Sorry for the late update, but I think you'll be pretty pleased with this chapter. A lot of you have asked how in the world could I make the two of them get together now and trust me when I say it's not going to be easy. This is going to be a long journey that they are just going to have to figure out on their own, but I will say this….someone has come to terms. And someone isn't going to let it go. Not now.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
Sakura finally pulled herself off the floor feeling heavy with something she'd never consider feeling for him again. If she was honest with herself she would have admitted a long time ago that it had been nagging at her since the day she'd given him up. Guilt, it was a nasty thing to live with and now it had finally bubbled over the surface. It was something that she had long since tried to ignore and honestly despised herself for it. She was justified! It was absurd to think that Kakashi didn't deserve some punishment, but the feeling that the punishment didn't meet the crime kept coming back.
Reaching for the cool knob in the bathroom, she turned on the water and splashed her face trying to ease the heat surrounding her eyes. She glanced at her arms and saw the scars that had long since stitched themselves into her skin. Between the two of them, Kakashi and herself, they had enough carnage to give Ibiki a run for his money. The Konochi sighed and leaned against the wall trying to decide her next move.
She stayed in the bathroom for hours running scenario after scenario in her head as she tried to figure out some sort of solution-some sort of clear answer as to what she should do now. Unfortunately, everything was muddled and the objectives were unclear. It was hard to distinguish between what decisions would be good ones and which could be disastrous.
It was nightfall when she was finally satisfied and walked back into the room. The dogs had all packed themselves around a still sleeping Kakashi and eyed her in the darkened area. To lesser beings the size and structure of the pack would be fearsome. Their blank eyes in the dead of night coupled with pearly canines to make your skin shiver, but Sakura wasn't the least bit intimidated by the scene. She admired their admiration and loyalty to a man they hadn't seen in years, but if one attacked she would simply take them out.
As she walked past the animals only the female growled at her while the others simply watched for any movement whatsoever or indication of harm towards Kakashi. The pug on his chest on the other hand seemed to have no care in the world when it came to her presence. He didn't bother to move when she leaned over Kakashi's body to check his pulse and his vitals. It wasn't until she began to pull away that Pakkun voiced his concern.
"How's he looking Sakura?"
"He'll survive," Sakura commented. "He trained his body and his chakra. He hasn't been able to produce chakra at his normal rate for a long time. Unlike Sasuke's mark this one was a complete system shut down, but nothing's been damaged. His body will soak up chakra like a sand nin soaks up water. He'll probably be on his feet in a couple of hours."
Pakkun wagged his tail enthusiastically, "You really think so? Well I have to say he is one lucky son of a bitch."
"Hmm," Sakura answered turning away and going towards Kakashi's belongings.
"What are you doing?" Pakkun jumped off Kakashi's chest to join her and Sakura decided she didn't hate his company. It was only slightly annoying.
"I'm finding clothes to wear and weapons." Sakura sighed, "Although I think we've found everything in the weapons department. I can't continue to wear what I have on. It isn't practical."
"Let me go get you something," Pakkun offered. "Or at least let a couple of us go." Pakkun knew the woman was right and wanted to do something to make the situation more bearable. He wanted to help Sakura for himself this time and that was a little shocking all things considered. She was an important ninja to Kakashi and also to himself.
She'd saved the life of his friend and his friend loved her over his own life. That was enough for Pakkun to take Sakura into consideration when it came to her needs and providing for them.
"You don't have to do that," Sakura looked back at him. "How are you all going to get clothes? You're dogs."
"No," Pakkun countered. "We're ninja. Kakashi doesn't seem to have a lot of stuff here and I don't see any money so we are going to have to steal what we get anyway."
"There isn't a ninja base around her," Sakura sighed and sat on the floor. "I guess you won't get caught, but you have no idea what sizes I wear." Sakura didn't want to go out and face the world. She felt too raw and new.
"I'm a pretty good judge," Pakkun jumped on the windowsill. "Don't worry about the others, they just want to protect him." Sakura didn't miss the threat that if she were to change her mind and harm Kakashi that they would jump to his aid. She rolled her eyes, "Just hurry up Pakkun."
The little dog didn't need another push and moved out window as quickly and silently as a shadow.
Sakura turned her eyes to the items in the room and Kakashi's personal belongings. "I'm going to check and see what supplies we have," Sakura voiced aloud for the dogs benefit. She began to stifle through his stuff piece by piece as meager as it was.
_
Pakkun slid as silently down the street as a shadow. He was well aware of how to blend in and knew the art of stealth like his back hand. Kakashi wasn't the only one with a contract with his kind and unlike his master Pakkun had seen action since Kakashi's departure as a prisoner with Akatsuki. It had taken the Leaf Village a little time and understanding to realize that the dogs had no clue as to where Kakashi was or with whom Kakashi was until they had finally trusted them to battle again, but it had happened.
Pakkun might have gotten older in years, but he would be the first to point out that his skills had not decreased in the slightest. Spotting a closed female clothing store the dog made his way to the back before using a claw to cut into the piece of glass and slip in through the tiny opening.
His eyesight was not that of a cats, but being a ninja had its advantages. He'd been bred with wonderful genes equipped to handing all sorts of scenarios and this was no different. Within a matter of thirty minutes he'd found a black pair of shorts, sandals, an undershirt, and a dark green overshirt. It was very appropriate and operational.
Maneuvering the clothing into a bag was a bit of a challenge considering he had paws and not hands, but he'd managed to pull it off and head back towards the hotel at top speed. While looking for her things he'd forced himself not to wonder. He didn't think about what kind of person Sakura had become or what interest Kakashi really had with her at the present. There were too many variables and to much had happened.
But on the way to the hotel he couldn't stop himself. He wondered what she would do now. Kakashi's plan had been obvious. Find Naruto and have him intervene. Naruto was a wonder in himself and surely capable of saving Sakura from Orochimaru , if he was such a threat, but why did Sakura need saving in the first place? She hadn't returned to the village, but had she really become a missing nin? Had she given up the ninja life?
From the chakra he could sense from her to the talk of Orochimaru Pakkun would have to say no. She must have continued to thrive as a ninja, her knowledge of curse marks had been profound, and therefore she was a threat to be considered. Especially if she had been with Orochimaru .
Nearing the hotel Pakkun made it clear to hide his thoughts and to hid whatever ambiguous feelings threatened to boil over about the whole situation. Sakura with Kakashi. Kakashi with Sakura. At the moment it seemed that having the two of them together was like a ticking time bomb…or exactly what the two needed to survive.
Walking in through the window he was just relieved to find that everything was just as he'd left it. The dogs had ignored Sakura's rummaging and had made themselves comfortable while the Konochi had seemed satisfied that she had found all Kakashi had to offer and was simply staring at the material in front of her.
Without looking up she motioned for him to give her the bag he was carrying. "Thanks," she mumbled before walking into the bathroom and changing clothes. The pug signed and gave her room while studying what she'd found. It was simple. Civilian clothes, I.V. needles, drugs, herbs, bandages and absolutely not enough weapons.
"Kakashi what the hell happened to you?" Pakkun thought looking at his master. What had pushed the man who had lived through losing everything finally over the edge to give up the fight like this?
Sakura took a shower and tried not to think about the decision she had made. There was no clear choice as to what she was going to do in this situation. Kakashi….she didn't know what his plans were after "apologizing" as he had said to her, but the dogs were a part of the plot. Knowing him she could imagine that it would be to send her back to Konoha. It would be typical of him to do anything to get her away from the snake's den, right?
She hadn't forgotten the way he had looked at Orochimaru and her. It was like he'd seen a ghost and there was no way he had been happy with her decision to join up with him. It was almost like he hadn't known, but surely it had crossed his mind, right?
When she'd left she needed security from the Leaf and therefore had turned to the only person who had, like she had suspected, welcomed her with open arms in the beginning. Orochimaru was a slimy sleezeball who had the power to destroy, but the reality of it was he was just very self-serving and a man of his word. Of course you just had to be smart enough to make sure that you found the right code to his word. Orochimaru couldn't and wouldn't allow himself to be blamed if the battle just happened to get too hard-if the road got to difficult. It was like the situation with Sasuke, he had promised to train Sasuke and train he had. Everyone knew that he intended to take Sasuke's body at some point and was training him for his own objective, but Sasuke had willingly admitted that the snake was welcome to try. The Uchiha would play the game-to do Orochimaru 's bidding and be trained in return as promised, but the end game was theirs to play to the death.
So when Orochimaru had offered her sanctuary Sakura knew that he would provide it and keep his word, but if the others in his entourage did not then it was of no concern. As long as she was useful he would keep her and do right by her. Orochimaru wouldn't want to take her back to that forsaken place. Now she would have to show she was useful still to make up for the fact that she'd left in the first place.
Konoha on the other hand had spit in her face. There had been nothing but lies and deceit from the village and her sensei. She couldn't go back to them. Where Orochimaru had been transparent they were mucky water.
"Fuck that village," Sakura snarled lightly to herself as she scrubbed down. "They can burn for all I care." She shook her head as the warm faces of Naruto and Ino crossed her mind. There was Kiba and Hinata. There was also the others to consider. And Iruka-sensei….her parents. Sakura wouldn't let herself be drawn down that road because all there would be was pain. Instead she chose to ignore it like she had chosen to do with several things in her life.
She dressed herself and went to the main room where she began collecting all of Kakashi's materials. She placed one kunai near the table by his head, but that was the only thing she planned to spare the ninja. Pakkun watched her the whole time as did the other dogs, but they didn't try to stop her until she got to the door.
"Sakura, what do you plan on doing? You don't plan to go back to Orochimaru , do you?" Pakkun was by her feet with his head cocked to the side and a sound of concern that made her want to answer him.
"I'm going back home." She saw his eyes widen at her answer and corrected his thoughts. "I'm going back to Sasuke and Orochimaru . It's where I belong."
"Sakura," Pakkun shifted nervously, "It's none of my business, but would Orochimaru take you back? If you're here with Kakashi then it's obvious something happened. Does he even know?"
"Yeah something happened," Sakura sounded bitter as she glanced towards Kakashi. "He kidnapped me and brought me here. Orochimaru doesn't have a clue and will probably think that I've abandoned them. It won't be easy to get back in his good graces, but Sasuke knew I left. I'll take my chances."
"Sounds like you would be better off going on your own then risk it." The female who had chastised Sakura early spoke up. Her voice was sweeter now, but the look in her eyes still held disdain and distrust. It was something that Sakura could appreciate and at the same time find very annoying.
"And why would that be?"
"I've heard about your Sasuke-kun. Even before he ran off to Orochimaru he sounded like an angst filled nasty brat." She shook her head slowly, "I don't think expecting him to stand up for you would be in your favor. He would leave you in Orochmaru's clutches if it interfered with his plans. Might be better to try and just disappear on your own."
"Oh really?" Sakura sighed, "Well then a lot of good that would do me. He would surely come out to kill me then for sure. I'm supposed to run from both Orochimaru and the Leaf?" Sakura tsked, "I have lived with Orchimaru and therefore I know his hideouts. I know information that he can't afford to lose. He's probably looking for me right now as we speak with a death sentence on my head. The sooner I get back to him the better."
"Or you can return to Konoha for protection and stop him, Sakura."
Sakura sharply turned to the bed as Kakashi tried to sit up. He'd woken from his comatose state about five minutes ago, but had chosen to listen and try and figure out what had happened. He was still confused as to why he wasn't peacefully asleep forever-if in the end there was peace-but even more so as to why she was still here if she was awake. Why the hell was she awake and he alive? He moved to a sitting position as the answers flooded his mind.
He should have died, but Sakura must have saved him. There was little to no doubt that Pakkun or one of the others had woken her up in a desperate-and stupid-attempt to save his life. He was surprised that she had done it, but now he had a significant problem on his hands. He had woken up to hear her expression to rejoin the lecherous snake and he needed to stop her.
Sakura moved towards him and folded her arms across her chest defiantly. "You shouldn't be up and moving yet. You need to rest and regain your strength. Most importantly, you need to rest and regain your chakra to fill out your chakra network properly."
Kakashi's 'hunned' as he tuned her out. He'd never listened to any medical physician fully in his life and didn't plan to do so now. Now sitting, he fought past the dizzy spell and looked up at her. "If you go back to Konoha they can protect you and you could put an end to this Sakura. You could put an end to running and help stop Orochimaru once and for all."
"You're a bastard," Sakura spat as her hands dropped. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You want me to go back to that damned village? That doesn't make any sense."
"And staying with Orachiamru does?" Kakashi countered.
Sakura paused, "Orochimaru has never betrayed me." Her voice was bitterly firm. "I'm not going to walk away from him and Sasuke to go back to that filth."
"You don't mean that," Kakashi looked up at her. "You don't mean that Sakura at all. Naruto is not filth."
"You are."
There was a drawn pause and then Kakashi nodded, "You're right I am." The dogs whimpered in a comforting manner and Sakura snickered, "Well at least you figured that out." She turned from him as the daunting realization of what was occurring so naturally hit her. She was talking to her rapist as if there was nothing to worry about-like it was normal.
"Your right," Kakashi agreed again. "I've figured out a lot of things about myself. I am not the man I want to be and I have lost any chance of redemption." Kakashi moved and stood up, "But you on the other hand, you still have the ability to make something worthwhile of yourself, to stop this mess and save people Sakura. Despite all that's happened, you can still save yourself. You can bring everyone back together and patch things up."
"Patch things up?" Sakura looked at him again with tears brimming in her eyes, "Patch things up?" What makes you think that I could patch things up? There's nothing left to patch up Kakashi. You can't undo the past for anyone."
"You can make a future Sakura. You know that if you return to Orochimaru you will be met with adversity and you could die. If you go home you could find people who still care about you-"
"People who sacrificed me," she countered.
"Naruto and your parents had nothing to do with that mission or the decision to rape you."
Kakashi's voice struck her deeply and she flinched back at his statement. He was cruel-cruel to mention it in such a voice. It sounded as if he was accusing her of something, like this situation was her fault. If she could be inside his head then she would know that her interpretation was correct. Kakashi was frustrated with her inability to see that it was nobody's fault, but his own.
She grew silent before attempting to say something when a dog shushed her quickly. Kakashi frowned and stared at his nin-kin as one by one they confirmed the presence of someone.
"Where?" Kakashi asked moving to his stuff and grabbing one of the limited kunai he had managed to acquire.
"Somewhere out there," Pakkun pointed towards the hallway. "It's trying to hid its chakra. You probably won't be able to sense him, but he's out there."
"Hiding his chakra makes him puzzling." Kakashi sighed, "Thanks guys-but I think it's time you go." Kakashi released the jutsu and in a puff of smoke the dogs disappeared leaving Sakura and Kakashi there.
"Who do you think it is?"
Kakashi shook his head, "I don't know." He moved to walk towards her and closed his eyes as a wave of nausea fell over him. "Damn it," he cursed waiting for the world to stop spinning. "It could be anyone."
Sakura watched him in slight concern of his condition. If he was this out of it and the man down the hallway was coming for them, an enemy, they might be in trouble. Hell, she was already in trouble if she thought he could be of any help. "You're out of it. It could be Orochimaru ."
"Or the Akatsuki," Kakashi agreed. "I thought I'd covered my tracks rather well, but they could have found me. As chakra depleted as I was-I can't be sure."
"It's still too young for Orochimaru to miss me," Sakura mused. "But I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility." She decided if there was someone out there she could leave him. She would let Kakashi be the sacrificial figure that he wanted and show him that maybe there was piece of 'redemption' left. If he died saving her like that then perhaps she could call it even.
She moved to the door and placed a hand on it trying to concentrate and see if she could sense anyone familiar. It was an impossible feet so she decided to try and see if she could hear the person. With her ear to the door she strained her hearing to try and pick something up while Kakashi waited for her to give him some sort of answer. All the while he cursed wishing he was at one hundred percent, bought more weapons, and was completely clothed. Fighting bare chested was dangerous and he yearned for some armor to feel the weight of it and his mask to hide himself from the world.
Putting her hear to the door she muttered, "Male. Sounds like two of them. No one I recognize."
Kakashi was on edge and moved towards the door again and his determination outweighed his nauseous stomach. He put an ear to the door and allowed his sensitive hearing to drift through the wood. Sakura stood back and stared at him-it was quite strange she realized. Strange to really watch his face and the emotions he held swim across it so easily. She could tell everything he was feeling by the way his brows furrowed together in confusion and his upper lip rose in concentration. There was very little unexpressed on his features and she found herself watching them. She watched as his mouth opened in shock, his lips whiten in fear and his chest rise and fall rapidly. His eyes were full of recognition and Sakura placed a hand on her kunai knowing that this wasn't good at all.
Kakashi backed away from the door and placed his hands on his knees as he gagged slightly. The fear that had developed in the pit of his stomach didn't mix well with his current physical condition and made him want to hurl. Closing his eyes he felt Sakura's light hand on his shoulder. "Akatsuki." He answered. "Hidan." Kakashi swallowed and instead of Sakura's light feminine touch he could feel a male's callous hands. " We need to go now." He stood up and shrugged her off his shoulders.
"What do you mean we?"
"Hidan isn't one to play by the rules," Kakashi looked at her. "He'll kill you simply because he wants to." The copy ninja moved and grabbed a shirt putting it over his head and looking once more like Sano. "He'd love to torture you first. Both of us."
"Did he torture you?" Sakura couldn't help but ask as the wounds on his back disappeared from view. Kakashi hesitated before deciding to answer as his hand unknowingly trembled. "Yes, but nothing I didn't deserve. We have to get out of here before they realize other ninja are on the grounds. If they're here then its only a matter of time."
"I'm not going to Konoha."
"Neither am I," Kakashi countered, "But we can't stay here."
"You can do what you want," Sakura moved towards the window. Kakashi grabbed her wrist and made her look at him, "Sakura-"
There was a bang on their door and neither ninja hesitated to jump out the window and close it behind them. The two made their way to the roof before Hidan burst into the room. Kakuzu came behind him with less enthusiasm. "What are you doing?"
"What do you mean what am I doing?" Hidan was loud and Sakura and Kakashi could hear him from the roof. They heard him open the window and look outside for something-or someone.
"How do you even know he was in here?" Kakuzu's voice was distinctive. "It's not like you have a radar on the Hatake."
On the rooftop Kakashi stiffened beside Sakura as Hidan answered. "We've followed his tracks to this village. He has to be here. And besides when you spend as much time with someone-"
"You mean in someone?" Kakauzu remarked correcting his teammate.
"Yes in someone so intimately," Hidan's voice was light. "You just know."
"Well he isn't here."
"Look around," Hidan answered. "I'm sure you'll find evidence that he was here."
There was some silence and on the rooftop neither ninja moved. They wanted to know what conclusions these two men would come up with before leaving. They needed intelligence and that was exactly what they got.
"Unless he has pink hair I don't think he's your man."
"There were dogs here," Hidan answered back, "In the bingo book, Kakashi summons is dogs."
"There was pink hair in the bathroom."
"That BITCH!" Hidan exclaimed and both Kakashi and Sakura flinched. "That girl from his team-the one he raped and then she ran off to Orochiamru. He must have met up with her."
Kakuzu agreed, "But I thought they didn't like each other."
"Maybe they like each other well enough." Hidan countered. "They must have rendezvous here."
"Or its all in your head," Kakuzu countered. Hidan snorted, "Just send out your heart things and search for-"
The two ninja on the rooftop didn't hear the rest of it. Sakura turned and picked up Kakashi and ran off leaving no trace behind that they were even there. It was an odd sensation to carry a man on her back with such ease, but she had the strength of ten men and carrying Kakashi was nothing compared to what she could really do. Her training had paid off significantly despite her quick departure from the slug princess.
Kakashi himself was silent. He knew in his heart that the only reason Sakura had allowed him to piggyback was necessity She couldn't leave him behind for the other Akatsuki members to find. If they did they would question him and it could lead to her. Although deep down, Kakashi wished that she had done it out of some sort of love. Some sort of kindness. That was something he could ponder later because now he was worried about how much of the conversation she had understood.
Sakura herself was lost in her own thoughts. A man she had considered so strong, respectable, and then feared beyond anyone else was clinging on her back. He was very nearly helpless and she could feel the burden of his body against her own. It didn't scare her as it had before, but it wasn't a comfortable sensation. Sakura moved at top speed heading towards an abandoned house that was two miles in the distance. She didn't tell Kakashi this, but he hadn't asked either. There seemed to be a lot on his mind and hers as well.
She wasn't an idiot and if Kakashi thought that she hadn't picked up on the less than strategic innuendo's about Kakashi and Hidan he was wrong. She gathered that they had intimate moments and from the way Kakashi acted from hearing his voice she more than sure that it hadn't been voluntary. Her sensei had been raped while in the hands of the Akatsuki. That much was for sure. Considering how long he had been in there care it could have been multiple times and that's what struck Sakura hard. So hard in fact that she wanted to cry and as tears swelled in her eyes she did.
Stopping she laid Kakashi down on the floor in the abandon house and the man sat there looking at her as she tried to hide herself.
"Sakura?" Kakashi didn't know what to say, but he felt like he needed to say something as she began to cry lightly. "Sakura," he touched her and she flinched away from him.
"It hurts."
Kakashi thought he didn't hear right as she hugged herself on her knees in front of him. "Why does it hurt? Kakashi-sensei…."
Kakashi's own heart broke at the sight of her and he leaned in putting an arm around her. This time she let him. This time she leaned into him and Kakashi could feel her hair beneath his chin and smell her shampoo. "Sakura…."
She cried lightly and he held her befuddled. It hurt to see her like this, but he wasn't sure what he could do or say to make things right. He didn't think that anything could be done to make things right at all. So he settled for rocking her back and forth gently in a comforting manner and saying the most pathetic thing he could think of that didn't even begin to address the situation like it needed to be. "I'm sorry. Sakura I'm so sorry."
Sakura heard him as she cried, but she paid it no mind. He was warm and he was comforting. That was what she wanted and that was what she needed right now. She had never been a strong person when it came to her own emotions and feelings over the people that she loved. It was a shinobi rule to tamper yourself, but she couldn't do it and she didn't want to. She had seen the strength that Naruto had when he was fighting for things he believed and loved. She wanted the same things for herself and so she had adopted his attitude of caring to much to find that inner strength. Unfortunately, in situations like this it was easy to see that this ideal was a double edged sword.
Even now, despite it all, she felt bad for what she had done. She felt awful for putting Kakash in a situation where he had been subject to horrible cruel things and yet at the same time she wanted to feel justified. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to tear him from limb to limb and fight with herself because he deserved it. Or did he? Damn it! Sakura growled in frustration. "I'm so fucking tired." She pulled away from Kakashi then and grinded her teeth together. She didn't tell him, but she was just so tired of being…angry.
Kakashi withdrew himself and waited patiently. "I'm tired of being angry." She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "Why the hell couldn't you have just gone home to Konoha or not search for me? Why did you have to find me?"
"To atone for what I've done," Kakashi answered solemnly. "To return you home."
"And that would make everything okay?" Sakura asked desperately. "That would absolve you?"
"No," Kakashi shook his head wondering where she was going with this. He didn't want to have this conversation, but if she needed it then he would answer truthfully. If she wanted it then he would give her what she wanted from him.
"Then what is it Kakashi? I couldn't sleep without seeing you, smelling you, fearing you for years. I have finally pushed it behind me. All of it and then you show up out of nowhere-why?"
"Because you need to go home Sakura," Kakashi could see he had hurt her deeply by showing up again, but it had to be done. She couldn't stay with that snake of a man. Not after what he had seen. She was better than a missing-nin. Better than this. "This isn't the life you were meant to lead."
"And you get to decide that?" She asked him almost accusingly. She had calmed down considerably and looking at him again with a plead in her eyes for some time of understating. He was hesitant at first to call it anger despite what she had said of being tired of the emotion, but when he looked at it closer her recognized it for what it was. She wanted some time of answers from him and damn did she deserve them as much as he wanted to keep them to himself.
"I changed you and put you on this path. I'm your teacher Sakura and I couldn't let you do this."
"I don't understand you Kakashi. I don't understand you at all. How can you say that you can't let me go on living like this when you could rape me like that?"
"Sakura," Kakashi's voice was soft. "I think that you and I need to talk about that. It's been long overdue." Kakashi swallowed hard, "You're blaming the wrong people and its causing you the wrong kind of pain."
"Then who should I blame?" Sakura looked at him and got quiet. "I heard you with Tsunade and then I talked with Sasuke when he came to Orochimaru. The village gave you the mission, but you took the whole blame for it."
Kakashi winced wondering what had happened between Sakura and Sasuke. "Did you tell him?" He didn't want to think what the Uchiha would do if he even considered that the village had given him a mission to rape Sakura. Considering how badly the boy reacted when he found out about the incident it would be ten times worse if he placed everyone in the village-like Sakura had- and added it to his list of vengeful conquests.
"No," Sakura sat down now and sighed, "I kept that to myself. He came to Orochimaru so changed and so angry. I didn't want to." Sakura shivered at the memory of Sasuke walking through the doors with a torn shirt and bloody from a battle. He never told her who it was with.
"Sakura,"Kakashi closed his eyes, "I don't know how to tell you this."
"I want to know," Sakura countered and Kakashi realized then that she was ready. She was ready to hear the truth because she was so cold about it and unemotional. She was logical.
"My mission wasn't to rape you. My mission was to have you lose your virginity."
"What?" Sakura's eyes narrowed in disbelief. "Your mission was to make me have sex?"
"Yes," Kakashi looked at her now. "The high suicide rates of females who had been raped in the field made the counsel decide that every female who planned to further her career couldn't be a virgin."
"What good would that serve?" Sakura was shocked and surprised.
"So if you were raped in the field then you could handle it better. You would be experienced."
Sakura stood up infuriated. What kind of answer was that? It wasn't she had been expecting at all and she walked the floor in annoyance. "That is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."
"I agree," Kakashi's voice was soft. "I just couldn't get them to see that before you had to lose it."
"Ninja are tools right?" Sakura placed a hand on her hip and pinched her bottom lip in the other lost in thought. She rubbed her face in frustration and looked back at him, "Is this still going on?"
"No,"Kakashi stood up and felt a lot better. His chakra was replenishing itself fast and the healing she had done was a good job. There journey had taken a good turn for his health. The adrenaline he'd been feeling all night also helped his energy levels. "I managed to convince them otherwise after…that night."
"You?" Sakura voiced in disbelief. "Alright fine." Kakashi could tell she was trying very hard to restrain herself. She must have been feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion right now across the entire spectrum. "So, Tsunade ordered you to make sure I lost my virginity."
"Yes," Kakashi answered, "but Sakura she didn't order me to rape you. I had to make sure that you lost it so you could stay a chunin, but I didn't have to do what I did."
His voice was so full of regret and sorrow that Sakura wasn't sure how to respond other than the tears that came to her eyes again. She was emotionally exhausted at this poin. "So-why did you? Why did you call me to you and force yourself on me like that? You were drunk-"
"I wasn't that drunk," Kakashi countered as he turned from her in shame. He walked to a window and placed his palms on the window frame. "Other's came to my mind. I thought about talking to you. I thought about talking to Sasuke. I thought about a lot of things."
"Why not," Sakura asked. "Why didn't you talk to me about this? Why did you rape me?" She never thought she would ask that question, but now she wanted to know. She needed to know no matter how much it hurt. She had to even if she regretted it because it was the nightmare in her closet. The bogyman underneath her bed.
Kakashi shuddered and leaned against the window with both hands. He was tense and Sakura could see it in his shoulders and frame. Staring at the new scars that lined his arms he debated the answer over and over in his head. Nothing sounded right and nothing fit. It was all selfish and cruel. She wouldn't want to hear any of it and yet it was the truth. It as the truth about him no matter how bad he wanted to bury it.
"I raped you Sakura because I didn't want you to lose what I lost. I sacrificed my body for the sake of the village when I was a young boy and I hate them for it." Kakashi stared at the window and his mind was transported back to that time. He still felt so raw and he realized that she must feel the same. "The truth is that I was raped in the field when I was boy-on a mission. I was taken advantage of because the village didn't respond the way that they were supposed to do. The way that we agreed upon. To this day I hate them for it and I didn't want you to hate them for it either. I thought it would be easier for you to hate me."
Sakura was shocked to hear what he was saying, "You meant that the village willingly let you endure that?"
Kakashi nodded and Sakura couldn't help herself. "How old were you?"
Kakashi took a deep breath and answered her honestly, "I was nine." He paused while she adjusted to this information. He was willingly to be that she was shocked and repulsed at the idea of a nine year old being in that situation. "I was a ninja at the time. Chunin," Kakashi made sure that this was clear. "It was expected of me and it was my duty. When I was asked to ask you to do the same thing…" He turned to her then and looked her in the eye. "I couldn't. I couldn't Sakura because I wanted you to hate me. Just me."
She was staring at him like he had grown another head before it all sunk in. "You didn't want me to rebel against the village. That wasn't your choice to make!" She clenched her fist and stared at the ground. "It wasn't your choice."
"I know," Kakashi looked at the ceiling as his voice flooded around the room. "There are a lot of things that I regret in my life and that night was one of them, but that's not the whole truth."
Sakura braced herself for more, but she couldn't have prepared her for what came next.
Kakashi's face was so open and he didn't hide anything. There was no way to describe his features, but honest. His features were honest from his forehead wrinkle to his mouth. "After that night-you wouldn't leave me. You were everywhere I turned. Everything reminded me of you and it tore at my soul Sakura. It ripped me in two. While I was a prisoner at the Akatsuki I went insane. The guilt of what I had done and feeling like I deserved their punishment kept me alive in that living hell. I was talking to myself. It had created its own persona-Sano."
Sakura blinked at the familiar name. She was having a hard time following him, but Kakashi got more animated. His hands were wide and he ran them through his locks. "Every night I dreamed of you. Every second you were on my mind and Sano made sure I paid for it. He made sure that I realized what I was…." He walked around lightly and she followed his pace with her eyes as he stepped closer. "You kept me alive in the dark Sakura, but I was insane. Insane until I saw you again with Orochimaru and came to terms with myself and how selfish I had been that night. Why I let myself do what I did."
"Sakura-the reason my judgment was so clouded and the reason I survived all of this was-you." Kakashi was so raw as he stood in front of her barely six inches away now. Her teal eyes trapping him and leaving him grounded.
"Sakura, I love you."
And that was more than anyone should have to swallow, but I wanna get this plot moving. Hahahahah