A/N: Here it is! the next chapter! Wanted to do it sooner, but these high intensity emotional scenes make me all nervous cause I don't want to get it wrong lol So! I hope you like what I came up with ;P
Oh! and Thank you very much for all the reviews! They're so awesome XD And in response to Divos review, since I couldn't respond with a PM or something, the first time she throws the plasma before she sees it's Kim. And, after she throws it, she's trying to convince herself it's not Kim so she won't feel horrible and try and save her. Plus, she's reliving her past as well as the present. She's utterly confused. Hence, she doubts herself. In order not to hesitate, she goes with the safest venue of pretending that Kim isn't there. That's also why she doesn't look at Kim when she aims for a second shot at Kim. She knows she'll hesitate or stop if she looks at her. Err... I dunno if that cleared anything up but I hope it did.
Oh, and I wanted to add this to the end of the chapter, but this new format is screwing with me so it's going here. This is basically one of the more difficult breakdowns. And what happens after a breakdown? A buildup. So you'll get to see a kick a-- Shego regaining her feet shortly :3
And now, the moment of truth! Read and decide my fate!
It isn't like time stopped. Kim just stopped. She sits in complete stillness, eyes locked on me unseeingly. Though I want to reach out and shake her awake, I dare not intrude on whatever thoughts must be running through her head. She needs her moment to cope. And yet… that blank stare is unnerving me.
Ron laughs, drawing my attention away from Kim. "Aww, come on! Kim can't have a kid! I mean, who'd be the father?"
Unable to stop the words, I feel them roll out of my mouth into the awkward silence. "You are."
Ron freezes instantly, jaw falling open. "Me… and Kim?!" he squeaks. His eyes dart from her to me repeatedly. "But, you… and Kim… and me…?"
"Ron… is the father?" asks Kim, her voice hoarse. I wince, nodding ever so slowly. I realize she's not looking at me anymore. She's staring at Ron in disbelief.
"Ron… is the father," I answer, letting my gaze fall to the ground.
"Kim's pregnant?!" bellows Hego.
Kim and Ron both pale, Kim swaying where she sits on the ground. I flinch and then angrily get to my feet. I snarl at Hego.
"No! You dolt! She isn't pregnant! Pay attention to the conversation you lack whit!"
"But you just said…" he insists.
I can't restrain myself as I hurl a ball of plasma at him. My body trembles. Physically and emotionally, I'd gone through at least two train wrecks today… I can hardly keep myself in control. "I said no such thing!" I stagger and quickly place a hand to my head in attempt to right my spinning world.
Crap. This really isn't the time to be getting weak kneed. A person just can't pop out some bombshell like that and then not expect a flood of questions to follow.
"I… don't understand." says Kim, her voice quavering slightly.
I try to turn and look at her, but my vision keeps swaying in and out of focus. I blink repeatedly at her, squinting as if it will do some good.
"In a future that no longer exists, you and Ron got married," answers Wade. I gladly let him take the lead, seeing as I'm having a hard time keeping myself upright. "You had a child. Shortly after that, you both were killed."
Kim shakes her head quickly with a frown. "No, that can't be right. I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense! If we died, what happened to the child?"
"Oh!" chimes in Ron. He frowns in confusion. "Didn't you say we were enemies with Shego? What about you? What were you to us? Did we fight both of you?"
Wade glances at me. I try to return the look, but my eyesight is still wavering. He nods, and I just barely catch it before he turns back to Kim, Ron, and my family.
"Let me start at the beginning, so everyone will understand. Shego and I are from a different future, a different past. In our past, a future that no longer exists, things were very different. Kim and Ron were two world saving hero's while I assisted them from my room with my computer genius. Shego was a thief and bodyguard who worked for Drakken. We were always fighting each other, though Drakken's plans were never anything to really be worried about. After High school, Kim and Ron got married and they had a child. Shego backed off, and Kim and Ron kept going on their missions."
He pauses to look around him to see if everyone is following. Hego looks utterly confused, but Wade isn't worried about Hego understanding. He just needs everyone else to.
"One day, on a mission, Kim and Ron both got killed. Shego ended up being at the scene and ended up killing Kim's and Ron's murderers. Even back then, she and Kim had a special connection."
I shoot a glare at him, but he pretends to be oblivious of it.
"I went to see if Kim was okay," I continue the story quickly before he can. "She ended up asking me to take care of her child. That was the start of an unlikely and unwilling alliance between Nerdlinger and I. We fought like cats and dogs for years. The only thing that kept as from not killing each other was little Junior. However…" Hands clenching at my sides, I take deep breaths to calm myself. "However, GJ had snapped. GJ was no longer a kind, hidden, law abiding justice force. They became the conquerors, fleshing out and destroying anyone they thought to be a danger to them. That… included heroes." My gaze momentarily flicks to my siblings. Mego and my parents pale.
"It was only a matter of time before GJ caught up with Shego and I," speaks up Wade. "Though we tried our best to avoid them, they finally cornered Shego when I wasn't around. They… shot down and killed Junior… without a second thought because they had to have Shego's head."
"And that's the day my insanity won," I remark lowly, eyes locked unseeingly on the ground. Unbeknownst to me, tears are streaming down my cheeks.
Grinding my teeth, I watch as Junior's face filters around in my head. So many snapshots… so many memories missed being captured by a camera.
Everyone is watching me, waiting. I don't move. I don't even register that they're staring.
"Because of that," Wade says softly. "Because our future was so quickly run into the ground… and was still falling… we chose to change it. It was more Shego's idea. She hunted for an answer for decades… There were long stretches between times she'd contact me. But eventually… her blind persistence won out. She found a way to change everything."
"So we did," I say forcefully. "I will not let anyone take away my future again… my happiness… I will ensure the world is safe this time… Safe… so that she might grow up with a long happy life before her…"
"And so that we might as well," adds Wade, watching me with tears in his eyes.
The first to step forward is my mother. "Alexandra…"
Completely unprepared for the sound of that voice, I flinch. It sends my nerves scattering all over again. Breath ragged, I place a hand to my forehead again.
"I-I… I need time…" Before anyone can protest, I take off running into the forest
I run blindly, my unfocused gaze missing branches and limbs in my way, causing me to run into them without heeding them. They slap at my skin, rake across my face.
Still, I run and run. It's like an endless race I started decades ago… and will never finish. My courage my strength, my fears and my weakness, all seem one and the same. Anger and pain meant joy, because it means I am alive for one more day, alive to spend it as I so choose for those I wish. And yet… the race is so solitary… not even spectators line the sides of the invisible track. Sometimes, I attempt to call to them, but only silence echoes back.
Every now and again, Wade flickers into view out of the corner of my eye. But he never stays. I don't know if it's because I refuse to let him in or he refuses to remain in this solitary shell I've created. It's hard to think on things like that when you're running. It's easier to let your mind blank out… let your life disappear into the track behind you as you attempt to outrun it.
This… is my world. This empty track… this invisible track… is the outline to my life. It spins and weaves, dips and buckles… It carries me on even when I desire so badly to fall down and let my diminished breath return or peter out. And I remain here… until…
SPLASH!
My arms windmill about as I blink wildly into murky water. Instinct finally kicks in and I swim to the surface and take in a lungful of air. I gasp repeatedly as I take in my surroundings. I blink several times… staring out stupidly at the lake spread out before me.
"Have I really managed to run that far?" I ask myself.
Reality slaps me in the face once again.
Unable to work up the will to move, I lay back and let my body float along the surface as I stare up into the darkening blue sky.
"Damn it Shego," I curse myself. "You managed to run again. Did you not say you were through running?" I snort. "If you keep this up, your solitary world will remain that way forever."
I let my hands splash about a bit in the water. Kicking my feet a bit, I spin myself in lazy circles. I listen closely to the water and the noise bouncing through it. It would be so easy… to fall asleep. Everything else around me is drowned out by the water. It's exactly like being in my own world…
KERSPLASH!
I'm forced under the surface by a heavy weight on top of me. Kicking it off, I surge up and come sputtering out of the water. I turn to find a mop of blond hair rising out of the water and a waterlogged naked mole rat flopped out on top. I'm left speechless as Ron coughs a few times and blinks at me. We notice a pair of familiar pants float by before Ron turns to grin at me sheepishly.
"Whoops."
My eye twitches.
"What the hell was that?!" I shout.
He scratches his cheek nervously. "Um… sorry, I didn't realize there was a lake here… I was just… following you."
Narrowing my eyes dangerously, I hold up a warning fist. "You've got until the count of ten to explain what the hell you're doing following me."
He eeps and backs away a little. Rufus hops up and down on his head, patting Ron's forehead and squeaking some quick gibberish I can't understand. The blond's eyes widen then he squares his shoulders and steps forward, for once… looking frighteningly serious.
"Shego, why do you keep running from Kim?"
My heart almost stops. That was the utmost last thing I ever expected to hear from him.
"'scuse me?"
"You just ran from her again," he says with a frown. "Didn't you come all this way to get her back?"
"W-well…" I stutter, absolutely stunned at Ron's sudden spark of intelligence.
"She's not handling this well as it is," he adds. "You shouldn't be making it harder by saying you came all this way for her, and then running off like you don't want to be with her." He sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. I stare at it in disbelief. "I may not have acted properly the first time you told me what's going on, but I'm making up for it now. You care for her, right?"
I look up to meet his unblinking gaze.
"Y-yes."
"Then why are you running?" he asks.
"Y-you… and h-her… You had…"
He shakes his head, a soft small on his lips. "That's where you're messing up. We had that… in a future that doesn't exists. The us, here and now, we don't care for each other like that. I mean, yeah, I crushed on her a bit in Junior High, but it was only a crush. I don't care for her like you do, or like she does for you. I'm just the best friend here."
"B-but your child…"
He squeezes my shoulder gently. "You really loved that kid, huh?"
I can only nod.
He blushes and looks away.
"Look, I-I don't know how things will turn out, but if y-you want me to… help… uh… c-crea…. Uh… you know, h-help out with…that… again, I-I wouldn't be a-against it. Y-y'know… in the… f-future…" His whole face is beet red as he fidgets and stutters.
I feel a small spark of respect flicker through me.
"You're not as dumb as you look," I say with a smirk.
His head snaps up and his jaw drops open. "Hee-y!" he whines.
I laugh. "You better be careful, or I'll take it back." I point over my shoulder. "And you better go get your pants before they sink or something."
He yelps and dives sideways and begins swimming wildly towards his disappearing pants. I watch him a moment before nodding to myself and moving to the ledge I'd stepped off and haul myself out of the water.
Much as I hate admitting it, the buffoon was right. I'm not the only one suffering. I bet Kimmie's mind is in complete overload. I glance at Ron. And leave it to the last person I expect to follow me be the one person who sets me straight. Ironic.
I scratch my head and look around at the trees. Sighing, I pick a direction and take off at a ground eating lope.
If I know Princess, she'll either be in the highest place she can find, or the smallest most isolated. However, seeing how nosy my siblings can be, I have a feeling she'll try to find the highest place she can find to avoid them.
I groan.
"As if my arms weren't already tired from the first climb," I mutter. Shaking my head, I zigzag through the trees to the very cliff we'd been at earlier today.
The climb is easier this time, simply because I'm not chasing someone up it. When I finally reach the top, the sun has already set and the stars are out. The cool night air sends a shiver down my spine as I search the partially lit cliff top in the light of the waxing crescent moon. Even with that light, I can barely make out Kim's huddled form hidden in the shadows of a rocky outcrop. I sigh and move so I'm only a few yards away from her and sit down.
"It's getting late," I say gently. "The temperature is dropping too."
She doesn't answer me. Pulling away, she draws her knees up to her chest and buries her face them. My heart clenches.
"I… I-I'm sorry, Kimmie…" I choke out. My chest feels like its trying to strangle the very words before they can get out. "I-I… Please… talk to me?"
The silence drags out between us. The sound of the wind rushing by is the only thing breaking it. My hair whips around my head, making Kim appear and disappear in my vision.
"… Did you tamper with my feelings?" she asks. "Is that what you did?"
My heart crumbles. I can't breathe. I can't think.
"N-no…" I whisper, my voice barely loud enough for even me to hear. "No." I say louder. "No!" I move to my hands and knees, leaning towards her and begging her to look at me, to see I mean no harm. "I would never do that! I didn't do that!"
"But then why was I married to Ron in your future?!" she demands. "Why didn't you tell me?! I had a child Shego! A child!"
"No, no, no, no…" I stutter, my hands digging into my hair in agitation. "I didn't… I didn't! I would never…!"
"Then what did you do to me?!"
"Nothing!" I shout, tears once more rolling down my face. "I did nothing! I only brought you back! I only gave you life! I took nothing from you! I couldn't take from you!"
"Then how do you explain that child?!" she demands.
"You gave her to me!" I beg her to understand, to see. "You told me to save her! I took nothing! I only wanted you to live! I only dreamed…! I didn't take!" I shake my head harshly, staring down at my pale hands. "How could you expect me to take from you?" I ask hoarsely. "I-I didn't tell you in the future how I felt because you'd already made your choice! I did nothing to change that! I only dreamed!"
She jolts slightly at the last sentence. She dares to lift her head enough to peak at me through her hair, though I don't notice it.
"You… dreamed?" she says tonelessly.
"I only dreamed!" I repeat. "You were a world apart from me Princess! I always knew that! I was content to leave it like that in the past! But… I was selfish! I wanted to spend more time with you! I want to be your friend! That is all I dared attempt! I only dreamed… I only dreamed…" I ramble on. I dig my fingers into my forehead, trying to bring myself out of my haze of misery.
Damn. I'm breaking down again. I keep losing control. My unbreakable mask of indifference keeps cracking. It keeps slowly falling apart.
"I can't take it…" I murmur to myself, forgetting Kimmie's even there. "I can't take these emotional roller coasters… I keep falling further and further… I… I forget who I am… I'm… I'm losing myself." My eyes widen and my trembling stops. "What have I become?"
A hand touches my hair. I jerk back so hard that I topple over backwards. I'm breathing heavily as I look up to find Kim standing above me with her hand poised in the air. As I stare into her deep green eyes, I see understanding finally click into place.
"Oh Sheggy…" she sighs, kneeling in front of me. "I'm sorry."
What? What did she say? Why… Why is she apologizing?
"What…"
"Shh…" She places a finger on my lips and slowly shakes her head. "I didn't see it before. I couldn't… I knew your burden was hard to bear, but it's far greater then I would have expected. I don't know what it means for my world to fall apart. It hasn't yet. But your world has fallen apart more then once. And instead of being understanding…" She smiles weakly, and I spot a tear glimmer in the moonlight as it falls down her cheek. "I became judgmental."
Without thinking, I reach up and catch the tear with my finger before it makes it halfway down her cheek. She blinks then reaches up to gently cup my hand in hers.
"I'm sorry Sheggy."
My bottom lip trembles.
"My world…" I murmur. That track… that invisible race track… "It's changed a lot… many times… I'm still trying to piece it back together… I… don't know…"
She smiles sweetly and kisses my fingertips.
"You're a little lost. But now, you don't have to find your way alone."
The race track… an endless track… I'm running… just running… and a hand slides into mine. When I turn to look… Kim is grinning at me, red hair trailing behind her like wildfire.