Chapter 13: Code Red

The instant Serah and Snow returned to the motel room, Lightning tackled Snow to the ground, took out her knife, and tried to kill him. "You've dishonored us all!"

"HEY HEY woAH," he yelled as he tried to dodge her stabs, "I swear to Shiva, we wOAHHH, weren't late!"

"Sis, stop, please!" Serah pleaded. This was not the first time Lightning had tried to assassinate her fiancé. "We arrived on time but they didn't let us on air because they didn't want to cut off Dr. Oz, he wouldn't stop talking! They said we could film Judge Yuffie instead!"

Lightning stopped, got off Snow, then kicked his patellar reflex, just cuz.

"Who thought of the fake story? You had me and Sazh on the edge of our stools!" Fang asked.

"That was ALL me," Snow took the credit. He knew his receipt hoarding would come in handy someday.

They decided to go back to the farm right away, and left the motel and boarded the taxi. This time, Lightning physically shoved Snow into the trunk. They ended up getting back to the farm in time for dinner.

"Y-y-y-you guys!" Hope said as he greeted them off the taxi. "My mom just called, she's coming to visit TOMORROW!"

"S***!" Lightning cursed. "Haven't you been writing her everyday!?"

"I forgot to yesterday, I'm sorry!" Hope tried to apologize.

"CODE RED, I REPEAT: CODE RED," Noctis yelled. Code red was not for a fire, it was for Hope's mom, Nora. They had discussed this previously, in a chapter I forgot to write.

Serah got straight to cooking, and everybody else got the cleaning supplies out from under the couch and started cleaning.

Lightning got straight to killing the cockroach tribe living in the bedroom, since that alone was enough to convince Nora that Hope was in mortal danger.

Snow and Fang went to the bathroom to fix the toilet. At this point it took 4 flushes, which they knew is unacceptable in Nora's eyes. Fang tried to shove her spear down the toilet, hoping to push through whatever it was that was stuck in there. "It's no use!" she said, defeated. Snow then proceeded to unscrew the nails with his own nails and remove the toilet completely. They turned the toilet upside down to see what was stuck in there: it was an entire hair straightener.

"That's where that went!" Snow said, then proceeded to reattach the toilet.

Serah finished cooking a balanced meal of chicken parmesan with broccoli, pasta, and fruit juice. "Hope, come eat!" she yelled and grabbed her camera. Hope sat down and started eating the food while Serah took clear photos for proof.

Vanille, Sazh, and Tidus started scrubbing the walls and floors, starting from the entrance of the house.

Noctis saw Tidus scrubbing a little weaker than the others, and pulled him to the side. "Tidus, you are not helping here, I think your efforts and better suited for laundry duty."

"Anything but laundry duty!" Tidus pleaded, since he knew that included Dahj's cloth diapers. He gave up and started taking the dirty laundry to the pond.

After Hope finished his meal, he approached Noctis. "H-h-hey, Noct, I know this sounds weird, but I told my mom I was Head of Security, so you need to let me do your job tomorrow."

"We got a lot of training to do," Noctis said in agreement, and proceeded to teach Hope the inner mechanics of the farm surveillance. Hope learned just how HD the security cameras were, he was going to have nightmares tonight.

Lightning went to check Hope's medication box, and saw that he forgot to take several days worth of seizure and testosterone meds, she then flushed the extras down the toilet, knowing that Nora WILL count the pills.

Serah printed out a fake CPR and Pediatric Advanced Life Support certificate to frame and hang on the wall. She knew that would score some extra points in their favor.

"And that's how to do my job," Noctis said as he concluded his lesson with Hope.

"How do y-y-you sleep at night?" Hope asked, disturbed.

"I don't."

At the stroke of 10pm Lightning sent Hope away to bed, then called for a team meeting in the living room. "As you all know, if we don't pass this inspection, Nora's gonna take Hope away and she may take us to court and accuse us of child abuse," she said.

"What do you mean? Isn't Hope 18?" Tidus asked.

Vanille answered on behalf of her friend, "Well you see, although Hope was born 18 years ago, he never…really…went through puberty. So Nora consulted the Child Protective Services and they legally declared Hope still a child. To be honest I think she went through all that trouble just to get a disabled parking placard."

"So everyone just act as normal as possible, and not your personal normal, I mean like actual normal people," Lightning insisted, specifically looking at Snow through narrowed eyes.

"No promises!" Snow answered.

It was time to call it a day, so everyone went their way. Yuna however, wasn't there to pick up Tidus and she wasn't answering her phone. Tidus panicked, and decided to take a risk and walked up to Noctis, who was on his way to his car. "Yo Noct, help a pal out-"

"Don't call me Noct," he immediately answered as he unlocked the car and started to get in.

"NOCTIS," Tidus corrected himself, and held the door open before Noctis could slam it in his face. "I know we didn't get off on the right foot, but I'm asking you as a friend-"

"You're not a friend."

"AS A CO-WORKER if you can pretty please drive me to the nearest motel on your way back home," Tidus finished.

Noctis wanted to say no very badly, but he strongly believed in karma, and agreed to give Tidus a ride.

"Live and let live!" Tidus said and entered the car to sit in the passenger's seat. "So where exactly do you live?"

"That's none of your business," Noctis answered as he started the car and exited the parking lot.

"You mind if I turn on the radio?" Tidus asked. Noctis reluctantly agreed and Tidus tuned in to 102.7 Kiss FM which was currently playing Taylor Swift. "This song's my FAVE! 'Oh my God, look at that face! You look like my next mistake!'" Tidus sang. Noctis wanted to punch his face so badly.

Thankfully they passed a motel after a few minutes and Noctis dropped off Tidus and agreed to pick him up the next morning.

The next morning Noctis came to pick up Tidus as planned, but Tidus decided he wanted to try to make it right with Noctis. "Ok Noctis, I don't know why you hate me, but, listen to my story. This may be our last chance."

Tidus proceeded to tell him about his life in Zanarkand, blitzball, and being taken away from all that and taken to a new land, meeting Yuna, trying to find his old man, and being forced to solve confusing minigames all by himself.

Noctis seriously did not care and was glad when they finally arrived for work. As they approached the farm from the parking lot they saw everybody scrambling to fix any sharp edges and lose nails that they could.

"When is she coming?" Noctis asked Lightning after they passed the gate.

"I can't really say, we gotta be ready at any given moment," she answered as she smeared sunscreen on Hope's face and arms. "Tell your mom you wear sunscreen every day."

"Got it," Hope answered and added that to his mental list of things he had to lie to his mom about.

It was getting close to opening time, so Hope went inside to Noctis's station and Noctis took Hope's place at the ticket booth. He turned to Vanille, "So what do you tell the customers?"

"WeLcOmE to the Farron Sisters' Chocobo Farm, where all your chocobo dreamz come TRUE! How can I take your order?" she answered with her usual ardor.

'Dear Lord.'

The tourists had started arriving, and Tidus was in charge of directing the traffic in the parking lot, he brought a whistle and flags to look professional. After an hour or so, he saw a blonde woman trying to park her minivan in the disabled parking. He ran over to the minivan and told the woman, "Excuse me ma'am, this parking spot is reserved for customers with wheelchairs. Please park in-"

"Oh, you must not know me," the woman answered as she got out, locked the minivan, and put on her sunglasses. "I'm Nora, Hope's mother."

'nO,' Tidus panicked. She's been on the grounds for less than a minute and he's already screwed up. "O-f, c-c-course! We've been expecting you, as our special, COMPLIMENTARY GUEST! Please allow me to escort you past the gate!" Tidus said and left his station to escort her.

As they passed Vanille and Noctis ringing up customers at the ticket booth, Tidus called out, "HEY GUYS, our SPECIAL GUEST is here!" He then performed the distress hand signal to the nearest security cam when Nora wasn't looking.

"WeLcOmE to the Farron Sisters' Chocobo Farm, where all your chocobo dreamz come TRUE! We're super-duper happy to have the honor of serving you today!" Vanille lied.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Sitcon, a mere ticket boy," Noctis too lied.

"Nice to meet you all," Nora lied.

Tidus then opened the gate to let Nora in, then Hope and Lightning ran out from the house to greet them. "Hi mom!" Hope said as he and his mother hugged.

"My little boy, when I saw that you forgot to mail be two days ago I knew something was wrong, I figured they were overworking you," Nora answered. "Is that sunscreen I smell?"

"YES I wear it every day," Hope answered. "I also wear a clean pair of matching socks every day," he added, and showed his mom his matching socks.

Nora's smile vanished when she met eyes with Lightning. "Claire."

"Nora."

"How has your boss been treating you? Do you even like her?" Nora questioned her son with concern.

"Of course, she's my goddess!" Hope answered. "Come on mom, let me show you the house!" Hope said and took his mom's hand.

He first showed her his station. "This is where I do my job as Head of Security!" he said, and took the remote as he desperately tried to remember everything Noctis had taught him. He fiddled with the buttons for a bit but finally found out how to turn on the TV. He then proceeded to switch between the cameras, "From here I can see everything that goes on all over the farm," he said, then switched to the camera located by the chocobo rides. They saw three children and a parent attacking Sazh, "Duty calls!" Hope said, and ran away, leaving Lightning to defend herself.

"How much do you pay your miserable employees?" Nora asked Lightning, as she continued to judge the interior of the house.

"Enough to get by, but Hope has the best job in the place, $30 an hour, with health and dental," she lied.

At that moment Serah had walked in to take her break and get a glass of water, but regretted it instantly. "Oh hello, you must be Hope's mother."

"This is Serah, my sister, she cooks and cleans," Lightning introduced her sister, whom Nora has not met before.

"Everyday?" Nora asked.

"YES, and I'm ACLS and PALS certified," Serah answered and pointed to the fake CPR certificates on the wall. She then took out her camera and showed Nora photographic evidence that Hope has been eating balanced meals.

Hope ran back into the living room, "Sorry about that, had to take care of a small physical altercation," he spat out the fanciest phrase he remembered Noctis mentioning. He accidentally knocked over a small box that was by the TV stand and some books fell out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Nora shrieked when she saw the covers of the books, it was yaoi manga. Serah immediately ran away, but Nora turned to Lightning. "YOU! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS INNAPROPRIATE MATERIAL EXIST AROUND MY SON?"

"I can assure you ma'am, that does not belong to your son, and please put down my lamp," Lightning said as Nora took the nearest object to use as a weapon. Lightning didn't want to admit that her sister, co-owner of the establishment was the owner.

"THEN WHOSE IS IT?"

"Don't worry mom, we'll figure it out. As head of security, we'll get to the bottom of this!" Hope said, and took the Junjou Romantica manga and placed it into a clear plastic bag for evidence. The three went outside to start their investigation. It was very crowded today, which was good for the business, but not good for this situation.

Hope approached the moving shuttle, and demanded that Snow stop it. "EXCUSE ME, we're in the middle of something IMPORTANT," Snow defended his and Fang's routine tour and stopped the shuttle.

"I'm afraid we have something even more important going on," Hope said, and shoved the evidence in his face. "Are you the owner of this yaoi?"

Behind them, Lightning was waving a huge sign that said, "TAKE THE BLAME JUST DO IT" but Snow did not notice. "Of course not! I believe that belongs to Lightning, she does have a track record for homoerotic preferences!"

"No she does not," Fang defended her, "I would know. Say, don't you guys have better things to do, like make sure those Kingdom Hearts kids aren't trying to break into the house," she pointed at the Kingdom Hearts kids who were hitting the house door with their keyblades.

"That's another problem for another time," Hope simply said. He, Nora, and Lightning then proceeded to question Sazh, who was in the middle of loading and unloading kids from the saddles. "Yes or no, are you the owner of this yaoi?" Hope asked.

"NORA! It's been so long! You look FANTASTIC! Did you get highlights?" Sazh greeted her and went to give her a hug.

"Thank you for noticing!" Nora answered. Sazh was the only person Nora did not hate.

"Answer the question!" Hope put on his toughest act he possible could. "Is this yaoi yours or not!?"

"What's 'yaoi'?" Sazh answered before he saw Lightning hysterically waving her sign.

Lightning ran over to the ticket booth, she had no one else to turn to. "Noctis, don't ask questions, just do as I say."

"Of course."

"Tell Hope the yaoi belongs to you," she told him, then grabbed his arm and dragged him to the chocobo rides, where Nora was still telling Sazh about her new hairstylist.

"Noctis, there you are. Look me in the eye, and tell me if this yaoi belongs to you," Hope demanded.

Noctis glanced at all the tourists who were witnessing this unfold, and judging him. "Yes, that…belongs to me."

"SITCON!" Nora gasped. "I knew you were trouble when I saw your split ends, but I never would have thought you were the cause of this."

"Yup, I should be very, very ashamed at myself," he said while looking Serah in the eye as she just stood by and watched nervously.

Nora ended up giving them a passing grade for the inspection and left to go home to be back in time for the new episode of Gossip Girls.

At dinner time, Serah pulled Noctis to the side, "Thank you so much for taking the blame for me. I don't know how I can ever repay you. Did my sister give you your raise already?"

"Yes, but that's because she put me in charge of all the finances and payroll, I'm practically the one running this place at this point," he answered.

Snow butted in, "Good one Noctis! That must've took some real guts to take the blame for Light," he said with his mouth full of today's fried chicken dinner.

It was time for Serah to confess, "Snow, you know, it really wasn't my sister…it's me."

"SERAH NO!"

Next time: What will Lightning do with all the money she won at the casino in Midgar?

-end-

Ok funny story, my sister read this chapter before she saw the scenes from FF13, so she thought it was freaking hilarious that Hope's mom dies in the 1st hour of the game considering that I consider the canon FF13 story to be the prequel to this fanfiction.

By the way, there is more of Nora (and Judge Yuffie!) in future chapters :)

Thank you so much to my reviewers! I love hearing from you guys!

Kurochach- Glad to hear you laughed as hard as I did when I wrote that chapter! :)

CustomEyes- Wall Market is one of my absolute favorite places in the Final Fantasy universe! I keep a save file in Wall Market to just explore when I feel like it, so I went back to it to write that chapter. Glad to hear you loved the Judge Yuffie segment! I had a fun time writing it! :)

AngeloHeroOfLight- Funny you say that Lightning was gonna murder someone because she really almost murdered Snow!