Disclaimer: Thou disclaimith what thy do not ownith. Thus thou disclaimith this, that is not ownith by thee.
Much of this chapter was written at 1 in the morning after watching both MIBs, it turned out surprisingly sane.
September 06 - Wednesday - Fountain of Youth
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Brotherhood house crack of dawn.
'Beep.' The alarm clocks woke the mutants and human.
"I hate those things." Wanda hexed hers into an early grave.
"DIE!" Good Fred jumped on his.
'Phatoo' Todd slimmed his.
'Splash' Pietro dropped his in the middle of the ocean.
'TWANG!' Lance opened a crack into the earth burying it.
'BANG' Arcade shot his.
"I'm going back to bed." Todd, Good Fred and Arcade all groaned.
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Kitchen, Wanda, Pietro, and Lance.
"So are we going to school?" Pietro asked the other two non lazy ones.
"It burned down, remember?" Lance sighed.
"Oh right forgot." Pietro laughed and speed of to a local waffle house to get his food.
"Go get the mail." Wanda order Lance as she used her hexes to make her cereal pour itself.
"Do this, do that." Lance grumbled as he got the mail, "Since when do we get mail?"
"HEY! We got something from Arizona!' Lance ran back into Wanda and a newly returned Pietro.
"Really? From who?" Wanda asked.
"Says it's from Todd." Lance read, "'Help me and Freddy and the computer kid are trapped in a post office in Arizona. Blame Forge.'" (A/N:1)
"WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM! FREDDY WAS GOING TO COOK TO NIGHT!" Wanda jumped up and shouted.
"YEAH HE WAS COOKING SNAILS AND FROG LEGS!" Pietro yelled.
"He decided not to do frog legs after Toad overheard him." Lance pointed out.
"For someone who claims there is a difference between frogs and toads, Toad sure is sensitive about frogs." Wanda said.
"Didn't we just rescue these three a few days ago?" Lance asked no one.
"How'd they get there in a night?" Pietro asked.
"IT WAS FORGE AGAIN!" Wanda snapped, "THAT MUTANT CAN'T KEEP HIS INVENTIONS TO HIMSELF!"
"So, how are we getting to Arizona this time?" Lance asked.
"Same as last time. Steal the X-jet from the X-Jerks." Wanda said and finished off her breakfast.
"We crashed the X-jet last time." Lance pointed out.
"We'll use the Blackbird then." Wanda shrugged, "Both can get us there fast." And with that the three mutants left for the X-Mansion.
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10 minutes later.
"Where are the others?" Arcade asked the two other lazy people who had been chased from bed via demonic alarm clocks.
"Who knows." Todd said as he cornered a cockroach.
"NO REMEMBER LAST TIME!" Good Fred screamed and saved the roach, which was just a regular bug.
"Oh right forgot." Todd muttered and snagged a fly.
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X-Mansion
'DING DONG!' The X-man doorbell could finish its ring unlike the Brotherhood doorbell.
"Do all the X-Geeks sleep in?" Pietro asked.
"They have morning training sessions." Lance said.
"I'm tired of waiting." Wanda snapped, "One witches entrance coming up." She began to wave her arms causing the gate to bend and twist onto itself.
"Nice, you could give your dad a run for his money." Lance said amazed at the perfect Celtic knot Wanda had made from the gates.
"I know, I have been practicing." Wanda said as she marched up the path, hexing security lasers that opposed her.
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Outside the Danger Room
"Do you hear an alarm?" Scott asked his exhausted team.
"Who cares." Rogue grumbled.
"Hopefully they have come to put us out of our misery." Kurt groaned.
"No more joint sessions where both Scott and Logan are teaching." Jean moaned as she stumbled along.
"That was fun mates." St.John laughed.
"John," Piotr turned to his friend, "You have to much energy for your own good."
"So?" St.John asked, "Magneto didn't care that much."
"You turned Magneto into an ALCOHOLIC, then he joined you in having to much energy." Piotr said before heading off to a bathroom.
"Who wants to burn something?" St.John laughed.
"We could have another session." Scott said hopeful.
"Don't you have college?" Jean asked.
"I'm thinking of dropping out to have more sessions." Scott shrugged.
"No, the danger room is mine." Logan hissed.
"What?" Scott gasped, "Bu-bu-but my sessions..."
"No." Logan went to grab a beer and a steak.
"Off to college." Jean said and dragged her boyfriend away from the danger room.
"I am kinda glad the school burned down." Bobby grunted and headed to his room.
"Thanks Johnny I owe you one." Kurt laughed and bamfed to his room.
"Shut it, we aren't suppose to mention that." Kitty snapped, "The lawyers clearly said 'DENY EVERYTHING!'"
"Sleep." Rogue said and walked like a zombie to her and Kitty's room.
"I am so glad us New Mutants don't have to do morning sessions today." Amara laughed.
"If you don't have sessions, why are you up?" Kitty asked as St.John made funny faces at her behind her back.
"Uh no reason." Amara giggled and left.
"What?" Kitty asked clueless before leaving, "Might as well sleep."
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Driveway, Scott and Jean.
"What happened to the gate?" Scott asked as they drove by the ruined gate, not noticing the Brotherhood ringing the doorbell at the actual door.
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Main hall
"What burns?" St.John asked as he wandered around.
'DING DONG'
"Visitors? I hope it is the mail man. He always has the best kindling." St.John opened the door.
"Hello Pyro." Wanda said.
"Sorry my sweet Wanda." St.John said, "I have moved on, I no longer am inspired by you."
"THANK YOU JESUS NOW HAVE TOAD ACT LIKE PYRO..." Wanda yelled raising her hands to the sky, "Uh, without the whole pyromaniac thing..."
"We aren't here for your love lives." Lance sighed, "By the way where is Kitty?"
"Not here for love lives?" Pietro laughed and sped inside, "Jubilee, where for art thou?"
"Alright Romeos." Wanda grabbed Pietro before he sped off again, "Pyro, we need to barrow the Blackbird to get to Arizona."
"Wanda, you don't get to fly this time." Lance gasped just realizing that they were doing something very similar to last time.
"Or you Lance, you are afraid of heights, I doubt you could fly that well." Pietro laughed.
"And defiantly not you, brother." Wanda said.
"I'll fly." St.John volunteered.
"Better than anyone else." Lance shrugged.
"True." Wanda nodded, "Okay, we will let the crazy person, who has burned down half the town, fly us across the country. To rescue a stalker, a pile of lard, and a computer obsessed geek."
"That makes it sound bad." St.John complained.
"Let's get this over with." Lance sighed.
"For a psychic Baldy doesn't seem to be that aware of his surroundings." Pietro said as the group went to the hanger, passing the kitchen where Logan was drinking Beer.
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Hanger
"Can you fly this thing?" Lance asked as they boarded the Blackbird.
"I got a crash course in all the vehicles." St.John laughed.
"I hope he wasn't being literally." Pietro mumbled.
"I am always literal." St.John said seriously.
"Eep." The three Brotherhood members eeped.
"Which way to Arizona?" St.John asked from the pilot's seat.
"I have bad feeling about this." Lance sighed.
"STOP!" Piotr ran into the hanger, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING JOHN?"
"Going for a joy ride, and these three need help getting there friends." St.John pointed to the Brotherhood.
"Please help us Tin Man." Wanda begged in a very un-Wanda like fashion, with the puppy dog eyes and the eyelashes, the whole nine yards, with and extra two feet for safe measures.
"Of course, I am a gentleman I do whatever a lady wishes." Piotr gave a small bow and boarded the blackbird, "I have always wondered, is this considered a helicopter or a jet? It has those engines in back."
"Peter drives." Lance said.
"Pilots." Wanda corrected, "It is a plane, Peter will pilot."
"Wouldn't it be fly?" Pietro asked.
"We're burning candle light let's go." Lance grabbed the other two and boarded the plane.
"Burning? Where?" St.John asked.
"Just fly." Lance ordered Piotr.
"Pilots." Wanda corrected.
"Who cares?" Piotr asked.
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Xavier's Room.
"AH!" Xavier shot up as the Blackbird took off, "Did the Brotherhood steal another vehicle?"
"Yes." Ororo walked in carrying his breakfast, "Even if you are paralyzed, couldn't you get a student to get your own food instead of me?"
"No." Xavier said, "Go place an order for a new Blackbird. I have a feeling we won't get this one back."
"Why do I stay here?" Ororo asked herself, "I got more respect as a goddess."
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Blackbird
"Turn that way." St.John ordered, having been put on navigation duty.
"Okay," Piotr turned, "I must have had American geography messed up. I thought Arizona was west not south of us."
"Checkmate." Lance said, beating Pietro for the fifth time since they took off, five minutes ago.
"I can't hear our pilots." Wanda said starring at the two former Acolytes.
"Who cares." Pietro shrugged.
"For once I am not airsick." Lance said, "Why are we flying south?"
"Who cares?" Pietro asked.
"No one." Wanda said before beating Lance in under five moves.
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Brotherhood House.
"So what do you want to do?" Todd asked the other two as they sat watching TV.
"I don't know. What do you want to do?" Good Fred asked.
"I don't know. What do you want to do?" Arcade asked.
"I am sensing a pattern." Todd said watching a fly.
"This is boring." Good Fred complained.
"This is safe." Arcade sighed, "No cockroaches, quasi-secret quasi-governmental agencies, mutant geniuses, teleportation, crazed sugar hyped mutant duplicators, and MY PARENTS AREN'T HERE! HAHA!"
"Yo, at first his parental problems were funny," Todd said, "but now it is just disturbing."
"Preach on brother, preach on." Good Fred watched as Arcade enter rant mode, "Want to eat some more?"
"No, that last ant filled me up." Todd said as Good Fred got his body mass moving.
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Blackbird
"I didn't know that this could go this fast." Wanda said as the Blackbird hit a milestone in aviation speed.
"I wish I didn't know." Lance moaned, "So much for not being air sick."
"JOHN LET GO OF THE GAS!" Piotr screamed from the cabin.
"YOU WERE GOING TO SLOW!" St.John laughed, "THIS BABY CAN GO FASTER!"
"This is slow." Pietro yawned and sat back to relax.
"Oh lookie an ocean." Lance groaned, "Since when has there been an ocean in Arizona?"
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Brotherhood House
"Who wants to prank call people?" Arcade finally calmed down.
"ME ME!" Good Fred shouted, jumping from foot to foot.
"Here." Arcade tossed him the hand set.
"Put it on speaker phone." Todd laughed.
"Okay." Good Fred managed to push the button, "This button, then the is one..." He began to enter a phone number.
"Hello Xavier's circus side show. Please state your name business and what you can do to bring in spectators. Remember being a freak isn't that bad." Bobby greeted them.
"Is your fridge running?" Good Fred asked him.
"Is this a prank call?" Bobby sighed.
"Yes, now answer. Is your fridge running?" Good Fred asked again.
"No, in fact Logan got mad when he ran out of beer and sliced it in half." Bobby sighed.
"You weren't suppose to say that." Good Fred said, "You were suppose to say 'yes' then I say 'Than you better go catch it.' then I hang up."
"Good bye." Bobby hung up.
"How rude." Todd said.
"Call Kelly." Good Fred ordered Todd.
"Hello, Kelly here. Your representative in the government." Kelly answered, "Tired of mutants and other freaks? Vote me in and we will kill them all."
"Is your fridge running?" Todd asked.
"How original." Arcade muttered.
"I KNOW THAT VOICE!" Kelly yelled, "YOU DIRTY MUTANT! WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME! GET OFF THE PHONE YOU FREAK OF NATURE!"
"KELLY!" A very rich backer of Kelly walked into the office to see Kelly screaming into a phone.
"Uh, look it isn't how it appears."
"How could you Kelly." Arcade lied into the phone, "I was going to vote for you but accusing me of being a mutant. You can count on me to vote for the other guy."
"But but...?" Kelly stuttered.
"I can't back you if you keep driving away votes." The rich backer left Kelly.
"Not again." Kelly moaned as the Brotherhood hung up.
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Blackbird
"Is that Myrtle Beach?" Wanda asked starring at the ground.
"It is." Pietro looked out a window.
"Make it stop." Lance groaned.
"I think we are lost." Piotr groaned. "How can you not find an entire state?"
"We, let's see what do we know about American Geography?" St.John asked.
"New York is just below Canada?" Piotr said.
"Right. Where is Arizona." St.John asked.
"We, let's see. It's a desert..." Piotr thought.
"So it is hot, and to get hot you have to go south." St.John said, "So we are headed in the right direction."
"Okay. I trust you." Piotr sighed, "Despite what my instincts tell me."
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Brotherhood house.
"Duncan can be so rude." Good Fred sighed as he hung up.
"I'll say, did you hear his language." Todd said, shocked that his innocence was ruined, again.
"Who's next?" Arcade asked.
"Let's use the phone book." Good Fred pulled a half eaten phone book out of the drawer.
"That is odd." Arcade said.
"Bond James Bond." Good Fred read the name his finger had landed on.
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Florida swamp.
"Okay, we are lost." Wanda said after the group landed to ask for directions, and gas.
"I'll say, look the sigh says this is Florida." Lance pointed to a say that said 'This is Florida, where old folk search for the fountain of youth in their retirement. And pot dealers rule.'
"Okay..." Piotr read the sign, "We need to get more fuel might as well refuel here."
"Who sales airplane fuel around here?" Lance looked at the swamp they were in.
"Perhaps it would be best to buy tickets on a commercial plane. We might end up in Russia if we try flying again." Wanda sighed.
"Mother Russia?" Piotr asked, "Can we go there?"
"No." St.John laughed, "Does swamp gas burn?"
"NO!" Everyone shouted to stop him from trying.
"It doesn't darn." St.John pouted.
"Let's start walking." Lance sighed and picked a random direction to walk.
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Brotherhood house.
"Why is an English guy in the Bayville phone book?" Arcade asked the other two when they hung up.
"Don't know. It's lunch time." Good Fred said and headed to the kitchen, "We're out of food."
"Pizza, Chinese, or Mexican?" Todd asked.
"Chinese." Arcade decided.
"I know this new one that opened up to replace the one that closed down on Main street." Good Fred said. (A/N:2)
"Good idea opening the same type of store as the one that just closed down." Arcade laughed at that lack of logic. (A/N:3)
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Florida
"Let's try that house." Piotr pointed to a house where two old people were in rocking chairs.
"In my day girls didn't wear that much make up." The old lady said glaring at Wanda.
"WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT GRANNY?" Wanda snapped.
"Please, Wanda behave." Piotr sighed, "Missus, we wish to know how to get to Arizona, and where we may acquire jet fuel."
"Arizona is on the other side of the country boy." The old man said, "As for jet fuel have to ask the naval base for it."
"That you." Piotr smiled not noticing the old woman and Wanda getting into a fight.
"HEY BILL THIS FREAKY GIRL IS A MUTIE!" The woman screamed after being hexed.
"CALL THE COPS!" Bill shouted to no one.
"YOU CALL 'EM I AM GOING TO SHOW THIS GIRL WHAT WE DO TO MUTIES!" The old lady jumped on Wanda.
"What is the number for nine one one?" Bil stared at the phone.
"Try nine one one." Piotr suggested.
"Why would it be that?" Bill asked.
"I don't know." Piotr shrugged.
"Good a guess as mine." Bill dialed.
"Hello, police." A voice greeted them.
"A hot witch is beating my wife up." Bill said.
"Bill is that you?" The cop sighed.
"Yes."
"Have you been drinking again?" The cop asked.
"A little." Bill admitted.
"Go to bed Bill." The cop hung up.
"Now who is going to help us?" Bill asked.
"Try calling the operator." St.John suggested.
"Hello operator?" Bill dialed the operator.
"Yes. How may I help you." The operator answered without emotion.
"A hot witch is beating my wife up. Who is the local authority on such things?" Bill asked.
"The LAST. You can reach them at star one three." The operator said without emotion, "Do wish for me to connect to them for you?"
"Yes please." Bill said.
"Hello Florida LAST office. Haltrut speaking." Haltrut answered.
"A hot witch is beating my wife up, can you help." Bill said.
"First off, are you drunk?" Haltrut asked.
"I had two beers." Bill admitted.
"Okay that would be a tipsy." Haltrut muttered, "Is anyone a mutant?"
"The hot witch who is beating my wife up is." Bill said.
"SO AM I!" St.John shouted into the handset.
"ME TO!" Pietro laughed into the phone.
"Me to." Piotr said calmly.
"I am to." Lance shrugged.
"Yes lots of mutants here." Bill said.
"Okay, I'll see if the boss wants to send the omega team." Haltrut said, "Please hold."
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Florida LAST office.
"HEY MEDUSA!" Haltrut yelled.
"WHAT?" The clone of the Medusa of myth yelled back.
"Should we send omega team out to this call?" Haltrut asked, "A hot witch is beating a man's wife up."
"Sure whatever." Medusa shrugged and turned back to the want ads.
"VIVILLIA! JARED! Y'ALL HAVE A MISSION!" Haltrut yelled farther into the base, "DON'T MESS UP LIKE THE TIME WITH THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!"
"WE WON'T!" Both yelled back remembering the accident that had forever stuck them at the age of 19.
"Are you still there?" Haltrut turned back to the phone.
"Yes." Bill answered.
"Two agents are on there way." Haltrut hung up and began searching the want ads, "Here's a sane job, asylum security guard."
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Bill and the old Lady's house, in Florida.
"Pawn takes pawn." Wanda said to the old lady as the two played chess after their fight.
"Maybe I should tell those nice LAST people that we don't need them anymore?" Bill asked himself as he got St.John same beer.
"This isn't beer, it's water." St.John pouted.
"Someone call for their LAST hope?" Jared knocked the door over.
"That was pathetic." Vivillia sighed, "Besides their last hope is the Alpha team, not us."
"YOU COME UP WITH A CATCH SAYING!" Jared yelled.
"We don't need a catch saying." Vivillia said.
"Yes we do. The men in black have one." Jared said.
"They are fake." Vivillia pointed out.
"So?"
"We are real." Vivillia sighed.
"I told you already. We are a dream in an intergalactic mushroom eating monkey." Jared sighed.
"While that explains the world's craziness," Vivillia sighed, "It is unscientific."
"So is the fountain of youth." Jared pointed out, "If you had just believed we wouldn't be stuck this young."
"Shut it." Vivillia sighed, "We are here to help."
"The fights over." Bill told them, "Want some crayfish?"
"Sure." Jared grabbed a handful.
"Okay." Vivillia grabbed a larger handful.
"So the fights over." Jared said looking at the two fighters, "So that's the hot witch. She is hot."
"JARED! YOU ARE FORTY YEARS OLD!" Vivillia snapped.
"But the fountain of youth-" Jared began.
"DOES NOT MATTER!" Vivillia slapped him.
"Uh weird LAST guys." Wanda said nervously as the two agents fought, "You guys are suppose to help people right."
"Right." Vivillia turned from a bleeding Jared.
"Can you get us some jet fuel, and a map to Arizona?" Wanda asked.
"Sure." Jared handed her a map, slightly bloody.
"Why do you carry a map to Arizona around?" Vivillia asked.
"No reason." Jared shrugged, "That fortune teller at the carnival last year said it would come in handy."
"Okay..." Vivillia groaned.
"About the jet fuel?" Wanda asked.
"Didn't we leave some by the fountain?" Vivillia asked Jared.
"Yup, right before you pushed me in we put it there." Jared nodded.
"You pushed me in." Vivillia grunted.
"No you pushed me in, then I pulled you in." Jared said.
"Oh right forgot." Vivillia nodded.
"Okay, where is the fountain of youth?" Lance asked.
"Just north of here." Jared pointed south.
"That's south." St.John said.
"Oh right." Jared turned his entire body around 180 degrees.
"We are going to get lost aren't we?" Wanda groaned.
"Oh yeah." Vivillia nodded.
"Come back now y'all." Bill smiled and handed each person a sandwich.
"I will beat you in a rematch." The old lady grunted looking at the chess board.
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Main street Bayville.
"I hope Duncan doesn't mind us borrowing his car." Arcade said as he got out of the stolen car, "And why is it that all of you Brotherhood guys know how to hot wire a car?"
"Whenever Lance went into a Kitty daze we had to steal his car to get food." Good Fred said.
"Oh right." Arcade nodded.
"Here it is." Good Fred smiled at the restaurant, "Hope they got rid of the ghost."
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Secret Florida trail leading to the Fountain of Youth.
"Why are we following them?" Pietro asked, "We don't know their names."
"The guy is Jared." Wanda said, "Remember the girl yelled at him for calling me hot. Not that I minded."
"Normally you would kill someone for saying that." Lance said.
"I know." Wanda shrugged, "I think the swamp fumes are going to my head."
"HEY CHICK! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!" Pietro yelled at Vivillia.
"Vivillia, call me Viv cutie." Vivillia said and winked at Pietro.
"Please don't hit on my brother when I am in ear shot." Wanda groaned.
"You were hitting on him." Pietro pointed at Jared.
"Was not." Wanda defended, "I merely said I didn't mind."
"HE'S 40 ACCORDING TO HER!" Pietro snapped waving his arms at the two agents.
"Should we stop this?" Piotr asked.
"No." Lance cautioned, "Best to let them tear each other apart now." Lance turned to the combatants, "I CALL PIETRO'S STEREO!"
"I MIGHT WIN!" Pietro snapped.
"I wish I had the video camera." St.John sighed, "At least it burned well."
"DIE PIETRO!" Wanda shot a hex bolt at him.
"Do they always fight?" Vivillia asked the mutants that weren't fighting.
"Yes." Lance nodded.
"I am glad I decided to live with the X-men." St.John laughed watching the two fight, aka Wanda beating up Pietro.
"Beats cable." Lance shrugged, "Much better than wrestling."
"I still think we should stop them." Piotr said.
"Do you want Wanda to magnetize you in the middle of a kitchen?" Lance asked. (A/N:4)
"No." Piotr replied.
"Then don't interfere." Lance said.
"She's so cute when she's mad." Jared sighed.
"DUDE YOU ARE FORTY!" Vivillia yelled.
"You hit on the boy." Jared said.
"THAT'S DIFFERENT!" Vivillia shouted.
"How?" Jared asked.
"Uh..." Vivillia thought, "I am going to blame the teenager hormones for my actions."
"If you can do that so can I." Jared stated.
"Fine." Vivillia sighed.
"Do all people in your business have similar stories as you guys?" Lance asked.
"Most." Vivillia sighed.
"Don't even ask about the heads in DC." Jared laughed, "That is so messed up it isn't even funny."
"Then why are you laughing?" St.John asked.
"Huh?" Jared blinked.
"If it is so messed up that it isn't funny. Why are you laughing like it is funny?" St.John said.
"I don't know." Jared said slowly.
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Chinese restaurant
"Did you feel a blast of cold air?" Arcade asked walking in.
"Yes." Todd nodded looking around and pointed to a statue of a one eyed man, "That seems creepy."
"That is very similar to the picture of the guy that was murdered in the last store." Good Fred said.
"Welcome." A slightly green skinned girl said from behind a counter.
"We would like a seat." Arcade gulped.
"Very well." The girl led them into the empty seating area, "A waiter will be right with you."
"I will be your waiter today." A man with an eye patch walked up to them.
"I'll have the chicken." Good Fred said.
"Very good choice." The man grunted through clenched teeth.
"Just water." Arcade whimpered.
"Whatever is in those roach motels you have in the corner." Todd said.
"Very good sirs, it will be right out." The waiter turned to leave, "By the way the bathroom is over there." he pointed to a short dark dingy hallway.
"Okay, no one is to become separate from the group." Arcade said.
"Right." Todd agreed.
"Why not?" Good Fred asked clueless.
"Whose idea was this?" Arcade said seeing the green girl pick up the roach motels.
"Freddy's." Todd whimpered as he watched a Chinese man bring out Arcade's water. The man's feet weren't touching the ground.
"I wonder why people think this place is haunted?" Good Fred asked.
"Here you go sir." The green lady smiled at Todd and handed him his roaches.
"Thank you." Todd smiled at her and after she left added, "That girl has a lovely skin tone."
"Here's your water." A floating man handed Arcade a glass.
"Thanks." Arcade gulped seeing that he wasn't touching the ground.
"Your chicken sir." The man with the eye patch grunted as he handed Good Fred his a large plate of chicken.
"Wow this is a lot." Good Fred stared at it, "Why is it human shaped?"
"Freddy, Toad." Arcade gulped as the serving staff started circling around.
"I'll miss Wanda." Todd groaned.
"To the living challenged, may they be merciful to us living gifted." Arcade gulped.
"Hey cutie." The green girl ran a hand through Todd's hair.
"MARCY!" The floating man yelled, "BEHAVE WE ARE HERE TO TORTURE THESE SOULS FOR THE PAIN THAT WE HAVE ENDURED!"
"What pain?" Marcy asked.
"THE PAIN OF NOT BEING DEAD!" The one eye man screamed.
"But these guys did nothing." The girl pointed out, "And besides all our murderers have been put on the electric chair."
"Not mine, mine got the needle." The floating man said.
"Mine committed suicide a day before he was to be executed." The one eye man said.
"Still we got justice." The girl said giving Todd a full head massage, "And we don't feel pain so how is being undead torture?"
"LOOK WE ARE GHOSTS!" The floating man yelled.
"I'm a zombie." The one eye man said.
"I'm a vampire." The girl said.
"WHAT!" Todd screamed.
"Don't worry I only drink bugs blood." The girl pinched his cheek.
"Aren't vampires pale." Arcade said.
"Well in most cases." The girl scuffed her feet.
"She means to say that she failed at being a vampire and turned green from the bugs." The ghost sighed.
"Can we leave?" Arcade asked eying the entrance.
"Fine." The one eye man grunted, "Just throw away our plans for revenge on the living."
"I should ask fuzzy about exorcism." Todd said, "Not for you Marcy, for the others."
"What can you do, the ghost is my dad, and the zombie is my brother." The girl shrugged, "See you around."
"Toad, I forbid you from bringing her into the house." Arcade said.
"What was that about?" Good Fred asked finishing his chicken.
"Uh, zombie dude, what was that chicken?" Arcade asked.
"Just some stuff lying in the back, I carved it into that shape don't worry." The zombie shrugged.
"Good bye." Todd grabbed the other two and left, "See you later cutie!"
"I forbid you from seeing the living." The ghost, her dad, said.
"Why not, he's so cute." Marcy complained.
"Because." The ghost floated away, "Son, remind me never to help you in a revenge scheme."
"But it would have worked if Marcy hadn't gone googoo eyes over the frog." The zombie complained.
"HE WASN'T A FROG!" Marcy snapped, "He was a toad, they are much cuter."
"Go back to your coffin." The ghost ordered.
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Bayville street.
"Never again." Arcade swore, "Never again will I eat at a haunted restaurant."
"She was cute." Todd sighed.
"Good chicken." Good Fred said.
"DON'T EITHER OF YOU CARE THAT WE ALMOST GOT EATEN?" Arcade screamed.
"When did that happen?" Good Fred asked.
"But the girl saved us." Todd sighed, "Marcy..."
"Okay, Freddy doesn't pay attention and Todd is easily distracted." Arcade moaned, "I will not live to be twenty if I hang out with these guys."
--------------------
Florida
"How much farther?" St.John complained.
"John be glad they are helping us. They do not have to." Piotr scolded.
"We've been walking so long." St.John complained, "I just wanna get to Arizona where everything burns quickly."
"I knew there was a reason he was helping us." Lance muttered.
"Here we are." Jared said proudly as he waved his arms at a fountain with a green gold statue of a baby, that do to the running water of the fountain had eroded to a small mound of gold. Not that impressive. Beside the fountain was illegally stored barrels of highly flammable Jet-Fuel, which some sadistic person had marked as flammable hoping a pyromaniac would see the warning and ignore it. Luckily St.John has a little more control than that.
"That's the fountain of youth?" Wanda asked examining the fountain.
"Seems kinda bland." Pietro scoffed, "The gold has turned green. And what is with the mud in the larva?"
"Bugs come to lay their eggs and accidentally get reverted to larva and can never grow beyond that." Vivillia explained.
"And the government is trying to discourage people from drinking from it by putting larva in there." Jared added.
"Man I am thirsty." St.John walked up to the fountain ignoring the multiple warnings and bugs.
"NO JOHN!" Piotr grabbed St.John.
"Let go." St.John pulled himself from Piotr's grasp, tripping on some larva which had died once exiting the water and dehydrating. "AH!" and of course St.John fell in grabbing Piotr to stop him.
"DON'T GRAB ME!" Piotr screamed as St.John pulled him in.
"This remind me of something." Vivillia muttered watching the scene unfold.
"I was already in the water before I pulled you in." Jared said, "These guys fell in at the same time."
"I CAN'T SWIM!" St.John screamed.
"It is only a foot deep." Piotr sighed.
"AH! I AM DROWNING! SAVE ME HOT SECRET GOVERNMENT AGENCY WORKER!" St.John screamed.
"What?" Vivilla asked her voice eerily similar to Wanda's.
"SAVE ME SOME ONE!" St.John screamed.
"Fine." Piotr groaned and grabbed St.John, dragging him to the edge."
"You two seem smaller." Lance said looking at the two mutants in ill fitting clothes.
"I feel sixteen again." St.John laughed.
"You probably are." Vivillia said.
"Aren't you two at all concerned about this?" Wanda asked the two agents.
"Not really." Jared shrugged.
"Y'all are the ones who have to live with those two as teenagers." Vivillia said, "With teenage hormones." she added to Wanda, nodding in the direction of St.John.
"Great." Wanda moaned.
"Let's just get the fuel, and a map to Arizona." Lance groaned realizing that Piotr could now legally compete for Kitty.
"All righty then, who is going to carry it?" Jared said looking at the large barrels.
"Petey-" St.John began.
"Why am I always the pack mule?" Piotr asked picking up four barrels, "I could get six if I was still bigger."
"Four will get us there though? Right?" Wanda asked.
"I don't know, I have only just figured out how to fly it. Not refuel it or how much fuel it uses." Piotr said.
"Great." Lance groaned.
"What's life without some uncertainties?" St.John laughed.
"Safe?" Lance asked.
"Actually living?" Wanda asked.
"Both are over rated." St.John laughed, "I love being younger."
"How many years did you lose?" Lance asked.
"Nineish." St.John said.
"And yet he is as mature as he was." Piotr muttered when St.John started to play with baby ants.
--------------------
Bayville.
"Now what?" Arcade asked the two mutants.
"Arcade?" Todd asked.
"What?" Arcade responded.
"No I meant go to the Arcade." Todd said.
"Oh right." Arcade nodded, "I will beat you at any game."
"Is that a challenge?" Todd pulled himself up to his full height.
"Yes." Arcade said calmly.
"Bring it little man." Todd accepted his challenge.
"How can you call me little? I am taller than you." Arcade said.
"I am taller than both so stop fighting." Good Fred intervened before Todd answered.
"Fine, how are we getting there?" Arcade asked.
"Walk." Good Fred said.
"Steal a car." Todd said at the same time.
"It's right there." Good Fred pointed to the Arcade.
"Yo, I wanted to hot wire another car." Todd said.
"On the way home." Arcade said. "Did I just con don stealing? Did I just call the boarding house home?"
"Yes and yes." Good Fred said and opened the door.
"YO THEY HAVE BUGS IN THE CORNER!" Todd shouted when he saw cockroaches in the corner, causing a small riot of angry soccer moms who had brought their kids to the arcade.
"WHAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT IS THIS!" An angry mom screamed grabbing her child away from the grimy controls of a game.
"One that can't afford a janitor." The sole worker said.
--------------------
Florida
"I think we are lost." Piotr said after the group had passed the same tree for the sixth time in a couple of minutes.
"We are not lost." Jared said looking around.
"You know I am impressed." Vivillia said to Wanda, "Those two are handling losing a few years of their age better than me and Jared did. And a lot better than Nicole."
"Who?" Wanda asked as the men tried to figure out where they were.
"Another agent she fell into the fountain saving me and Jared." Vivillia shrugged, "All three of us had psychotic episodes shortly after that. She quit and is now working for some secret club thing, Hell something or another."
"Maybe they are still in shock. They might have their episodes later." Wanda said watching St.John burn a small tree, "Though Pyro might not notice anything different."
"He is very weird." Vivillia agreed as St.John burned a small bush, "Does he know that this is a state park?"
"No." Wanda replied, "And he doesn't care."
"Okay heads we go left, tails we go right." Jared flipped a coin allowing it to fall to the ground, "Okay what is the probability that it would land on its edge."
"Anything is possible." Wanda said walking over to the guys, "Let's go right as we have gone left the last six times."
"Fine use logic!" Jared said throwing his hands into the air, "What is life without logic!"
"Chaos?" Piotr asked.
"BORING!" Jared and St.John shouted at the same time.
"This is my partner." Vivillia groaned.
"Mystique wants me to recruit him?" Lance asked himself.
"What?" Wanda asked Lance.
"Uhh." Lance glanced around nervously.
"Did you say, 'Mystique wants me to recruit him?'" Wanda asked, "Referring to John. Further implying that you have had contact with my father's supporter?"
"No." Lance lied.
"Good." Wanda hissed.
"This way." Jared proudly lead the group right.
"We will never rescue the others." Pietro mumbled.
"Nope." Pietro agreed, "I am running to Arizona." and with that Pietro was gone. It took him five seconds to find his way out of the park.
"Who wants to bet that Pietro is off to see some hot Russian chick?" Lance asked.
"I am willing to bet she is Chinese." Piotr said.
"I'm going to have to say she's a Mexican." Wanda said.
"I bet she is a Canadian." St.John said.
"Okay," Vivillia sighed, "Can we go now. Jared is starting to leave us." she pointed at her partner, still walking away from them.
--------------------
Bayville Arcade, pretty empty after the bugs were reveled.
"HA I GOT YOU!" Arcade laughed as his frog warrior from Uranus killed Todd's toad warrior from Venus.
"A little more ketchup." Good Fred directed a person behind a counter who was making over three hundred hot dogs for him.
"My demonic doppelganger." Evil Fred said walking up behind Good Fred.
"My dangerous double." Good Fred turned around.
"When you are done eating I will crush you." Evil Fred said.
"This cook is taking a long time. We can fight while he cooks." Good Fred said.
"Very well." Evil Fred agreed, "DIE!"
"YOU DIE!"
"MOVE IT!"
"NO YOU MOVE IT!"
"NO YOU MOVE IT YOU DOPPELGANGER!"
"YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL DOPPELGANGER!"
"NEITHER CAN YOU!"
"WHICH IS WHY I AM NOT USING IT!"
"SO? YOU CAN BARELY SPELL YOUR NAME YOU USE IT!"
"THIS FROM THE PERSON WHO SPELLED HIS NAME AS P-H-R-E-E-D!"
"DOES B-P-H-E-R-E-D MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!"
"Hello police?" The poor cook said into a phone.
"Police here, we deal with everything but mutants." An officer answered.
"Why not mutants?" The cook asked.
"Our insurance refuses to cover us if we deal with them." The officer replied.
"Good bye then." The cook hung up and started cooking again.
"Hey Freddy, got more change?" Todd hopped over.
"Hold on a minute." Good Fred struggled to say as he grappled with Evil Fred.
"Okay." Todd said and snagged one of Good Fred's hot dogs.
"Did that frog just eat one of your hot dogs?" Evil Fred asked as the two giants stopped fighting.
"Yes." Good Fred said in shock.
"YOU NEVER STEAL FOOD FROM A EARLS OR A DUKES!" Evil Fred shouted.
"YEAH!" Good Fred shouted and grabbed Todd.
"Eep." Todd eeped.
"Wow I thought those two hated each other." Arcade muttered, watching Todd get tossed around.
"Want to eat now?" Good Fred asked Evil Fred after Todd stopped moving, and just moaned.
"Sure." Evil Fred said.
"COOK!" Good Fred turned to the exhausted chef, "Three hundred more hot dogs."
"After today, I quit." The cook muttered, plotting murder for his parents who had made him get a job.
"Fine quit tomorrow, cook now." Evil Fred ordered.
"I hope both of them die from high cholesterol." The cook muttered to softly for the two giants to hear.
"Make me a hot dog to." Arcade ordered the cook.
"Fine." The cook groaned, pulling out the last hot dog and flicking a bug off it.
"This place has the best pseudo-hot dogs." Good Fred said eating five in one bite.
"I prefer the ones in the bowling ally myself." Evil Fred said.
"I like the ones that they give away for free at the mall." Arcade said.
"Are any of you going to pay me?" The cook asked.
"No." All three responded.
"Great." The cook groaned, "I'm going to get fired."
"Weren't you going to quit anyway?" Good Fred asked.
"Quitting and getting fired are two different things." The cook said.
"How so?" Evil Fred asked eating his hundredth hot dog.
"Its a pride thing." Arcade said, "One they throw you out because you aren't good enough. The other you leave cause you are to good for them."
"Makes sense." Good Fred said.
"Can you just pay?" The cook asked.
"No." Evil Fred refused, "We have no money."
"Oh right." The cook understood their blight.
"Ow." Todd moaned from the corner.
--------------------
Florida
"Well that should get you to Arizona." Vivillia said to the mutants.
"Thanks for the fuel." Wanda said.
"No problem. Sorry about your friends getting de-aged." Vivillia said, watching Piotr attempt to control St.John.
"I am so glad they joined the X-men and not us." Wanda said.
"Me to." Lance agreed.
"Hey guys." Pietro appeared in a gust of wind.
"So you get to Arizona?" Jared asked, "Or go to a girl?"
"Arizona." Pietro said insulted, "Would I abandon the others to have a fling with a hot Japanese girl?"
"Yes." Everyone said, even the two agents that didn't really know him.
"Fine I did, but I went to Arizona." Pietro said, "They aren't there."
"Where are they?" Wanda asked.
"Don't know, but I am going home." And with that Pietro was gone.
"Great." Lance sighed, "We have no clue where they are."
"Maybe Baldy will let us use that computer mutant finder." St.John suggested.
"Worth a shot." Piotr, "This time Wanda decides what direction we fly in."
"Why not me?" St.John asked.
"Does 'Florida is on the other side of the country from our goal of Arizona' mean anything?" Lance asked.
"No." St.John laughed.
"Great." Lance sighed, "Piotr flies, Wanda and me navigate. Got it?"
"Pilots, Piotr pilots." Wanda said.
"Fine." St.John pouted.
"I wonder where the others are?" Wanda muttered.
--------------------
Bayville.
"Cross this wire with this one." Todd muttered to himself as he prepared the car for their trip home.
"Hurry up people are gathering." Arcade muttered as a small crowd gathered to watch the theft.
"All done." Todd proudly proclaimed as the engine roared to life.
"Let's go." Arcade muttered climbing in with his face covered to prevent to crowd from recognizing him.
--------------------
In the air.
"Turn five degrees to the right." Wanda commanded Piotr.
"Yes ma'ma." Piotr said, turning six degrees.
"I SAID FIVE DEGREES NOT SIX!" Wanda snapped.
"YES MA'MA!" Piotr turned back a degree.
"Wow she is picky." Lance commented.
"Just like most of the sheilas at the mansion." St.John commented.
"I just don't want to get lost again." Wanda muttered, "The X-Losers will blame us for their members de-aging."
"True." Lance agreed.
"We aren't losers." Piotr said.
"Yes you are." Wanda said.
"No we aren't." Piotr defended, "Help me here John."
"Well most of the X-geeks are losers." St.John said, "Except my beautiful burning lovable eagle."
"What?" Wanda and Lance asked.
"Don't ask," Piotr sighed, "Last night he keep talking about some girl he likes. I think it is that fire princess girl, what's her name."
"I pity his room mate." Lance muttered as St.John began to list his crush's qualities, most physical.
"That is me." Piotr said, "The professor said, 'Since you invited him he can stay in your room.' Strange thing, is when I left his office the professor told Mr. Logan that since I brought him here, I had to suffer him."
"Strange." Lance muttered.
"LOOK MATES!" St.John pointed at the console, "It says, 'Auto pilot, return to X-mansion.'"
"Did no one notice that before now?" Lance asked before looking out the window and getting air sick.
"Good thing, I was dreading having to land," Piotr said pushing the button, "I always crash in the Sims trying to get into that tennis court thing."
"Lovely." Lance groaned.
--------------------
Japan
"You are my only love." Pietro told a woman.
"Aren't you that mutant from TV a year ago?" The woman asked.
"Yes." Pietro said.
"I am part of the FOH." The woman said. "FRIENDS ATTACK!"
"AH!" Pietro ran.
--------------------
Bayville
"That was a rather uneventful day." Todd said as the 'lost' members went inside.
"The living undead? Uneventful?" Arcade asked.
"Marcy was a goddess." Todd sighed.
"Great." Arcade groaned.
"That Chinese restaurant had good chicken." Good Fred said.
"Creepy." Arcade said.
"I'm back." Pietro ran inside, "Hey where were you guys this morning?"
"Bed." Arcade said, "Where were you?"
"We thought you were missing we flew to Florida to find you." Pietro said.
"Why would we be in Florida?" Good Fred asked.
"We didn't think you were there we thought you were in Arizona." Pietro said.
"Yo, why did you think that?" Todd asked.
"We got a letter." Pietro said.
"Oh right the letter we mailed before calling you when we got lost last time." Arcade remembered.
"So you were never lost?" Pietro asked for clarification.
"Not recently, we had a nice safe day." Good Fred said.
"SAFE?" Arcade screamed, "WE WERE NEARLY KILLED BY THE LIVING DEAD! AND YOU SAY THAT IS SAFE!"
"Arcade has cracked." Pietro said.
"Yup. They had good chicken." Good Fred said.
"THAT WASN'T CHICKEN! THEY ZOMBIE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WAS!" Arcade screamed.
"She was hot." Todd sighed.
"AH! LOONS I AM LIVING WITH LOONS WHO ARE LOONIER THAN THE LOONS THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME! THE SAME LOONS THAT HIRED OTHER LOONS TO RUN THEIR MANSION! THE LOON THAT THREW ME OUT! I HATE LOONS!" Arcade said, foam forming at his mouth.
"Is this a bad time?" Lance asked walking in with Wanda as cops towed the car they had stolen to get home.
"Wow that jet can fly fast." Pietro said.
"It's a helicopter not a jet." Wanda said, "Piotr and St.John are in trouble with Baldy. And will be at school tomorrow."
"The school burnt down." Pietro said quickly moving Arcade to his room.
"Xavier paid for the repairs, he knows some fast builders." Lance shrugged.
"'Night Pietro, Wanda, Todd, Lance," Good Fred said, "NIGHT ARCADE!" Good Fred said and walked off to bed.
"'Night Lancey wancy poo, slime ball, brother, Freddy," Wanda said as she ascended the stairs, "NIGHT ARCY POO!"
"What happened to her?" Todd asked.
"Two plan rides with Pyro." Lance said, "Night all."
"NIGHT SUGAR PLUM-" Todd shouted at Wanda.
"DIE!" Wanda shot a hex bolt in return.
"I GOT A DATE!" Pietro ran out the door.
"THEY'RE ALL LOONS!" Arcade shouted.
"Wait my dates tomorrow." Pietro ran back inside, "Good night one and all, your master Pietro is retiring for the night."
"DIE EGOTISTICAL BROTHER!" Wanda managed to hit him from her room.
--------------------
Parts Unknown, Asia
"I think we're lost." A replacement general told Jamie #3.
"THEN GET A MAP!" Jamie #3 shouted.
"Where." The general asked him gesturing to the cow fields filled with dead cows and dead vultures.
--------------------
End
Author Notes:
1: Remember the letter the three sent in chapter 10 that would take 3 days to get there?
2: Chapter nine, where Good Fred got his map of China. Closed down because it was haunted.
3: In my town 3 pizza restaurants have all tried to exist in the same building, they all failed. Same with the two shoe stores.
4: Reference to a funny scene in another fanfic on here, forget which one though.
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