Chapter 13 - Crookshanks and the Pygmy Puff Tattoo

As Harry led Ron down into the common room, he spotted Hermione sitting in one of the comfy scarlet chairs by the empty fireplace, stroking a purring and docile Crookshanks gently on her lap while she waited for the boys to come back down. Then he saw that she was talking to Ginny, who had her back to him, but on recognising the silky waves of long red hair which fell down her slender back his heart rammed into his throat.

She's just Ron's sister, you just like her because she's his sister… Harry told himself, She's your best mate's sister, you can't have her, you must put Ron first, surely? Harry's insides cringed. She's so popular; she won't even take a look at you, anyway, not in that way…

Then another voice popped into Harry's head: But she did used to really like me, she was so nervous around me, and yesterday we got really close, and she was so pleased to learn how to make a Vallatus with me…

The original voice came back. Don't be so stupid, Harry, she's only a friend, just forget it, OK?

"C'mon, Ron," Harry said quietly. Ron was following, anxiously running a hand over his lower back, having given Harry strict instructions not to disturb anyone until they reached Hermione, as if they had X-ray vision like Mad-Eye Moody and would be able to tell he had a pygmy puff tattoo on his backside.

"There you are!" said Hermione, looking up at them. "How were the dress-robes, Ron?"

Ginny moved round in her armchair and smiled up at Harry and Ron. "Hey!" she said, sending the voices in Harry's head buzzing into argument again. "Ron, what's the matter? You look like you've just swallowed a flobberworm!"

Ron ignored his sister and turned his back on her. "Hermione, I need your help," he whispered, looking at her meaningfully.

"Pardon?" she said, not able to hear Ron speaking so quietly through the loud chatter in the busy common room.

"I need your help," Ron hissed, leaning slightly closer to her.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you," Hermione said, looking up at Ron as if he was being ridiculous. "Why can't you just talk normally, like everyone else?"

Ron spat in her face he was so exasperated. "I said, I need your help!"

Hermione seemed unperturbed. "Well, why didn't you say so?" Ron rolled his eyes at Harry, who was standing next to Ginny. Then Ron saw what Ginny had in her lap.

"Not another bloody one!" he cried, jabbing a finger at Arnold, Ginny's purple pigmy puff, who was humming softly but stopped dolefully when Ron prodded it.

"Get off Arnold!" Ginny swatted Ron's offending hand away and put her arm around him protectively. "Go get your own!"

"I already have one!" Ron said imperiously. "That is the problem!"

"Who mourned for a week when their puffskein was used by Fred for bludger practise?" Ginny reminded him.

"That was different," said Ron, who had turned slightly pinker. "One, my puffskein was a custard colour, not bright pink. Two, it wasn't a tattoo the size of a snitch, and three, it wasn't on my-"

Ron broke off and his head turned redder than his hair as all the blood in his body rushed to his head.

"Where?" asked Hermione, perplexed. "Ron?"

"On where?" continued Ginny, a half-smile on her face.

Ron coughed and searched for a change in subject.

"Where did you get this pink puffskein tattoo or whatever-it-is anyway?" Hermione enquired.

Ron's eyes narrowed. "Fred and George. Need I say anymore?" He threw his arms exasperatedly into the air.

Ron didn't look capable of explaining any further so Harry took over. "Ron sent a letter to Fred and George asking them to buy him new dress robes. They did, but as a sort of pay-back they put this charmed tattoo in the robes."

"Pay-back?" Ron said crossly. "What'd I done wrong?"

"You did send them only two sickles," said Harry fairly. "That was hardly enough."

Ginny burst out laughing and gave Harry an appraising look. Ron opened and shut his mouth.

"Charmed?" Hermione picked up. "Is that what is wrong? You can't get it off?"

Harry replied while Ron nodded fervently. "Yes, in brief."

"Well, show it to me and I can try a repel charm before we go off to class," Hermione advised.

"That's not really possible," said Ron delicately. "If you could just tell me how-"

"Oh come on, Ron," said Harry, raising his eyebrows. Ron faintly whimpered as Hermione and Ginny looked at each other. Harry sighed.

"It was on Ron's forehead, but we found this note and eventually did what it told him to do," Harry held out the pink and gold piece of parchment, which Harry had put back together using the reparo charm, thinking it might help Hermione figure out what to do. As the girls' eyes scanned the words, a smile crept up Hermione's face and Ginny began to giggle. Ron looked as if all he wanted to do was to go and dig a hole and die in it.

"It's okay, Ron," Hermione said kindly, although she kind of gave the game away by the smile playing on her lips. "I won't laugh." Ginny continued to giggle and showed no sign of halting at Hermione's words.

Harry forcefully turned Ron around before Ron lifted up his shirt and ever so unhappily nudged down the waistband of his trousers and underwear. Ginny snorted with laughter at the sight of the imprint of a tiny puffskein, winking up at the girls sweetly. If Hermione was laughing, Harry was thankful for Ron's sake that he couldn't hear her due to Ginny's loud howls.

"Don't worry, Ron." Hermione pronounced the words carefully so that Ron wouldn't perceive the hilarity in her voice. She stood up and said "Repello!" commandingly, pointing her wand at the tattoo. A beam of red light struck the pygmy puff, but it stayed fixed on Ron's skin.

"Hmmm…" Hermione mused.

"Is it off?" said Ron, feeling his backside.

"No," Hermione informed him, pulling his hand away. "I'm going to try another spell." She lifted her chin into the air and held out her wand. "Abcaelum Levitate!"

"Ow!" complained Ron, rubbing a hand over the sore place where an orange spot had glowed momentarily. "It had better be off now!"

"No," Hermione said quietly. "It seems to want to stay on your – well, there - quite resolutely."

"Oh great," said Ron sarcastically.

"Hang on, let me have a go," said Harry, having a flash of inspiration. He took Hermione's place and brought his wand out of his robes. "Accio pygmy puff!"

In some ways Harry's spell worked. Unfortunately though, a purple pygmy puff went flying through the air instead of the pink tattoo.

"Arnold!" exclaimed Ginny in surprise as her fluffy ball of an animal was pulled out of her hands by an invisible thread and cascaded into Harry's cupped palm.

"Err, sorry," mumbled Harry as he handed Arnold back over to Ginny. He clearly had enjoyed his little adventure to Harry by the loud humming he was issuing, sounding rather like a cross between a cat purring and a lawnmower.

"It's all right!" laughed Ginny, smiling at Harry. Ron turned round, grumbling at the lack of attention on him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to do," Hermione told him. "I suppose I could try a water removal spell, but I might get it wrong."

Harry looked at her rather scathingly. "Hermione, you never get anything wrong."

"Yes I do!" she said.

"No you don't!" said Ron, moving on the spot so that he had his side to her. "And you'd better not this time!"

"Fine!" Hermione huffed, glaring at his face rather than watching where her wand was aimed. "Fundamente agualis!"

A jet of white water burst out of the end of Hermione's wand and shot through the air as fast as lightning. It struck Ron's lower back and obscured the pink tattoo, but when the water crashed down onto his trousers and fell into puddles on the floor, there was no tattoo floating among it. Harry looked at Ron's skin, where drops of water hung, and saw the imprint of the pygmy puff shaking its soft hair to get rid of the water.

"It didn't work anyway!" Hermione told Ron haughtily, who was presently feeling how wet his trousers were. "I give up! I don't think there's a way to get it off! If you want to get rid of the tattoo, you can ask Fred and George yourself. Besides, I think it suits you!"

She collapsed back into her chair indignantly and Crookshanks jumped into her lap, hissing menacingly at the water. Hermione lazily pointed her wand at the puddles, sending out warm streams of air to dry them up. After glancing at Harry to see what he thought about Hermione's claim, Ron tried to get in the way of the jets of hot air while Hermione wasn't looking so that he might dry himself.

"It's not all that bad," Harry said lightly to Ron.

"Yeah, you who said you wouldn't mind having one! You don't have one stuck on your arse!"

"No one's going to see it," Ginny joined in. "Unless of course, there's someone you're not telling us about…!"

"Oi!" Ron stared at Ginny sourly. She just smiled, staring straight at Harry. Harry stared back into her warm brown eyes.

"Well," Ron continued. "Even if you did have one, I bet you wouldn't want a pink pygmy puff."

"They are quite cute…" Harry admitted gently, earning evils from Ron and affectionate glances from Ginny. She held out Arnold who, when Harry sat down on the arm of her chair, bounced into his cupped hands. Harry stroked the warm soft fur, feeling the body beneath hum in content.

All of a sudden there was a strangled cry of pain: "ARRGGGHHHH!"

Harry glanced up to see Ron doing a sort of war dance on the spot, but he appeared to have a ginger tail gyrating in the air behind him. As he leapt around in agony, Harry saw Crookshanks clinging on to Ron's tender skin, swiping at the pygmy puff tattoo. To Ron's immense relief Hermione quickly pulled her cat off Ron and left him moaning in pain.

"That cat," he wheezed, "is really… evil." Harry saw pricks of red blood in paw-like shapes on Ron's bare back.

"You should have put your shirt back down," Hermione retorted, cradling Crookshanks who was now eyeing up Arnold. Harry took great care to keep Arnold close to his chest. "You were parading temptation in front of his eyes!"

"I was – what?! I was drying my clothes!" Ron shouted. "Argh! And even that monster of a ginger carnivore hasn't got rid of this stupid tattoo!"

Harry simply smiled at Ginny and rubbed his fingertips over her purple pygmy puff's soft fur. "I'd quite like a tattoo like that to be honest!" he muttered to her, and they both laughed. Ron however continued to scowl while Hermione wore a constant sour expression that matched Crookshanks' hissing. Their haughtiness persisted into an awkward silence as they made their way to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. It seemed that Ron and Hermione were going to make the Vallatus class that evening rather more difficult for themselves than first expected… and now Harry was more than wholly content that he would be paired with Ginny, and he couldn't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.