Chapter 13

Bella

It sounded like a stampede drove the door down, and Jasper's yelling set my blood racing. "Bella! Bella? You up there?" Darting down the stairs in a panic, I slid from the corridor into the living room, prepared for something awful.

The sound of Seth's laughter startled me. I didn't expect the Chemawa kids to get back home so soon. I had been successfully—well, maybe not successfully, but semi-successfully—ignoring any thoughts of the coming summer vacation. I was just so tired of assuming and imagining and over-thinking everything in my life. I was just done.

"Look what we found at the Dairy Queen!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Seth." I met him in the center of the living room and gave him a hug. He looked good, handsome. "When did you get back?"

"Early this morning."

I was about to ask for Leah when I heard Emmett in the kitchen chatting fast and loud. I turned my attention to his words. "Not much, except for practically getting jumped today," he said.

"Who's he talking to?" I asked, but I already had a good idea was on the other end of the line.

Not waiting for an answer from Seth or Jasper, I followed Emmett's adrenaline-filled voice into the kitchen. He faced away from me, leaning on the kitchen counter with the phone pressed to his ear. I noticed his ragged and grimy shirt and his short, brown hair, mussed. When I approached, worried, he turned to me and scrunched his brow, prompting me to shush while he talked about a fight.

Spotting blood lacing the inner rim of his mouth and a red gouge on the side of his nose. I looked at Jasper and Seth and demanded, "What's he talking about? What happened to him?"

"He almost got jumped by James and that bunch of losers he hangs out with," Jasper told me, and began to spill all the details. "Seth and I were standing by the tables outside the Dairy Queen, toward the back of the building. We didn't even realize James and his boys were on the other side. Emmett was in the truck by himself, talking to some girl on the phone. As soon as he hopped out, James was there—I didn't even see him walk past—pointing his finger and saying, 'It's you and me.'

"It was crazy. Emmett told him he didn't want fight, and he tried to step around him. Then Emmett had James pinned down on one of tables, pounding him good. So many people collapsed around them, we had to force our way through the bunched crowd just to break them up."

Seth joined in. "By that time, some of those other guys were grabbing Emmett by the face and the hair, hitting him in the back, trying to pry him loose to help James out. But Emmett was going berserk, like a bear, too strong and too focused to notice. He never stopped swinging until he was sure it was Jazz and me that had a hold of him."

Jasper nodded, retaking the conversation. "And then it seemed like we passed through a bunch of hands, everyone pulling and pushing us backward until there were people standing between us and James and his crew, telling us to get out of there because someone called the police."

"Frick. Emmett was fast!" Seth laughed. "One second he was shaking his head saying, 'I'm not fighting you,' and the next second, he stepped forward, spun his upper body, slamming James down by the throat and blasting him in the face. A wicked-looking black eye, showed on James, before we even got 'em separated, which was only a moment or two later. That's how fast it happened."

The story horrified me, but Seth and Jasper acted as if they were getting a big rush out of it—so was Emmett, by the sounds of it.

Turning back to see him, I found that the conversation had switched to a party. "It'll be at the pit ... We had to move it when the police started watching the road out by the cliffs ... Yeah, it's that big crater-shaped dip in the woods a mile past Newton's cabin. You remember?"

"He's going to a party. Are you going? I want to go," I said to Jasper. I didn't go to a big party since Leah got drunk last summer.

"I don't care if you come, but it's not up to me," Jasper said. He gestured toward Emmett. "Gotta clear it with him first."

Emmett clicked the phone off, so I went over to check his wounds better. "Let me see." I reached out and adjusted his head to get a closer look at his eyes and his mouth.

He pulled down his lower lip and showed me a deep cut inside where, he explained, one of his teeth had sunk in. I cringed. "Ouch, Emmett. That looks terrible. Are you sure it doesn't need any stitches?"

"Nope," he replied, shaking his head. "I've seen worse on some guys after a match. It'll be fine once the swelling goes down."

Feeling apprehensive, I followed him into the living room and suggested, "You better have Mom look at it, anyway."

"Don't need to. In fact, we're out of here. I already told her we're staying at Jake's tonight, and we better get going, too, before she catches us home."

He leap-strode up the stairs. "Wait a minute, Emmett," I called out. When he stopped, I used a casual tone with just enough pleading in my voice. "I want to go to the party with you."

Keeping his back toward me, he slouched and grumbled as he turned to face me. "What else is new?"

My forehead wrinkled as I wondered what he was grumbling about. I never asked to go with him to a party before.

"Look, Bella, Mom's on her way home. I don't have time to argue with you, so I'll tell you exactly what I told those two when they asked," he said, glancing over at Jasper and Seth while they took turns bouncing quarters off the coffee table and into a glass of water, acting like they weren't listening to us. "Number one, I'm getting drunk. Number two, you're not. And number three, Mom and Dad better never hear about it!"

Excited, I grinned then added, "Okay. I swear I won't tell, but Leah gets to come with me."

He made a growling noise in his throat but didn't object. As he reached the top of the steps, I shouted, "Wait, what should I tell Mom?"

He laughed. "That's your problem." The door to the bathroom banged closed.

Thwarted by his answer, I sat down on the sofa between Jasper and Seth, frowning. "What am I supposed to do now? She'll never let me go to a party unless I tell her I'm going with you guys. But then, she'll probably have twenty questions for Emmett, and if she sees him like that, she might not let him go, either. And how are we supposed to get home if you're all staying at Jake's and Emmett gets drunk?"

"No problem," Jasper said. "Just tell her you're spending the night at Leah's, and Leah will tell Sue she's spending the night here with you." Seth agreed with a nod. "And we'll just ... figure out the rest later." Jasper decided with a shrug.

"That won't work. And I'm sure we're a little too old for sleepovers."

Jasper focused on the quarter in his fingertips for a second then bounced it high off the table, watching it plop into the water glass, pleased with himself and smiled. "You and Leah haven't seen each other in so long," he said, as he picked up the phone and handed it to me. "Mark my words. They will expect a sleepover."

Upon hearing Mom's trusting 'yes', I gave the thumbs-up sign to him and Seth along with a thankful sigh, when my stomach clenched into an anxious-feeling knot, because after months of loving Jacob, of missing Jacob, and then of hating Jacob ... I was about to see him again.

Seth

Bella's face shimmered, reflecting the yellowish-orange glow of the bonfire in the center of the clearing.

I was leaning against the car where we had parked, high on a mound across from her, sipping on a Coke and half-way listening to Emmett, Quil, and Embry joke and raise hell with one another.

She fiddled with her chestnut hair without moving her glare from the blaze, as if she wasn't standing smack in the middle of the first-party-of-the-summer celebration. She would always be beautiful. The way she held her eyes, though, squinted from the smoke and heat radiating in her direction, and the somber way she positioned herself were so out of place from the raucous moving about her it was impossible to stop staring.

It was like observing the focal point of a bland painting, where the only image outlined with definition and color is that of the subject, and nothing else in the setting ever really mattered. That's the way I felt looking at her. She'd seemed happy for little while after we'd first arrived. But now, it wasn't hard to tell she was hurting—bad.

In the background, Emmett was telling Quil and Embry about his fight.

"Then I saw Seth reach into the crowd and grab hold of this babe of a blonde. 'Come with me if you want to live," Emmett mimicked, doing a hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger impression and backhanding me on the shoulder to draw me back to the conversation.

Quil and Embry broke out in laughter.

"There I am getting jumped, and this guy is creeping on some hot little bystander."

I tossed Emmett's arm off me, as I clarified. "No way. I was afraid she would get hit."

"Sure you were!" he mocked. "I saw you get her number."

I grinned. "She gave it. I didn't ask."

"Too bad we weren't there. James wouldn't have had the balls if we were," Quil said.

My attention drifted back to Bella. She still hadn't moved a muscle. I didn't like seeing her exhibiting so much depression. I thought I should talk to her, but I didn't know what was wrong with her. Well, I kind of had an idea, but I didn't know how to make it better or if I wanted to.

"It is what it is." Emmett took a big chug of his beer. Then he dabbed his busted lip with his hand. "That's the price for messing with a psycho's ex-girlfriend."

"Wait a second, Emmett. Whose ex is Victoria again? Yours or James'?" Quil joked.

Grinning, Emmett laughed, clanking his bottle against Quil's. "Touché." He took another swig. "Just glad Seth and Jazz showed up when they did to pull me off, or I'd be in jail right now."

"Self-defense," Embry said. "What else could you do?"

Leah and some of Bella's other friends gathered around her, blocking my view.

"Tell that to my parents. I hate to see the look on Charlie's face tomorrow when he sees me. Maybe I could hang out in La Push with Jake for a few days, 'til it goes down a little."

Not even Leah could get Bella to smile and join in on the festivities. She and the other girls wandered away, leaving Bella to her misery.

"Should we take a stroll around the grounds? See who else is out here?" Embry asked. "Looks like fifty cars are here now."

Bella coiled her arms around herself. It couldn't have been from the cold; she was too close to the fire. I downed the last of my Coke, squeezed the can, and tossed it into the trees, never removing my eyes.

She seemed to reach out to me with her misery, taking my spirits to Hell with her.

"You coming, Seth?" Emmett asked, turning around and looking up at me from a few feet already down the mound.

I didn't realize they all walked away.

Emmett waved Quil and Embry to go on without him, muttering, "What's so freaking interesting down there, anyway?"

A couple leaping strides and he was standing beside me again, stretching his neck, and combing over the crowd.

"Nothing," I denied, signaling him to follow me with a tilt of my head. "Let's go then."

Suddenly, Emmett let out this from-the-gut cackle, a laugh that lasted for at least fifteen seconds.

"What?" I played innocent, hoping he wasn't thinking what I thought he might have been thinking.

"I don't believe this." He snorted, continuing to laugh, shaking his finger at me in a gotcha sort of motion.

I swatted his hand out of my face. "How many beers did you have?"

"Too many. But that's beside the point." He shined a razzing gloat. "I don't know how I could have missed this, after all this time."

I turned and took a long step downward from him, mulling how I could get him to shut his mouth and quit following me as I resisted the urge to soar into a run. He's bluffing! He doesn't know anything. I slowed my pace and shoved both hands into the pockets of my jeans, deciding to ignore him.

When we reached the bottom of the clearing, he clasped on to my arm and began dragging me toward Bella. Setting a rigid stance, I shook him off.

"Just come here for a minute," he insisted.

Wary, I let him pull me toward her, speculating what he had up his sleeves.

"I may be drunk, but I'm not drunk," he said.

We grabbed Bella's attention as we stepped past the invisible barrier, she occurred to have created around herself.

"Seth Clearwater, this is Bella Swan. Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater."

Bella questioned me with her eyes. I shrugged with a shake of my head.

Emmett stepped back, surveying us for an instant. Then he placed his hands on Bella's shoulders, maneuvering her close to me. He lifted my arm, positioning it around her and took another silly look. "I like it," he said, serious, cheesy grinning at the two of us before rambling off to who knows where.

"He went too heavy on the sauce tonight," I tried to explain and slipped my arm off her the moment Emmett's back turned.

Nodding with a forced smile, she replied, "So, I saw."

"I'm not even sure what that was all about," I claimed.

She shrugged, unconcerned, showing it didn't matter to her.

The heat from the fire hit me like a blast. Uncomfortable, I ran the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away the beginnings of perspiration.

"Where's Jasper?" she asked, gazing around us.

Stuffing my fists back into my pockets, I rested my backside on the car beside her. "I think he wandered off looking for cellphone reception," I replied. "Is he and Maria still together? He hasn't said, and I don't want to ask. She didn't answer, already back in a world of her own. I nudged her with my shoulder. "Bella."

"Sorry, Seth. They've been fighting a lot lately. That's all he's told me." She bit her lip and fidgeted. "Sorry about that. I just ... I guess ... I shouldn't have made Emmett and Jasper bring me with them, because now that I'm here, all I want to do is go home."

I didn't say a word, waiting to give her a chance to confide in me if she was willing.

"I didn't realize earlier, but I only came tonight because I thought…" She stopped herself from saying anymore. "Never mind what I thought. It doesn't matter."

But it mattered to me. I hated to see her so unhappy, and I knew I was about to do something that would probably end up being an action I'd regret. "It's Jake," I said.

Her short, airy gasp startled me. She tensed and her face lit up. "Where?" she asked, her eyes darting all over the crowd.

That told me all I needed to know. I swallowed hard. "I meant, it's Jake. You came with us just so you could see Jake. He's the guy, isn't he?"

She dropped her head down, twisting her foot in the dirt, and then lifted her face back up with reddening cheeks. "It is Jake," she finally admitted.

My chest tightened ... but not a lot. It wasn't as if I didn't already suspect that answer, but it still hurt to hear it coming from her lips.

"Jake…" she repeated, her voice a dream-laced whisper as she said, "he's always been the guy," making me realize just how much he'd always been the guy. "Has it been obvious?"

"No," I replied, pushing my own wounds aside. "Not at all. I just sort of figured it tonight."

"I didn't think I cared if I ever saw him again, but I guess I do," she said, "and I know that I shouldn't."

We fell silent, and the quiet between us felt uncomfortable. "He said he was coming. I thought he would have been here by now," I offered. True, but words used only to break the silence.

"He probably found out I would be here," she muttered, soft and unemotional; but the pain in her statement sliced me deep. I couldn't stand for her to feel that way. All I wanted was to see her happy and feeling good about herself.

"Come on, Bella. You don't really believe that, do you?"

She swayed her body from side to side, like a tiny flower shifting with the breeze, and answered. "I don't know, Seth." Looking me in the eyes, she asked with a glimmer of hope, "Has Jacob ever said anything to you about me?"

I had no choice but to answer with the truth. "Well ... no. But you haven't talked to me about him, either. So, that means nothing."

She rolled her eyes, turning away from me.

Ugh. That was all I could take. "Let's go," I said, standing upright and taking her by the arm.

"Where to?"

"To find Jacob! There's about thirty or more cars out here, and everybody isn't standing at the fire."

We trekked from car to car, asking everyone we knew if they had seen Jake, getting loads of different answers, depending on who we asked. I started to wonder myself if he was avoiding us because several people claimed they had seen him, directing us to the routes they'd thought he'd gone or to who they'd thought he was with.

Because of the darkness beyond the fire, I steadied Bella to make sure she didn't fall. I didn't mind, though. I always watched over her that way.

After she almost fell, she threw her arms up in the air, frustrated. "It's no use. We'll never find him, so let's just go back to the fire, Seth."

I didn't argue. I tired of searching for him, too.

When we situated ourselves back on the hood of the car we had been sitting on before, Bella sighed. "We'll never find him, because he doesn't want to be found." She lifted her finger to one of her eyes, and I thought I saw the twinkling of tears. "Not by me, anyway. I just don't understand what I ever did so wrong to him, Seth."

I do. Or, at least, I thought I might.

It was all I could do to not look away; guilt tore at me, and I didn't want to see her cry.

The only thing I wanted—more than anything at that very moment—was for Jake to show up and make her feel better.

"If we can't find him, it's because he isn't here," I maintained, attempting to provide her some words of comfort. "He's training for Nationals, and you know how he feels about partying and drunk people. When I get back, the first thing I'll do is let him know you were looking for him, and I'll bet you any amount of money he'll drop whatever he's doing to go find you." I hoped.

She looked away in disregard. "Then why do you suppose everyone else has run in to him, except for us?"

"Pfft, they're all drunk," I reminded her. "They probably don't know who they've run in to. Leah didn't see him, and neither did Paul, Jared, or Sam. Anyone who wouldn't be mistaken hasn't seen him." Which was true.

"Maybe," she said, yet added a sad sigh of surrender. "Either way, I give up."

She leaned herself to the side, her shoulder brushing against mine. For a moment, I thought to put my arm around her to give her a supportive hug but pushed the thought aside, because I didn't want her to get the wrong idea—considering my past screw-ups.

She needed a friend, not a dope trying hit on her while she was down.

Soon after, I let myself relax against her, arm to arm, and I felt her lean against me.

"Enough of this gloom," she said, her head touching my shoulder as she lifted her eyes to meet mine, and as I inhaled the smoky scent caught on her, she smiled and asked, "So, now you know my secret, Seth. What's yours?"

"Jacob, where you been all night?" someone sounded out.

Be careful what you wish for. I glanced over to the group hanging closer to the fire, and Jacob was making small talk with different people, threading his way toward us. For some unknown reason—probably the get-the-hell-away-from-my-girl glare he gave me—I sprung up and away from Bella as if I was doing something wrong.

"It's about time, dude. I've been ..." Bella moved in close beside me, hiding her hands in the pockets of her zip-up sweatshirt, shoulders tucked together like she was trying to make herself appear smaller. "We," I rephrased. "We've been looking for you all night."

"So, I heard," he replied, homing in on Bella and gluing his eyes to her like I wasn't even there.

"Where you been?" I asked, receiving only silence.

I slid my attention back and forth between the two of them, feeling like I was interrupting a personal moment, tempting me to back away and out of their circle, and getting the feeling that if I did, they wouldn't know or care.

They were swimming in each other's presence, practically drowning in it. It was weird and annoying, and it sucked to have to see it.

Bella's face glowed, and her blush matched with her cherry-glossed lips. Staring at him, she looked more beautiful than I'd ever saw her, except for one other time I could remember—that time she slipped off her porch. She had the look that I first fell in love with, and she had it because of him.

Jake gulped, trying to take his eyes off her but seeming unable and then, at last replying, "I was here for a little while. But I needed to go home to call my mom." He looked as if he was answering her instead of me.

I coughed, uneasy. That seemed to do the trick for Bella. Looking over at me and shuffling forward a step, she asked, "How are you, Jake?"

"I'm good. How about you?"

Awkward. "So, how did you get here, Jake?" I asked, to thin out the awkwardness and bring back some normalcy to the atmosphere.

"Dirt bike," he replied, giving me a minimal amount of attention.

"You mind switching places with me? I'll take your bike back to Billy's, and you can head home with these guys." I needed to get the hell out of there and fast. "I'm pretty drained, and I don't think Emmett will be ready to head out for a long, long time. He's ridiculously trashed."

Jake seemed to think about my question, becoming more lucid. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out his bike keys.

As I started to walk away, I replayed his expression as he came face to face with Bella after several months. It was a mixture of longing, affection, and heartache. He's Flippin' in love with her! I got a taste of what Emmett must have felt when he had his revelation. I paused, scratching my head and wondering, how in the hell I never saw it before.

It really pissed me off! All he had to do was tell me about it.

"Clearwater!" one of the residential staff members hollered. Yah—short for Yaha Uta—was a brawny, middle-aged man. He was about six foot two, and he wore a long, thick, black braid. He looked younger than he was and had a reputation, which warned us not to break any of the rules when he was on duty. "Mail delivery."

It excited me to read Bella's return address on the upper left corner of the purple envelope. She wasn't talking to me before I left home. I tore open the envelope, being reminded I had an audience when Yah mentioned he also had one for Jacob, asking me if I minded taking it to him since I was already heading in that direction.

"No problem!" I replied, plucking it from his large, calloused hands before tugging my card out of its envelope.

It was just a birthday card. Bella wished me good luck at the new school and told me she would miss me. But I appreciated the sentiment just like she'd just said she loved me, because she was super pissed at me at me before I left.

Jake's card came from her, too—a black envelope. What really caught my attention was the smell. It was obvious she sprayed it with perfume. Bella wasn't the flowery-type girl. What the hell? I stood in the hallway, holding the envelope to my nose, speculating.

Then, I remembered it wasn't his birthday. My curiosity kicked me in the rear. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't even try. Ducking into the nearest restroom, I opened it up. It wasn't really a love letter; I didn't think. Just some miss-you words, some good wishes stuff on the upcoming boxing season, and an "I can't wait to see you again" signed "Bella" with a smiley face, and there was a picture of her inside.

The most I could get out of it was that she had a crush on him, unless I was reading too much into it. She told me she missed me, too, and might have said more if we'd got along better before I left. I felt a surge of anger, though, and unsure of who with—Bella, Jake, or myself. So, when he walked into the restroom. I stuffed his card into one of my books.

"There you are. I almost went to breakfast without you," he said. When I ignored him, he asked, "What's going on?"

At that moment, I needed him to know how I still felt. "Look, I got a letter from Bella." I waved my card in front of him, grinning as wide as a clown.

"Oh, yeah. What'd she say?"

"She said she really misses me. I didn't tell you what happened between us, did I?"

But even after I gave him the opening, he admitted nothing about her to me, and I ignored my suspicions, trying not to think about it. Scowling, I continued toward his bike, deciding he was just at fault as I was, maybe even more. That's what he gets!

Still, Bella didn't deserve any of it. I rubbed the back of my now stiff neck.

I thought about Jake's lack of reaction when I exaggerated what went on between Bella and me at the Holiday dance, and again, after my fight in the locker room. Maybe I was in such denial back then that my mind played a trick on me, because now the memory appeared a lot as he'd sucked in his breath as if he'd just taken a hard fist to the kidneys.

I thought about what his response might have been toward me, had I been "the guy" instead of him. Considering the intensity of emotions, I saw, and finally allowed myself to understand, my head told me: there was a high possibility I would have been in for a good fight. But my gut ... my gut feeling was no matter how difficult it might have been, he would have been happy for me. He was my brother. Encouragement was all he'd ever shown me before, and he deserved better from me than what he'd got back.

Debating, I hesitated, running both of my hands through my hair. Then blowing out a sharp breath of air, I spun around and headed back to face the music.

Bella sat so close to Jake on the trunk of Jessica's car that she just as well sat on his lap. I almost didn't want to disturb them. Freezing about a good ten feet away, I lifted my voice. "Hey, Jake!"

He leaned away from her, tipping his chin at me. After saying something to her, he stalked toward me. "Yeah?"

"It never happened the way I said it did." I straight up confessed, watching confusion appear on his expression.

"Huh?"

"Bella didn't kiss me. She didn't kiss me either time." His confusion turned to anger. "I was the one that kissed her, Jake, both times. I'm not even sure she kissed me back." The cat seemed to take hold of his tongue, so I continued, "I had no business making you believe it was more than that. I was just being stupid! You can tell her that. She'll probably hate my guts but tell her if it'll make things better between you guys." I tossed his keys back to him, muttering, "I'll find another ride home." I turned away. He could hate me, too, if he wanted.

"Seth!" he bellowed, in a tone demanding me to stop.

I did, bracing myself for the anger sure to follow, but when I turned around, he lobbed the keys back to me. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I snatched them from the air, surprised, and nodded.

"We'll go do something," he said. "I you want. That is?"

I nodded another yes.

A few different emotions weren't hard to read—mostly understanding, forgiveness, and there was something else. Pride. Jake was proud of me.

I couldn't say I was happy as I hopped on his bike and drove away, but I wasn't exactly sad, either. I was more like satisfied or content. Happiness, I would work on. When I got to the top, I curved around on the mound and stopped to take one last look at Bella. A little too far, but I bet she was blissful.

Jake was a tower in comparison, but somehow, they also seemed to be the same size. I shrugged, guessing I was more able to see them as Jake and Bella "the couple" versus just Jake and just Bella than I'd have thought.