A/N: NSFW for Smut!

The cold air nipped at Solona's skin. She could see her breath in the air as she trekked from one side of the camp, the side with the tent she shared with some female mages, to the other side, where the Commander of the Inquisition had his own. There was nothing wrong with her tent, she didn't even mind sharing but she yearned for his arms around her and so while most of the camp slept, she crept.

She made it to his tent without being seen by the sentries on night watch. She didn't know if it was because she'd gotten that good at sneaking or if the sentries were just ignoring her. It wasn't like her and Cullen weren't already a source of gossip, something that seemed to bother him a little. She was used to rumors, true and untrue and didn't let other people's opinions of her bother her anymore. Cullen just wanted his privacy. It was hard to have privacy when you are in such a prominent position, she had told him.

She slipped into his tent, expecting him to already be asleep. She noticed that he reached for something, his sword probably, before she could announce that it was her.

"Solona? What are you doing?"

"I thought you'd be happier to see me. Actually I thought you'd be asleep and I'd catch you off guard. I should have known that you'd be ready for me."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Do you want me to go?" She asked in all seriousness. If she was overstepping some boundary being in his tent, she wanted to know.

"Of course not. You just surprised me." He was sitting up, rubbing the back of his neck like he often did when he was nervous. She found it adorable. "Now everyone's going to know."

"Sweetheart, we haven't exactly been a secret."

She shrugged out of her robe and crawled into his bedroll. He automatically wrapped his arms around her shivering form, pulling her into his chest and into his warmth.

"You're shaking."

"Bad dream."

"You have nightmares?" he asked.

"Side effect of being a Warden. You chase away the nightmares though."

"Really?"

"Well you make waking from them more pleasant." She raised her head to give him a slow kiss on the lips. He broke the kiss with a sigh.

"We should get some rest. Long day ahead of us."

"Worried I'll be too much of a distraction for you to fall asleep?"

"You do have that effect on me."

"I came here for sleep, Commander."

He nuzzled against the top of her head and she fell asleep listening to the sound of his beating heart. She woke before dawn to Cullen crying out in his sleep. She sat up and placed her hand on his chest.

"Cullen? It's just a dream, its okay," she whispered, stroking his hair.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked around. "Where?" he started to ask.

"We're in your tent on the way to the Arbor Wilds. You were having a nightmare."

He sighed, closing his eyes. He opened them after a minute, staring at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you."

"Let me worry a little." She continued to stroke his hair. He leaned up and pressed his forehead against hers.

"I didn't mean to wake you either."

"Shh… its okay." She kissed him lightly on the mouth. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Just bad dreams. But you do make waking up from them more pleasant."

"Is that your way of saying you want me to share your bed more often?"

He smiled. "I've heard of worse ideas."

She snuggled into his chest. "I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get back to sleep."

"Me neither. Can I just hold you for a while?"

It was then that she realized he was shaking. "Of course."

"Sometimes this feels like a dream. Having you here, being with you. It's almost too much to believe."

She didn't say anything, just listened to the beating of his heart. His shaking stopped and his breathing became regular. He had fallen back asleep. She moved so that she could watch him. He looked so peaceful, so vulnerable. She stroked his cheek. She wanted to protect him. Knowing that they were going to be fighting for their lives in just a few hours gave her a heavy heart. She prayed to the Maker, something she never did, to keep him safe. Her world would be shattered without him.

Days later, after they got back, both safe, from the Arbor Wilds, she prayed for the second time. Thank you.

# # # # #

Cullen was not happy to see Solona when she walked into his office. His muscles were tense and he knew he was shaking. She immediately looked concerned, reaching out a hand to steady him as he took a step and nearly fell. The withdrawal was wrecking his body with pain. The nightmares the night before had interrupted his sleep enough to make him exhausted. What was worse than the blinding pain, was the guilt. The guilt was all consuming. He rested his hands on his desk, steadying himself. He owed her an explanation.

"There's something I've been keeping from you. I didn't want you to worry."

"What is it? Are you sick?"

"It's lyrium. I've stopped taking it. Haven't had it since I left Kirkwall. Forgive me."

She rounded the desk, putting her arms around him. She peppered kisses on his ears and neck, desperately trying to alleviate the pain. "You are so brave," she whispered in his ear. He closed his eyes, trying to force out the pain and enjoy her caresses. "Can I ask why?"

He nods. "You saw me at the circle. After what they did to me. They tortured me for I don't know how long. I tried not to break but it was too much. I blamed all mages. I even hated you for what you are. And then I was sent to Kirkwall, a chance for a new beginning. But I was still angry. I turned a blind eye to some of the atrocities and didn't act until it was too late. So when Cassandra recruited me, I turned my back on the order and with it lyrium. I needed to be free of it entirely. To become whole again."

Her hold on him tightened as she listened to his story. "What can I do?"

"Nothing. I must simply endure."

"Has it gotten easier?"

"Some days are worse than others. It's hard to see the end when the pain is this bad, when the visions are this horrible. I'm letting down the inquisition with my weakness."

"You are the strongest person I've ever met. You are the best man for this job. And I'm not being biased. Cassandra believes so as does the inquisitor. As do your men."

She was saying exactly what he needed to hear. He pulled her around into a searing kiss. His lips burned from the pressure against her mouth. She moaned and wrapped her hands in his hair, pulling him in even closer. "Take off your robe," he said gruffly.

"Someone could come in at any moment," she said, glancing at the shut but not locked door.

"I don't care. I need this." He pushed her into his desk and pulled her robes up to her waist. It took him no time to shed her small clothes. He unlaced his breeches and without another word plunged deep inside her. His pace was frantic as he drove into her. His mouth was on hers, muffling her cries. He sucked at her bottom lip. She tightened around him as she climaxed, arching her back. He nibbled at her neck as he emptied himself deep in her womb.

"I love you so much," he breathed, instantly regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth. She kissed his sweating brow. They separated and she pulled her underwear back on.

"Did that help at all?"

He nodded. "Being with you quells the pain."

"Well I'm here. Whatever you need." Concern laced her words. He was thankful she still cared after everything he admitted. He had been honest, being with her helped, even if it was just a little. He didn't know what he would do when she was gone. He was becoming too attached. She'd never feel for him what he felt for her. And yet he wouldn't let her go. Not until she forced him to.