A/N: Well… folks, this doesn't fit the prompt well unless you look at the pun of it XD GET IT? HAHA? MISFORTUNE? FORTUNE COOKIE? YES? MISFORTUNE? YES? …no? Oh well, just read it.
"Can we please go to GameStop now?"
Mello sighed irately from his place in the dressing room, pulling the curtain open. He was in tight leather pants and a tank-top v-neck that was almost as tight with netted-sleeves layered underneath, a frown on his face. "But I'm not done shopping."
Matt, who was sitting not-so-patiently on a couch outside the dressing room, raised his eyebrows, looking Mello over. After a few minutes he smiled approvingly as Mello spun and posed dramatically, flipping his blonde hair over his shoulder and giving the redhead a wink. "Sexy, yeah?" Mello teased expectantly, swaying his hips to the left.
"Totally," Matt agreed with a laugh, nodding his head. Mello grinned.
Just then an employee glanced up from folding shirts, frowning in concern. From the nametag, his name was Jeff. Now, Jeff was not the smartest of people, as everyone told him, which was why he was working in a women's clothing store right now, but he was fairly sure the blonde strutting around trying on the new clothes line… was a man.
"Sir…" Jeff said uncertainly, looking Mello over in disbelief. Upon closer expect ion, this was most definitely a man. "That outfit is for ladies…"
Matt face palmed and muttered something about a death sentence as Mello turned, slowly, to face the employee. His face was dark, fury in his icy blue gaze, though even scarier was the homicidal, cruel smile that was spreading on his face. "Excuse me? What's your point?"
Jeff paused, startled. Now, anyone in their right mind would have turned tail and gotten their ass out of there. But you must understand that Jeff was what you would call "socially retarded." He was raised on a farm in Oklahoma, and he had no experience with this kind of encounter before. So instead of turning and minding his own business, he replied, "So, you are a man, yes?"
Mello glared. "Yes."
Matt covered his face, shaking his head, as Jeff continued, more hastily now, "So, that is the women's line. This is an all women's store. If you are a man, you can't just go around--"
Mello suddenly slammed his fist down on a shelf, screeching loud enough to startle a woman coming into the store into spilling her diet soda all over the place, "THIS MAN IS BEING DISCRIMITORY, THESE PANTS ARE FREE!" Matt sighed and tried to hide himself behind a magazine - this always happened, always always…
After about fifteen minutes of bickering with Jeff, threatening lawsuits with the manager, and scaring everyone in the store half to death, the pair left the store with a free pair of pants and another name on Mello's hit-list. Jeff Materney, god save you…
"Okay, now we go to GameStop?" Matt asked hopefully, grabbing Mello's hand with a puppy-grin. The blonde rolled his eyes.
"Fine, fine…" he allowed, earning a victory dance from Matt. "But make it snappy," he reminded him. Finishing his dorky - but adorable - victory dance the redhead took off into the store, excitement practically radiating off of him. Mello had to laugh. Instant happy Matt, just add GameStop, he thought whimsically.
He had no desire to follow the redhead into the gamer-filled "nerd hell" as he called it, because he wasn't a gamer and Matt would only ignore him the entire time anyway. So instead he turned and leaned to rest his weight on one foot, hands resting on his hips as he surveyed the mall.
It was a cheap, run down place, but it was close by and had good stores. There was a giggling, chattering mass of girls outside Hollister; a punky looking trio of teens was window-shopping Hot Topic; a young business-type looking woman was talking on her cell while she walked, almost running into a slightly overweight man with a pretzel; a young couple was making out beside the escalator, earning a glare from a middle aged soccer-mom on her way down; an elderly couple was headed for Macys looking quite happy with each other. Average mall crowd. How boring. Now all that's missing is obnoxious guys and this picture is complete.
"Hey, faggot!"
Oh, what do you know.
The blonde sighed and closed his eyes, immediately infuriated by the word. He hated hated hated that word, and he was so done with the bullshit. He'd had enough of the problem at Wammy's alone, and now at the MALL? No. Mello whirled, glaring and ready to beat the living shit out of whoever was behind him, and found a semi-attractive group of guys with hideous clothes standing behind him. The one that had yelled had pants that rode down too low and showed his boxers at an obnoxious degree, something Mello had always detested.
"Nice shirt, flamer," the second boy, who had a typical-boy Abercrombie outfit and was sprinkled with acne sneered. Mello frowned at the lack of creativity of the comment, glancing down at his outfit. He had a tight blue, almost black shirt that stopped a little above the waist, a faded logo on the front, along with the usual leather pants. Nothing really fantastically gay about the outfit, really, he'd worn worse… puzzled by their concern and thoroughly pissed at them for bothering him for no reason, he looked back up.
"Where'd you get it," baggy-pants asked sarcastically, obviously trying to provoke him, "Limited Too?"
Mello glared at them, hands still on his hips. "No, dickwad, I got it at Express," he shot back honestly, which earned a laugh from the three. The blonde sighed, exasperated. He wasn't really in the mood for a fight, especially not three-to-one, and especially not while he was out with his favorite redhead. He glanced around for Matt, hoping to ditch the needless annoyance. He could take them, sure, but he'd rather not get kicked out of the mall again…
"Lookin' for your boyfriend, fag-boy?" baggy-pants sneered (his guess was actually pretty accurate, Mello couldn't help but notice). The third boy looked a bit hesitant to start a fight, fidgeting - he was light-haired and looked smaller than the other two, like he might be just along for the ride rather than actually on the team. I'll go easy on you, then, Mello thought pleasantly, even with his fury boiling. "Come on, fag, talk to us! You're a fag, aren't you? Tell us, gay-boy, are you a fag?"
"Actually, I am a homosexual," Mello said brightly, in his best fake-nice voice, which shut the boy up. The blonde waltzed forward, smirking as he leaned forward to glare into the boys gray-brown eyes. "I'd sure appreciate it," his voice had grown dark and deadly, like his face, "If you'd stop saying that nasty word and say 'gay' instead, in order to be socially correct and not get your face punched in."
Baggy-pants was frozen by Mello's furious gaze, but the acne-boy who Mello decided at that moment was officially named Sprinkles spoke up, "We'll call you whatever we want, girly boy!"
Girly boy? Girly boy!?
Mello kicked him. Hard. As in combat-boot connection + pissed Mello = Sprinkles cannot have children kind of kick. The brawl was on.
Meanwhile, totally oblivious to the fight that had broken out outside the store, a certain redhead was in line to purchase the latest Resident Evil game. He'd recently started playing the series and had finished Umbrella Chronicles, so he was moving on to Darkside though he wasn't really sure he was playing them in order. There was his really old woman trying to convince the man at the counter that there was definitely a game called "Astro Mouse" even though there definitely wasn't. The cashier guy looked freaked out, threatening to call the manager if the old woman didn't leave him alone.
Dear god, woman… Matt thought with irritation, tapping his foot with irritation. Zelda save you, if your that stupid…
"HOLY CRAP!" "That blonde is fucking strong!"
"MALL FIGHT!"
Matt froze. Oh no. Please no. Don't let it be my blonde. Please, dear god, no… he prayed inwardly, but to no such luck. Outside the store was indeed Mello brawling and punching a baggy-panted guy, screeching in anger and causing a commotion, and there was an acne-ridden guy hunched over and holding his crotch on the ground. Of course.
Matt dropped the game and hurried outside to help. Sure, he was irritated, but this was just protocol - it was Mello. He was a public menace of a boyfriend, but hey… at least things never got boring.
"I am going to kill you, you homophobic fuck, and then you are going to go to the fiery wraths of hel-- oh!" Mello paused half threat, noticing Matt half-way through slugging a very frightened Baggy-pants, who was currently pinned down, in the face. The blonde smiled brightly at Matt. "Hi, Matty!"
"Uhh.. Mells…" Matt began, glancing worriedly at the acne-ridden boy rolling on the floor. "What happened..?""Oh your left, sweetheart!" Mello announced cheerfully, cutting him off. Automatically Matt dodged to the right on command, narrowly missing a blow aimed at his head by a light-haired boy in a white Hollister hoodie. "Just teaching some jackasses a lesson!"
"Get off of me, you homo!!" the one under Mello cried, trying to shove the blonde away, which earned him a punch in the jaw. The redhead was too busy shoving Hollister boy and booting him in the ass on his way down to reply.
A crowd was gathered around, several of which were cheering, most of the cheering were cheering for Mello, who they were currently calling "Blondie."
"Yeah, Blondie! WOO!"
"How's that feel, Kevin! Getin' beat up by Blondie! AHA!"
Mello ate up every word of it, pulling Baggy-pants hair with satisfaction. Hollister had jumped to his feet, face burning with embarrassment, but he didn't go after Matt again. Instead he hurried over to Sprinkles, who was still wailing, pulling him to his feet.
"Hey, Mells, come on," Matt said casually, in a tone most would say 'I have math homework to do' or something boring, "We need to ditch before the mall cops show." Mello nodded, a bit reluctantly, and hopped off the other boy. The boy scrambled to his feet, but made no move to attack the blonde again. "Let's go, Mells," Matt said again.
Mello huffed and, with a dramatic bow to the gathered crowd along with a flash of a smile - which caused an eruption of cheers from the crowd, a couple of girls swooned (and a few guys probably), and Matt rolled his eyes. Finishing his bow Mello spun on his heel and grabbed Matt's sleeve, hurrying away from the scene.
Once they were safely away from the scene (probably) they slowed down, approaching the food court. Mello grinned at Matt, eyes sparkling with adrenaline. "That was awesome."
"AWESOME?" Matt cried, but he was grinning. "Why in the world did you even start a fight in the middle of a mall, anyway?"Mello shrugged, brushing his hair over his ear. "Oh, they were being dickheads," he explained. "You know. Phobes?" Matt sighed and shook his head - he should have known.
The blonde searched around the food court with thoughtful eyes, scanning the various unhealthy options for food. "Hum… you want Chinese food?"
"You know it!"
The food was good. Matt was shoveling some sort of noodles into his mouth hungrily - he loved, loved, loved Chinese food. A lot. Mello rolled his eyes and ate another piece of sushi tentatively. He wasn't a big eater unless the food was chocolate, but he did enjoy sushi every now and again.
"Mmm… the only good mall food is Chinese mall food," Matt proclaimed, eating at the last few bites of his noodles and getting droplets of the sauce on his cheek.
"Hmmm…" Mello mumbled, swallowing his bite of sushi. Without much warning to Matt he leaned forward over the table, and Matt's eyebrows shot up in surprise when Mello kissed his cheek, licking the sauce that had made it's way there. "I do love Chinese food."
Matt rolled his eyes, blushing just barely as Mello pulled away, knowing how people were now staring at them. "Cheeky today, are we?" Matt mused teasingly, "Since when is PDA on your to-do list?" Mello just shrugged again, popping another piece of sushi into his mouth.
After a while Mello was done with his food as well and had dug through the bag to find two fortune cookies in the bottom.
"Okay, you open yours first," Mello commanded, tossing the pre-packaged cookie into Matt's hands. "Read it aloud, too." Matt obeyed, knowing this was Mello's favorite part, and opened the little plastic bag with a pop. He cracked the little cookie in two carefully to expose the white slip of paper that held his fortune.
"Okay…" Matt began, clearing his throat before reading aloud, "Expect the unexpected with your love life." The redhead frowned after reading, shaking his head, "Well anyone could have told me THAT - I'm dating a lunatic!"
Mello scoffed and slapped his arm, but he didn't deny it. "So…" he said slowly, then waggled his eyebrows, "Do you think it means sex or the actual lovey-dovey shit we do? Because if it means sex, we can always break out the handcuffs again…"
Matt rolled his eyes, remembering when Mello had brought those home. He didn't know why he had or where he had gotten them, either. They were real, too, not those frilly fuzzy ones that Mello could bust out of on a whim anyway, but the real policeman metal ones. Matt had refused to chain Mello to the bed, though, saying it was too awkward (though he'd probably agree to it now). This had turned out to be a terrible move, because he had ended up chained to the bed instead.
Scary experience.
Enjoyable, but scary.
"Okay, you are officially the horniest person on earth," Matt said, shaking his head and adjusting his goggles, "Really, who brings up sex over Chinese food?"
"Well, you're the one screwing me, Matty…" Mello reminded him.
"..touché."
Mello grinned and broke his own cookie in half, retrieving his fortune and holding it out in front of his face as he spoke loudly, "Expect to have hot, rough se with a redhead in the near future."
Matt narrowed his eyes and snatched the fortune away from him, throwing it to the table./ "Mello," he said accusingly, shaking his head. Mello snickered, and despite himself Matt had to grin too.
"Okay, okay…" Mello sighed, shaking his head. "Wouldn't that be a great cookie, though?" Matt raised an apprehensive eyebrow, and Mello sighed, reading it for real this time. "Something good will happen in your near future. Remember to…. Stretch…" Matt frowned but Mello was surprised too, shaking his head in disbelief as a grin spread on his face. "I swear to god that's what it says!"
Matt blinked in disbelief and snatched the fortune away from Mello. Sure enough, that's what it said. "Even your fortunes sound perverted!" he cried, disbelieving. Mello crackled a laugh, clapping his hands approvingly. "Hey, and your lucky number's three," he noted randomly.
"Oh my god… YOUR THREE! YOU'RE NUMBER THREE!!" Mello cried, causing Matt to choke on a piece of fortune cookie in surprise. Mello beamed, clapping his hands and waggling his eyebrows. "Guess I'm getting 'lucky' with you, Matty!"
"Ha ha ha," Matt said sarcastically, but then kissed Mello on the nose, smiling warmly at him. "You don't need luck, Mells; I'd happily fuck you in the Old Navy dressing room right now and all you'd have to do is say please."
Mello blinked, then smirked. "I know."
"I'm sure," Matt said, rolling his eyes and leaning back into his chair. Mello grinned at him, eating his fortune cookie slowly and deliberately, with a little snap as he took each bite. Matt paused half way through his own cookie, blinking. Mello was staring at him, blue eyes smoldering as if he were a piece of Godiva chocolate. Matt swallowed, raising an eyebrow. "What…?"
Marcy Chast was born for showbiz. She had big dreams and an ego to match, confident and sassy with long brown hair and big blue eyes. Ah, yes. Showbiz. A star. That was the dream.
So why, she couldn't help but wonder, was she working at Old Navy? Marcy groaned, checking the clock desperately. It was almost closing time - they'd be locking up soon, and then she could leave finally. There was barely anyone in the store at all at this hour.
"Um… excuse me, miss?"
Marcy sighed and looked lazily up at the woman standing above her. The woman's look simply screamed "soccer mom in need of coffee," looking distressed and holding hands with a bitchy-looking little girl with crooked pigtails. She was trying to smile at Marcy, but was failing and it turned out to be a grimace.
"Yes…?" Marcy asked slowly, a bit annoyed by the look on the woman's face as well as the way her little girl was messing up a stack of shirts she'd just folded a few minutes ago. "How may I help you?" she asked with strangled politeness.
"Uh, I'm sorry, but there's weird sounds from the male dressing room.." the woman explained worriedly. Marcy sighed, exasperated - of course. Weird sounds. Of course she was the one who was sent off to inspect "weird sounds." With an exaggerated sigh Marcy got to her feet and clacked her high-heeled strut towards the dressing room, not bothering to worry that it was the male's since she'd done this a million times at least, flinging open the door. Nobody was inside at first glance, at least in the lobby part - not many guys came here, especially not this close to closing time - so at first s he thought the woman was just being an idiot.
Then she heard it.
"Nhhnnn…. Mmm…" Shuffling and mumbling sounds were coming from the back of the room, last dressing room. Raising a dramatic, confused eyebrow, Marcy stalked forward to stand in front of the door.
"AaAhhh… Mattyy…" Marcy paused, frowning and staring at the door. Was someone DYING or something in there? Biting her lip, her hands hovered over the door handle. But no - she must not be afraid. She was a woman - a young, confident woman who would be among the ranks of the stars someday. She must have no fear. And so she opened the door.
Oh. God.
What she found, as you might have thought, was two very naked people. At first glance a girl and a guy - no, both guys. Definitely both guys. Marcy froze in the doorway, staring wide eyed. They'd idn't notice her at first, the blonde pressed back against the mirror, the larger of the two, a redhead, pressed against him in an embrace, lips smashed together. They were both very, very naked.
Then the blonde spotted her over the redheads shoulder, startling in surprise. Marcy expected a scream or at least embarrassment, but Mello only blushed and shot her a grin. Marcy returned it without thinking, then froze, turning and fleeing immediately. Her face was burning as she slammed the door shut.
"What was that…?" A voice, probably the redhead. Concern. A giggle. The blonde, probably. "Ahhh… less talk, more fucking, Jeevas!"
Marcy raced out of the dressing room, straightening her outfit and trying quite desperately to get the image of the two out of her head. Never gain am I going in there, never ever again… she promised herself, shivering.
"Did you find the problem?" the soccer mom asked, waiting outside for her. Marcy winced - no way in hell was she going to tell her the truth. She could still hear the moans very faintly from where she stood, if you listened for them. Marcy shivered again. No, never again.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did," Marcy muttered, "I found the problem."
The woman blinked, then pried, "Well?" Marcy winced, shaking her head.
"Testosterone. The problem is always testosterone," Marcy whispered darkly. The woman made a face of confusion like she was going to pry more, but Marcy ignored her, grabbing her Gucci bag and marching dramatically out of the store, flipping her brunette hair over her shoulder. She was done with this crazy place. Marcy Hills has left the building! She imagined someone announcing, then shuddered without meaning to, glancing over her shoulder at the store one last time.
She had a feeling that those two wouldn't be leaving the building anytime soon…
A/N: I WARNED YOU XD
Mello has no shame XDD you know it's true.
Okay well, just FYI to those who care, I'm gonna be in Jamaica soon! That means no updates L I'll be writing on paper some, but I won't be actually putting it on for a while D: that means a few weeks. Sorry guys! XD maybe I'll have some hot beach stories for you when I return though! :D
p.s. i rly did get a fortune that said that, once. O__O' so yeah XD