Disclaimer: I do not own the Fosters.
When Lena woke up, a smile immediately grew on her face as she realized she was still in the arms of her sleeping wife. It was nice to wake up as if nothing had happened, but she knew in her mind that she couldn't just forget about everything that had happened. She decided to let Monte know that she wouldn't be able to make it to work today, so she went ahead and crawled out of Stef's arms long enough to send a text. There were so many things that they needed to talk about and since Stef had the day off, maybe they would also have the chance to spend some time reconnecting.
Lena decided that she should let Stef sleep in since it rarely ever happened, so she slowly climbed out of bed and headed to get the kids ready for school. As she made her way down stairs, she stopped by everyone's room to make sure that all of the kids were up and that they knew to be quiet since Stef was still sleeping . She then went downstairs to start breakfast.
Eventually, the kids started to slowly make their way into the kitchen and the lack of fighting meant that they were actually listening when she told them to keep it down. She also noticed that all of the kids except for Jude were acting rather strangely. They were all far more reserved than they usually were and didn't really have a thing to say through breakfast.
"Okay you guys, I am not going to be going to work today so you can walk to school today and then make sure you all come home right after school. We are going to have a family night so I want everyone home so that homework is done and we are all ready for dinner and whatever else."
Several nods were all she managed to get out of her four oldest kids. Jude was the only one to really speak up, "Okay Mama, we will all be home. I can't wait to see what we are going to do after dinner," he said with a smile on his face.
All of the kids finished their breakfast quickly and started to head out the door. Jude ran over to Lena and grabbed a large hug. "Bye Mama, have a good day."
"You too baby."
By that time, all of the other kids were out the door without so much as a word and now Lena knew that they needed to talk to them. She had expected to at least get a goodbye, but they all headed to school without a single word. She had a feeling that the only reason that Jude was so happy and acting normal was because he had talked to Stef already. She felt horrible that he was the one that had picked up on everything first. He was such a kind and caring young man and she had to be so grateful for that. Even that day he had found her crying in her office, he had cared enough to comfort her and then called Stef to make sure that she would be alright when he was still woried. It was times like that that she was so grateful to have both him and his sister as a part of their family. They both ended up with a kid just like them, Jude like Lena and Callie just like Stef.
After realizing that she had been reflecting for quite some time, she decided that she would start breakfast for her and Stef. She figured that waffles would be great and then she could surprised Stef with breakfast in bed. She was so happy that she had found Stef. Stef was there for her through thick and thin and no matter how angry or upset she got, in the end she would always be there to support Lena and that was something that Lena loved her so much for. She was hoping that Stef would be able to see how much she appreciated it by just doing the little things.
After breakfast was done, Lena headed up the stairs with a tray of waffles, juice and coffee. When she opened the door to the bedroom, Stef was still sound asleep, so she sat the tray down on the night stand and crawled across the bed to gently wake her wife. She slowly shook her wife's shoulder and Stef began to wake up. A smile grew on her face as Lena leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. Then the wonderful smell of breakfast made its way to her.
"What do we have here, Mrs. Adams Foster?"
"I just thought that you might like to enjoy some breakfast in bed today," Lena said with a small grin on her face.
All of a sudden, a thought struck Stef and she looked over to the clock on the night stand. It was nearly nine o'clock.
"Wait, don't you have to go to work Lena?"
"I took the day off. We need to talk about some things, but I also wanted to spend some time alone with you. I think that we really need it."
Stef smiled. At least Lena wanted to spend some time with her and work through things. "Well in that case, you really should try the waffle, I hear its delicious," she said as she reached over and pulled Lena onto the bed next to her.
Both women sat together enjoying there wonderful breakfast as well as each other's company. It was a rare moment when they got to do this sort of thing. Stef was wondering if that may have had a bit to do with the troubles that they were having. She never seemed to even see her wife anymore and maybe that is why Lena felt like their marriage was in jeopardy. Either way, she was determined to make sure that Lena didn't ever feel like that again and if more time spent together made that happen, she was completely in favor of it.
After breakfast Stef decided that she would take a shower and then they could finally get down to the discussion portion of the day. She made her way out of bed and into the bathroom. Lena decided to clean up their breakfast dishes so she headed downstairs. She was so happy that they got to just spend the day together, but was really not looking forward to the conversation that was bound to happen after Stef got out of the shower.
Lena decided that maybe she would just go and join her wife, so she made her way upstairs and into their bedroom. Once inside, she grabbed some clothes for herself and let herself into their bathroom. She could hear the water running and it sounded like Stef was already in, so she went as quietly as possible hoping to surprise her wife. She just really hoped that it was a good and welcomed surprise.
Stef never even heard her wife enter the bathroom, but began to relax once she heard the curtain move a bit and a pair of mocha arms surrounded her middle. Soon she felt Lena rest her head on her shoulder and just relaxed and leaned back into the embrace, just glad to have her wife's arms around her. A lot had been going on and had happened in the past few months, but she was extremely glad that Lena had finally been honest with her. As much as it hurt, she love the woman behind her with all of her heart and then some and just couldn't imagine life without her.
Stef turned around in her wife's arms and held on to her a tight as she possibly could. She loved that Lena was still willing to work on thier relationship and that she hadn't decided that there might be greener pastures with her much younger boss. Stef finally leaned in and planted a very passionate kiss on her woman. Lena gladly returned the gesture and both women just stood their kissing one another under the fall of water leaving the shower head.
Eventually they both decided that they should hurry up and finish their shower. The water was starting to get cold and neither woman wanted to waste the opportunity to clean up. Soon they were both out of the shower and dressing. They also decided to brush their teeth together and it seemed like they were both willing to do anything to avoid the impending conversation that was so important.
They both made there way downstairs so that they could at least discuss what they needed to over a cup of tea.
Once downstairs, each woman took a seat at the table after Stef grabbed the mugs and Lena poured them each a cup of tea. Stef could see the worry lines forming on her wife's face and as difficult as this was for her, she realiezed that it probably was a lot harder on Lena. In order to hopefully make her wife feel better, she extended arm across the table and took her wife's hand in her own.
Stef was the first to speak since just sitting there looking at each other was really not doing them any good.
"Honey, I know that this is hard, but I think we should just sit the kids down tonight and tell them that we have been having some problems. They seem to all be walking on egg shells around us and I just want them to know that no matter what happens, they are our kids and they aren't going anywhere."
Lena sighed, but she really knew that it was what needed to happen.
"What do you think that we should tell them, I mean, should I tell them... you know, what I did? I just don't want them to lose their faith in me. I know that you are working on forgiving me, but I am not sure that we should tell them that."
"Lena, I think that what they need from us is to be honest and answer their questions. Do I think that they need all of the details? Absolutely not. I don't care what you want to tell them, but I think we just need to tell them that we are working on us and may need to have some time to ourselves once in a while so that we can do that and just connect with each other. I think that we mainly just have to let them know that everything will work out how it is supposed to and that it will be okay. That is what I think really helped Jude, so I don't know why wouldn't it be enough for everyone else. Just remember, I will be with you the entire time and we will deal with this the way that we deal with everything else, together."
Lena squeezed her wife's hand. She loved that Stef generally had an answer for every problem that she faced. She felt so lucky that her wonderful wife was still willing to stand by her side. There was something about telling the kids that just scared her, but she would go to the end of the Earth if Stef was beside her.
"Okay Stef, I think you are right. If we aren't honest with them then they are more likely to worry. Thank you for standing bestide me through all of this, I know I made a huge mistake, but I am going to do everything in my power to make it up to you. I love you."
"I love you too, babe. Now there is just one more thing that I think we need to talk about."
Those words made Lena's heart sink. She was really hoping that Stef wouldn't remember all of their conversation from last night. She knew that there were some things that she had been struggling with, but she really didn't want Stef to know all about it. Unfortuantly it seemed as if she did. Maybe she would be able to convice her wife that she was just fine, but then again, Stef was the one person in the world who was able to see right through any charade she attempted to put on. It had taken her a while to notice, but once she did, she saw right through Lena's act.
"I know that a lot of things have happened in the last few months and I know that you have been having a hard time. I am so sorry that I didn't see it before, and from what Monte said, it has been going on for way too long. I am so, so sorry that I hadn't noticed before, and that is my fault. It kills me to know that you have been suffering and I haven't been there or been able to help you. I love you so much Lena and I just want to help you get over this hurddle."
The look on Lena's face was enough for Stef to know that Lena was going to try to downplay the situation or deny it all together.
"Stef, I'm fine. There is no reason for you to be sorry. I had a bit of a rough time there for a while, but I am fine now. I just sort of fell apart for a minute, but I promise you, everything is fine."
Stef couldn't believe that Lena was going to do this. She knew that her wife was hurting and she wanted to make it better. If there was any hope for their relationship, she had to get Lena to open up to her and be willing to accept the help that she obviously needed. Stef did hope that maybe Lena would listen if she opened up a bit as well.
"I know that you want to be fine babe, but it is okay if you aren't. I know that I am not. Losing a child is the hardest thing that anyone could ever possibly go through. I know that it killed me when I was faced with the choice between saving you or possibly saving our baby and risking losing you." Lena was in tears by this point and Stef had tears silently streaming down her face. She finally found her voice enough to continue. "When I was faced with that choice, I had made my decision right then. As much as I loved our child, I love you too much to ever risk losing you. You are the best thing that has happened to me other than our children and there is no way that I could possibly take the risk of losing you. Even though I know that I would never have been able to do it differently, I still think about it often and I still feel like there should have been something that I could have done to change the way that things worked out. Now I can't imagine what you went through when we lost her, but I do know that if I am still suffering, you are too. It has got to be the hardest thing in the world to carry a child inside of you and not ever be able to meet them." After a brief pause to allow what she had just said sink in, Stef made her point. "Now tell me that you are okay."
Lena immediately fell apart. She was not okay, and knowing that her wife wasn't either made it a bit easier to admit to that fact. Stef ran to the other side of the table and took Lena in her arms. Lena was hurting and just needed the comfort that only her wife could give her.
"I...I'm not okay, Stef. I miss her, I miss her so much," Lena said through the sniffles and sobs.
"I know love, but I think that we can find someone who can help you through this. Maybe even help us through this."
Stef continued to hold her wife and just be there for her. She knew that the idea of seeing a therapist didn't always sit well with her, but if it was something that would help Lena stop hurting, she would do it in a heartbeat. Lena was the one that had to make the decision though, she couldn't force her.
Finally, Lena felt like she might be able to speak.
"I think your right Stef, maybe a therapist would help me get through this and maybe they could help you too. I just want everything to go back to normal. I hate feeling this way."
"Okay Love, then we will find a therapist for you and maybe for me too. We will get through this together just like we always have. I love you so much and I want you to be happy. When you are in pain, so am I and I wish that there was something that I could do to take it all away, but I think that sometimes we all need a little bit of help."
Lena leaned forward and gently kissed her wife. How had she been so lucky to find a woman who was willing to forgive and forget as well as just be there for her when she needed it. Therapy didn't sound like the most appealing thing in the world, but if there was a chance that it would help, she had to try it. She was willing to do anything to save her marriage and she just wanted to stop hurting.
"Thank you for being here with me Stef. I know that you are still upset and I hate that I hurt you, but thank you for still being here with me. I love you."
"I love you too. Now what do you say about maybe watching a movie and snuggling on the couch for a while. I think that we have had enough serious conversation for awhile and we will have to talk to the kids after they get home, but I think I would just like to spend some alone time holding my wife."
"That sounds really nice Stef."
With that, the two women made their way into the living room and picked out a movie. They then curled up on the couch and just enjoyed being together. Neither was looking forward to the conversation that they would have to have with their children later, but for now, they were just happy to be there with other.
AN: I hope that everyone is enjoying the story. I would love to hear any ideas that you might have about the kids reaction or just the story in general. Feel free to private message me or leave ideas in the reviews. I really appreciate all of the reviews and any suggestions and I love hearing about your thoughts on the story. I will try to update again here in the next week. Thanks for reading.
Endevour