a/n: okay, okay, I know I've been a bad girl dragging this out so long. But here we have it. Finally, Ed and Olivia get a chance to talk…
Olivia relaxed as she became more fully awake. She still felt the effects of the pain relievers, but she was coming out of her dream.
"You okay?" Ed said.
"Yeah," she answered closing her eyes.
"Do you remember what you were dreaming?" He asked. He didn't want to push her, but he desperately wanted to know what she'd meant when she kept repeating that she "didn't mean it." What didn't she mean?
"It's kind of vague," she answered. "I've been having a lot of weird dreams the past couple days."
He didn't say anything, just studied her face and waited for her to continue.
"Mostly about you," she said with a sad smile.
He wasn't sure how to take that. "Were these good dreams?" His tone was almost suggestive.
She raised an eyebrow, but not in a flirtatious way. More of an I don't really want to tell you, but no they weren't so good, kinda way.
"I see," he said. "Wanna talk about it?"
"I don't know where to begin," she said with a sign. "Or even how to explain it."
Ed briefly left her side to grab the chair in the corner and scoot it closer to the bed. As soon as he sat down, he again reached out his hand and was relieved that she didn't hesitate to take it.
"While I was unconscious," she said. "It felt like it was a lot longer than just a couple days."
He nodded and looked down at their hands. That was probably normal. Dreams sometimes seemed much longer than just one night of sleep. When he realized that she wasn't continuing, he returned his gaze to her face. She seemed uncertain, or even embarrassed.
"Liv," he said. "Whatever it is, just tell me."
"I felt like I lived the last couple years of my life all over again," she said. "Only, they were without you."
He swallowed hard, completely unable to mask the pain that thought caused him. She squeezed his hand drawing his attention back to her.
"It wasn't exactly, without you," she said. "You were there. We just weren't together. At least not really."
"It was just a dream," he said. His voice was so gruff, and he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, her or himself.
"It felt real," she said. "Even after I woke up here. I was having a hard time figuring out what was going on. In a way, even the last couple of days felt like part of the dream."
"That's why you thought I'd moved?" He said. Some of her earlier confusion was starting to make sense. But she seemed pretty clear headed now. He hoped she was.
"Uh huh," she confirmed.
"So what part of it were you dreaming just now?" He asked. He still needed to know what it was she didn't mean.
"When I left Dodds' party that night," she said as her eyes started to water at the memory. "I was so mad at myself. At you."
Her voice broke, and she couldn't find the will to continue.
"Sometimes it seems less painful to have never loved at all," he offered with sorrow in his eyes. He wasn't quite sure he was understanding exactly what she'd been dreaming, but it obviously had a significant impact on her.
"I was wrong though," she said. "You were worth it. We were worth it."
"So you don't regret me?" he asked.
"Never," she said.
"I'd do it all over again, too," Ed said.
"You wouldn't change anything?" Olivia said. "Even knowing where we've ended up?"
Ed's phone beeped, signaling a text. He didn't want to break the moment, but he assumed it was probably Lucy. He knew Olivia would want that interruption, so he gave her a look, letting her know he had to check it.
Sure enough. How's Liv? Can you call? Soon.
Two minutes, was his reply.
"We need to FaceTime with Noah before bedtime," he said.
"What's wrong?" She asked, knowing there was more behind whatever text he'd just gotten than a simple reminder to call and say goodnight.
"He's fine, but the reason I wasn't here when you got back from the MRI is because I had to go pick Noah up at school." He didn't want to let that sit out there too long because he could already see her agitation at the news.
"He's fine," Ed repeated. "He's just having a tough time being away from you for so long."
Ed made quick work of explaining what had happened. He felt bad because he knew it hurt her to know that her prolonged absence was so upsetting to her son. But she had to know, and she would have been beyond livid if they'd tried to keep it from her.
He pulled out his phone to dial, but she stopped him.
"Do you think I should have Lucy bring him up here tomorrow?"
"Hopefully the MRI results will be good, and you can get out of here tomorrow," he suggested.
"I hope so, too," she said. "But if not?"
"I think he can handle it," Ed said honestly. "We might have to drag him out when it's time to go, but I think he'd be okay."
She nodded both her agreement and her readiness to make the call.
The call with Noah was going as smoothly as it could have given the circumstances. He was thrilled to see and talk to his mommy even if it was just over the phone. He was decidedly less than thrilled when they had to end the call.
Olivia promised that she would see him tomorrow. Either he could come to the hospital or she would be coming home.
"You pom-iss," Noah said.
"I promise, sweet boy," Olivia said.
"Mommy keep her pom-iss," Noah said. "Just like my Tuck?"
Olivia glanced at Ed wondering what that was about.
"Yes, she does," Ed chimed in.
That seemed to satisfy Noah enough to let them hang up without anymore tears. Olivia thanked Lucy and apologized for the chaos. Lucy brushed it off like it was nothing, and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. She'd really hit the jackpot with her nanny.
"So what was that all about?" Olivia asked after they ended the call, and Ed returned to his spot in the chair beside her bed.
"I promised him we'd call him before bed tonight," he said. He shifted in his seat and looked down implying that there was more to it than just that.
"Ed?" She pressed.
"Before Lucy texted," he said with a sigh. "You asked if I would have done anything differently."
His seemingly sudden change in topic took her breath away. It also scared her.
"I would have done one thing differently," he continued. He also reached for her hand once again and scooted his chair as close as he could, so he could look her in the eye.
She didn't know what to expect. Was he going to tell her he did regret her? That they should have ended it sooner? That he was sorry they broke it off? She didn't dare hope for the last one, not after she'd basically forced him out of her life.
"I would have kept my most important promise to you," he said softly drawing her attention back to his words instead of her thoughts. His voice was full of regret, his eyes with sadness.
"What…uh…," she began but her mouth was suddenly so dry. "What promise is that?"
"Always," he said simply.
If her mouth was a desert, her eyes were a damn waterfall. She couldn't stop the tears that now flowed freely.
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
"I'm sorry, Liv," he said. "I'm sorry I broke that promise, and I'm sorry that I'm so late in trying to fix it."
She bit her bottom lip not sure what to say. He wanted to fix it?
A knock at the door, and the chipper night nurse interrupted the moment. Ed could have drop kicked the woman out the door. Instead, he decided to go for a different approach.
"Could you give us a few minutes?" Olivia said before Ed could get the words out.
"Sure, honey," the woman said looking at the two of them and just then realizing that she'd interrupted something.
The somewhat estranged couple shared a tearful smile as the nurse excused herself.
"What are you saying?" Olivia asked as soon as they were alone again.
"I'm saying," he said with a hint of a smile. "That I should have fought harder for us. That if you'll give me another chance…"
His voice broke and Olivia felt his words drive to the deepest part of her heart. That's what she wanted more than anything. She didn't know if she'd have said that before the accident, and that worried her. But right now, in this moment, it didn't matter.
As if her could read her mind, Ed backed off.
"I'm not expecting…," he began again, then broke off in frustration at his inability to say what he meant. "I don't want to pressure you while you're in here."
He motioned to the hospital room. She realized that he did understand. She truly regretted the way things had ended. That she hadn't fought more. That he hadn't. But she was in no state of mind to do anything about that at the moment.
"But we can keep talking," she said, and it wasn't clear if it was a statement or a question.
"I hope so," he said.
It had taken almost as much persuading to get Ed to leave for the night as it had to get Noah off the phone earlier. But Olivia needed some time alone to think about what he'd said. It sounded like he wanted to get back together. She'd be lying if she said a part of her didn't want that, too.
She was also scared that this was just some knee jerk reaction to bump on the head. And what about Ed? Was he reacting this way because she was hurt?
It made her head ache to think about. It made her heart ache. To make it worse, her heart was already struggling to deal with the knowledge that her son was having a difficult time because she couldn't be with him. It was too much.
For once in her life, she was grateful that she was about to be legally drugged into unconsciousness. She just hoped it was a dream-free night.
Luckily, her hopes were realized, and she got a decent night's sleep. If she dreamed, she didn't remember. At all.
When Ed arrived that morning, he brought her a bagel and let her steal a few sips of his coffee. She smiled when she realized he'd added some cream, which he hated, but knew she preferred.
It was early, so the doctor hadn't made his morning rounds yet. Olivia was restless and wanted out of the hospital. Ed did his best to distract her and was failing miserably.
Now that she was feeling more like herself, she was driving her squad crazy. She'd sent at least half a dozen text in the last half hour asking for status reports and updates. Her phone finally dinged a response.
Seeing the frustrated look on her face, Ed asked about the text she'd just received. She rolled her eyes and handed him the phone.
He saw a ton of outgoing messages. The only response she'd gotten was from Fin, and it said, Everything is under control. Tell Tucker thanks for bringing you your new phone. It was complete with a smirking emoji.
Ed laughed out loud causing Olivia to snatch the phone from his hands and give him a dirty look. He just shrugged.
"They just want you to get better, and not worry," he said. "You have a good squad."
"I know, I know," she said with more than a hint of frustration in her voice.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before she just couldn't take it.
"Ugh," she groaned. "When is the doctor going to be here?"
Ed just patted her hand and kept his mouth shut. He knew she didn't handle confinement well, and placating her would only make it worse.
He suggested turning on the TV. She tilted her head, so he assumed that meant yes. He flipped it to the local morning show hoping it would provide a distraction.
Luckily they didn't have to wait long. Before the second commercial break, the doctor came in. He deflected Olivia's immediate questions of release while he assessed her current state. Then he filled them in on the MRI results. There was no cause for concern.
"Does that mean I can get out of here today?" Olivia asked hopefully.
"That depends," the doctor said giving her a look that told her she probably wouldn't like his conditions.
"You have a young son, correct?" He asked.
"Yes, Noah," she said, not understanding why he asked. "He's four."
The doctor explained that even without a young child to care for, she was going to need help for at least a few days, maybe a week. He didn't want to release her unless he was sure she had help 24/7.
Olivia wanted to protest, but stopped short. While her pain had begun to significantly diminish, it had still been less than 24 hours since she'd been nearly incapable of moving from a wheelchair to a bed and back. She was lucky they were even considering sending her home. And he was right. If it was just her, she'd manage. But if anything happened, there's no way she'd be able to manage herself and Noah.
"I'll be back after lunch," the doctor said. "We'll see how you're doing, and see if we can make arrangements to get you out of here, as you so eloquently put it."
She smiled at his joke and thanked him. The nurse stayed and checked her vitals for what felt like thousandth time. As soon as the nurse left the room, Ed was by her side.
"Not going to happen," she said anticipating his offer.
"Olivia," he said. "Let me help you."
"It's not right," she said.
"Name one person better able to do this," he challenged. "I'll wait."
She glared at him.
"It's not that simple," she said. "With everything that's happened…"
"So it's not ideal," he said. "But in a way it is."
She was silent.
"I'm retired," he reminded her. "I literally have nothing better to do."
"Won't it be, I don't know, awkward?" She asked sincerely. It had been mere hours ago that they'd decided to start talking again. Now he was suggesting staying with her and taking care of her for several days, maybe longer.
"I know it's probably too much, too soon," he admitted. "And if you have another suggestion, I'll still support you and help out with Noah."
She eyed him carefully. Her heart was begging her to say okay. Her mind was screaming that it was too much, too soon.
Ed watched the war waging behind her eyes. He also saw the exact second that her heart won out.
He returned her sheepish smile with a broad one of his own, and she prayed they weren't making a huge mistake.
"It's gonna be okay, Liv. It's gonna be just fine."
a/n: well, this should be interesting. How is Liv going to deal with Ed taking care of her and Noah when she still doesn't know if they're doing the right thing? How is he?