Chapter 13: Boss Mabel
So on new years day, we made the return trip back to Colorado, but other than that, things have been rather uneventful. Having been thinking about my weekly adventures, I wondered just how later events would play out with myself added into the mix, like meeting Bill Cipher for example. And having re-watched Weirdmageddon the other day, it just made me wonder how I'll do during it. I figured that during Weirdmageddon, I should probably take a backpack of food and water with me as it will last a few days and food will be hard to come across. Also concerning my adventures, as it turns out, apparently my family had already made plans for Saturday, so I couldn't take a trip to Gravity Falls yesterday, so I decided on Sunday instead. I decided that even though it would be delayed, I would still take my weekly trip to Gravity Falls. So I grabbed my portal remote and stepped through the swirling blue vortex and into the Mystery Shack's living room.
The Pines family were all watching Cash Wheel; their world's equivalent of Wheel Of Fortune with slight variations. One of the contestants spun the wheel, and it landed on Cash Shower.
"Congratulations!" The host said. "You're taking a… cash shower!"
"Cash shower!" Stan shouted out along with the game host. The contestant on screen grabbed some bills falling from above, and shoved the other two out of the way when they picked up any stray bills. "I like that guy's style." Stan commented.
"Mr. Pines!" Soos said, running into the room. "We've got tourists at 9:00. A whole busload of 'em!"
"Hot tamales, it's a jackpot!" Stan said. "Soos! Make some new attractions!"
"You got it, boss." Soos said, already making one.
"Wendy! Mark up those prices! The higher, the better!" Stan said as Wendy sighed and changed a sign from $2 to $20. "Higher! Bleed 'em dry!" Stan said, as Wendy further raised it to $200.
"Yeesh, Grunkle Stan." Dipper commented. "It's like when you look at tourists, all you see are wallets with legs."
"That's not true." Stan said dismissively, looking out the window for a moment, then rubbing his eyes. "Cleanup on the front lawn!" Stan said, as Dipper walked outside with a broom and bucket. 'I am SO glad I don't have to do that.' "Nathan! Come here; you're going to be an attraction." Stan said suddenly.
"Wait, what?"
"You heard me!" Stan said. "Now, is there anything you can do that can be considered weird or unnatural?"
"Well, the way I stretch apparently is pretty freaky." I said, as I stretched. My stretching method is that I stretch my arms forward with my palms facing outward, bring one arm over the other in a crisscross fashion, close them together palm-to-palm and interlace my fingers, then bring both my arms over my head and behind my back with my hands staying together the entire time. It's easy to do—for me. Others seem unable to do it at all.
"Holy smokes! Alright, you're gonna be one of the main attractions, kid! Make me some money!" Stan said. I was put next to an irritated-looking Dipper in a wolf costume. Much of the tour was unseen by me and Dipper as we were behind a curtain. Thankfully, I didn't mind doing this too much, although Dipper looked pretty unhappy about it. After a short while, Stan came up to our part of the tour.
"Be astounded by the horrible pre-teen wolf boy and his very flexible friend!" Stan said, pulling up the curtain. I did my stretching method I described, and the tourists were pretty interested.
"Grunkle Stan, this is demeaning." Dipper said.
"What? I don't know… da meaning of that word!" Stan said, causing the tourists to laugh. "If you throw money at them, they dance." Stan said, as the tourists did just that. Dipper was pelted by quarters into submission as he danced miserably, but I just stood there. Meanwhile, Stan was collecting all the money in a jar, before he collected the rest of the money around me and Dipper and continued on with the tour. After the end of the tour, we headed into the gift shop.
"Grunkle Stan, why do I have to wear this wolf costume?" Dipper asked. "I think I'm getting hookworm."
"Heh heh; yep. Gluing dog hair to your body will do that to ya." Stan said, laughing.
"You have all these dumb, fake exhibits in the shack. Meanwhile, I've seen actual amazing things in the forest every day." Dipper said. "What if you hunted down a real attraction instead of lying to people for a living?"
"And you should be nicer to your employees, too." Mabel added.
"Yeah!" Dipper said as him and Mabel exchanged a high-five.
"Look. You guys got a problem with how I run the shack, take it up with the complaints department." Stan said, holding up a trash can.
"I am going to write them such a letter." Mabel said, pulling out a piece of paper and writing the letter.
"Alright, enough of that." Stan said, grabbing some cans of glitter and paint brushes and rollers. "Now go up and paint the sign with this glitter. All of you." Stan said, making me, Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy go up to the roof and do just that, but not before he gave us some outfits to do the painting in. I had also decided to put my new hat I got for Christmas in a safe place so it wouldn't get any glitter paint on it. "And don't stop 'till you cover that sign with glitter! Glittery signs attract tourists! Also large birds." Stan said as we were painting the sign with glitter. Right after Stan said that, a bird came down and attacked Soos.
"Okay, is it just me, or is having Grunkle Stan as a boss seriously the worst?" Dipper said after Stan left.
"I know, right? Why do we even put up with it?" Wendy said.
"I tried to give him a suggestion to improve the shack once." Soos said. "I had this idea where I could be, like, the shack mascot: Questiony the Question Mark. I ask people questions, you know, do the question dance."
"That sounds amazing!"
"Whoa. Cool."
"Yeah. Totally."
"Yeah, well… Stan said I couldn't handle it." Soos said.
"He said what?!" Mabel yelled. "Oh, I am so going to talk to him about this!" Mabel said as we finished covering the sign in glitter.
An hour later, we came outside and saw Mabel and Stan talking.
"See you in 72 hours! Ha ha! We'll see who makes more money." Stan said, climbing into his car in a vacation outfit as he tossed his fez and it landed perfectly on Mabel's head, then he drove off laughing.
"Mabel, did you just make a bet with a professional conman?" Dipper asked.
"Oh, c'mon. Being a better boss than Stan will be a cinch. Profit, here we come!" Mabel said, holding out the empty glass jar, which slid out of her hands, but I caught it before it could hit the ground and handed it back to Mabel. "Thanks."
"I guess I shouldn't be too worried." Dipper said. "I mean, how much money could Stan even make on vacation?"
"Yeah." Mabel said.
Later on, Mabel had Dipper get me, Wendy, and Soos as we all came into Stan's office. "You wanted to see us, Mr. Pines?" Soos asked. Then Mabel spun the chair around, dressed in a business suit.
"Stan is no longer with us." Mabel said, scooting up in the chair.
"He's dead?! No! It should've been me!" Soos yelled out. Watching it on TV; it was funny. Seeing it in person; it was actually kind of sad.
"Whoa, Soos, Stan's not dead. He's on vacation for 3 days." Mabel said. "We made a bet."
"Thank you for that clarification." Soos said, wiping away the tears.
"Mabel's in charge now!"
"Are those shoulder pads?" Dipper asked.
"Uh-huuuuh." Mabel said, wiggling her shoulders. "It's just one of the many up-to-date managerial tricks I learned from this book I found propping up the kitchen table." Mabel said, holding up a 1983 business book and taking a drink from a mug that read #2 Boss.
"Why does your mug say #2?" Dipper asked.
"Because the real #1… is you." Mabel said, holding up a small mirror as the others voiced their understanding.
"Walk with me. With me as boss, you're gonna notice a few changes around here. My job is to help you be your best 'S.E.L.V.E.S.': Satisfied Everyday Loving life Very much Everyday Satisfied. Great listening ears so far!" Mabel said, giving each of us a sticker. "Waddles, hold my calls." Mabel said, as Waddles began chewing on the phone.
"All right people, now wrap with me." Mabel said as we made our way into the gift shop. "Wendy. How can I make your work space more Wendy-friendly?"
"Hmm. Well, Stan never lets me hang out with friends at work." Wendy said.
"Stan ain't here, sister. Doors open!" Mabel said.
"Sweet!"
"And Soos, I believe this is yours." Mabel said, pulling out a large question mark.
"Questiony the Question Mark?!" Soos exclaimed. "I wish this was an exclamation point to show how excited I am."
"As for you, Dipper." Mabel said, pulling out the wolf costume, before putting it inn the shredder. "Die, old costume, die!" Mabel yelled. "I want you and Nathan to head into those woods and don't come back until you've found an amazing attraction!"
"Finally! Time to show Stan how a real mystery hunter does it." Dipper said as we headed off. Dipper grabbed a heavy mace and tumbled out the window while I went out the front door.
"Maybe we don't bring that mace." I said.
"Yeah, alright." Dipper said, going back inside and coming back a few minutes later with the golf cart and a large sack. a shovel, and some rope. We headed into the spooky part of the forest where Dipper dug a hole.
"Alright, this tiger trap should be enough to get us something." Dipper said, covering up the hole with leaves and branches, before we hid. After a while, we heard some loud rustling, and there in the hole was a large creature; the gremloblin! Its head and shoulders were sticking out of the hole though. Dipper went over and put the sack over its head slowly, and it fell asleep. Dipper tied one end of the rope around the sack and I tied the other to the back of the golf cart. We dragged it out of the hole and back to the shack.
"Mabel! We captured something. This is gonna blow those tourists away!" Dipper said laughing as he dragged the sack over. The monster briefly attacked Dipper, but a few swift punches and it was off of him.
"Marvelous work, valued employees." Mabel said as we headed inside to get it into a cage, then we put a tarp over it and waited for some tourists.
After a while, Dipper spotted some. "Ladies and gentlemen, my name's Honest Dipper, and this is my friend, Sincere Nathan. And unlike my cheating uncle, we have something to show you that isn't a hoax. It nearly killed us getting it into that cage. Behold, part gremlin, part goblin, the gremloblin!" Dipper said, as I pulled off the tarp. The gremloblin growled and snarled and even spit out a human skeleton arm.
"Well that's fun." The tourist said.
"It's fake, honey. You can see the strings." The tourist's wife said.
"What? Those aren't strings, that's body hair." Dipper said. The tourists' attention was drawn to the six-pack-alope instead though. "No, everything else here is fake. This is a real paranormal beast." Dipper said. "Hey. Fun fact about this little guy; if you look into his eyes, you can see your worst nightmare." The tourists looked into its eyes. "Amazing, right? …I work for tips." Dipper said. Then they fell backwards onto the floor, not responding to anything. "Uh-oh." Dipper ran and called the ambulance, and they came and took the tourists away. I went into the gift shop and saw Mabel rushing around.
"Need some help?" I asked. "Need me to do the cash register?"
"Yes please." Mabel said. I manned the cash register, doing pretty good for my first time ever operating one, then Dipper walked in.
"Well, I just made two people go insane." Dipper said. "How 'bout you?"
"I'm so tired. I gave Wendy the day off, so I had to do her job." Mabel said. "Thankfully, Nathan came in and offered to do the cash register."
"Well maybe you need to start being a little bit tougher around here." Dipper said.
"No way, that's what Stan would do!" Mabel said. "I just need to think positive, be friendly, and everything will work out fine." Mabel said, before a roar was heard, and the gremloblin crashed through the wall, scaring away all the tourists.
"What?! How did he get out of his locked cage?" Dipper asked as we hid.
"Well… I might have given him the key for a 5 minute break." Mabel said.
"You gave him a break?!" Dipper said.
"He's an employee! Sort of…" Mabel said.
"We've gotta round him up. Where's Soos?" Dipper asked.
"He was stressed out so I told him to take a soothing nature walk." Mabel said. The gremloblin continued wreaking havoc around the gift shop, knocking a TV into our view, which showed Cash Wheel with Stan on it. We all ran back into the employees only area, or the house part, and hid there, before we peeked out and saw the gremloblin giving himself some stickers.
"What do we do? He's awarding himself stickers that he didn't even earn!" Mabel said, before Dipper pulled out the Journal.
"Uh, got it! 'When fighting a gremloblin, use water…'" Dipper read, pausing to turn the page as Mabel splashed water in the gremloblin. "'…Only as a lastt resort as water will make it much, much scarier'?! Ahh! Who writes sentences like that?!" Dipper said as the gremloblin transformed.
"Apparently, the author writes sentences like that." I said.
"Don't worry. He's gotta leave eventually." Dipper said. However, the gremloblin became interested in the singing salmon. Then I decided enough was enough.
"Mabel, where's that mirror you had earlier?" I asked.
"Right here. Why?" Mabel said, grabbing the mirror out of Dipper's vest and handing it to me. I walked out and walked up to the gremloblin.
"Nathan! What are you doing?!" Dipper asked. I didn't answer as I approached it.
"Hey, monster! Take a good look!" I said, catching its attention as I held out the mirror. After a few seconds, it ran off, crashing through the wall while whimpering.
"Well, at least he didn't do that much damage." Dipper said, as I handed him the mirror and he put it back in his vest. Of course, the gremloblin decided to take flight, breaking the totem pole which fell onto a nearby car. "Oh boy."
"Dipper, it's the third day. We've only got 7 hours to earn back our profits or I've gotta wear that loser shirt all summer!" Mabel said. After a few minutes, Soos and Wendy came back.
"Hey guys. Am I nuts or does this place look different?" Wendy said.
"Wendy! Soos! Am I glad to see you." Mabel said. "We've got a lot of work to do, but if we hurry, we can still beat Stan!" Mabel said.
"Uh, yeah. I got a little headache, so maybe I should, like, not work today." Wendy said.
"And I actually just met this pack of wolves. And I think they're gonna, like… raise me as one of their own." Soos said. "So I should really be at the den right now."
"But, but…"
"But, hey." Wendy said, as her and Soos walked out. "See you on Monday."
After this, Mabel finally cracked. "ENOUGH!" Mabel shouted, surprising everyone. "I have had it! I fought a monster to save this business! And this is how you repay me?! I'm gonna get an ulcer from your lollygagging!"
"Lollygagging?" Wendy asked.
"Ulcer?" Soos asked. "You're acting… different."
"You shut your yaps! I've been doing everyone's jobs while you bums have been bleeding me dry!" Mabel said.
"But I-"
"No buts except yours on the floor cleaning. Now quit loafing and get to work!" Mabel ordered.
"Yes, Mabel." Wendy said.
"That's yes, BOSS!" Mabel said, slamming her fist on the counter, knocking Stan's fez onto her head before she looked into the mirror and gasped. "Dipper, what have I become?" Mabel asked.
"What you had to, Mabel. What you had to." Dipper said.
"We've got 7 hours to turn this around! Let's go, people!" Mabel said.
We all got to work, making repairs and guiding tours, then we came together at the end of the day. "How'd we do?" Dipper asked.
"We filled the whole jar!" Mabel said, as everyone cheered. Then Dipper did some calculations on the repairs.
"Minus the money to replace all the furniture, supplies to fix the shack, that leaves us…"
"$42." Mabel said, holding up the jar, then Stan walked in.
"Tick tock. Time's up, kids." Stan said.
"Oh no." Mabel said.
"Nice to see you learned how to dress well while I was gone." Stan joked.
"How much did you beat us by?" Mabel asked.
"I won $300,000!" Stan said. "And then… I lost all of my money on the bonus word." Stan said, as he explained his moment of loss. "…And then he said that the bonus word was…"
"Please." Mabel said.
"Apparently that word can make you money." Stan said.
"So, wait. If you lost everything, then that means… Mabel, you won!" Dipper said as we cheered.
"Well, according to our bet, I guess Mabel's the new… boss?" Stan said, as everyone frantically said 'no'. "Huh? What?"
"Grunkle Stan, I had no idea how hard it was being boss. This place was cukoo bananas until I started barking orders at everyone like you." Mabel said.
"Yeah, well, I gotta admit: it's kinda nice to be back, y'know." Stan said, pulling the twins in for a hug. "Okay, okay, that's enough. Get off of me. And Soos, Wendy… get to work! Ahem… please." Stan said. "Ugh. Still hurts."
"Mabel, didn't your agreement say something about Stan having to do some kind of apology dance if he lost?" Dipper asked.
"N-n-no. No it didn't." Stan panicked.
"Actually, yeah, I think I have it in my notes here." Mabel said.
"No! That never happened!" Stan said.
"Ha ha, I'll get the camera." Wendy said.
"All right, let me just…" Stan said, before running away.
"Grunkle Stan!" Mabel yelled. "Get back here!" I laughed as Mabel chased Stan down while I walked back through the portal to my house. Though as it turns out, the strange time-thing happened again as 6 minutes had passed. But other than that, I can safely say that this week's adventure has come to a close.