Chapter 13: Stay

She couldn't help but smile as they pushed open the doors into Snow Records. Or, at least tried to. "Peeta," she playfully elbowed him. "You have to give me my hand back." She had never been a fan of public displays of affection, always sneering and rolling her eyes at the couples that walked with their hands in each others' pockets. But when she was with Peeta, it was like she was a totally different person. One who liked being touched. And who giggled when he smiled at her. She wondered if this is how people who weren't in the limelight and constantly critiqued acted. She didn't exactly know what brought this Peeta back but she had missed him and was glad he was here again. She felt more alive with him, despite the uncertainty of her future. He instilled a confidence in her she didn't know she had, simply by being around him. She smiled and leaned into his body, savoring his ever present sugar scent. The old Katniss would hate this Katniss.

But this Katniss was very much enjoying being this Katniss. Because this Katniss was being kissed against the wall next to the elevator. It appeared as though the time spent apart had been affecting Peeta just as much as it had her, so when she felt his lips press against hers, she smiled. One hand held her hips still while the other tangled itself in her hair, pulling a few strands loose from her braid. She opened her mouth slightly to allow his tongue access when she felt him tense slightly.

"What's wrong?" She asked when they pulled apart.

His eyes flickered as he looked between her and his feet. His voice was quiet and unsure. "I'm sorry."

She knew that tone, she had heard that tone before. Too many times. Gale used that tone whenever he told her that he had to try to make things write with Leevy. He always did the same thing; he'd pull away, avert his gaze, and suddenly lose all the confidence he usually had. Then he'd say it. 'I'm sorry,' and she knew. Knew he was leaving for her.

Old Katniss was a masochist, giving herself to Gale over and over despite his constant choice of Leevy over and over. Old Katniss seem to get off on the pain. Turns out this Katniss was no different in that respect. Because she heard herself asking the question she always asked Gale. "For what?"

"For what I did."

Her stomach felt like it was full of rocks. "What did you do?" Every possible scenario raced through her head and she wondered if his sudden reappearance and constant compliments and desire to touch her had to do with whatever he was sorry about it. Gale was like that after spending time with Leevy. 'I can't believe I was so stupid and thought she was what I wanted,' he'd say, holding her as tightly as he could and kissing her temple, her cheek, her lips.

He didn't answer right away and she pushed him away. "Peeta. What did you do?"

He ran his hand through her hair and her eyes widened. She recognized his nervous actions and he might as well be screaming his guilt. She set her jaw and turned toward the elevator, slamming the 'up' button as hard as she possibly could.

"Katniss."

There was that tone again. She pressed the button again.

"Katniss."

She felt like she was about to throw up.

His hand reached out and grabbed her arm. She attempted to rip her arm away but his grip tightened. "Katniss!"

She turned to him, having never heard him raise his voice at her before, or anyone, really. "What? What could you possibly have to say to me right now? What do you think is going to make this better, Gale?"

His hold wavered for a beat and she wondered if it was enough time to run out of the studio. He seemed to guess this was her instinct because grabbed both of her shoulders and forced her into the elevator that just opened. He pressed the button that would lead them to the studio floor but then surprised her by slamming his fist against the emergency stop button, causing the elevator to come to a screeching halt.

"I'm not him! He's a dick for what he did to you, Katniss, airing your dirty laundry with absolutely no regard for you or for his wife, shaming you to make himself look better. I hate that you don't think you deserve better than him and that you instantly go to some dark and twisty place when bad things happen. You..." he ran his hand through his hair again. "You are phenomenal, do you get that? Your voice, your fight, your strength, everything about you deserves better than everything you've gotten." He let out an exasperated sigh and softened his voice. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me to be. I avoided you because I hate how much he still affects you and I didn't think I'd ever have that effect on you. But you should never feel that way again or think you're second best to anyone. I would never do that to you. I'm not him."

He pulled on the emergency button and the pair continued their ascent, neither one speaking to the other. Peeta said his peace but Katniss could feel the tension still radiating off of him. She felt like a fish pulled out of water, sputtering noises but unable to form anything that resembled words. She couldn't even get her brain to form thoughts, though there were plenty spinning around.

"I'll meet you in there," he said quietly, stepping off the elevator as soon as it came to a stop.

She nodded and let her body carry her to the recording studio, replaying the last twenty minutes over in her head. How had they gone from being unable to keep their hands off each other, to her calling him Gale in a fight, to him closing himself off to her like she usually did. She didn't mean it. It wasn't like she liked thinking about Gale when she was with Peeta because the two didn't belong in the same world. He had to know that, right? That she would never actually compare the two, not now that she knew Peeta. But he acted like he didn't know, like she constantly thought they were the same person. She felt the anger of the situation rise. Why would he think that she would want to go through that again when he had just watched her break down from it?

"Well who pissed in your scrambled eggs this morning?" Haymitch greeted her as she entered the small room.

"Where's Beetee?" She asked, obviously ignoring her mentor's teasing.

"Woah, must be serious. Want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly."

He let out a loud breath. "Thank goodness. Because I don't think I can handle too much more of your dramatic lifestyle, Sweetheart. You missed a button, by the way," he nodded toward her chest and she quickly glanced down. Sure enough, one of the buttons on her blouse had missed an eye-hole. She flushed, remembering how quickly Peeta had been able to get the shirt unbuttoned to allow him access in the alley outside of the cafe. Just so he could feel her skin under his. A shiver shot through her body at the memory his fingertips ghosting over her.

"Can we just get this over with?" She mumbled, grabbing the headphones and lyrics off the soundboard.

Haymitch watched her with confusion. He had been expecting a totally different Katniss Everdeen for this recording, one who was actually ready and had some sort of fight reinstilled in her. She slammed the door that led to the booth shut and settled herself down on the stool and read over the lyrics as the music played softly behind her. A few seconds later Peeta entered the room. "Is she ready?"

"Is she ready? Does she look ready?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at Peeta, who frankly looked like he got hit by an emotional freight train. 'What the hell happened between coffee with Cinna and now?' he wondered, making a note to talk to the fashion designer about what 'they're both in' meant in his world.

"She'll be fine. It's not really that complicated of a song. She did fine with the last one and that required more."

The boy was absolutely flat, despite his effort to sound confident. "More vocally, maybe. But I read these lyrics, and you know it's going to take a lot out of her to get it right."

Peeta glared at Haymitch. "It's not really requiring that much out of her."

"Yea, except expose herself to everything she'd been hiding from everyone for two years. To finally admit what she did and why she did it and be vulnerable. If you think that's not requiring much then you really haven't learned a damn thing about her."

"You're the one who wanted this, Haymitch. You and Effie were the ones who said she needed to take this road. So it's not really up to me to decide if she's ready for this or not because she doesn't have that choice anymore. You took that away from her when you decided what needed to be done instead of letting her make that decision. So maybe I don't know her as well as you do but I sure as hell respect her more."

Peeta never expected an old drunk to hit that hard. "Don't you ever question my respect for that girl, do you understand me?" He growled, offering a hand to help Peeta off the floor. "Or my level of dedication to her. You think you're the only one who cares about her or is fighting for her? You don't see it because you're too caught up in the personal side of everything. You see her as a girl and not as a musician-"

"That's not true!"

"Let me finish!" Haymitch snapped. "You see her as a girl first and a musician second. That's not a bad thing; it's the one thing the rest of us have been unable to do all this time. We know how to direct her career but you are helping her develop into who she really is. I don't know what the hell happened that got both of your panties' in a twist, but grow up and get over it. You need to be in this for the long haul."

"She called me Gale," Peeta responded, sitting at the soundboard and slamming the headphones over his ears. The song really was simple, which was good since Beetee was off working with Gale on his single which was proving to be somewhat more technically advanced than they originally planned. Haymitch and Peeta were perfectly capable of handling the basics of editing and would send it off to Beetee for final approval.

"Yea, well, she's called me worse. Girl's got a temper like you wouldn't believe, tends to say stuff she doesn't mean without realizing she's doing it."

Peeta looked over at the older man who was now sitting beside him with a smirk. Haymitch's dislike of Gale Hawthorne wasn't lost on Peeta and he realized this was the manager's way of calming the situation down. "You think she's ready?"

Haymitch looked through the glass at her, moving her lips as she read the lyrics. "It's now or never." He pressed a button to speak to Katniss directly. "I'll count you in, Sweetheart."

Katniss wiped away the tear that fell down her cheek. "How was it?"

"Perfect."

She jumped and turned to the door between the recording booth and sound studio. With his hands shoved into his pocket, he leaned in the doorway. "I doubt that. My voice cracked near the end."

Peeta nodded slowly. "That's why it was perfect." He stepped toward her. "You know, when I brought the song up the first time, it was supposed to be like the last one, with a big choral arrangement behind it. Beetee nearly had a heart attack at the amount of work he'd have to do," he chuckled. "Haymitch vetoed that decision pretty quickly. Said it needed to sound more authentic. More raw."

"And did it meet his expectation?"

"Your voice cracked at the end. Every time." He swallowed. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

She shook her head. "I'm not. About earlier, what I said -"

"I know. But, what I said, I'm not." He took another step closer to her, quickly closing the gap between them. "I meant every word. If I ran into him right now I'd probably try to strangle him."

She snorted. "You wouldn't hurt a fly. A wall, maybe, but not a fly."

"I'd hurt him, if he ever hurt you again." And suddenly he was right in front of her, crouching down so they were face to face. He ran his thumb across her cheek bone, caressing her face. "I'd never hurt you, Katniss," he said in a whisper.

"You'll leave, eventually. Everyone does." The emotional outpouring required of the song was still coursing through her veins, affecting everything coming out of her mouth.

He shook his head. "No. Not unless you needed me to."

"So you'll stay with me?" She wasn't pleading, she wasn't begging. For once, she was just asking.

He leaned in and kissed her, their lips gently pressing against one another, conveying everything either one wanted to say and hear from the other. "Always," he answered. He stood and pulled her up with him. A smile played at his lips.

"What?"

"Do you know you missed a button?" His eyes fell to her chest, hers followed, and she laughed. Sure enough, despite her efforts to fix her shirt twice, she still managed to miss an eye-hole. She collapsed against him, wondering who decided she deserved Peeta Mellark.

"Can we just go home?"

Katniss still hated this green room and the all-too peppy intern who kept asking if she wanted anything or needed anything or if there was anything they could do. She really wanted to tell them exactly what they could do but Peeta's hand on top of hers squashed that idea. "She's fine. Thank you, though. You've been very helpful."

Then he smiled that ridiculously charismatic smile and sent the intern away in a giggling tizzy.

"Do you have to do that?" She snapped once the intern left. "You're only encouraging her to come back and 'check up on you, Mr. Mellark.'" She did her best imitation of the accent, which was eerily similar to the one Effie would occasionally slip into.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Wouldn't you rather they come check up on me rather than you?"

"I'd rather them leave us alone."

Peeta pulled her onto his lap and began rubbing her back, pushing her hair over her shoulder. "I know and soon they will. But at least you're getting the attention. Could you imagine doing this without Caesar and his obnoxious interns?"

"No," she sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder as his hands continued rubbing her back. Even though she had been to Cinna's studio for prep work and they attempted to get all the knots out of her back, it seems they missed the one right between her shoulder blades. And when Peeta's hands found it, she sighed his name.

She felt his breathing hitch in his chest as his hands continued rubbing out the knot. Katniss let out another moan, followed by a low growl from him. They had decided to try to take things slow and despite them sleeping in the same bed since the night she recorded the new song, they had done little more than kiss. She shifted her hips until they brushed up against the bulge growing in his jeans. He hissed and she turned her heard and started kissing down his neck, sucking slightly on the spot just behind his ear. He turned and captured her lips with his own; the hand that was previously working out the knot was now pressed flat against her back, bringing her flush against him. The other was gripping onto her thigh, which was moving against his as she continued to grind slowly against him.

"That's going to make me throw up."

Katniss' body immediately stiffened against Peeta's.

"Now Haymitch," Effie said, followed by a sharp smack that Katniss presumed was Effie's hand on Haymitch's arm. "I told you to knock. Young love and all."

'Young love?' Katniss thought, rolling her eyes. She finally lifted her head and her jaw dropped. Effie looked just like Effie, dolled up in a overly constructed turquoise dress that made her shoulders look three times wider than they were. The heinous green and blue flower that wrapped from her shoulder blade to her chest didn't really help the look, nor did the lime green eyeshadow or six inch black ankle boots, but it wasn't Effie who caught Katniss' attention. Standing next to her was Haymitch in clean jeans, a cream button-down shirt rolled up to his elbows and brown vest. His hair was neatly groomed and the stubble on his chin no longer made him look like a wash-up but somewhat presentable. And from the way his hands were twitching slightly, she could swear he hadn't been drinking that day. Not even during her first interview did he look this put-together.

"You...you look good, Haymitch. New haircut?" Peeta asked as Katniss slid off his lap.

"Yea, yea, yea, done gawking?" He snapped, glaring at Effie who was sporting a self-satisfied smile. "You," he pointed to Katniss, "need to get dressed. You'll be up soon. Which means you," he looked at Peeta, "need to come with us."

Katniss kissed Peeta gently on the lips before he got off the small couch. "Where will you be?" She whispered.

"I'll be right off stage, next to Effie. You can do this."

She nodded and held his hand for as long as he could as he made his way out of the room with Effie and Haymitch. Cinna entered as soon as they left with a garment bag similar to the last interview. "Another fiery creation?" she asked, reaching for the bag.

"Not quite. You're aiming for sympathy, remember? So I went with something that should help make you look more innocent." He unzipped the bag and held out a cream dress with a knit overlay, similar to the pattern of the black dress he showed her at the cafe. The sleeves were long and loose, the neckline draped just at her collarbone, and the hem fell mid-thigh. "And maybe we'll make that bastard eat his words," Cinna added, slipping the dress over her head and handing her a pair of thigh-high, lace-up tan boots.

She didn't understand what he meant until he set a green laurel-headband into her curls and turned her into the full-length mirror. She knew Cinna had a magic touch, that was established with his 'girl on fire' look but standing in front of her was a totally different woman. She giggled at the first thought that entered her head at her appearance.

"In Green mythology, nymphs were regarded as divine spirits who were not restricted by societal norms and customs. That's what made them so appealing compared to average Greek women. The label has been bastardized since, as you know, but in their true form, they were the most natural and free creatures on earth."

"You made me a nymph?" She asked, pulling at the hem of the skirt.

"A dryad," he corrected. "A tree nymph, shy around most but with a voice that hypnotizes all who hear it." He adjusted a few strands of hair so they fell over her shoulder. A quiet knock at the door announced that she needed to make her way to the stage.

Katniss nervously shifted her weight as she stood backstage, listening to Caesar finish up an interview and tease the audience with his next, 'very special guest,' as if they didn't know what the point of this show really was. She took a few deep breaths in and out, suddenly wondering if she should have done her interview before her song so she could have used Caesar's banter to calm her nerves.

On the other side of the stage, she could see Cinna, Effie, and Peeta chatting with one another. Cinna looked to be complimenting something about Effie's dress because he gingerly touched her ridiculous shoulders and she'd wave him off with a blush. Peeta looked across and mimicked being sick from their conversation. She snorted then quickly covered her mouth when someone from the show walked past.

She looked up and found him looking back at her. 'You ok?' he mouthed.

'I will be.'

He winked. 'You look beautiful.'

She raised one shoulder and smirked. She wondered if Cinna explained the look to the rest of them. She felt a hand rest on her shoulder and tore her eyes from Peeta to find Haymitch standing behind her.

"Ready, Sweetheart?"

She looked back onstage where Caesar's prep team was dashing off stage. This was it.

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back! Now, I've been teasing you about my next guest all night long, haven't I?" He asked with a wide smile. "The time has come, this is the moment we've been waiting for since her last appearance. Now, I've had the opportunity to hear her single and, let me be the first to predict that it'll be a big hit for this young lady. So here she is, making her debut as a solo artist and performing her first single, is Miss Katniss Everdeen!"

The crowd roared and she felt Haymitch give her shoulder a slight squeeze. She walked nervously over to the wooden stool that was provided in the middle of the performance stage and adjusted the microphone down to her level. "Thank you, Caesar," she said quietly, taking a moment to familiarize herself with how her voice sounded in the room. Even with her earpiece, designed to drown out the outside noise and only allow her to hear the music, she couldn't help but notice how foreign she sounded on a microphone.

She looked over her shoulder at Peeta who was watching her intently. She heard the first few notes on the guitar and pulled her gaze away. She told him everything on the way back from Leevy's and he somehow waded through it all and synthesized it into a coherent flow. He knew the lows of her and Gale. But it didn't mean she could look at him while she sang about it. So when she heard the acoustic guitar count her in, she pulled her eyes from his and focused on her hands in her lap, wrapping and unwrapping her fingers around themselves.

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

Her voice was unsure and her hands were shaking, despite how firmly they were being held by each other. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe she still had time to stop and do the other song. The other song that didn't remind her of the utter mistake that's been her life for the past two years.

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

The end of that note bounced around the audience but all she could focus on was not allowing herself to cry.

What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me?

Katniss hated that line because more than any other, it showed how far in she had gotten. She believed this at one point, and had actually said those words to Gale on more than one occasion.

Why don't you stay?
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

She would never be able to accurately explain what she was feeling onstage in that moment. Anger at Gale, guilt from Leevy, disappointment from...well the list of people who were disappointed in her was probably too long to start. She was no longer nervous, though the emotions of this experience that were bubbling up weren't necessarily any better.
Katniss looked up into the audience and saw she had their complete and undivided attention. Over to her left she could make out her team out of her peripheral, the blond of Peeta's hair, the darkness of Cinnas's trademark outfit, and the ridiculous center of it all in Effie.
She turned her head to the right and saw him. Sitting on a stool identical to her own, a few paces behind her, was Haymitch, focusing on the guitar in his hands. She had never seen him play before, and while age and liquor had taken their toll on his dexterity, she had to admit it was awe-inspiring to be able to see the legend for herself.

He looked up at her once. His coal-grey eyes which were usually a bit muted were now glistening, not from alcohol, but from the moment. He didn't move, only fixated on her, a silent command to keep going.

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting

The tears were threatening. A deep, silent breath kept them at bay.

It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share.
Why don't you stay?
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

That look in Haymitch's eye was for her. And now, because of, or despite of, the mixed thoughts in her head, she knew she had to continue. She knew her mentor and Effie and Cinna and Peeta were right when they said she could be that spark for other people. She heard her voice grow stronger and louder, for all the times she had been so weak and quiet, for the years she spent believing that what Gale gave her was the most she deserved. 'You deserve so much more than that.' And as she sang the bridge, she didn't fight the tears that now spilled from her eyes.

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you?

She tried not to grimace. Just like in the studio, her voice cracked at that note.

So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine...
Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay.

Haymitch played her out, and she released an audible sigh of relief as soon as she knew the microphones had been cut off. She used her thumb to wipe her cheeks. The sound in her earpiece went dead and was replaced by a thunderous applause. Haymitch was suddenly behind her, his hand on her shoulder and she covered it with hers. He leaned down and gruffly whispered, "Nice job, Sweetheart."

"Hard part's done, right?"

"You wish."

She laughed and wiped one last tear from her face. "Guess I should go do my interview now, huh?" She slipped off the stool and strode over to where Caesar was standing beside his desk with a wide smile and open arms. When she reached him, he surprised her by wrapping his arms around her shoulders and leading her to her seat.

Caesar allowed the audience to cheer for a few more minutes before he put his hands up to quiet them down. "That was something. Wasn't that something?" He addressed the crowd who, once again, began cheering and chanting her name. "Katniss Everdeen, you have a magnificent talent. Has anyone told you that?"

"Thank you, Caesar," she answered with a small smile.

"How did that feel, performing alone for the very first time on national television?"

She chuckled. "I'm glad I did it before talking to you, Caesar. Talk about pressure." This caused the audience to laugh and Caesar to clap his hands together enthusiastically. "But, no, I'm still recovering, to be honest."

"I would imagine so. That was quite the performance you gave. Very heart wrenching," he clutched his chest. "Very moving. Though that wasn't the song you originally planning to release as your first single, correct?"

She nodded. "I did record another song awhile ago and had been preparing that one for your show."

"And so what brought on the change? Because from what I understand, your original song had a very different story behind it."

Katniss had to hand it to Caesar to not bluntly bring up what everyone was really wanting to know but teasing it out as though he was sincerely interested in her song choice. "The original song was about starting fresh and letting go of the past, which was really symbolic of what my team and I were trying to do at the time. But, you know things change and we just had to roll with the punches."

"Things have indeed changed since your last appearance, Miss Everdeen. And we'll get to those things when we come back from this break." The audience let out a collective groan and Caesar laughed. "I'm such a tease, aren't I?"

The red light on the camera went out and Caesar's prep team reappeared. Katniss refocused her attention back on her hands. She knew Caesar would ease her into talking about her relationship with Gale but she'd be lying if she said she'd was looking forward to it. Before she knew it, the show was back on.

"Now, Miss Everdeen, I hope you know how much it pains me to bring up the sensitive subject of the last week or so..."

She wanted to roll her eyes. 'I'm sure it's ridiculously painful. For you,' she thought. Instead she smiled. "Oh, Caesar, I just did the most terrifying thing of my life, I think I can handle some questions. Fire away."

He gave her an impressed nod and shuffled a few of the note cards on his desk. "Tell me about the song you just sang. I imagine that was difficult for you."

"Incredibly."

"Did you have any idea, when Mr. Hawthorne announced he was having a press conference, what he was planning on talking about?"

She looked over Caesar's shoulder to the side of the stage that her team had moved over to. Effie gave a slight shake of her head. 'Ah. So Haymitch wasn't kidding when he said she had to do some arm twisting.' Katniss sighed. "It caught us all off guard. Um, luckily, I was able to have my wonderful team around me during and they were a great support."

"I know this may be tough, but we're going to replay a section of his press conference, to give everyone some context." He reached over and patted her hand before cueing someone. The window behind them transformed into an image of Gale sitting in front of a mirage of microphones.

Panicked, she shot quick glances backstage. Apparently neither Haymitch nor Effie knew this was going to happen and they had both quickly cornered two separate interns. Katniss' lips twitched at the extreme horror on those interns' faces as Haymitch appeared to be threatening bodily harm to one and Effie surrounded the other in a turquoise storm cloud. Even Cinna looked troubled, wringing his hands and searching back stage for something.

'You can do this' she saw Peeta's lips tell her. His eyes were locked on hers and even from across the stage, she could detect the darker blue edge that came when he was hyper-aroused. He was upset but kept repeating 'you can do this' to her.

Gale's voice filled the stage. "Thanks, Alma. And thank you all for coming out today. For the past two years I've been incredibly fortunate to be able to follow my dream with my band mates in 'D12'. We've had experiences I could only dream about as a child. I was raised by a single mom with four younger siblings, so the life goal of being a musician never seemed possible.

"My mom worked 12 hour days doing backbreaking work to help pay for my dream. She taught me everything I know about dedication, family, and honor. I have tried to live my life to make her and my little brothers and sister proud." He swallowed and took a hard breath. Katniss gave him credit, once again, for his moving approach. The story about his mother was true, or at least was the same story he told her. His father was a deadbeat who finally ran off for good when his mother was pregnant with his youngest sister; he was rarely around even before then. "Unfortunately, I've discovered that I'm more like my father than I wanted to admit. I've experienced a lot in the past two years, but they've changed me, turned me into a man I don't recognize anymore. There are temptations all around us and one night I gave into them. From that night until a month ago, when the band broke up, I continued to have a sexual affair with my close friend and band-mate, Katniss Everdeen., despite being engaged and eventually married to a different woman.

"I never imagined myself being the type of man who could hurt his wife this badly. I love you, Leevy, and I'm a weak fool who got caught up in another woman's lust. I can only hope you can begin to forgive me and we can pick up the pieces of our relationship that I shattered by lying to you and not being the faithful man I vowed to be."
It didn't matter that Katniss had already seen his announcement multiple times. It still felt like he plunged a knife into her chest and kept twisting. The press conference continued past that point but she thanked her lucky stars Caesar didn't choose to play any additional clips of Gale insinuating that

Katniss initiated the affair and he was just a helpless victim. If she was on the verge of losing it now, she was certain hearing him use those words about her again would do her in.

"I must commend you for watching that with us, Miss Everdeen. I can't imagine what's running through your head," Caesar commented.

"It wasn't easy," Katniss confirmed. "But most of the things that happen in our lives that cause us to grow aren't. I'm not particularly proud of myself for my ... relationship ... with Gale, as he obviously isn't either."

"Did you know he was engaged when you two began your tryst?"

She laughed softly. "Gale and I first met in school."

Every spring the private music academy Katniss attended threw a party to celebrate another successful crop of graduates. Everyone was invited, underclassmen, current graduates, alumni, but until she graduated, she never went. It wasn't a college like most people would imagine, there were no set amount of semesters or credits, it was all performance based. Students trained with instructors until they were deemed ready for their final showcase where, if they passed, they could graduate that term. If not, they simply returned to their instruction until the following term.

She was 20 when she passed her showcase, playing a mixture of classical, improv, and contemporary pieces for her committee and the handful of audience members who must have had nothing better to do that afternoon. She relied on her show choir experience to help quell her nerves and she didn't stumble until she caught sight of a pair of grey eyes so familiar, she could swear she saw a ghost. That one missed note cost her a perfect score.

'You lack concentration, Everdeen.' She nearly dropped her cup of punch when he came up behind her.

Scowling, she kept her gaze forward, surveying the scene. 'Eh, who wants to be perfect?'

'I was.'

'You missed three points, Hawthorne.' She overheard one of her committee members speaking to him after her recital and she immediately looked up his score. 'Do you usually listen to bass showcases on Wednesday afternoons or were you particularly bored today?'

'I'm looking to form a band. Got your name from ol' Abernathy and thought I'd come down and see if you lived up to the hype.'

'And?'

'I'm still talking to you, aren't I?'

She finally turned to face him. Stories about Gale Hawthorne had been floating around the New York campus since she arrived. Not like the legendary Finnick Odair from the California campus, but everyone here knew the Hawthorne name and legacy. He had tied for the highest showcase score on campus until Katniss' performance. But more than that, his brooding good looks and unabashed rebellious spirit meant he could snare any girl he wanted.

He reached into his pocket and handed her a slip of paper. 'If you're interested, give me a call.' He slipped off as quietly as he snuck up on her. She suddenly became interested in the things other girls said that involved Gale Hawthorne. None of which included a steady girlfriend, let alone fiancé or wife.

"At that time, I didn't know, no."

"And when you found out?"

"I was furious, as you could imagine. The band was still in the early stages, trying out members, writing songs, and Gale and I became friends. We had a lot in common and it was an easy match. I didn't think much of it when we never talked about romantic interests. We were friends but not those kind of friends. And when things changed for us, I didn't think to ask. I guess I just assumed we were both in the same place. I was naïve to so much and Gale had been my guide to the music business so I trusted him completely with everything."

Caesar rested his hands on his desk. "How long had you two been together when you found out?"
She bit her lower lip. "Six months. We were on our first North American tour and we made a stop in Lexington. Things were different, but att the time I chalked it up to him being so close to home. I met her," she caught herself from emphasizing 'her' too much. "I met Leevy that night for the first time and when I caught sight of her ring, my heart broke."

She had tried to end things then. They got into a screaming match on the bus that night and it was the first, but not the last, that she told him to get out. And it was the first, but not last, time he walked away. It only lasted a few weeks, their fight, until he assured her that he loved her and wouldn't follow through with the wedding. But he did. And when he told her it was temporary, something he had to do, she believed him.

"Katniss, I think the one thing that everyone is wondering about right now is why you continued to believe him?"

It was the question she often grappled with herself. Logically, it made no sense. "Because love tends to make people do things they may not do otherwise." Peeta's words from the hospital spilled from her mouth. She caught his eye briefly, before her vision became clouded with tears.

"Miss Everdeen, I have one last question about this particular topic." Caesar placed his hands gently over hers and have them a light squeeze. She nodded and attempted to blink back the tears. "This song was, clearly, about your relationship with Mr. Hawthorne." She nodded again. "Why did you choose to tell your story like this?"

'Because Gale's the ass who brought it up in the first place and I couldn't let him win. Because I'd gain more sympathy this way. Because hopefully now women will stop yelling at me for being a home wrecker,' she thought instantly. 'The same reason Gale bothered to have his stupid press conference - for the boost in record sales.' Her eyes widen at the last thought. Was that true? The answer to who she was now lied in the reason she sang this song over her last one, despite Haymitch reassuring her that she didn't have to. If she had agreed to sing the song only to sell more copies of her album, she was despicable. If she was doing it because it was her retaliation to Gale, she could still be seen as selfish, but somewhat forgivable. But if it was for a deeper reason, then maybe she was someone of worth.

"I'm not proud of what I've done, Caesar," she answered. "But I don't believe I'm alone in my scenario. I fell in love with someone. Yes, that someone was married and yes, I knew it was wrong and selfish, but I was in love. My first love, who I would have done anything for. He promised us a life together and I bought into that fantasy because he promised me love. I think there are too many people out there who have sacrificed major parts of themselves for the promise of love from someone that wasn't right for them. And we're brandished as home wreckers and bitches and a host of other words that I'm sure I can't say on television," she gave a light chuckle. "But we've been wronged, too, in a way. And our story needs to be told. We all need to know that we deserve better than that. We deserve happiness from ourselves and from those who can give it to us unconditionally."

"Do you believe you'll find that person, Katniss?"

She knew Peeta was watching her, intently, for her answer. "I do. And I hope Leevy finds it too."
Haymitch smirked in approval. "Told you she was the best choice," he whispered in Effie's ear backstage.

"I never doubted you, Haymitch," she answered, resting her fingers on his forearm.

"We all wish you the best of luck with finding that person, Miss Everdeen. I have no reason to believe you can't." He gave her hand another squeeze before turning back to the audience. "When we come back, we've got the hottest new chef on the block to show us a few of his latest creations. You won't want to miss this!"

The audience, which had remained surprisingly quiet during her interviewed roared to life as he cued them out for commercials.

"That was incredibly brave of you, Katniss," Caesar commented before his team arrived, "turning on your former band-mate like that."

"He started it," she muttered and he let out a boisterous laugh.

"That he did, Miss Everdeen. Though I believe you may have finished it."

She thanked him and stood to leave when she was picked up and spun around. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. 'Peeta.' She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He set her back on her feet and pressed his lips passionately against hers. She opened her mouth slightly to allow his tongue entrance, and gave a content sigh. She was lost in this moment, his arms around her body, his scent invading her nose; every single one of her senses full of Peeta. It wasn't until they heard a cough of that they pulled apart. As they did, they noticed Caesar smiling at them brightly and the audience whispering to one another.

He patted Peeta on the shoulder. "Don't worry, the cameras weren't on."

Katniss tried not to laugh as every inch of Peeta's face turned red. He had quite obviously forgotten that they were on a stage in front of an audience for the biggest show in the country. "Sorry, Caesar," she said with a sheepish smile. "We'll get out of you way." She grabbed Peeta's hand and dragged him off stage as he mumbled a 'sorry' to everyone he passed. Once they were safely off stage, she pulled him close to her and kissed him again. They pulled apart and she rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. "All done?" She whispered.

"All done," he whispered back.

"Thank God!" She exclaimed, letting her head fall back so she was looking up at the ceiling. Peeta laughed and turned her around so her back was pressed against his chest and clasped his hands together around her waist. "What's next?"

Effie, who was trying to inconspicuously dab her eyes, looked at Haymitch. "As you know, there is normally a bit of a wrap party after these, but we've been talking and think that maybe that's not the best idea for the moment."

Katniss looked between the adults of the group. "What does that mean?"

"It means you two better not do anything stupid," Haymitch grumbled. When Katniss' face indicated that she didn't understand, he let out a heavy sigh. "You're free to do whatever you want."

She craned her neck to look at Peeta and cocked an eyebrow. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"Oh God," Haymitch moaned, dramatically, waving them off and walking toward the exit.

"Haymitch!" Katniss called, wiggling free of Peeta's arms. She trotted over to her mentor and threw her arms around his neck. He stumbled a bit, obviously caught off guard by her sudden action, but he recovered and awkwardly patted her back. "Thank you," she said, giving his cheek a quick kiss.

"Anytime, Sweetheart," he answered. She couldn't quite read the expression in his voice but his eyes were shining again, like when he was onstage. "Get out of here, you two. Enjoy your night together." He pushed her slightly back toward Peeta and sauntered off, Effie trailing behind him, rolling her eyes. Cinna gave her a hug and followed not long after.

She turned back to Peeta. "I want to run back to the green room to grab my clothes. I'll meet you back here, that way you can watch this renowned chef and tell me how wrong everything he does is."

Peeta laughed. "I'm not a chef, Katniss, I bake. Totally different." He kissed her when she scowled at him then gave her ass a quick pop to send her on her way.

It didn't take her long to get back to her greenroom. She found the clothes she was wearing earlier had been folded neatly on the couch and as she went to grab them, something on the small side-table caught her eye. A single white rose. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands.

"Hello, Katniss," a voice called from behind her.

AN:

Ah! Cliff-hanger! No smut! What?! There was smut written. Elevator smut. Scandalous, I know, but it didn't fit with the rest of the story. Yet. Don't worry, elevator smut will happen. And you can all hold me to that. Sorry for the delay, again. Hopefully the length helps make up for that.

The song was probably the most obvious choice for this scenario but it fit. And, frankly, I really like the song and always have. "Stay" was originally performed by Sugarland and written by Jennifer Nettles. For those who don't know, it was written by Nettles to be a unique perspective of infidelity, since there weren't very many songs like that, especially in country music, where songs are written from the jilted lover point of view. If you've never actually heard the song, look it up and watch the official video. Gets me every time.

I don't own the Hunger Games or the characters. The quote where Katniss is trying to figure out her reasoning was adapted from her trying to figure out why she held out the berries in Catching Fire.

Next chapter: Who is this mysterious person in her dressing room? What is the fallout of Katniss 'turning on her former band-mate'? And what's next for our star-crossed lovers? (Honestly, whenever I read these types of AN's, in other stories, I read them in Rocky and Bullwinkle style. Props to anyone who understands that reference...)

Thanks to all my new followers and reviewers. And of course, thanks to everyone who has stuck by me this long! :)