Aha, I'm sorry I left guys. but I realized that I missed fic writing so I'm back. This is a really long one that doesn't fit the norm of most of the stories in here. But I wanted to add it in anyways, just to celebrate being back :3
I missed this. Enjoy the crack.
Ch 13. Research
'…Gideon's tongue would probably be that long in real life' Lucy thought following the pink appendage that was being waived back and forth. She bit her lip 'I wonder if Gideon could use a bit of character development where he learns to use his massively long ton-' Lucy slammed her head down on the table, musing up her hair "Damn that Coronella Devine" she grumbled, letting loose a heavy exhale.
Levy looked over at her best friend from their tiny alcove in the corner of the guild "Lu don't let what Coronella said the other day get you down! You're a great author, I'm sure ideas will come to you in no time, don't worry about it!"
Lucy ignored her blue haired friend. Choosing instead to repeatedly bash her skull into the table. 'This is not happening. No. Not with Bixlow of all people' she thought huffing in frustration
"Aww Lucy, why don't you try something else to help you brain storm? I hear drawing from real world experience helps a lot of writers" Levy was being entirely too helpful and was only serving to make things worse. Lucy vaguely registered that her blue hair friend said something about her having plenty of experience to draw on from her missions with Natsu and the others, but that wasn't it though. Coronella said that she should make her book a little less romantic and a little more adult.
She told Lucy she should really try just getting down and dirty with a guy so maybe her story characters wouldn't have 'the hormone equivalency of an eight year old'. Ever since then her tenuous hold on her sanity has been slipping further and further from her grasp. Hell, she'd had dreams involving guys before, so when she dreamt of Bixlow's arms crossed round her chest and his tongue in her ear a few months ago she hadn't thought anything of it. But for the past few days now she'd been day dreaming about him doing much more to her than just that. She'd even dropped a couple Freudian slips to Natsu on accident.
It was all because Coronella Devine, one of the most brilliant writers in all of Fiore, decided to tell her to get some real world experience. Now her libido goes in to a tizzy when hears his sexy man laugh-'Ugh I should have never gotten her to review my book' Lucy thought picking her head up and running a hand over her face. 'It's not like I was going through this before she said anything'
"Oh-! Lucy! You weren't even listening to me were you?"
"S-sorry Levy, just" she decided a half truth wouldn't hurt "I'm still a little distracted by what Coronella said." she mumbled staring off in Bixlow's direction. Today must have been special. He wasn't wearing his mask.
Levy just hummed at her friend "You do seem a little distracted."
Lucy just made a vague noise of acknowledgement
"Hmm, you know Lu" Levy said pulling out a napkin and holding it out to the blond "Staring is rude, also you're starting to drool."
'Ahh what?!' Lucy thought snapping out of it and wiping her face clean of her own saliva "I wasn't-"
"You can't fool me" Levy said grinning slyly "You've got it bad for.." She followed the direction in which she was staring "..Bixlow!" she said scrunching up her nose in the same way the blond would every time she'd mention Gazille
"D-do not!"
"I think you do" Levy said in a sing-songy voice, spinning out of the way of Lucy's hand as she tried smothering the blue haired mage "You want him to-"
"I DON'T WANT HIM TO DO ANYTHING TO ME!" Lucy yelled glaring heatedly at her friend "I've just been thinking about my book and how she said I needed to do more research before writing and stuff."
"How many 'Romance' novelists have justified their frequent use of porn like that" Levy said grinning widely. Oh no. Lucy hated when Levy chose to be evil and she could tell she was gearing up for it "You want Bixlow for research purposes now, was it?"
Damn her. "Levy no, I jus-"
"Yo, Bunny-girl, Bookworm" Levy's cheeks puffed out. She hated when people called her that. She looked up above Lucy's head ready to let that person know how much she disliked being called Bookworm, and then she started grinning like mad.
"Bixlow" Lucy was pretty sure her face would burst in to flames at any second with all the heat that was suddenly pouring from her face "What's up?"
"My babies are telling me you guys need me to help with research?" he said gesturing to the floating dolls hanging around his head
"Lucy just has the-oww-" Levy yelped rubbing at her freshly bruised shin
"I-It's nothing" Lucy said in a quick rush laughing nervously. Bixlow let out his own chuckle and his babies soon chorused in with their laughter as well. Lucy couldn't help herself. She just saw his tattooed tongue flick out and she completely lost her train of thought. She could understand why Erza was so crazy about Jellal. Face tattoos were nice.
"Wow Lucy. You did not just say that." Levy said shaking her head and blushing furiously
"Mmm?" Lucy sighed out dreamily finally able to focus now that the pink appendage was back in his mouth
"Haha, well sure Bunny-girl" he said taking her hand and pulling her up "So where do you wanna do this? Your place or mine?"
"Wh-what?" Lucy asked biting her lip when he pulled her up and placed a hand on her lower back
"Wow, Bunny-girl" he said rubbing small circles along the exposed skin of her lower back "I never knew you could be so direct but I'm not the type to have a go at it in the middle of the guild" Bixlow's grin was feral and it was making something in Lucy's stomach tighten up into a little ball "But you know, if it's to help you with your research I'm sure I can get over my modesty"
"Ah-uhm" Lucy was pretty sure her brain was shorting out. A small part of her conscience was saying she should..ahh…not do this? She didn't know it was really hard to understand its protests over the majority of her brain that was screaming 'Hey! Bixlow wants you!'. It was completely silenced when she was bombarded by mental images of her fantasies involving him. Yep. That did it. Lucy's brain was officially fried "Mmm-ha"
"Hey" a heavy voice said into the shell of her ear "Don't chicken out on me now, I cleared the table and everything" She knew that she was now leaning against that table and there was a hand still on the small of her back that she wanted lower than where it currently was..but..ahh what was she supposed to be thinking again? Oh yeah…having sex in public was frowned upon.
She weakly cleared her throat.
"Ready to take some notes girly?" Bixlow asked in a voice that was much too seductive for her to handle. Her protest died before ever making it past her teeth."I'll-"
"STOP!" A very high pitched and shaky voice screamed before two tons of Solid Script fell on to the two mages "Are you KIDDING ME!" the petite mage screamed right in to Lucy's ear "You were seriously about to-to do IT WITH BIXLOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GUILD!"
Lucy wanted to groan. It was one thing to be publicly scolded for letting her hormones get the better of her. But to go through this just after being taken out of the moment and being unable to move was making this scenario all kinds of uncomfortable.
Bixlow didn't seem to mind, he looked pleased to wait out Levy's scream-fest by ogling Lucy's chest. Somehow, Lucy was feeling pretty proud about that.
"YOU TWO AREN'T EVEN LISTENING! THAT'S IT!" she screamed stomping away from them and attracting looks from other guild members "MAYBE YOU GUYS NEED TO LEARN A LESSON FROM ERZA!"
Lucy felt her heart palpitate. Panic. That's what she needed to do. Erza was going to beat her within an inch of her life. There was no telling what she'd do to poor Bixlow- "Ehh?"
"Come on Girly" Bixlow said holding out a hand to her "Let's get out of here before Erza cuts off my balls" His dolls began chirping the word balls while still swirling around him
Lucy blinked finally noticing the random objects that were rubbing at Levy's script, breaking the rune. Bixlow was using his possession magic to free them "Bixlow, you're a genius!" Lucy grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the closest door "I owe you one, we can do anything you-ouch! What the-?" she whined rubbing her poor nose.
Bixlow was scowling up at the guild's second level balcony, where some guild members were gathered. "Freed are you really this big of a douche bag?"
Lucy opened her eyes and looked up at where Bixlow was facing. On the Balcony stood a very smug looking Freed leaning on the rail. "Bixlow I know you may feel this is unfair but you are subject to the same punishment as anyone else in the guild. To let you flee would make me an accomplice in your cowardice and dishon-"
"Oh shut up Slutbitch, you're just getting revenge because I told everyone about the series of dominatrix pornos you were in."
Lucy felt a little surprised. She didn't know Freed was in to that sort of thing…
Freed's smirk dropped and he leveled a dark look at Bixlow "Thanks for reminding me that this punishment alone isn't nearly harsh enough" he said hopping down to them and adjusting his circle of runes "I hope she breaks something" he said darkly making new markings that began glowing a dark purple. "Whatever pain and damage happens to your body, it will all feel like it happened to your penis" Bixlow began yelling at Freed, telling him to piss off.
Lucy wanted to scream. She could see Erza stalking towards them and all Bixlow was doing was making things worse with Freed, who had them trapped inside his magic. Maybe she could call out one of her spirits to get them out, maybe Virgo could tunnel them-
Erza was giving them her dreaded you're-not-worth-the-air-you-breath look she gives things before she completely annihilates them
'OH. MY. GOD. She's gonna murder us!' Lucy's hand automatically went to her keys but her hands were shaking so badly she dropped them. 'Oh god. Oh God. This is the end. And I was so close.' she thought looking back to Bixlow.
He sighed and grabbed her hand. "Rain check for when I'm out of the hospital, Bunn-Lucy?"
Lucy's heart skipped a beat. she nodded back, and held on to his hand as tightly as she could.
Erza entered Freed's runes and everyone's eyes went straight to them. She cracked her knuckles "Someone explain. Now."