Trouble in Twin Town
A Funeral…
When I went back to school the next day after Dustin and I went to the hospital yesterday, I didn't see Dustin at all. I was getting worried because he hadn't texted me back all night or that morning. I had no idea what was going on but I wanted to find out. I went around to every kid I could grab, but no one had any answers. Then I was overcome with fear when I thought of one person that might know what was going on. I really didn't want to talk to him because I was still mad at him, but this was important so I had to put my personal discomfort aside. During P.E. I casually walked over to Dirk as he was tying up his sneakers. I knew he saw me standing behind him, but he ignored me.
"Look Dirk, I know I'm the last person you want to see right now, but this is important. I just wanna know if Dustin is okay."
He didn't move.
"I called him. I texted him. He hasn't answered me." He continued to tie his shoes while I kept talking.
"The last time I talked to him was at the hospital yesterday. We were visiting Angela and then Mrs. Broke came in with Beau on a gurney and…" I inhaled and exhaled figuring that Dirk just needed time to put his thoughts together about why he should care how I feel about Dustin ignoring me. As it turns out, he was just trying to protect my feelings.
After a few seconds of silence, Dirk spoke again, but he still didn't turn around.
"He's dead, Lilith," Dirk said in the calmest voice he could.
"What, who's dead?" I was panicking.
"Beau is dead."
"Oh my God," I started shaking. "How could this happen so quickly? He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago, now he's gone?"
"Yea, he was only diagnosed a few weeks ago. He's been having health problems for much longer."
"What kind of health problems?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Fevers, nosebleeds. Typical kids' stuff, but more often than normal. By the time they found out it was cancer, it was too late for treatment. He was just too sick for them to do any good."
"Why would Dustin hide this from me? Doesn't he trust me?"
Dirk finally turned around to look at me.
"You just don't get it, do you? Dustin purposely kept these things from you because he knew how rough everything was going for you."
"What?" I didn't understand at all.
"Your sister's in the hospital right now. It wouldn't be considerate to tell you his brother died in the same hospital your sister is in, would it?"
"I guess not," I bowed my head and turned around trying to hold back tears. "Thanks for the info, Dirk." Instead of trying to process the information I just recieved, I just kept it in my heart and buried it.
A funeral for a little kid is, by far, the saddest place you would ever want to be. Tons of elementary aged kids are there. Everyone is sobbing and the gravesite is covered in both flowers and toys. I don't have much to say about the funeral, except that it is the worst place to be. I was already upset about where I was. but even more upset that Angela still couldn't come. I knew that she really wanted to be there to support Dustin, but I'm sure he understood why she wasn't there. I wanted to talk to Dustin. I wanted to hug him and comfort him so he would know that everything would be okay. But, when I saw him, I couldn't move. I just watched him across a crowd talking to Dirk and Ginger, but I couldn't muster up the courage to walk over. Instead I just sat down beside Ms. Goth.
"How do you deal with death, Ms. Goth?" I asked without realizing I was talking to my Science teacher.
"If anyone ever discovers an answer to that question, they'll be a billionaire." She answered looking straight ahead.
"Not exactly the answer I was looking for from a woman who's backyard is a graveyard."
"Well, Miss- I mean Lilith, it's just one of those things that varies. When my dad died, I was happy because I knew he was, too. When my Uncle Michael died, I baked brownies for three days straight. And when my mother...when she disappeared and everyone stopped looking for her, I ran away from home, dyed a pink streak in my hair, and got a tattoo in a very inconspicuous place. I imagine how death is dealt with depends on the age of the deceased and how close they were to the living."
I nodded and understood. If only Ms. Goth was this interesting in class.
"So...if you ever lost a sibling..." I trailed off.
"If I ever lost my little brother, I honestly don't know what I'd do. But somehow I know I'd be okay. I'd be upset for a while but I know that life would eventually continue."
I nodded, got up and walked away. Now I felt that, somehow, I needed to let Dustin know that life goes on after death, but I decided I would just wait for him to come to me.