After having a nice conversation on the phone with Cubby, reiterating just how much he meant to me, I asked him to come pick me up. Then I called Billy and asked for Ruth.
"Ruth? Great news! Ruby just woke up. She seems fine."
"I'm on my way," was all she said.
Emmett drove her in the crippled M3. It was terrible to smell the oil burning as it pulled up. Rosalie's poor pretty car. I gave Ruth a quick hug as she passed me. Emmett sat with me on the hood. "Jake's coming to get you?" he confirmed.
"Yep. You going to face the music soon?" I asked looking back at the car.
He chuckled. "Not for as long as I can help it."
"I love you, Uncle Em." I hugged him. "Thanks for coming."
"Anytime, Nessie. Jas and Rose are on their way now. At a 'normal' speed." He made airquotes.
"So that's, what, 120 miles an hour?" I smiled.
"Yeah, 'bout that," he chuckled. "You know I'm totally pissed at you, right?" His voice was still jocular and I was confused. "You took out the bloody Volturi and didn't invite me? I could kick your ass!"
I laughed out loud now and it hurt my chest. "Don't make me laugh like that," I chastised him, slapping his arm. "If I'd known I would have left Aro himself for you."
"I still can't believe you took out Aro. You. My niece." He beamed with pride. "And Jane. That little witch. You are a wonder, Nessie. You know that?" He pushed my hair behind my ear.
"Not any more," I reminded him patting my chest. "Not much more than human these days."
He poked my forehead. "Way more than human," he told me.
I smiled slyly. "I bet I make Vlad and Stephan's Christmas card list."
The rabbit was full. "How am I supposed to go home when you bring a full load, Cubby?" I complained. It wasn't serious though. I hugged Claire and Quil. "What brings you two?" I asked.
"I wanted to see Ruby. Quil said he'd come with me," Claire explained.
"I'm sure she'll be happy to see you both. Just don't stay long, she needs to rest."
"We won't," she pulled Quil to the automatic doors.
Cubby came to my other side and leaned on the M3 as well. Edward kissed my cheek. "I'm going to talk to Carlisle. I'll be right back."
"Any trouble?" I asked Cubby as I followed my father with my eyes.
"Not really. He just wants to borrow some meds for Embry. He's got an infection in one of his legs."
"Oh," I muttered.
"Nothing serious, he says," his voice trailed as he saw Joe exiting the hospital. "Hey, pup, come here." Jacob waved him over to us.
"Yeah?" he asked cautiously.
"Good work. I'd have lost Ness if not for you." He put out his hand. Joseph eased up and took it. "Just no more mouth to mouth," he warned, squeezing harder.
"No promises," Joseph teased and Emmett roared.
"Joe, this is my uncle Emmett. Emmett this Joe, my school friend and newest pack member." Emmett just waved, knowing a new wolf wouldn't want to be any closer to him than he already was.
"Um, Nessie?" Joseph began. "There's something I need to talk to you about. I - "
"You imprinted on Ruby," I finished for him.
He rolled his eyes. "You're just too damn smart; you know that, right?"
"Yeah. It's really annoying isn't it? Try having a mindreader and fortune teller in the family. I'm nothing compared to them."
Emmett guffawed and Jacob chuckled, both in total agreement.
"This isn't the first time imprinting has solved this problem, you should know." I looked meaningfully at Cubby. "Jacob here used to be in love with my Mama. Then he imprinted on me. Now they're back to being the best of friends. I hope it goes that well for us. I'm sure it will."
I stood up to hug him. "I still love you," he promised me.
"And I still love you." I said backing up enough to kiss him. "That's the best part!"
I took up my bat knowing I was going to strike out, but needing to try anyway. Ruby stood behind Rose, who was catching. Alice prepared her pitch. Being Alice, she didn't give me any warning the ball was coming. Unlike Emmett, she didn't try to fastball me. Her curve was wicked, but I could see it coming. I hadn't had a chest pain in two weeks. If I was going to be able to do this, ever again, it would be now. I swung as fast as I could as the lightning crashed overhead. The familiar sting in my arm told me I had connected. Cubby was running for home even as I burst for first.
Edward dashed through the trees to catch my hit. He threw it hard to Emmett at second, but I plowed into him, sliding.
"Safe!" Ruby declared. Claire to one side concurred.
I looked to Mama on third. Could I make that? I was so glad Edward played outfield, you couldn't steal bases with him here. Quil was up next. His pop flew high and Alice jumped to catch it before it made it to Edward. I ran as soon as I heard the crack and slid into Mama. Alice had thrown the ball as soon as she caught it, seeing I was going to try for third, but she didn't make it in time. "Out," Ruby told Quil. "Safe," she told me. Mama giggled.
Joseph took bat next. "Hey batter batter batter," Jasper taunted from first.
"No fair, taunting the puppy. We lose the uniform, it's your fault," Cubby told him.
Alice slid a curve under Joe's bat. "Strike one," Ruby told him.
He pouted at her. "No smooching the Ump!" Emmett yelled from second.
"Screw you," Joe shouted back and prepared for the next pitch. It was a fast ball, but Joe connected this time and sent Edward running for the trees again. I ran for home sliding under Rosalie as I saw the ball streaking toward us.
"Safe!" Ruby was jubilant. She called fair, but she really was cheering for the wolves. Unfortunately, Joe tried to take second and Emmett tagged him. Three outs.
"This is totally awesome," Ruby commented as I moved to catcher. I was using a mitt, no sense risking hurting myself.
"This is weird," Alice said as she took the plate. "I always pitch." She crouched into her stance.
"I just think you're all mean making the wolves take a further disadvantage by putting me on their team."
"You're not a disadvantage; you're their tactician." She winked at me, and I laughed.
Embry, now fully healed, wound up and sent a fastball at her. She connected and Cubby ran in the outfield.
"Nessie? Can we talk for a minute?"
I stopped pulling my fingers through my hair and turned to Cubby. "Always. What is it?" I asked, taking a seat next to him on the couch.
"Oddly enough, this again," he brushed my cheek. It still made me very happy but didn't set my heart racing.
"Yes?" I asked. Still not sure what he was getting at.
"When Joseph does this," now he kissed me, slowly, "he gets a completely different reaction. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does."
I kissed Jacob again. "Yes. This is better." I kissed him one more. He pushed me back slightly, one hand on my chest. I didn't understand.
"Why?" he asked. "What is better about it?" His forehead was creased and his expression slightly pained.
That was difficult to explain. I wondered if I could put it into images and took his hand in case that came to me first. When Joseph kissed me, or when Nahuel had kissed me, I didn't feel as though I was in control. It was like some part of my body had taken over my brain. I loved my brain. It was my strongest feature. I didn't like things that messed with it. I was glad Joe saved his kisses for Ruby now - except for the light pecks that made me feel warm and fuzzy, not light-headed and heart-sore. "Did any of that come through?" I asked.
"Not really. It was confusing. You like your brain? What does that have to do with anything?" He was getting impatient. I needed to find a way to say this.
"I- I'm not ready for the way 'those' kisses make me feel. I mean, they feel good, I'm not going to deny that." Cubby growled. "But your kisses fit. They're the way I really feel, and the way I'm ready to feel. Does that make sense?"
"A little more," he said grudgingly.
"Is it hard? Waiting for me?" I asked. I knew he was ready for those feelings even if I wasn't.
He groaned now. "Only when I see other boys, men, able to give you those feelings when I can't."
"I try not to let them." I wasn't helping though. "I could try. I mean... I could be what you need me to be instead of the other way around, for once." A traced a hand down his chest the way I'd seen Ruby do to Joe. I tried to kiss him the way they did, parting my lips for him. He pushed me away again.
"That's not it," he groaned again.
I felt tears sting my eyes. "Then what do you want me to do?"
"Not to cry, for one." He was angry now. "Do you know how impotent this makes me feel?"
Impotent? Did he mean that the way I thought he meant it? I took his hand trying to show it. He growled harder and snatched his hand away. But, just because I didn't want him that way now- "I know I do want you, Jacob. You are my everything. I'm sorry I don't feel for you the way you want me to." My tears didn't cloud my voice, but they course my cheeks.
He growled again. "I gotta go. I have patrol."
"All right." I hung my head.
"Listen, I'm not mad at you, Okay?" he said softly. "I'm mad at me. So don't blame yourself." I just nodded, not willing to meet his eyes.
Ruth found me on the couch when she came to visit Billy. "What's the matter, Ness?"
"I- I don't know." I put my head in my hands and felt the tears still on my cheeks.
"Come here," she offered and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sure you'll find a way. You are good at that."
"I hope I do," I said. But there was very little hope in me.
It had been months since the Volturi battle. Summer had come and Ruby and Ruth were able to move back into their house. Not long after, I had another birthday and entered the tenth grade. Things between Cubby and I never returned to normal. He didn't really touch me anymore. He never hugged or kissed me. We stopped double dating with Claire and Quil. He even went so far as to stop inviting me to Sam and Emily's. I simply invited myself.
Emily was one of many women on the Res expecting that fall. Billy claimed it was a side effect of my Solstice dance, but I refused to believe him. Emily's pregnancy was complication free, and we expected I'd be able to deliver the baby when the time came.
I tried talking to Ruby. "I don't understand what he wants from me. He acts like things are normal, but he touches me less than Joe, and Joe's your imprint."
"I thought this worked so that he was what you wanted, not you being what he wants," she argued correctly.
"Yeah, it is." I lay back on her bed and felt the tears in my eyes. I took her hand and replayed our conversation, hoping she might be able to make some sense of it.
"So, you want his kisses the way they are and he wants them the way... No offense, Nessie, but I don't like thinking about Joseph kissing you either."
I groaned and sent her a picture of Nahuel. I remembered his kisses and touches. "That better? His name is Nahuel. He's Brazilian."
"Yeah, that's better, thanks." She smiled. "I don't know what to tell you though. It seems to me to be some sort of an impasse. Why don't you want his kisses to be like that one?"
I tried sending the images again. How those kisses bypassed my brain. How helpless I felt in them. I wasn't acting anymore, I was reacting. I didn't trust myself then.
She just shook her head. "Sorry, Nessie, that didn't make sense." I covered my eyes and sniffed.
"Well, he doesn't hate me, and he doesn't avoid me. I'll just live with it a little longer." I dragged myself off her bed and walked to the Black house. I got to the door and packed a bag, calling Emily at the same time. "Hey, Emily? You're getting pretty close to your delivery. Do you think I might be able to stay at your place until you do? I'd hate to miss it. I'll bring a sleeping bag. I don't need a bed or room or anything."
"Oh, that's a good idea. You can help me set up the nursery!" She sounded pleased. Was she nesting? She was closer than I had thought.
"All right, I'm coming over right away. See you soon." I slung my duffel and went to say goodbye to Billy. Jacob was out.
"Billy? You got a minute?" I asked from the doorway of his room.
"What's up, Ness?" he asked, looking at the bags I was carrying.
"I'm going to stay with Emily and help her with the baby. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you letting me stay here so long."
"You make it sound like you aren't coming back."
"Good-bye, Billy," I said, evading him.
He rolled up and grabbed my hand. "Is this about Jacob? Has he said or done something?"
I shook my head and felt my tears again. "It's not what he's done. It's what he isn't doing." I turned back to Billy and showed him our exchanges from the past week.
"I don't understand," he admitted.
I showed him our exchanges the week before the Volturi came including me sleeping in his nest on the couch, holding his hand, and kissing him. None of that existed in the current version.
"Oh," was all Billy could say.
"Yeah. I don't want him to feel awkward having me here. I can camp at Sam and Emily's until the baby comes and then I'll see if Ruth and Ruby will take me. You've been a great roommate, host, Dad." I hugged Billy.
"Do you need your Dad?" he asked.
"Maybe. I don't know. I'm not going anywhere until Emily delivers. Maybe after that, I will go to Dartmouth. I can pass for an accelerated student now." I looked fifteen or sixteen. The right clothes and a little makeup and I could pass for eighteen easily. "We'll see what comes. I wouldn't mind 'finishing' high school," I complained, rolling my eyes.
Billy laughed at me. There was a knock on the door and Ruth let herself in. "Oh, Nessie. Are you going somewhere?" she asked, eying my bags
"Yep. I'm going to stay with Sam and Emily Uley. She's expecting and I'm her midwife." I smiled broadly, focusing on the good parts.
"Well, good luck. I hope her birth is as smooth as both of mine," she said with a smile. Then she bent and kissed Billy. It was the first time they'd done that in front of me.
I smiled happily at both of them. Again, not as good as watching my parents kiss, but close. Then my heart hurt again, thinking of Cubby. "I'll see you guys later."
I set myself up on the floor of the soon-to-be Nursery. The walls were taped and ready to be painted. I pulled out a stained shirt and picked up a brush. No time like the present.
"You don't have to do that. You just got here," Emily complained. She was huge. I was starting to wonder if it was one big baby or twins.
"May I?" I asked, putting my clean hand over her belly.
"Of course," she said with a smile. I closed my eyes and focused my hearing and the sensitivity of my fingers as I did. I ran my hand over the whole of her womb. I could only sense one pulse, one set of limbs. One big baby then. He kicked me.
"Hey, keep it down in there," I told him. "You don't have enough room to be doing that." He had already turned, his feet up under Emily's ribs. "How are you feeling?" I asked her now.
"Aside from big as a house?" she said with a smile. "Fine. Tired. It's hard to sleep."
"I'll bet," I agreed, thinking how difficult it would be to find a comfortable way to lay in her condition. "You try sleeping on Sam? He can take it," I teased.
She laughed. "I hadn't. How would you suggest?"
I led her to her room, after washing my hands, and sat with my back to her headboard. "Come here." I settled her between my splayed legs and shifted her down until her head was on my breast. "How's that?" I asked, running my fingers through her hair.
"Mmmm. Your chest is softer than Sam's though."
I laughed loudly. "It had better be! Want to sleep on me for now?" I asked, still stroking her hair. "I can move when Sam takes my place."
"Sure," she said with a little sigh.
It felt nice to be touched. I rested my head on top of Emily's and closed my eyes as well.
I woke with Sam beside us. I giggled quietly. He was snoring. Emily's weight lifted from me. I helped her up and walked her to the bathroom. The clock showed two AM. "That is the best sleep I've had in weeks," she said to me through the door of the bathroom. "Thank you, Nessie."
"No problem. I'm glad I could help." She stepped back through the door. "Are you going to move Sam into my place?"
"No, I think I'm going to do some baking. I feel awake now."
I laughed at her. "Well, I'm going to hit my bag for another hour or I'll be snoring in Math class. That's always embarrassing."
"Sleep well," she wished me, heading down the stairs.
A few days later, Ruby was especially chipper in class. "Heya, Nessie! What's up?"
"Um, clouds?" I offered. She sneered at me. "What did Ruth put in your cheerios this morning? Actual cheer?" I asked.
"Joe gave me something," she pulled back her sleeve to show me her WeiHa.
"Oh my! I'm so happy for you." My smile was genuine. This was great for her and Joseph. As soon as I had her in my hug, it fell. What had happened to my Cubby? I put the smile back before she backed away. "So, tell me about it. Was Ruth there? Or at his place?" I knew a little more about how these things were done now. Families, like they were in my case, were often present.
"Ruth and Billy. I couldn't have asked for better witnesses; except maybe you. Where were you? Mom said you'd gone to the Uley house?"
"Yeah. I'm midwife for Emily. She's one of the many I made 'fertile' in Billy's opinion." I rolled my eyes with skepticism.
Ruby laughed. "Sounds plausible to me. Just don't do it this year, Joe and I might be - "
"Whoa! What?" This was new information. "Have you been holding back on me?" I asked with a stupid grin on my face.
"No, just thinking ahead." She blushed furiously.
I laughed and hugged her again. "I'm so happy for both of you."
I ran back to the Uley house after class. I wanted to be there for Emily. She was painting the nursery again. "You shouldn't be doing that," I chided. "The exercise is good, but the fumes are not." I took the brush from her and pointed for the door. "Go clean something," I said with a huge smile.
"Yes, Nurse," she said teasingly. The room nearly had a complete second coat. I put the last touches on and came down to find Emily trying to lie comfortably on the couch.
"Want to take a nap?" I asked. "I'm the living pillow if you need." I opened my arms wide and she came and grabbed one.
"You are too good," she murmured, pulling me to her room again.
This time, I brought a book with me and read while she slept. I heard someone let themselves in downstairs.
"Sam? Emily?" It was Claire. She'd find us soon enough.
She peeked in the door. "Oh, she's sleeping," she whispered and moved to go.
"No," I called. "Come in." I patted the bed next to me. "We'll just whisper," I told her with a tiny giggle.
Claire hopped onto the bed next to me and put her head on my shoulder too. I sent her a picture of me much rounder and fluffier. She giggled.
"You can't help but be comfy, can you?" she asked.
For some reason it hurt. Without thinking, I sent an image of cuddling with Jacob and let the sun rise and set many times to show her how long ago it had been.
She sat up. "What?" she asked confused. "You don't..."
I felt tears in my eyes; she had understood. Claire often could better than most. Emily woke up now. I wondered if my projection had reached her too. "Jacob isn't touching you anymore?" she asked me.
I shook my head, unable to speak. "We had a fight." I took both their hands and tried to show them both the conversation at the same time. It worked; it didn't always.
"Oh, Nessie," Emily cooed, patting my cheek.
"I don't understand," Claire complained. "Quil doesn't have that problem with me."
"What's it like when he kisses you now?" I asked. She was nearing puberty.
"Like your kisses with Jacob. White. Perfect."
Emily shook her head. "Mine were never like that," she said with a little blush.
"Of course they weren't," I said, stroking her hair again. "But I'm not ready for them to be like yours, yet. I didn't think that was a problem." I felt a tear fall to Emily's hair.
"Oh!" she said suddenly. "I think I need to get up." She swung her legs over the bed and shuffled to the bathroom.
She came back a moment later. "That was odd. I was sure I needed to go, but nothing happened."
"When was the last time you went?" I asked her, going into midwife mode.
"An hour ago."
"All right. It might have been a contraction," I warned her. "But if they're an hour apart you have a long way to go. Might not even be a real one."
"Really?" she asked, hopeful.
"Really." I beamed at her. "You might be having your baby tomorrow."
She sighed and sat on the bed again. Claire hugged her. "I'm so happy for you," she gushed.
It was a real contraction, and a really long night. Sam was beside himself looking for things to do. I gave him the classic chore. "Go boil some water. Then, when it has cooled, put a cloth in it and bring it to me."
He burst out of the room. "What's the cloth for?" Emily asked between contractions.
"To wash the baby when it's born," I answered.
"Why does it need to boiling water?"
"To keep Sam busy longer," I answered with a smile.
Emily would have laughed if another contraction hadn't taken her then.
The birth went as smoothly as I could have hoped. The boy was huge! I was sure she was going to tear worse than she had. I was prepared with Novocain from Carlisle's supply and was able to stitch up the worst tears. Sam and Emily hovered over Levi while I worked. They carefully cleaned every inch of him, kissing over him, kissing him. I couldn't help but smile watching them.
"Well, if you don't need more of me tonight, I'm going to catch some sleep. I think you'll want to keep him here tonight?" I suggested, nodding to the bassinet in the corner.
"Yes. Thank you so much, Nessie." Emily smiled at me.
I kissed Levi on the forehead and left the new family to themselves.