Chapter 13 – Courage comes to an end

Meghan was sitting in front of her tent holding Milas. Everybody was busy preparing to leave for battle. It would not be far away from camp, but far enough to keep the rest safe.

When she woke up in the arms of Ilphas this morning it surprised her that she didn't feel uncomfortable. She knew how he felt about her, and she couldn't return those feelings if she wanted to. But still she felt more than comfortable around Ilphas. It scared her. Just like today scared her.

"Goodmorning." She heard behind her when Ilphas came walking from the direction of Nasuada's tent.

"Are you ready to be healed?" he asked, a little smile dancing around his mouth. How could he be smiling now?

"yes." Meghan answered trying to limit the use of her voice to not let him hear how scared she really was. She was staring down into Milas' clear blue eyes, Murtagh's eyes.

"You can take him if you want to." Ilphas said, waiting for her to come with him.

Meghan was surrounded by three elves, and then there was Ilphas. Holding Milas like there was not a care in the world. He looked at her with peaceful eyes, his mouth still smiling just the tiniest bit. He didn't look human, he looked like an elf was supposed to look. And now he seemed more distant and out of reach then he ever had been. The three other elves layed her down and started to roll up her blouse. She was already in her battle clothes. She could feel cold hands, and then a warm glowing feeling. Like something surreal was happening to her. It was nothing like the time she got healed while she served Galbatorix. There was no pain at all. Everything was blurry and good and quiet all at once. The elves didn't speak, they never spoke to her. All of a sudden, the cold hands and the silence was gone. And there was Milas crying out loud. She sat up straight and looked at the elves.

"Thank you." She said and she meant it, the elves just simply nodded and turned to walk the other way. Why wouldn't they look at her?

Her thoughts returned to Milas crying and she got up. Ilphas walked her way.
"You did well." He said, his voice serene. She took Milas in her arms and shook him gently.

"Ssh, it's okay." She could feel tears well up in her eyes "It's okay." She said again, trying to convince herself along the way. She turned from Ilphas to walk around the tent with her baby. Slowly but carefully. She felt great, physically. Mentally she felt like a mess. She didn't know what to do, eventhough it was carefully told to her several times, she didn't know how to feel.

"I love you Milas. More than anything in the world. And you'll grow up to be a beautiful and strong young man. And I hope to see that someday." Milas grabbed her finger with his little hands and put it in his mouth. He seemed content with his mother's attention.

"You will." She could feel Ilphas slender fingers on her shoulders and turned.
"We don't know that. If Galbatorix finds out.." Meghan stopped her sentence from becoming sound. Ilphas closed his eyes, trying not to think of what she just suggested.
"Listen to me," he took her face into his hands "You, and him" he looked down at Milas "and hopefully Murtagh will be happy. You won't be like this forever. You deserve peace. All the Varden do. And what you do is not only important for Murtagh, it's also of great importance of your people. To be willing to do this for them, makes you an incredible human Meghan." He kissed her forehead and something deep inside Meghan said that this felt a lot like a goodbye.

"Now when you leave this tent. You don't look back. I promise I will guard your child with my life, and you make sure that you come back to him."

He sounded so much like a human again, he even looked like one. His eyes full of worry and so earnest. She could feel a peace of her heart break at that moment. He carefully but deliberately took Milas out of her arms. She bend down and kissed her son.

"I love you." She whispered.

"He knows." Ilphas whispered back. She touched her child one last time, hearing the men outside getting ready to leave, and then looked at Ilphas.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and she was sorry. Sorry for everything, for not loving him the way he loved her, for being such a burden, for leaving him behind. She kissed him briefly on the mouth and turned. Tears in her eyes as she left her best friend and child behind. Everything seemed blurry as the tears escaped from her eyes. She took her weapons and walked to the nearest wagon to sit side by side with two young men about her age. They seemed far to young to go for battle, which reminded her of her own age yet once again. She sighed and shut her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying again. Slowly she breathed in and out when the carriage took off for battle.

"Meghan!" she heard a voice in the distance and she didn't recognize it as reality at once. "Meghan!" she felt someone poke her and opened her eyes. She looked at where the sound had come from. Ilphas was running after the carriage, he was fast and elegant as he slowly seemed to catch up on the riding carriage. She got up to look at him.
"What are you doing?!" she cried almost hysterically. Someone held her to keep her from falling off the wagon. When he made it to the carriage he easily jumped on it, avoiding the many men riding along.

"I couldn't let you go. Not without me being there to keep an eye on you when things go wrong." he said while holding her small head in his hands and hugging her. "I couldn't."