're the only man on my mind and I intend on spending every moment of this vacation with you no more than an inch away from me." Neal chuckled then and it made Peter's heart flutter. "Also, your concerns aren't petty. Not to me—never to me."
By the time they'd arrived back in their hotel room, Neal wished it was their anniversary already. Just a few more days to wait and then they could make love for what he felt would be the first time. He didn't understand his feelings of eagerness and anxiousness. Peter is his husband and he's in love with Peter, knows Peter will keep him safe and take care of him. Why is he so anxious then? "I love you," he said when Peter laid down on the bed behind him. He was sitting on the edge of his side of the bed after Peter came out of the bathroom and Peter had every intention of watching his husband's every move. Twisting a bit to look at Peter, he said, "I love you so much. I'm so thankful for you and I don't even remember everything."
Reaching forward, Peter stroked Neal's lower back. "That means a lot to me either way," Peter said with a small smile, lifting his gaze to meet Neal's. "I've been very thankful for you for several years now. Having this beautiful man right in front of me, all to myself…" He sighed contentedly and Neal couldn't help smiling. "It's a dream—it's heaven. I'm happy with you. You make me the happiest man alive, Neal."
Neal shifted around until he could lay on his stomach beside Peter. Peter tentatively rubbed Neal's back, keeping his eyes on Neal's face. "You make me happy," Neal whispered. "I know I haven't experienced—or remembered my experiences with—love before now, but I'm glad I've found love with you." Peter leaned forward and kissed Neal's hair, loving the small laugh that Neal let out. "You're so sweet and you treat me wonderfully."
Peter looked a little upset and Neal's heart ached because he didn't like making Peter look that way, but he didn't understand what he'd done or said that made Peter upset. "I treat you like a human being," he finally said, "because that's what you are. You are my husband, my best friend, and our children's daddy. I wouldn't treat you any other way." Neal bit his lower lip, averting his gaze from his husband's face. He knew what Peter was referring to and he knew it always upset Peter. "Honey, be honest with me. Do you feel like I'm going to abuse you while we're making love—when we make love?"
Despite wanting to tell Peter that Peter was wrong, he ended up nodding. It was something that crossed his mind every now and then. Would Peter hurt him? Even after promising he wouldn't? Neal remembered what almost every man in the brothel had said to him before he'd crawl onto his hands and knees for them. "Relax, baby. I'm gonna take very good care of you." And then they'd pound into him and rake their nails across his back. He knew he wasn't scarred by them, but it hurt and he remembered how much it hurt—inside and out.
The older man noticed the shudder that ran through Neal's whole form and he was instantly concerned, palming Neal's back while watching his face. "What is it?"
"I don't… Nothing. Nevermind." Peter was going to press him for an actual answer and Neal suddenly felt very miserable. He didn't think it was right to be thinking about those men while he's supposed to be relaxing with Peter, but he was slightly afraid of Peter turning on him and becoming one of them. "I need—need to be alone." He rolled off of the bed quickly and went into the bathroom, locking himself in a moment later. He was hyperventilating and upsetting himself the more he thought about this.
Thoughts about the brothel brought on thoughts related to different warehouses and a farmhouse. His wrists and arms began to cause him pain and he didn't know why. He didn't even know what was triggering all of this, but he wanted it to stop desperately. His head hurt just as much if not more and he didn't know what to do. He felt so alone, so lost… Almost like he had the moment he'd woken up without knowing where he was or who he was. He still didn't know where he'd been at the time, but he knows who he is now because Peter's enlightened him, but there was so much about himself that he had yet to figure out completely.
His legs gave out and he barely managed to grab the sink and hold himself up for the most part. This feeling of weakness passed over him, frightening him. "Neal, are you okay?" Neal tried to speak and he couldn't. He opened his mouth and no sound came out. He felt like he'd been screaming, but he knew he hadn't once screamed since entering the bathroom. Were these demons things he needed to face in order to understand himself, in order to finally be happy with Peter and believe that Peter wouldn't hurt him?
"Why would he hurt me?" he asked incredulously as he found his voice, wondering aloud why he even thought that Peter would purposely cause him pain. Everything was so damn confusing. "He loves me." A deep, dark voice inside of him was telling him that he wasn't loved, that he could never be loved and he didn't want to believe it for one second. If Peter didn't love him, Peter wouldn't have brought him home to introduce him to their children. If Peter didn't love him, Peter wouldn't have tried to help him get through his moments of self-doubt, of self-loathing, and moments when he was severely depressed because he just wanted to understand and he couldn't. "He wouldn't hurt me. P-Peter—he loves me."
Peter stood on the other side of the door, brows furrowed, as he listened to his husband. "Neal? Neal, let me in, honey." It took a few minutes and Peter tried not to act panicked, but Neal did eventually open the door. He looked a bit shaken up and Peter was instantly concerned when he saw how pale Neal was. "Are you okay?" he asked as he stepped closer, resting his hands on Neal's hips.
"You…wouldn't hurt me, right?"
"I couldn't live with myself if I did purposely." Sometimes accidentally as well. He hates hurting Neal physically and emotionally. Fortunately, he wasn't the abusive kind of husband, so he never hurt Neal like that. He's lashed out and hurt Neal with his words before, but they always talk it over to clear the air.
Neal stared up at Peter helplessly. "You have though. You hurt me before." Peter didn't know where all of this was coming from, but he wanted to help in any way that he could. "You beat me—until I went unconscious."
It dawned on Peter then. "Honey, that's not what you think it is," he said, trying his hardest not to frighten Neal with the idea that it might actually be just what he's thinking. "You and I worked together as FBI agents. That was a case we took together. We were undercover for a really…awful man." He remembered that that had been where the scar on Neal's back came from. He hadn't been there to see it happen and Neal never really talked about it, but he'd been scarred. "Your cover was blown when I wasn't with you. To keep up appearances, you…implied that you needed me to play along with what they wanted and that included hurting you." Neal's eyes watered and Peter's hands flew up to caress the sides of Neal's face. "I'd never hurt you like that under normal circumstances. I…considered leaving you or something because I was so upset with myself for allowing myself to cause you so much pain…"
That made a little more sense to Neal now. While he'd been in the bathroom, he'd seen so many memories in which he'd been beaten. The one involving Peter frightened him more than anything, which is why that was the first thing he brought to Peter. "So you weren't…?"
"No," Peter whispered. "I'd never hurt you. That was the only time I ever did and you, unfortunately, gave me permission to do so. I didn't want to and I hated watching you suffer at my hands."
Neal blinked back his tears until he was sure they weren't going to fall. That made sense. Peter hadn't been angry with him—or anything like that. "Okay," he whispered, relieved. He was afraid that Peter had abused him at least once before, but that wasn't exactly the case and it made other things clearer. He'd wondered why Peter was upset while he was with him during the recovery at home. Peter had been taking care of him then and it wasn't making up for hurting him—not in the way he was thinking anyway.
Peter rubbed his thumbs over Neal's cheeks. "I love you. Watching you suffer hurts me, too. I hate when I make you cry or run from me. I'm trying to be better," he whispered. He hated that Neal was afraid of him. He never wanted to see Neal so afraid even though he'd seen it in the past. "I love you," he repeated. He tentatively leaned closer to Neal and kissed him softly, closing his eyes while hoping Neal was doing the same rather than wishing he'd stop.
When he briefly opened his eyes to look at Neal, Neal's eyes were closed and his hands were wrapping around Peter's torso then. Peter internally sighed in relief. They were okay. "God," Neal said when they broke away. He rested his head on Peter's shoulder and Peter rubbed his back soothingly. "I wish this would stop. We haven't even been here a full day and I've—"
"No," Peter interrupted. "Don't, okay? Nothing is ruined. I'm still happy to be here with you and this is part of why we're alone together. I know you have a lot of questions and you'll probably have several more over the course of these two weeks." He squeezed Neal's left hip gently, adding, "I'm here for you. You can ask or talk about anything you please and I will be honest with you. If something upsets you or frightens you, you tell me. Don't keep things hidden from me please."
Neal nodded, sliding his left hand up and down Peter's back. Peter liked the feeling of Neal's fingers on his body. He may not be naked, but Neal's touch was still enough to send sparks surging through him and, hopefully, between them. "Thank you for being so patient with me," he whispered, kissing Peter's neck. "It means a lot to me. Helping me understand things is… Just thank you, Peter. I need you so badly."
Peter smiled a little, kissing the side of Neal's face. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere—ever." Tentatively, he slid his left hand underneath Neal's shirt and rubbed his wedding ring against Neal's back, touching his bare skin. "This ring means I'm yours," he whispered. "I'll always be only yours, Neal." Neal breathed quietly, rubbing his own ring against Peter's back. "How do you feel?" he asked a few moments later after giving Neal a little time to think to himself.
"I want to be happy," he whispered. "You make me happy and I want to be happy with you." He held onto Peter a little tighter as he asked, "Is there a way I can stop depressing us? I want this to be nice, but…" "Don't worry," he interjected. "Neal, you're my lover. Everything about you is worth loving and listening to. You don't need to worry about us. I'm still happy to be here with you. If you need to talk, then please do. You're not depressing me." Neal took a few moments to silently appreciate Peter. He felt silly for worrying about such trivial things during their anniversary vacation and even sillier for worrying Peter. "Will you come back to bed with me?" It was getting late by this point. They'd gotten a quick dinner while walking and eventually went back to the hotel just to relax. He was ready to get some sleep as long as Neal came along with him.
Neal nodded. "Always," he whispered.
Smiling, Peter gently pulled away from Neal, reaching up to grip his chin enough to tilt his head up. "I love you, Neal George Burke. I've promised to be with you through the good moments as well as the bad. I'm not going to walk away from you or get upset with you for asking about things you want to understand." He shook his head before kissing Neal's forehead and then his nose. "I'm more than happy to help you. Even if some of the memories aren't pleasant, they need to be pieced together for you and I will do as much as I possibly can to make it easier and clearer."
"Will you still make love to me during this vacation?" Neal asked timidly.
"Yes," Peter said without hesitation. He was going to make love to Neal as many times as he possibly could the night of their anniversary as well as every night thereafter. By the time they went home, Peter was hoping Neal would only have his husband and their lovemaking on his mind—and any good memories he managed to retain after they went down memory lane together. "I'm promising you that. I'm not backing out unless you change your mind."
"I wouldn't even dream of changing my mind," the younger man whispered. He'd wanted this intimacy, this closeness and love with Peter. He'd be damned if he chickened out at the last possible moment. No, he desperately wanted to be with Peter in that way and he was determined to see it through. He wanted to see the way Peter looked at him, hear the way Peter spoke to him, and feel the way Peter made love to him. It would all be different in comparison to the brothel and he hoped it would be so much better. He didn't really doubt that it would be better, but he didn't want to get his hopes up too high just in case. Peter, nonetheless, seems like he'd be a good lover. His personality has attracted Neal since they'd gotten close, so Neal only imagined Peter being gentle with him when they finally laid together and gave themselves to each other.
Peter chuckled, nodding. "The option is still there regardless."
They changed into their sleep clothes before crawling into bed together, laying side by side at first until Neal snuggled closer to the older man. "I don't know how to tell you thank you," he whispered, kissing the hollow of Peter's throat as Peter wrapped his arm around Neal, rubbing the small of his back. "Rachel hated when I asked questions. Sometimes, she made Boothe hit me… You've been wonderful. I…don't know how to thank you for listening to me, for bearing with me when I need you. Your patience is admirable."
Peter chuckled. "Admirable patience has nothing to do with it," he said softly. "You're my Neal, my little teddy." Neal nuzzled his face against Peter's throat and Peter kissed his hair. So things were a little rough to start off their vacation… He'd make the remainder of it better. "I love you, baby." Neal murmured in kind, pressing himself against Peter completely. Peter was so used to spooning behind his husband. Holding him like this still felt strange at times, but he really didn't mind. Any contact with Neal is good contact.
As he watched Neal slowly fall asleep, he silently promised his husband that things would get better. Just a few more days and he could completely give himself to his husband for what felt like the first time in forever…