Authour's note: Sorry guys haven't been able to write and I still won't be able to write because I got projects and terms coming up. However guess what? In a few weeks Break is coming so I might get a chance to write then! And when I have all day free that means I will have a lot more time to write! So wait a few weeks and then I will be busting out chapters with these breaks.
The Tales and Tails of Elric
Chapter 13
Fresh Start
Edward stared at the shower and its haunting presence in the small guest bathroom. He felt himself twitch slightly as he stared it in the faucet daring it to turn on. He didn't want to be beaten by a shower, but the idea of what came out of it stopped him from moving forward. He didn't want to get wet. He didn't want to feel the cold, soaking, suffocating water on him. It was something he couldn't stand. It was unnatural to him. The more he thought about it the more he could feel the burning pressure of the hose raining down on him. He gingerly took a few steps back from the shower as a flash of the empty cement room came back into his mind. All of those haunting faces holding him down and spraying him with the merciless water, drowning him just until he was just out of breath. It was all to teach him a lesson, but for what? Edward looked back at the bathroom door subconsciously. Did he do something wrong? Was that why Roy was having him take a bath? He shook his head at the dumb idea as he caught sight of his nasty footprints leading their way into the bathroom. He was filthy. Normal people take baths to get clean, not as punishment. If he took a shower he would be clean, Edward thought as he took a step closer. And you wouldn't have to risk going to the hospital either. A shiver ran up his spine as he thought about it. His foot was still terribly cut up and the mud and dirt wasn't going to help it at all. If he didn't get clean he could risk an infection like Benjamin said. He couldn't picture going back to the hospital. If not the same one, any hospital. The people looming over him with needles, being strapped down to gurneys, sedated, diagnosed. The Doc would find him if he went there, Jackson too. Just thinking of the man made Edward skip over to the tub, his tail between his bare legs and his ears flat. No, he needed to take a shower.
Edward shakily reached for the faucet, his automail arm rattling around, creaky from its lack of oiling. Just as he felt the pressure of the knob underneath his hand he pulled back like he touched fire. He couldn't do it. He would just have to tell Mustang he couldn't do it. You're so pathetic! You can't rely on him forever like a child! Grow up! Edward looked longingly at the door again. Mustang took him in and helped him. He shouldn't be putting so much weight on him. Equivalent exchane right?
"Tch, bastard, getting the upper end even now," he casually mumbled, trying to make things sound a little better, but failing. He glanced back at the door once more but shook his head. No, he wasn't going to go crying to the Colonel. He could to this... or at least try. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Alright, one step at a time. Edward slowly lifted his dirty automail foot and placed it in the tub. It was slick but he managed to keep his balance well enough to pull his other foot in without falling down. The smooth surface was cool to the touch and felt terrible underneath his cut up foot. He shifted his weight around slightly seeing if that would help but it didn't. He sighed to himself, giving up on that distraction, and turned towards the shower faucet. It loomed overhead like a terrible omen. He felt himself trembling from the mere sight of it. He tried to force himself to calm down but he couldn't, he was shaking so terribly. Edward gingerly reach out and touched the cool knob with his left hand. You can do this just turn it on. As much as he tried to pump himself up for it, the only thing that Edward could do was touch it and stare. He remembered the last shower he attempted to take. He didn't last more than five seconds. It was pure luck that he managed to trip over the faucet on his scurry to get out, shutting off the water on accident or else he didn't know how long he would have been there for. Edward took a deep breath in and closed his eyes again. Focusing all of his energy, he forced his hand to turn the knob.
A cold, freezing jet of water sprayed out of the shower head and hit him straight in the chest. Edward felt his breath get knocked out of him and hitch in his throat as he scrambled backwards trying to get out of the stream, letting go of his grip on the knob. It was sucking the heat out of him like a sponge and drenching him through the skin. No he couldn't take it. It dripped down him, slowly coating his entire being in the wet water, choking his skin till all the felt was the slick freezing shower. Edward felt his back press against something solid and smooth. It was a wall. It felt too familiar, being cornered, sprayed. Edward shifted his weight trying to run and get out of the terrible cement room but his automail foot had no traction on the wet floors and he slipped. His arm flung up and tried to grab a hold of something but the wall was bare, letting him fall to the ground. The water continued to beat down on him though he was down and out, locked in the small space. He could feel the walls on either side of him like a cage. He was trapped. The water pounded his curled up body and dripped down over him, seeming to freeze time with its cold unrelenting force. It would stop soon. It would have to stop like it always did. Yet, Edward begged that it would stop now. His breath hitched with every drop that pounded his face. He ran away, this was his punishment, but Edward wished that the men would just turn off the god damn hose. He was sorry. He should never have run away. He should have just stayed. Edward shivered, his mind losing all other power over his limbs as the water berated them. It was cold, and he couldn't seem to find any warmth at all.
...
Roy tapped his pen angrily against the desk as he listened to the blurred conversation on the other line of the phone. The scientists bugged out. He was so close to catching those bastards and they bugged out. Now he had to start from scratch all over again. Roy huffed a breath of air out as he ran through the facts in his head. The government was funding the program, definitely a human chimera experimentation as proven by Edward, and they weren't just some third rate scientists, these guys were thorough, covering evidence and predicting their moves. They must have anticipated that when Edward escaped that someone would be on their tails so they fled. But where? Roy growled to himself. Suddenly a loud piercing whistle rang through his head. He looked up slightly startled. It was the old shower faucet ringing. Roy looked over at the door of the bathroom. Was Edward still in there? He knew that the boy was filthy, actually beyond filthy, but it shouldn't take him so long to get clean. Roy tiredly glanced at the clock on his desk and nearly choked. It was twelve thirty, three hours since he started. He heard of long showers but No one on earth could take that long of a shower even if they wanted it. Just think of his water bill! Roy curiously got up and walked over to the closed bathroom door and knocked on it a few times.
"Edward?" he called through the closed wood. There was no reply other than the screaming of the shower. Roy slowly reached down and opened the door. Dirty bandages from the kid's foot were scattered on the floor, the kid being wise enough to take them off. A foot trail of mud lead over to the bath tub, passing a pile of filthy pajamas that seemed to have just been dropped where they were taken off. Roy found it weird that the foot prints seemed to have paced for a while, creating a huge mass of mud around the edge of the tub. The water was still running behind the partially closed curtain but other than that the bathroom seemed to be abandoned. Maybe the kid just didn't turn off the water? Roy knew that wasn't the answer since he didn't see him leave and a pile of fresh clothes were still set on the counter. Sudden fear lit up in him. What if the kid fell and he didn't hear? His automail foot would have given him terrible traction on the slippery floor. People get hurt in the showers all of the time, they fall and break their arms or legs or something. Ignoring the fact that there was a high chance that the kid was naked, Roy worriedly opened the curtain of the shower.
In the farthest corner of the shower, he found Edward curled up in a pathetic ball. The water was raining down on him, splashing him with no mercy, yet the kid wasn't moving. He was blankly staring out into nothingness, his mismatched hands wrapped around his shoulders trying to grab onto something. As soon as he saw him, Roy quickly turned the water off. It wasn't even turned on far enough to be luke warm. It was freezing.
"Edward," Roy said hurriedly as he bent down, trying to see if the kid hurt himself. "Edward are you alright?" The kid didn't blink. The dirt and mud that was covering him now was liquified, streaming the tub in a nasty brown paste. It actually seemed to make the boy dirtier, smearing the mud around rather than cleaner. He caught strange streaks of mud down the walls of the shower where it looked like he slid down it.
"Edward-" Roy begged him to answer. The kid's ears twitched slightly but that was about all he got as a reply. Roy cursed to himself lightly as he reached down into the tub and grabbed the kid's shoulders, lifting him up into a sitting position. He didn't look to be hurt, not in the least bit, just shocked beyond retreival. He wasn't responding and that was something Roy couldn't deal with. Roy quickly wrapped his arms around the boys chest and heaved him out of the tub, onto the muddy floor of the bathroom. The boy was limp, only his arms tight around his shoulders, trying to keep in imaginary warmth. He could feel how cold the boy was through his robe and it was sickening. Roy grabbed a few towels off of the racks and wrapped the undecent boy up, trying to not only dry the cold water off of him, but keep him warm. He cursed to himself over and over again. Why did he force the kid to take a shower? It was for his health, yes, and he really needed one but...Why did this have to happen? What did happen? The kid never seemed to want to step foot near the shower to begin with, he should have taken that as a sign. Now when he thought about it, the kid couldn't stand anything wet. He froze up when he found out it was raining. Roy remembered the first morning the other morning when he found Edward hiding for cover under his bed. Roy was taking a shower then. The sound of water must have frightened him. The kid was afraid of running water. Roy just threw the boy into his fear head first. Edward was staring blankly at the cieling, his golden eyes were dull and motionless.
"Edward," Roy said again. The kid's ear twitched in another response. At least he was hearing him. He leaned over the kid and stared him straight in the unseeing eyes. The boy was gone. What did he do? The kid was a disaster, he was pathetic and he was the one who put him there. Roy felt his breath hitch in his throat. He didn't know what to do. How was he going to snap that kid out of this? It never happened before and frankly, Roy was afraid. But, he remembered that morning and he knew that he couldn't just shut himself out again. Roy looked down at Edward, the barely covered boy resting against him, lost in his subconscious. He felt his eyes grow slightly wet as he tried and failed to wrack his brain for a possible sollution. "Come on kid, I am here just... D-Don't leave me like this," Roy started to rambled on trying to think of anything to bring the boy back to reality. Suddenly he felt a light tug on the towels. His head jerked up and he saw the boy's hand reach up out of his cucoon of bath towels and lightly rub the fabric between his fingers. A sudden realization seemed to hit his eyes but they were still lost beyond beleif to the void. Roy watched him for a while hoping that he would do something else or talk to him but he didn't. The kid just gently felt the towel as if trying to accept that it was there.
"E-Edward-" The kid's eyes snapped up to his at the sound of his voice. They were wide and vacant but they connected. Roy felt a single shot of pain go through him as he looked into them. That was the same look he found the kid in after his transmutation. It was dead and lost all hope of having anything ever again. He didn't think signing the kid up for the military would help knock that look off his face this time around, yet slowly, the longer they stared, the kid seemed to be coming back around to his senses as if snapping out of a trance. After a prolonged moment, Edward's eyes dropped back down and he started to finger the towel again, not saying a word. Roy lifted the kid up slowly into a sitting position, Edward's back resting for support against his chest. The kid seemed to have lost all amounts of large motor skills.
"Edward, are you afraid of the shower?" Roy asked quietly, already knowing the answer, but he wanted to try anything to get the kid talking again. There was a long pause making him almost think the boy wasn't going to answer but then the kid gave an ever so slight nod. His eyes were still wide in shock and his fingers still rubbed the towel lightly as if they couldn't stop.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Roy questioned again, phrasing it so the kid would have to answer but Edward didn't say a word. Roy could feel the kid shivering slightly, slipping back down into his terror induced trance which he just awoken from. He sighed, reaching into the cabinets and pulling out some more fluffy towels to replace the wet and cold ones that were wrapped around the bare boy. The kid at first didn't want to let go of the old ones but took the new ones gratefully after some pestering, curling tightly into their warmth as soon as the old ones were removed. Roy caught a glimpse of the boy's automail before it was covered up again. It was soaking wet and definitely had seen better days. It probably hasn't been properly oiled in a while and now that he listened to it, the things had a slight creak as they moved. They would need to dry those off before any more damage befell them. It might be better to just take them off. Roy shook his head lightly as Edward rested against him, his breaths heavy and quick, hitching in his throat.
"Calm down, Edward, you are out of the water. We will just have to find another way through this," Roy lightly told him. Edward quickly shook his head, his eyes widening and his mouth trembling. Roy looked down at him in surprise. The kid looked absolutely terrified as his eyes started to wetten ever so slightly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I won't d-do it ag-ain," the kid repeated so quietly he had to strain to listen. "Do-Don't take me b-back. I-I'm s-s-sorry." Roy nearly choked as he heard the kid talk. It was the first thing that the kid said since he found him and he was begging him not to punish him. Roy suddenly remembered their discussion from the kitchen. The kid's foot was cut up so terribly that an infection from the mud was a fear that they all had. The only thing that drove the kid to take the shower in the first place was the idea of bein sent back to the hospital. Was he afraid that Roy would send him back just because he wasn't able to clean himself? What did those bastards do to him? He was about to reach out an set his hand on the kid's shoulder but stopped as he remembered that Edward didn't like being grabbed or touched. He curled his outstretched hand into a fist and bit his lip trying to stop himself from crying out in fustration.
"Edward," he calmly said after taking a few moments to compose himself. The muttering of the boy stopped and after a few seconds Edward tilted his head up to look at Roy who was behind him. Guilt and shame was spread on his face. His eyes still wide in shock and tears were streaked down his already soaking wet face. He was still trembling terribly, but Roy couldn't tell if it was from fear or from the cold."I already told you this once, I am not taking you back there." The kid still stared at him blankly as if challenging himself whether to believe him or not.
"What happened?" he asked finally. Edward looked conflicted whether he should tell him. Roy desperately wished that the kid would tell him but he stayed quiet, not wanting to dive into the past events. Soon the kid shook his head and tried to sit up, his energy still struggling to stay with him. As he leaned forward, Roy watched him, not wanting the kid to fall over from lack of balance. The kid was still bare naked and only under the protection of the layers upon layers of towels that Roy put over him. He would have expected the kid to be fully out of it in embarassment but he wasn't. Roy sighed to himself and looked back behind him towards the bathroom door.
"Can you stand?" Roy asked the kid. Edward looked down at the filthy floor and slowly nodded. Roy sat there and waited for the kid to do something but he didn't. "Edward, can you stand?" he repeated. There was a long pause and then Edward shook his head. The kid was completely drained of energy. Roy slowly bent down under him and placed his arms under his shoulders and legs. The boy's eyes watched him carefully as he seemed to shy away from his as he made contact. Roy ingnored Edward's phobia for a moment and carefully lifted the bundled up boy in his arms. Edward frowned and squirmed a bit but he was so tired that putting up a fight was nearly useless especially when he was wrapped in so many layers of warm towels. Roy was able to carry him out of the bathroom and set him on the bed. He was glad to see Edward relax slightly as he hit the soft blankets rather than the cold tile floor. Roy picked up some blankets from around the room and wrapped him even more in their warmth. The kid was still freezing cold but he was out of the water and ever so slowly heating up to his surroundings. Edward looked completely worn out from that morning's adventure and his battle in the bathroom. Roy looked at the clock and saw that it was already 1:30. Edward still needed to get clean especially before his brother arrived at the station at 6:00. Roy looked back at his phone and then over to where the kid was staring blankly at the cieling as if deciding whether it was a good idea or not to doze off. He could give the kid a couple hours of rest before they had to dive back into the water right? He didn't want to push the kid too far anyways, especially before he figured out a plan on what to do. Roy nodded his head and after givin Edward one more look over, sat down at his desk and picked up his phone.
...
Edward's ear twitched slightly as he heard it. It was a sound he wished to never hear again, the sound of running water. He had fallen asleep sometime after the Colonel had helped him, no, saved him from the shower. His energy was still amazingly drained from that morning's crazy events. All he wanted to do was sleep. The man had gone off across the room to finish his phone call or something and then left him to his own devices. Edward awoke to feel the large amounts of towels and blankets still bundled around him. They were soft and comforting, but most importantly they were warm. Edward wished he could have just stayed there and relished in the soothing comfort of them but he couldn't. The terrible pounding sound of the water hit his ears and caused him to jolt right up in his bed. The Colonel was gone. His heart skipped a beat as he looked around for any sign of the man. How could he leave him alone? The water berrated his ears and Edward struggled to drown the sound out. He squirmed down, covering his head with the piles of blankets but it did little to muffle the sound, let alone delete it from existence. But suddenly, the water stopped.
At first Edward thought it might have been the blankets effectively blocking it out but after a few moments of prolonged nothing Edward poked his head out to still find it gone. His ears twitched for any sound but they heard nothing but a slight shuffle from inside the guest bathroom. The light was turned on as the light outside was slowly dimming. He looked at the clock to find it four thirty. The door to the bathroom was suddenly opened, filling his dim room with light as Mustang exited. Edward watched him carefully as he neared him. The man looked rather determined, about what Edward could only guess but he had a feeling that he wouldn't like it. As the man reached the bed, still not saying a word, Edward huddled down into his bundle of cloth as if trying to hide but the obvious lump on the bed could not confuse the man.
"Edward," his deep voice came out. Edward had noticed that the man had long since stopped calling him Fullmetal, as if he didn't even deserve the title anymore. You don't deserve the title and you know it. The man knelt down so that he could look into his down turned face. Edward tried to look away but he couldn't. The usual stern and cold features on his commander's face were completely washed away, leaving a new man that Edward didn't know. The Colonel was tired, Edward could see it in his eyes and he hated himself for it. The Colonel gave a heavy sigh and looked up at him. Edward pulled the blankets over his head blocking the strange man from view. He didn't know how he could tell, but he knew that something he didn't like was going to happen and the Colonel was the source of it. There was a slight shuffle from the other side of the blanket and suddenly it was being lifted off of him, just enough that his head was exposed. Couldn't the man just leave him alone? No, not alone, never alone. He didn't want to be alone in the dark depth of silence, but the Colonel wasn't talking. He didn't know what to expect. He could just tell that it was bad, for both of them. Couldn't the man just tell him already and get it over with? It was like Jackson. The man never talked, he just did, and it was all unexpected and violent and it hurt. Edward looked up and saw the Colonel's tired eyes starin back at him. Guilt shone out through them and it made Edward squirm back a few inches.
"Edward," the man sighed again, "We need to get you cleaned up before your brother arrives." Edward felt all of his energy seep out of him in an instant as his instincts were confirmed. Edward quickly shook his head in a short response and roughly yanked the blanket out of the man's hands and plunged himself back into the darkness. He wouldn't go back there. The man couldn't make him.
"Edward we need you to get clean it is for your own-"
"No!" Edward snipped quietly back at the man through the blanket, pulling it tighter to him. There was a long pause as if Mustang was waiting for him to give in but he wouldn't budge. He was not going to be drowned, suffocated, and defeated by the cold ruthless water ever again. Edward couldn't even imagine stepping foot back into the bathroom. It was like walking back down in the labs all over again except the worst part was that it was all in his head. He knew it was all in his head, the Colonel had proven that fact millions of times over by snapping him out of his paranoia, but there was nothing he could do about it. It was like reading a scary book and being terrified out of your life but you couldn't put it down, you couldn't stop reading. Edward didn't want to go back there, he didn't want to be sent back to the absent thoughts of his mind.
When the Colonel pulled him out of the shower, Edward could only think of the cement room where he was hosed down so many times before. It felt like he was reallt there, the cold tile of the floor, to the suffocating spray of the water, to the grabbing and restraining arms of the goons. He felt his mind completely shut down. Like after every bath the scientists gave him, he was restrained to a shell of a person. He couldn't move, he couldn't comprehend anything. Edward didn't want to tell the Colonel about that. He didn't want him to even know how terribly afraid he was almost all of the time. It would be admitting he was weak, it would be telling the Colonel how terribly he did screw up on that mission, it would be admitting that just six months was able to tear him apart. It was something that Mustang wouldn't understand. When the Colonel put the towels around him, he barely recognised it as a sign of help of safety. He thought he was just being tied down to the gurney again after his long time under the hose, but it was too soft. It was too warm. The realisation that it was all in his head was probably the worst part about being scared and Edward hated it.
There was a tired groan and then a loud thwump as if someone collapsed to the ground. Edward tightened the blankets around him, not knowing what the man was going to do next but nothing happened. He was plunged into a silence filled with the pouring pitter patter of the rain outside. His ears pinned themselves down to his head as he closed his eyes, attempting to block out the unbearable silence but it just made it worse. He wanted someone to talk, to do something, anything, but nothing happened. For a second, Edward was afraid that the Colonel actually left him. He tried shaking the thought off knowing it was obviously paranoia hitting him at his weakest but Edward just had to make sure. He slowly lifted the blanket and poked his head out of his little cavern. Mustang was laying on the floor, his eyes closed in concentration. Edward watched him for a few seconds, expecting him to do something but the Colonel didn't move an inch. The only motion the man made was the rise and fall of his chest from his breathing. The ticking of the clock beat his ears and the silence mutilated them.
Edward shivered slightly as he pulled himself and the giant pile of blankets and towels that covered him down to the floor to sit next to the man. He made a loud thwump as he hit the ground as hit legs gave out on him, not having all of their energy restored to them yet. However, with the ruckus he made, the Colonel didn't move. Edward waited for a reaction but the man was silent as ever, his brow furrowed ever slightly. Suddenly, he reached out and poked the Colonel's cheek. He flinched slightly but purposely ignored him. Edward frowned and poked him again.
"He-hey," he said, killing the silence as he tried to make the man respond. He prodded the man again, this time with a little more force and the man finally opened his eye ever so slightly. All he wanted was for the man to talk or do something, not just sit there in the still silence. If the Colonel was quiet, the house was quiet, and Edward was plundged into his own hell. Without another sign of action, Edward gave the man another prod.
"C-Come on old man," he scolded the man trying to get his usual edge in his voice but failing. He was still shaking terribly. Mustang however stayed silent. Edward was afraid that at this rate the man would go lock himself up again. He was completely ignoring him, like he didn't exist. He gave the man another desperate poke as if making sure he was still there. How could the Colonel be thinking of that again if he promised to stay just a few hours ago?
"Come on y-you f-fucking bastard, respond!" Edward cried a little louder. He flinched at his own voice and backed away from the Colonel a bit. His ears were pinned down to his head by his hands in an attempt to prevent anyone from grabbing at them. The man turned his head in sudden alert being snapped out of his concentration, his eyes a bit wide from Edward's sudden action. Edward turned away from the man, ashamed that he scared himself like that. He folded the blanket over his head and pinned his knees to his chest. His automail creaked, sending a straight shiver down his back. there was a bit of a shuffle from behind him and a deep mellow sigh from the Colonel was released.
"Edward, I need you to cooperate with me here, alright? We won't get anywhere if we don't know what is going on-"
"Y-You know p-perfectly well what is g-going on!" Edward accused the man, pulling the blanket tighter around him. "Y-you just want m-me to take a b-b-bath l-like they did," he mumbled.
"I am not... wait... what?" the Colonel questioned. Edward's eyes widened as he realised what he said. There was another shuffle until the man sat right infront of him. Edward squeezed his knees tighter to his chest and scooted back an inch until his back was pressed against the frame of the bed. He could feel the interrogating eyes of the Colonel on him even through the tough fabric of the blanket. Suddenly the top of the blanket was unfolded and Edward's head was exposed to the cold air of the room. The black eyes of the Colonel were locked tight on him and they didn't look like they would be moving anytime soon. "What did you mean like they did?"
"C-Colonel, I-I don't-" Edward started but the man's face twisted into anger as he fought to gain his composure. Edward flinched at the man's change in demeanor and his hands imediately flew up to cover his ears. He didn't know if the man was fustrated with him or just angry with the situation but he didn't want to find out either way. The Colonel sat back for a few moments and took in a couple deep breaths to calm himself down.
"Edward, please," the man said calmly and forcefully reserved, "Please just tell me what those bastards did to you. I need to kno-'
"N-No you don't! Y-You d-don't need to know! Please, I d-don't want to g-go back there," Edward yelled at the man in nothing above a whisper. A heavy hand rested on his shoulder and he shook it off, scooting a few paces away so that the man couldn't touch him again.
"Edward I am not going to take you back there," the man tried to reason but Edward shook his head, blocking out the Colonel's words.
"Please," Edward begged him. There was a long silence that stretched through the room. Edward tried to shake it off but it seemed to grow even larger the more he waited. The sound of the rain pattered against the roof hammered his ears. His tail twitched slightly in protest against the towels. Edward waited and waited for the man to say something but he didn't. He looked behind him to find the Colonel gazing off distantly, his face furrowed in concentration, probably devicing a compromise. Edward watched him, worried of what exactly the man was thinking about. He wasn't talking at all. He scooted closer to his commanding officer and poked him again.
"Edward, why do you keep poking me?" the man grumbled. Edward opened his mouth to answer but he couldn't seem to find the words.
"W-what are you thinking a-about?" he asked instead. The colonel raised an eyebrow and took a deep breath as Edward waited patiently for an answer.
"How to get you clean without having to duke it out," the man replied simply. Edward frowned and then pulled back a little, pinning his legs back to his chest. There was another creak along with his automail.
"Oh..." Edward muttered, keeping a close eye on the man to make sure he wasn't going to try was a long pause and Edward squirmed under the sound of the rain hitting the roof. He had half a mind to nudge the Colonel again but the man already beat him to it. He took a deep sigh and moved so he was sitting right next to him. Edward moved a few inches to the left so that their elbows weren't touching but it didn't seem to offend the man. There was only a short pause before the man opened his mouth again to start speaking.
"I don't really know how to deal with this kind of situation, Edward," the Colonel admitted slowly dragging his point out. Though the topic was grim, Edward preferred it to the deadly silence that the house gave off. "Hueghs was always better at this than I was. I should know, because he helped me through it as well."
"What? You-" Edward started but the man gave him a questionable look and shook his head, shutting his question down before it even began.
"No, I didn't have... that... happen to me, but for the longest time after the war I couldn't even look at fire. I was terrified of it. I couldn't even make myself a hot meal because I couldn't light the stove. It was just one of the down falls of being the flame alchemist. But I obviously got better. Maes practically dragged me up the wall to get my butt in gear before I actually tried to do something about it. Benjamin helped of course when he came around and helped me out a bit, more ways than one-"
"I-Is that why you don't cook?" Edward asked, a slight knowing grin growing on his face. Mustang glared softly at him.
"No," the man said turning down the topic imediately. Edward frowned slightly and dragged the blankets tighter around him. "No, Edward, what I am trying to say is that you need to be able to help yourself get over the fear of water."
"I-I can't-" Edward stumbled but he realised his arguement was pointless as the shock of the Colonel's story came to mind. He couldn't beleive that the almighty Flame Alchemist was afraid of fire itself. What could have caused that? The man went through war and back, there was only a limited amount of possibilities that those flames could have done over in Ishval. Edward shivered slightly at the thought of it. That man could destroy an army with only the raise of his hand, yet he was scared. Edward poked his own mismatched hands out of his blankets and stared at them for a few moments. They were weak, they couldn't do anything like the Colonel could, atleast not anymore. He was pathetic and scared and he didn't even have the balls to tell the man what had happened in the labs nor the full effect of his transmutation yet. He sighed to himself and slipped his hands back down under the blankets and pulled them tighter around his bare skin. Maybe he should tell the man, just to prove that he had some guts left to build off of, but even the thought of remembering those terrible months trapped in those cages and being brutally maimed was just too much for him. Baby steps Elric. He looked over at the Colonel who was waiting patiently for his full answer.
Alphonse was going to be at the station in one hour, he reminded himself as he took a longing glance at the clock. His little brother would see him and fear the worst. If anything, Edward wanted to prevent that at all costs. He couldn't let Alphonse even think of any of the terrible things that the scientists did to him. He didn't want him to worry. The only reason he ever did anything was for his brother. Whether it turned out good or bad he did it for him. He was the older brother he had to be strong. Edward took in a deep breath and held it there for a while. If he wasn't strong for himself, he had to be strong for his brother even if he feared the path he had to travel down.
He looked back at the Colonel and shakily nodded his head, his nerves still shot and begging him to flee. Mustang smiled and helped him stand up, his legs wobbily from lack of strength. The bundle of blankets was the only thing covering him and it was the only thing keeping him warm so Edward struggled to keep all of them tight to him as Mustang led him towards the bathroom. The man was muttering some reasurring words but Edward tuned them out, them being too faint for him to grab onto. As they stepped onto the cool tile floor, a chill ran up his spine as the incoming doom was ever closer, yet it felt different. A steamy blast of air hit his face as he entered. He looked around to see all of the mirrors fogged with condensed water, too clouded for him to even see himself. This was different, it wasn't... cold. The Colonel started to steer him towards the tub, he felt himself clench up. He looked up and back at the door but found that it was closed. When did that happen?
"Edward, stay calm, stay focused," the Colonel's deep voice rang out. Edward whipped his head forward and looked down at the tub. It was small and deep and filled with steaming hot water. His body froze as he looked at it, not able to make one step closer. The Colonel had to catch him since he stopped in mid step and completely off balance. He just couldn't move at all.
"I-I c-can't-" Edward shivered as his eyes refused to tear from the haunting tub of water.
"Alright, Elric, if that is all you got then I guess that's it then," Mustang said in his condenscending tone. Edward frowned and gave the man a weak glare but it didn't phase him. He looked back at the tub and took in a huge breath. He carefully took another step closer, forcing his legs to keep moving. He was so close to it he could just reach down and touch it, maybe drown in it. No, don't think of that. The Colonel, who was still helping him stand, waited patiently for his next move. Edward felt so tired at that moment, he wished he could just go back and lay down, but the door was shut. He looked down at the ground and with the giant bundle of blankets slowly lowered himself to it. He was now at eye level with the tub. Almost there. Edward looked back and forth nervously between the Colonel and the water. What was he supposed to do now? The Colonel motioned him forward with a nod but he just stared at the water for a few moments. The steam hit his face and warmed it more than the blankets ever did. So, the water wasn't cold, that was... nice. He slowly reached a hand out to touch it but before he could, he pulled back. His ear twitched as he tried to listen to it but there was no roaring thunder of the hose. It was still... that was nice. He took another nervous glance back at the Colonel.
"Get in," the man ordered softly. Edward nodded his head and looked down at the pile of blankets that covered him. He turned slightly pink with the realisation.
"Uh, Um, c-could you... t-turn a-around for a-a moment?" he asked but the man just grew a smile which made him turn even redder.
"Alright, never knew you were this self conscious," he teased as he turned his back on him. For a split second the motion made Edward think he was going to leave just like he did outside that morning, but the man stayed put, sitting down on the closed toilet seat. He waited a moment just to make sure it wasn't a hoax and then Edward slowly lifted himself out of his pile of blankets. It was cold, colder than the warm cavern he was in just a few moments before but it was steamy and comforting for some reason. Now all he had to do was get in. Edward started to lift his right foot but then quickly switched to his left automail one. At least he couldn't feel it then. His hands held the side of the tub with bone crushing grip as he slowly put his automail leg into the water. He didn't feel anything except for the steam rising up his leg. It felt strange. Edward waited a while, unsure of whether to continue or not. He placed his left hand against the wall of the shower, bracing himself incase he needed a quick escape then he ever so slowly lowered his right foot into the water.
The shock made him lose his balance and fall into the water, a huge wave soaring over the edge of the tub. He let out a yelp as he felt the water soak his skin and splash over him. He scrambled on the slippery surface of the shower floor to get out but his feet couldn't catch. Edward tried to pull himself out of the water, only managing to slump over the edge of the tub, half out of it. The cool air hit him and seemed to freeze every droplet of water that threatened to suffocate him. His body tensed up as a shocking wave of ice went over him, stopping him on the spot. He felt like he couldn't move, his eyes wide in panick. His tail was pinned so close to his body in fright he thought that it might just break off. It was freezing and yet warm at the same time.
"Edward," an alert voice came out. Edward snapped his head up to it and caught sight of the black haired man that was standing over him. The man was tense as if ready to strike. Edward wanted to flinch, to run, to hide, but his body still couldn't tell if it was better to get out into the freezing cold or stay in the drowning water. The the hard floors started to shift and distort in his mind to that terrible cement room. His breath hitched in his throat as he closed his eyes trying to block the looming image of Doc out of his mind. He needed to keep himself under control this was all his imagination. Then why is he here? He heard a bit of shuffling as the man crawled closer. He felt like he was right on top of him, ready to take him back to the diagnostics room. He was trapped again, like he always was, and he had no where he could run even if he could. If he tried anything the man would surely punish him, blow the whistle in his ear, or pull his tail again. He opened his eyes slightly to see that the Doc was right in front of him, knees digging into the cold cement floor. The man stooped down and knelt beside him until their eyes were level. The cement floor started to fade away ever so slowly as Edward focused on the man's black eyes. They weren't blue, the cold, harsh, smiling blue. They were black. Edward felt his panick relax ever so slightly. The man was talking but for some reason he couldn't hear him. His ears twitched furiously, trying to snap his senses back into order.
"Edward, are you alright? Do you want to get out?" the Colonel asked him slowly, making sure he could hear him correctly. Edward shook his head, unable to grab onto any valuable words at that moment. "Do you want to get back in?" He shook his head again.
"Edward, you are going to have to pick one," he said. Edward looked back down at the water where he was half submerged. It was still steamy, warm, but it was wet. He could feel it soaking him, flooding every cell in his body. It was a terrible feeling. He wanted to get away from it. Yet, it didn't hurt. The water wasn't forcefull, it was just there, slowly suffocating him without a pouding pain of the hose. Edward glanced back at the Colonel who was waiting for him, ready to take action when he was. He gave a slow nodd of his head and the man smiled slightly. It wasn't the cold, harsh, knowing smile that the Doc gave, it wasn't the lifeful smile that his mother used to have, it was something different that he only saw a few times before in his life and it was comforting. A flash of gold swept through his eyes and then he caught a glimpse of a blonde haired man flashing a small sad grin at him. Edward froze, trying to grab a hold of the quick picture but he found himself slowly slipping down into the steamy warmth of the water. The Colonel had his arms wrapped securely around his chest as he started to lower him into the tub. Edward wanted to shove the arms off, he wanted to get the tackling and restraining hold off of him, but he didn't. They didn't hurt, neither did the water. After the Colonel pulled back, Edward was left staring blankly at the opposite wall for a few moments. The water gently lapped his chin, enveloping him. His mind blanked out for a second as he tried to grasp a hold of the simple concept of being in water.
Suddenly he felt a soft cloth hit his cheek. His eyes darted up to see the Colonel gently wiping away the dirt that undoubtedly caked his face. He could feel it crumble away like a shell. It felt refreshing in a strange way, he didn't know how to describe it. It was a long time since he felt his own skin free of dirt and oil, six months to be exact. Edward's hand slowly reached up and found the cloth, grabbing a light hold of it. The Colonel faltered as Edward started to take control of the motion, gently massaging the dirt away from his face. It was labourous but it was comforting. Edward rubbed his face clean, his mind in a blank accepting stare. His arms slowly faded from the mud stained brown to the sickly white colour that they gained from the lack of natural sunlight. Every now and then Edward would rinse the cloth out, gradually turning the pool of crystal clear water brown and tarnished. After what felt like ages, Edward looked down to find all of the mud gone from him and now mixing around in the lukewarm water. He was clean. A smile crept on his face as he felt a weak thrum rang through his chest. He was clean. It was a sensation he hadn't felt in a long time. It was like everything that had happened was wiped away, but more importantly, he was able to take a bath. A light chuckle made him look up to see a ghost of a grin on the Colonel's face.
"Almost done," he noted calmly as he pulled out a few bottles of soap. Edward recognised them as shampoo. He reached back curiously and touched the matted mess of his hair. It was filthy and stiff from the layers of oil and mud caked to it. There was a light squirt as the man emptied some soap into his palm. He gently placed it on the back of Edward's head where his long hair was all tangled up. Edward flinched at the touch but tried to keep himself calm, taking a deep breath as the man tried to gently get the knots out of his mane. Little by little, he felt his locks fall down out of the mass bunch of it. He lifted his hand out of the water and slowly took a few of them. They were all split and scraggely, but their shine was slowly coming back to it. Edward almost forgot what he looked like. All he remembered was that scared filthy little creature he saw in the mirror a few days ago. That couldn't have been him, at least not anymore.
Suddenly, something pressed the base of his ear. Edward yelped as he shoved the thing away, trying to make it relinquish its hold. He scrambled back as far as he could, quickly covering his ears from any other attacks. The pain of all the hands that grabbed and pulled at them came back as if they were happening all over again. The nails dug into his sensitive ears as the scientists seemed to rip them from his head. It hurt, it hurt so very bad and he couldn't stand it. Doc and Jackson always pulled at his ears, at his tail, anywhere when he disobeyed them. What did he do now? He didn't do anything wrong, at least he thought. Edward pinned his tail close to his chest, hoping that they would just leave him alone.
"Edward, calm down, it was just me," a deep voice came out. His eyes snapped open and he caught sight of the Colonel staring down at him. The man's hands were covered in suds and his sleeves were rolled up. Edward watched him carefully, refusing to move from his defensive position. After a few short moments, the Colonel reached out a hand, smoothly, and took a light grip of his forearm. He wanted to squirm away but the hold was so light it just seemed different than the men in the labs. Edward didn't do anything as he watched the Colonel with wide eyes. The man slowly lowered his hand from his head and reached over and did the same with the other one. As his hands fell down, Edward's ears twitched around, stretching out from being squashed to his head so forcefully. "I won't touch them if you can clean them yourself when I am finished," the man offered, but he shook his head.
"I-I got it..." Edward replied slowly, unsure of what he was doing. The Colonel shrugged a little as he passed the soap bottle to him. He waited till the man backed off a bit before finishing the job. It took a little longer than what he expected the Colonel to do but there was no way he was going to let that man touch his ears. There was no telling what the man could have done to them. Though Edward doubted that Mustang would have tried to rip his ears off with a harsh tug, he wasn't going to chance it. He wasn't going to chance anything. After he was done, Edward rinsed his hands in the murky water, getting all of the suds off. He leaned back and carefully washed the soap out of his hair which was now all perfectly untangled. He felt completely clean, like and entire weight was lifted off of his shoulders. It might have been the weight that the mud caused or it might have been something else, but Edward was glad that it was gone. It was a fresh new sensation.
"Well, you did it, I guess," the Colonel said to him as he held out a bundle of fresh towels for him. Edward felt a victourious smile slowly creep up on him. He did it, he actually did it. Unfortunately, his silent celebration was cut short with the realization that he would have to get out of the bath now and into the cold. His smile faded as the Colonel waited patiently for him with his eyes closed and back turned. No, he might have been able to get a fresh start, but he still hated the water.